Sample Student 1 – Original draft
English Composition II
Spring 2015
OPEC – original draft
It is evident that when filling up at the gas station that the prices have sunk below
what society is generally accustomed to. There are many reasons for this, and the
Commented [IcP1]: Don’t end with a preposition.
I know what you’re saying, but the construction is a clumsy.
outcome affects every industrialized country around the globe. The Organization of
Petroleum Exporting Countries, or better known as OPEC, plays one of the greatest roles
Commented [IcP2]: Just write “…Exporting Countries (OPEC)
plays…”
in ultimately determining the fate of not only the their own economies, but the world
economy as well.
OPEC was founded in 1960 with the objective of “coordinating and unifying the
Commented [IcP3]: To what extent? Meaning, what are the
three things we need to keep in mind or otherwise keep in
mind? We need to know where you are going to go with this
essay.
petroleum policies of its Member countries and ensuring the stabilization of oil markets”
(Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries 1). There are twelve member countries
all located within the Middle East, Asia, Africa, and South America. The member
countries are countries that are typically classified as key oil regions, and combined
extract 81% of the world’s oil (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries 1). The
Commented [IcP4]: You can condense these into one
sentence containing information from the 2 you have here.
rich amount of oil member countries have has caused OPEC to become a powerhouse in
Commented [IcP5]: Soil can be rich in nutrients. An
organization isn’t rich in countries, even *if* some countries
have oodles of money.
the world market, which ultimately allows them to determine the rest of the world’s oil
prices.
In order to understand what it happening in the world’s oil market today and how
OPEC controls oil prices, it is crucial to have a basic understanding of supply and
Commented [IcP6]: BAM! Good phrasing here. I like that
word. 
demand. Demand is how much people want a certain product while supply is how much
Commented [IcP7]: YES INDEED. Egad, some people don’t
understand supply and demand.
of the product is available to consumers (Heakle 1). The rate of supply and demand
determines the price of a certain good.
The goal of any company is to make a profit, so they do this by manipulating
supply and demand. The bigger the supply a company has of their product, the cheaper it
is to buy. So if the demand for a product is low, companies will produce more of it,
which will set the price low in hopes that it will attract more consumers to buy the
Commented [IcP8]: “Commodity” is a better word here,
based on how you’ve written this sentence.
Add whether the price goes up or down based on the demand. I
know it should be obvious, but if you’re having to explain supply
and demand, you have to tell us the pricing.
Commented [IcP9]: A company or OPEC?
Now, here you explain supply and demand in more detail. Can
you combine elements of this paragraph and the previous one to
create one paragraph that’s an appropriate length? The one
here is fine in length, but the content is so closely related to the
previous one that the reader might wonder why you split the
information. Remember that by “combine,” I don’t mean simply
pasting this paragraph to the previous one. 
product. The lower the supply a company has of their product, the more expensive it is to
buy. If the demand for a product is high, companies will produce less of it to be able to
set the prices high and gain more profit. And this is exactly what OPEC has the power to
do.
In the mid 2000’s, the global demand of oil skyrocketed, especially in China.
Commented [IcP10]: I didn’t even think about China! Good
job.
This caused other countries to step in by using some unconventional alternatives, in
addition to OPEC’s normal output. For example, the United States started fracking-
Commented [IcP11]: Bravo in giving us examples of
alternatives. 
extracting oil formations. Canada started heating oil sands with steam to extract crude
Commented [IcP12]: How the heck do people think of these
things?? Good job.
(Plumer 1).
Commented [IcP13]: This paragraph has only 2 sentences,
which means 2 ideas.
At the time, the extra supply oil had little effect on the market because of all of
the conflicts occurring in key oil regions. There was a civil war in Libya, Iraq was facing
threats from the terrorist group ISIS, and the United States and the European Union were
controlling Iranian oil sanctions. It is important to note that oil “prices can change fastest
than the fundamentals of supply and demand” (Conerly 1) when looking at oil in a short
time frame. So when these conflicts became subdued, it was right around the time that
global demand, in the long term, was decreasing on top of the short term demand
decreasing. The excess amount of oil being produced led oil prices to quickly spiral
downward.
Commented [IcP14]: Beautiful progression within this
paragraph.
OPEC called a meeting in their headquarters in Vienna on November 27, 2014.
Although some members, such as Iran and Venezuela, were against keeping production at
the same level, the majority of OPEC members decided to not adapt to the situation.
Commented [IcP15]: What does this mean? Is the decision
“not to adapt” a term OPEC uses?
Their hope is to engage in a price war with non member countries, such as the United
Commented [IcP16]: “Their” meaning the countries, or are
you referring to OPEC itself? If the latter, you need to use a
singular form.
States, that are unconventionally extracting oil because their difficult methods will
eventually become unprofitable, thus causing oil supply to decrease and prices to shoot
back up.
There was one country in particular that pushed to keep prices the same: Saudi
Arabia. In the 1980’s, the world faced a similar oil glut to today’s. To combat the
Commented [IcP17]: Having “today’s” just hang there is
awkward.
problem, Saudi Arabia decided to cut back on production in hopes of the prices rising
again. However, it ended up backfiring on them. All of the members of OPEC had made
Commented [IcP18]: “It” meaning what? A plan? The
country?
a pact agreeing to keep production the same (like today as well). Members ended up
cutting back on production as well as Saudi Arabia. But, the difference was that Saudi
Commented [IcP19]: Don’t use a conjunction to begin a
sentence.
Arabia decided to do this too late and prices in Saudi Arabia just continued to decline
(Gamal 1).
Now, Saudi Arabia has saved up 750 billion dollars in the foreign exchange
money for deficits like the one they are facing today. This causes them to have no desire
to cut production. It is predicted that the Saudi’s might have to cut back on some of their
social programs they just instituted after the Arab Spring. Citizens in the kingdom have
mixed emotions about losing these programs, which is stirring controversy within the
people.
Commented [IcP20]: Who is predicting? OPEC? Oil gurus?
The decisions that OPEC has been making regarding the current oil glut have had
already caused a variety of affects to occur in other countries around the globe. The
United States has greatly benefited from OPEC’s decision, but will also greatly suffer
from this decision as well.
Commented [IcP21]: “as well” is redundant, because you
already have “has also.” Again, just 2 sentences?
For a majority of people, a drop in prices has had a great impact on their lives. In
current years, citizens have been learning to deal with the consequences of high gas
prices. For example, there has been an increase more fuel-efficient vehicles, and a
decrease in SUV’s which has even caused dealerships such as Hummer to go out of
Commented [IcP22]: Increase and decrease in types,
production, or sales? Specify.
business. Now however, there is a high possibility that SUV’s will start to make a
comeback. Also, now there is less money is required to be spent on gas. This allows that
Commented [IcP23]: Again, types, production, or sales?
money to be spent on other consumer goods, and this increase in the market will boost
the economy.
Although it may seem as if there could be no negatives to low gas prices, they can
affect people in the wrong way. As mentioned before, OPEC is trying to drive US
Commented [IcP24]: Good. You’re lining up the cons along
with the pros in low gas prices.
competition away in keeping oil prices low, which will eventually make it unprofitable
for the United States to keep up. Some states where oil production is a big industry, such
Commented [IcP25]: “to keep up”…? Keep up pace of
production? Compete as an oil producer? Clarify.
as Texas and North Dakota, are going to economically be hurt as the country will be
turning to OPEC’s cheaper oil rather than its own (Plumer 1). This will cause people in
the industry to lose jobs because there is no need for their work anymore. An increase in
unemployment will result in a decrease in consumption in these states.
Commented [IcP26]: Consumption of what? What do you
mean by “consumption”
Economists estimate that the demand of oil will continue to stay low, based on
the fact that there is no new invention of extraction method that would cause demand to
Commented [IcP27]: Haven’t your already discussed this in
some form earlier in the paper?
rise. So, prices will continue to stay down if one is only looking at the demand part of the
Commented [IcP28]: 2 sentences.
situation.
However, it is important to recognize that supply also is a price determinate.
There are three steps involved in supplying the oil market- exploration, development, and
production. These steps all cycle off of each other. Exploration today is not very
prominent because of the excess oil the market has. Since the exploration has already
been done, the United States, OPEC members, and other oil producing countries want to
continue to develop these sites they have already found. So naturally, it would be logical
for these companies to keep producing oil from these sites. It is likely that this current
supply cycle will last about a decade (Conerly 2).
There are so many factors that come in to play when it comes to the global
market, and even more when specifically looking at the oil side of it. The past is in the
past, so only the future can tell what is to come for oil prices. People can always predict
Commented [IcP29]: As a ring of being cliché.
what their future expectations are. But if OPEC were to make one policy change, it would
be a game changer to everyone’s expectation, either for the better or the worse.
Works Cited
"About Us." OPEC :. Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries, 2015. Web. 18
Mar. 2015. <http://www.opec.org/opec_web/en/17.htm>.
Commented [IcP30]: Don’t begin a sentence with a
conjunction. The ending is bleh and almost clumsy.
Conerly, Bill. "Oil Price Forecast: 2015-2016." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 18 Dec. 2014.
Web. 18 Mar. 2015. <http://www.forbes.com/sites/billconerly/2014/12/18/oilprice-forecast-2015-2016/>.
Gamal, Rania El. "Facing New Oil Glut, Saudis Avoid 1980s Mistakes to Halt Price
Slide." Reuters. Thomson Reuters, 14 Oct. 2014. Web. 18 Mar. 2015.
<http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/10/14/us-saudi-oil-policy-analysisidUSKCN0I229320141014>.
HeakleI, Reem. "Economics Basics: Supply and Demand | Investopedia."Investopedia.
Investopedia, LLC, 30 Nov. 2003. Web. 06 Mar. 2015.
http://www.investopedia.com/university/economics/economics3.asp
Plumer, Brad. "Why Oil Prices Keep Falling - and Throwing the World into
Turmoil." Vox. Vox Media Inc., 23 Jan. 2015. Web. 16 Mar. 2015.
<http://www.vox.com/2014/12/16/7401705/oil-prices-falling>.