Keeping Hope and Dreams Alive for Elders and Those who Care
for Them
Fourth Annual Full Lives Conference: The Path to Belonging
Marty Richards, MSW, LICSW
Anchorage AK
April 21, 2005
I.
What Do Hope and Dreams Mean to Older Adults and Those who Share
With Them
A.
What hope is and is not
B.
Why do we do what we do?
C.
Grief and hope are closely tied together.
D.
There are many ways hope might be expressed
E.
What matters most is an individual’s expression of hope.
F.
Hope needs to be realistic.
G.
“Hope changes” (Hospice)
H.
Keeping heart and keeping dreams: some reflections
II.
Barriers to keeping hope and dreams alive in our world
A.
Changes in how we do our jobs are omnipresent.
B.
Elders, their families and those who work with them are always in transition.
C.
Cuts in budgets for programs at all levels are becoming more prevalent.
D.
Losses of dreams for elders, their families and those who work in the field
are common.
E.
Having to do more with less is the normal mode of operations.
F.
Having compassion overload or burn out is rampant.
G.
Lack of recognition of the good work we do is hard to take.
H.
What is a barrier to keeping hope and dreams alive for you?
III.
The Many Faces of Hope
A.
How do you define Hope?
B.
Attributes of Hope
1.
An experiential process
2.
A rational thought process
a. Goals
b. Resources
c. Active process
d. Control over one’s destiny
e. Time
3.
A relational process
4.
A spiritual/transcendent process
(Feran, Hearth and Popovich)
C.
We need more than one kind of hope in our lives.
D.
Hopes, dreams in assessment and care planning.
2
E.
F.
IV.
Common themes in hope
1.
“Hope includes a future story.
2.
Hope includes a shared story.
3.
Hope includes stories of meaning.
4.
Hope includes an affirmative story.
5.
Hope includes the real story.” (Ted Bowman, 2001)
Hope and heart
1.
“Cor” is the root word for courage and encourage.
2.
We need to encourage each other.
The importance of resiliency
A.
Definition of resiliency; “Resiliency is the capacity to spring back,
rebound and successfully adapt, in the face of adversity and
develop/maintain social competence despite exposure to stresses.”
(Ted Bowman, 1994)
B.
Important Resilient Attitudes
1.
A strong sense of self esteem
2.
Independence of thought and action without fearing relying on
others
3.
The ability to give and take in interactions with others, and a good
network of friends and support
4.
A high level of personal discipline and a sense of responsibility
5.
Recognition and development of one’s “fits and talents”
6.
Open-mindedness and receptivity to new ideas
7.
A willingness to dream
8.
A wide range of interests
9.
A keen sense of humor
10.
A tolerance of distress
11.
Insight into one’s own feelings and those of others
12.
Focus, a commitment to life, and a philosophical framework within
which life experiences can be interpreted with meaning and hope
C.
Factors which promote resiliency
1.
Active involvement in coping
2.
Experiences in self-efficacy...praise for abilities and accomplishments
3.
Problem solving skills
4.
Stable emotional relationships
5.
Social support
6.
Open supportive educational/work/community climates
7.
Sense of hope
8.
Ability to make sense of what is happening
9.
Rituals, stories and traditions
(Ted Bowman, 1994)
3
V.
Practical ways to affirm hope and keep dreams alive
A.
Keep in mind that “Even Superman is Clark Kent most of the time”
B.
Remember why you do what you do.
C.
Keep in touch with the “spiritual” for yourself and those about whom you
care.
D.
Listen to a person’s belief system.
E.
Find strengths and inner resource and build on them.
F.
Journal and keep a “feel good” file.
G.
Give people time to deal with their losses on THEIR terms.
H.
Use rites and rituals to assist older persons and you. These may be
individual or communal.
I.
Find the small things that bring joy.
J.
Stand “shoulder to shoulder” with persons.
K.
Feel hopeful yourself.
L.
Help persons in simple, concrete ways.
M.
Be gentle with elders, their carers and yourself.
N.
Be part of a personal or professional support group.
Helpful readings
Bowman, T. (1994). Loss of dreams: A special kind of grief. St. Paul, MN: (self-published).
(Available at 651-645-6058).
Bowman, T. (2001). Finding hope when dreams have shattered. St. Paul, MN: (self-published).
(Available at 651-645-6058.)
Carlsen, M.B. (1991). Creative aging: A meaning making perspective. New York: W.W. Norton.
Childs-Gowell, E. (1992). Good grief rituals: Tools for healing. New York: The Talman Co.
Cole T.R. & Ellor, J.W. (1990). Aging and the human spirit. Generations, 14(4).
Cole, T.R. & Gadow, S.A. (1986). What does it mean to grow old? Reflections from the
humanities. Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press.
Dawson, G. & Glaubman, R. (2000). Life is so good. New York: Random House.
Delaney, S. & Delaney, A.E. (with A.H. Hearth). (1993). Having our say: The Delaney sisters' first
100 years. New York: Kodansha International.
Delaney, S. & Delaney, A.E. (with A.H. Hearth). (1994). The Delaney sisters' book of everyday
wisdom. New York: Kodansha International.
Farran, C.J., Herth, K.A. & Popovich, J.M. (1995). Hope and hopelessness: Critical clinical
constructs. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
4
Fischer, K.R. (1995). Autumn Gospel: Women in the second half of Life. New York: Paulist Press.
Frankl, V. (1959). Man's search for meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.
Frankl, V. (1997). Recollections: An autobiography. New York: Insight Books.
Fulghum, R. (1995). From beginning to end: The rituals of our lives. New York: Villard
Books.
Groopman, J. (2004). Anatomy of hope: How people prevail in the face of illness. New
York: Random House.
Hopkins, E., Woods, Z., Kelley, R., Bentley, K., & Murphey, J. (1995). Working with
groups on spiritual themes: Structured exercises in healing. Duluth, MN: Whole
Person Associates (210 West Michigan, 55802-6789).
Kane, R.A. (Ed.). (1996). Legacy and aging: Personal and societal choices. Generations,
20(3) [whole issue].
Kaufman, S. (1986). The ageless self: Sources of meaning in late life. New York: New
American Library.
Lustbader, W. (2001). What’s worth knowing. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam.
Moore, T. (1993). Care of the soul: A guide for cultivating depth and sacredness in
everyday life. New York: Station Hill Press.
Moyers, B. (1993). Healing and the mind. New York: Doubleday.
Newsom, H. (2002). h.o.p.e.: Four keys to a better quality of life for Parkinson’s people.
Bellevue, WA: The Northwest Parkinson’s Foundation. www.nwpf.org.
Nouwen, H. & Gaffney, W. (1974). Aging: The fulfillment of life. New York: Image
Books.
Remen, R.N. (2000). My grandfather’s blessing: Stories of strength, refuge and belonging.
New York: Riverhead Books.
Scachter-Shalom, Z. & Miller, R.S. (1995). From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A profound new
vision ofgrowing older. New York: Warner Books.
Vaillant, G.E. (2002). Aging Well. Boston: Little Brown & Co.
5
REFLECTIONS ON HOPE
•
“HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS
THAT PERCHES IN THE SOUL
AND SINGS THE TUNE WITHOUT THE WORDS
AND NEVER STOPS AT ALL.
AND SWEETEST IN THE GALE IS HEARD
AND SORE MUST BE THE STORM
THAT COULD ABASH THE LITTLE BIRD
THAT KEEPS SO MANY WARM.
I'VE HEARD IT IN THE CHILLEST LAND
AND IN THE STRANGEST SEA
YET NEVER IN ETERNITY
IT ASKED A CRUMB OF ME.
HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS
THAT PERCHES IN THE SOUL
AND SINGS THE TUNE WITHOUT THE WORDS
AND NEVER STOPS AT ALL."
Emily Dickenson
•
"There is no such thing as a hopeless situation. There are only people who have
gotten hopeless about it.”
Claire Booth Luce
•
"Hope... a process of anticipation that involves the interaction of thinking, acting,
feeling and relating, and is directed toward a future fulfillment that is that is personally
meaningful.”
C. Stephenson.
•
"Hope is an act of collaboration. It cannot be achieved alone. We offer grains or
fragments of hope to one another so that everyone’s sense of possibility can grow.
In this way we can do together what might seem impossible alone.”
Kathleen Fischer
•
‘Hope is something we do rather than something we possess.
Hope is not a possession, but a perspective-a disposition-a way of being.
When we say we have hope, we mean to say that we are capable of hoping...
Finding hope is never a solitary experience...
Hoping is an act of mutuality.”
Herbert Anderson
6
•
"Hope is not about believing that we can change things...hope is about believing that
what we do makes a difference.”
Vaclav Havel
•
"Hope means to keep living amid desperation and to keep humming in the darkness.
Hope is knowing there is love: It is trust in tomorrow:
It is falling asleep and waking again when the sun rises.
In the midst of a gale at sea it is to discover land
In the eyes of another it is to see that he understands you.”
•
Henri Nouwen
FOR THE NEW YEAR 1981
I BREAK OFF A FRAGMENT
TO SEND YOU.
PLEASE TAKE
THIS GRAIN OF A GRAIN OF HOPE
SO THAT MINE WON'T SHRINK.
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FRAGMENT
SO THAT YOURS WILL GROW.
ONLY SO, BY DIVISION,
WILL HOPE INCREASE,
LIKE A CLUMP OF IRISES WHICH WILL CEASE TO FLOWER
UNLESS YOU DISTRIBUTE
THE CLUSTERED ROOTS, UNLIKELY SOURCE-CLUMSY AND EARTH COVERED-OF GRACE.
Denise Levertov