To err is human, to forgive, divine.
~ Alexander Pope
Copyright © T. Sloan Rawlins
All Rights Reserved
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 1
Disclosure Statement
This book is a personal sharing. It is a compilation of insights and suggested
practices for the forgiveness process. My approach, while practical in its application, is
spiritually based and derived from my own experiences and observations. Although I
hold a doctorate level degree, it is not a Ph.D. And I am not a licensed therapist. What I
share with you here are concepts, principles, and suggestions you can choose, or not
choose, to adopt in connection with your own forgiveness process.
Nothing here is intended to diagnose, prescribe, treat, or cure any disease, physical
or mental. The use of this book is specifically intended to address the underlying spiritual
issues that are related to forgiveness. The insights, information, or advice contained in
this book are not intended to be substitutes for any form of competent medical or
psychological diagnosis and care.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 2
“The power is in you. The answer is in
you. And you are the answer to all of
your searches: you are the goal. You
are the answer. It is never outside.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 3
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
If you have been suffering from the pain of past experiences, forgiveness can be your
ticket to emotional freedom. The weight of burdens carried too long wears us down. It
prevents us from experiencing a happier, more fulfilling life. The pain we carry around
inside can over-shadow our hopes, our dreams, and our ability to feel grateful for what
is in our life now.
In short, the pain of the past blocks our happiness. Even when we want to be happy,
more than we want anything else, happiness seems to constantly elude us. For some,
putting on a Happy Face is the best they can do. What the world perceives of us is,
however, irrelevant when we are suffering inside.
Forgiveness can be a difficult process. But living with the discontent and heavy
emotional baggage of past experiences is even more difficult to bear. Maybe, you have
gotten used to the pain and suffering that clinging to old, stale experiences has caused
you. Maybe, you have very little hope that you can change the way you feel or that your
life can truly be happy. Or, maybe, just maybe, there is a part of you that has not given
up on inner peace and happiness. Perhaps, that is exactly why you are reading this book
right now. Maybe . . .
∞
YOU ARE READY FOR POSITIVE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE READY TO LET
GO OF THE PAIN THAT NO LONGER SERVES YOU. YOU ARE READY TO OPEN UP
TO NEW PERSPECTIVES AND LIFE-GIVING HEALING.
If you are uncertain about whether you’re actually ready, keep reading anyway. There
is something for you in this short but powerful eBook. If it were not so, you would not
have been drawn to it. You would not be reading these words, at this very moment.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 4
Forgiveness will support your highest and greatest good. That is for certain. You have
absolutely nothing to lose by devoting some of your valuable attention to the forgiveness
process. What you will gain by forgiveness is a deeper sense of inner peace: the kind of
inner peace that will serve as a powerful center for all your experiences in Life. You are
strong and brave. You can start forgiving today. All that you really need are some new
perspectives and a willingness to let go of what you know does not serve you any longer.
By remaining angry or holding on to any pain and resentment you might feel toward
someone else, you have been poisoning your own heart and stifling your inner peace.
Grudges and hurt do not feel good, do they? This is true even when the grudge or the
hurt is buried deep inside your subconscious. You might not be thinking nasty thoughts
about anyone on a regular basis; but you can sense that, on a deeper level, un-forgiveness
has taken root somewhere inside you. Whether it lies on the surface of your conscious
mind or deep within the shadows of your subconscious, the pain of the past negatively
affects us until we release it. In fact, the pain of the past sucks: it sucks peace and
happiness right out of you and your Life experiences. Forgiveness will help you start
feeling better again.
∞
BE WILLING TO FORGIVE OTHERS AND TO FORGIVE YOURSELF BECAUSE IT IS
THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER FIND TRUE PEACE AND HAPPINESS. YOU
DESERVE TO LIVE THIS LIFE YOU WERE GIVEN. YOU DESERVE TO BE FREE AND
HAPPY.
You will feel good about yourself and about Life, once you have released what unforgiveness has made you hold on to. When you start feeling good again, your
experiences will take on a freshness that is invigorating. Inspiration will return. The sun
will shine a little brighter, and you will start laughing more. Your sense of gratitude will
return; and, one day, you will even appreciate those unpleasant experiences from the
past. You will appreciate them because they contributed to the person you are today. And
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 5
the person you are today is amazing. It may be difficult for you to see just how amazing
you are, right now. But forgiveness will give you a brighter view.
Life is worth the living. And if the pain of the past has been holding you back from
living (from feeling alive), it is time to move on. Move on from the pain and the stinging
images. Move on from the negative energy that has been blocking your ability to co-create
authentic happiness in your life. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do it. I do
not need to know you personally to know what you are capable of. My understanding of
Being Human runs deep and long. You are much more powerful than you may have
previously realized. That power is something you can use to your benefit and the benefit
of everyone you come into contact with. Forgiveness is within your power. And you can
decide today to use your power to feel better, to live better, and to enjoy so much that the
pain of the past has kept from you until now.
Understanding True Forgiveness
Forgiveness can be difficult, at times, because we are afraid that forgiving someone for
hurting us would be to say that what happened was, somehow, “okay.” In these
situations, we feel the turmoil within us between our desire to forgive and our inability
to let go of the pain we feel. There are other times when we tell ourselves we have
forgiven someone because that is what we need to believe. Whether it is because we love
the person whose conduct has hurt us or because we simply want the hurting to stop, we
try very hard to forgive quickly. While forgiving quickly is certainly a virtue, it is only a
virtue if true forgiveness is what we are able to achieve. Sometimes, we may be tempted
to forgive but not forget. While this approach might bring us temporary relief, it will not
dissolve the pain of the experience that hurt us. It is not true forgiveness.
True
forgiveness involves a total and complete release of the pain and suffering associated
with a situation or experience.
Often, we believe we have forgiven someone, but the painful memories and
unpleasant feelings remain inside us as a reminder that the slate has not been wiped
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 6
clean. These are clear indicators that we have not completely forgiven either the person
or their conduct. We might have accepted the other person’s apology, or we might have
told ourselves we did not need their apology because we wanted to forgive them. But,
still, the pain remained. Because the pain of the experience was still with us, we
continued to feel the tension of bitterness within. While acknowledging we want to
forgive someone for what we see as a misdeed is certainly a wonderful step in the right
direction, forgiveness is about much more than absolution. It is about freeing ourselves
and the other person from all of the unpleasant feelings that were caused by the
experience. It is about letting go of what the pain tells us we should hold on to.
∞
TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT: Imagine for a moment how much lighter you will feel
when you forgive everyone who has hurt you in this lifetime. Wouldn’t it be nice to be free of the
negative stories that got created by the pain of the past? How great would it be to simply no longer
care about the details of what has already happened? Imagine how wonderful it will feel to move
on with your life, free of the pain or humiliation that situation caused you. Think about how much
positive emotional energy you will have to co-create new, enjoyable experiences in your life. Are
you willing to truly forgive now, not for anyone else’s benefit but for your own sense of peace?
To truly forgive another for any form of suffering we believe they caused us, we must
separate the deed from the person. To do this, we try our best to understand what
happened from everyone’s perspective. Often, the pain of our hurt feelings clouds our
objectivity and our ability to see the other person’s perspective. All that we can see is the
version of what occurred from our own perspective. When we are hurt or disappointed,
it can be difficult to look at the entire situation objectively. However, when we step back
from our pain long enough to take a broader view, we find it much easier to understand
what we could not understand before. Although we might not agree with the other
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 7
person’s perspective, acknowledging it exists allows us to extend compassion to the other
person (and to ourselves) without judgment or blame.
Broadening Your Perspective
A good example of how much easier forgiveness can be when we broaden our view to
include the other person’s perspective can be found in situations where we give our love
to another, only to find they do not love us in return. Unrequited love is, perhaps, one of
the most painful forms of rejection we can encounter. In the face of rejection, we might
find it difficult to accept that unrequited love has nothing to do with who is a “good
person” or a “bad person.” Everyone has a right to feel the way they feel or to feel
nothing, at all. We forget this very logical truth. We forget because the pain and
embarrassment of having misplaced our love clouds our judgment and creates
intolerance. The same concept applies when we seek to befriend someone who has little
interest in befriending us. When we stop and really think about what is happening
between us and this other person, we realize any relationship that lacks mutuality is not
to our benefit anyway. We see, in the big scheme of Life and living, we would not want
a one-sided relationship of any kind. The love we choose to give to others may or may
not be returned to us. There are no guarantees in love. We know this fact from the
moment we feel those first rushes of sincere affection for another person.
Love is an opening of the heart that necessarily involves vulnerability.
That
vulnerability is the risk we take in hopes of sharing all that it is we want to share with
our beloveds. Ideally, we would love everyone around us unconditionally – never
expecting anything in return, not even their love. It is an ideal way of trying to be.
However, most of us are still in the process of reaching that particular utopia in our hearts
and minds. The fact of the matter is that most of us will feel the pain of rejection (at least
once).
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 8
At some point in our lives, we will reach out in an attempt to share ourselves with
someone who has little or no desire to receive what we are offering. Rather than
becoming disgruntled about the situation or closing the door to our hearts so tightly that
our ability to love is compromised, we can simply broaden our perspective. We can take
a wider view: one that takes into account the fact that none of us can force ourselves to
manufacture feelings where feelings do not exist. We can see that no one is to blame
when someone we love does not love us in return. Moreover, we can remind ourselves
that we are still worthy of love, regardless of how someone else does or does not feel
about us. With the broad view, we are able to take rejection less personally.
Learning to not take anything personally is a challenge because approval feels good
and rejection can be painful. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we all want love and
acceptance. When we understand, however, that whatever someone else feels about us is
really about them (not us), it is easier not to take either approval or rejection personally.
If someone really likes us, it is because there is something about us that makes them feel
good about their Self. If someone dislikes us, it is because there is something about us
that makes them feel badly about their Self. In either situation, how someone else feels
about their Self is not within our control. Understanding this aspect of human nature and
keeping it in mind can help you broaden your perspective about why other people
behave the way they behave. You can apply this concept to any situation, including
rejection and betrayal.
When we view the entire situation from a wider perspective, it relieves our pain and
releases the other person from any persecuting judgment. To the extent the other
person’s conduct hurt us, as they were directly or indirectly conveying their disinterest,
we can forgive them. We can forgive them because we realize that, perhaps, they were
simply not handling an uncomfortable situation as well as they might have. Perhaps,
they did not have the emotional capital to handle the situation any better. Maybe, in their
own way, they were doing the best they could – not necessarily setting out to
intentionally hurt us. We might never know the answers to some of these questions.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 9
Regardless, we give ourselves a more compassionate outlook when we broaden our view
to include the other person’s perspective.
Extending Compassion
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
~ Dalai Lama
Of course, there will be certain experiences in our lives that make it very difficult to
avoid placing some amount of responsibility on the person whose conduct brought about
our suffering. It can be incredibly hard to forgive someone who has intentionally caused
us harm, especially when the harm was the result of almost unthinkable acts. It can also
be equally as difficult to forgive someone for less atrocious but significantly hurtful
conduct when we perceive the conduct was intentional. In these instances, our ability to
forgive the other person will depend upon the amount of compassion we are able to show
to them and to ourselves. Through compassion, we begin to understand why someone
might have intentionally harmed us because they were not emotionally healthy enough
to make better choices. We can separate the person from the person’s actions and narrow
the scope of what it is that needs to be forgiven. Extending compassion to those you
would like to forgive helps you. It is like applying a cool salve to the wound. Compassion
takes the sting out of the pain and allows you to begin healing the wound that someone
else’s conduct created.
By showing compassion and understanding, we acknowledge not one of us is perfect.
We all make mistakes. A person’s mistake does not define who or what they are as a
human Being. None of us should be evaluated or categorized by any one act or even a
series of acts. We all have an invisible backpack in which we carry around our unresolved
emotional pain, our embarrassments, our disappointments, and our wounds that have
not healed. The contents of that invisible backpack can influence our conduct, in a variety
of ways. How we manage all the “stuff” we are still carrying around with us, at any
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 10
given time, will vary. Forgiveness becomes a much easier concept to embrace when we
remember that we all have our crosses to bear, our wounds to heal, and lessons to learn
along the way.
“Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often shall I forgive someone who sins
against me? Seven times?’
‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seven times seventy!’”
Matthew 18: 21-22
When we think of someone whose actions have caused us pain, we would do well to
remember we are all equally human; and human suffering has a way of being contagious.
No matter how inconsiderate, rude, hateful, or “evil” we might think someone’s actions
to be, their apparent ill-will originated in some form of pain or suffering they themselves
have endured. We do not all handle emotional pain and suffering well. There are those
whose hearts have waxed cold because of the pain they have suffered. There are also
those who are generally kind people, but they still inflict harm upon us (albeit
inadvertently) because they haven’t dealt with their own pain and what it created within
them.
It could be a harsh word, spoken in a moment of anger. They might engage in an
unfair transaction with us, taking what they believe they are entitled to with little regard
for how it affects us. Or it might simply be that they turned a cold shoulder when we
needed someone to lean on. Any of these circumstances holds the potential for suffering.
Often, people inadvertently bring suffering to others because they either do not
understand the pain their actions might cause or, simply, because they do not understand
themselves. Most of us have hurt at least one other person in our lives as a result of the
latter. None of us is completely innocent. We have all sinned, at one point or another.
The original meaning of the word sin is to “miss the mark.” Who among us has never
missed the mark?
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 11
The Pain Is Not Protecting You
There are times when the real reason we have been unable to forgive someone is
because we have come to believe, either consciously or unconsciously, that remembering
the pain of what we went through keeps us safe. We believe, on some level, that
forgiveness would mean forgetting the valuable lessons that the pain of a situation or
experience taught us. We think to ourselves, “I will never let that happen to me again!”
So, we hold tight to the memories that haunt us and take away our joy today. We cling to
the painful lesson like a shield. “If I refuse to forget what happened, if I refuse to forgive him/her,
I will stay safe,” is a lie the wounded part of us becomes attached to. This story about the
benefits of suffering does not serve us.
Forgiveness does not erase your memory. It does not take away your wisdom. It does
not make you a weaker person. Your knowledge of past experiences and what those
experiences taught you is not going anywhere. You have learned what you needed to
learn and you have grown. That is why the past experience is now a past experience. It is
over. And it is safe for you to let go of the pain now: to stop clinging to the images, ideas,
and emotional negativity that the situation or event created for you. It is safe to stop being
attached to the pain and suffering. It is safe to forgive the other person and to forgive
yourself.
∞
TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT: Have you been holding onto the memories and the pain
from a past experience because you were afraid that forgiveness would put you in harm’s way
again? Have you been unable to forgive because forgiving might make what happened seem
“okay,” and it was not “okay?” Has it been hard to forgive someone for something that happened
because focusing on what they did wrong was easier than facing the pain the situation caused you?
Take a few minutes to think about what these ideas and beliefs have cost you. Think about what it
would feel like to feel totally safe again. Consider accepting that, yes, what happened may have
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 12
been so wrong that forgiveness cannot make it right; but forgiveness can set you free from the
wrong. It can give you back the power that someone else tried to take away.
You are much too strong to allow the happiness you deserve to remain a captive of
someone else’s conduct. You are much too tender to hide your heart behind a wall of
pain. You need forgiveness in your life. Be brave enough to claim the inner peace that
forgiveness can give you.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi
The person who forgives perceived wrongs is stronger and wiser than the one who
finds solace in condemnation. To forgive, we must face the pain and be brave enough to
let it go. Holding onto the pain is so much easier (despite the discomfort) because we do
not have to work very hard to keep the pain where it is inside us. We think of what
happened and all those old emotions bubble up, just like it happened yesterday.
What is more difficult is the process we go through to break free of the pain. Escaping
from our self-imposed prisons takes actual effort. Only those who are courageous enough
to face the unknown ever make it out of the desert. You are one of those people who are
courageous enough to face, to feel, and to heal: to set yourself free with forgiveness. I
know this is true because the less courageous have not made it to this point in the reading.
You are here, interested in your own liberation, willing to go the distance for
forgiveness, and making an effort to change. You might not realize it immediately; but
something inside you has already started to change.
Congratulations! You have begun the forgiveness process. Now that you are in the
flow of forgiveness, let’s talk about self-forgiveness. You deserve to be forgiven, and you
are the person who needs your forgiveness most.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 13
Practicing Self-Forgiveness
“You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
~ Buddha
Once we take hold of the importance of forgiveness, we can also begin the process of
forgiving ourselves. Self-forgiveness is an indispensable component of self-love. It is
impossible to love ourselves, if we cannot forgive ourselves. Without self-love, any
happiness we might manage to create will lack authenticity and longevity. No matter
how many wonderful experiences we have or how happy we feel during those
experiences, something will forever remain missing, until we learn to truly love
ourselves. To do that, to love and to fully accept ourselves, requires self-forgiveness.
We begin forgiving ourselves by letting go of any guilt and shame we have allowed to
take root inside us. When we believe someone else has harmed us or caused us suffering,
we tend to feel anger and resentment, which is generally directed at the other person.
When we have done something (or failed to do something) for which we cannot forgive
ourselves, we feel guilt and shame. Like the anger and resentment we feel when others
harm us, the guilt and shame we feel when we point the finger at ourselves is akin to a
bottle of poison we pour out onto our souls, over and over again. In many situations, the
guilt and shame we direct at ourselves becomes more toxic than the anger or resentment
that might be directed at others. When someone else does us serious harm, we generally
distance ourselves from them or they otherwise exit our day-to-day experience of Life.
With time, we think less and less about the other person and what they did or did not do
“to us.” Of course, there are exceptions. But it is generally the case that we can move
past what someone else has done to us much more quickly than we can move past our
own transgressions.
The guilt and shame that can rise out of our own errors has a tendency to linger,
sometimes for years. Other people come and go, throughout our experience of Life. We
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 14
are, however, always and forever in the presence of ourselves. There is no reprieve for the
culprit we blame, when we decide to blame ourselves.
We feel guilty when we have either violated our own moral standards, or we have
succumbed to the imposition of others’ moral standards that we could not uphold.
Feelings of guilt and shame are both powerful and dangerous because their reach can be
far and wide. There are times, however, when some amount of “guilt” can be of use to
us. If we do or say something we regret, we can feel guilty for a brief period of time. And
the feeling of guilt can remind us of the moral standards that are important to us.
When we use guilt to engage in appropriate self-awareness and to ask ourselves why
we feel guilty, the feeling itself can be useful to our growth and learning processes. It can
alert us to inner turmoil that might lead to a re-evaluation of our moral standards; or it
might serve as a signpost for behavior that contradicts our core beliefs. Either way, the
feeling of guilt can help us to improve our self-awareness and to adjust less desirable
behaviors, if the feeling is properly addressed and then released. Feeling guilty for
something we did (or failed to do) can prompt us to take action to make amends or
otherwise correct the error. Once we have extracted what we need from the feeling and
taken whatever action is reasonably appropriate, we can let the guilt feelings dissolve.
Guilt feelings can, therefore, be of use to us when they are allowed to remain only
temporarily and shown out the doorway of our consciousness once their usefulness has
run its course.
However, when we allow thoughts and feelings associated with “guilt” to remain in
our minds too long, we can lose the distinction between what happened and our own
identity. It is no longer the deed that is morally questionable but our entire way of being
that becomes suspect. Instead of looking at the incident at issue as missing the mark, we
might turn on ourselves completely and begin to think of ourselves in very negative and
self-destructive ways. We no longer just feel guilty, we become guilty: convicted by the
judge and jury in our minds. Enter shame.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 15
Shame is the master of fear and humiliation. The feeling of shame is characterized by
thoughts of disgrace and dishonor. It is the ultimate feeling of unworthiness. As such, I
believe shame is the greatest enemy of self-love that exists. We cannot love ourselves
completely when shame has taken up residence in our minds.
Shame enslaves us to its demand for retribution, and we can spend years paying the
price for what started out as one incident or one period of time in our lives. When we
succumb to shame, we can easily lose track of all that is right about us. We forget to give
full credit to all the good things we have done in our lives. Our focus of attention becomes
more about what is wrong with us than what is right with us. The more we think about
the shameful event, the less we like ourselves. The less we like ourselves, the less we
accept ourselves. We justify the self-loathing and self-rejection that accompanies shame
by telling ourselves we should be a better person. We convince ourselves that, if we were
a better person, “that” would never have happened.
When this line of thinking settles into our minds, its toxicity spreads like wildfire. Not
only do we feel the shame associated with what has happened in the past, but we become
terrified of violating the same moral standards again. We do not want to bring anymore
shame – anymore humiliation, disgrace, or dishonor – upon ourselves. As such, the
decisions we must make in the areas of our lives that might trigger similar feelings of
guilt and shame become heavily influenced by fear. We are afraid of making the same
mistake again. When the fear of making the same mistake again grows strong enough,
we become willing to sacrifice almost anything to avoid it. The price we pay for going
out of our way to avoid any further guilt and shame is often more than our souls can
afford. If we are to heal, to be happy, and to reconnect with our spirits, we must find a
way to break free from the chains of guilt and shame that bind us to the past, inhibit us
in the present, and compromise our futures.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 16
ACTION STEP: Affirmations are a powerful way to restructure your thought patterns. They
are also a tool for discovering unconscious content. When you repeatedly state an affirmation (by
thinking it, writing it, or saying it aloud), two things will happen: (1) the affirmed thought will
attract like thoughts in your mind; and (2) anything buried within you that contradicts the new
thought will begin to arise. Observe the old thought patterns as they come to the surface of your
mind and be willing to disagree with those old beliefs and ideas that are no longer serving your
highest good. Challenge negative and harmful thoughts; and affirm the new thoughts you are
choosing now, repeatedly. Start using affirmations related to forgiveness on a daily basis. Be kind
and compassionate with yourself while you are in the affirmation process.
∞
SUGGESTED AFFIRMATIONS:
“I am open to the freedom of forgiveness.”
“I am releasing the pain of the past through forgiveness.”
“I am willing to forgive _________ for what happened. I am willing to let go of the
past.”
“I am free to forgive. I am choosing to forgive ______________ for ______________.”
“I forgive myself. I am forgiven.”
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 17
Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness
Self-compassion and self-forgiveness go hand in hand. Both are necessary to free
ourselves from any self-condemnation that prevents us from wisely co-creating our own
happiness. When we take a good look at why we might have behaved in ways of which
we are not proud, we will usually discover we were simply trying to deal with our fears,
insecurities, and unresolved emotional pain the best way we knew how, at the time.
Often, we find that we would handle the entire situation differently today. We all change
with time. This is especially true once we set out to effectuate change – to consciously
and actively participate in our own healing and happiness processes by taking hold of
our thoughts and understanding our feelings.
To enjoy the full benefit of all the change that has occurred (and is still occurring)
within us, we must let go of any judgments about the person we once thought ourselves
to be and let the light of who and what we are today shine through. We must let go of
anything and everything that holds us back from discovering our most authentic selves
and enjoying the full breadth of a life well lived. Personal and spiritual transformation
is hard work. Most certainly, its rewards are well worth all the discomfort, tears, and
growing pains that are often necessary to the processes. But the fact remains it takes a
tremendous amount of courage and inner strength to pass through the various stages of
transition. We have a right to be proud of the person we are today, regardless of how
many times or how many ways we might have missed the mark in the past. “We live, and
we learn” is a fantastic aphorism to remind ourselves of, as we are working through the
processes necessary for self-forgiveness.
Reminding ourselves frequently that there is not a single thing we can do to change
the past helps us let go of any self-imposed judgments about anything that has happened
in the past. There is nothing new going on in the past. Logically, we know it.
While reflecting upon the cycles of our lives and contemplating our actions and
feelings is instrumental to changing behaviors that no longer serve us, the purpose of this
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 18
kind of reflection is to learn more about ourselves. Once we understand why we thought
and felt the way we did, at any given time, we become empowered with the information
we need to change negative thought patterns and unhealthy behaviors. The goal should
always be to look back with kindness and a gentle desire for understanding, not selfcondemnation, of any kind.
Communicating Forgiveness
It has been my experience and observation that, if another person wants our
forgiveness, they will ask for it. As such, we do well to resist any temptation to announce
when we have forgiven someone. Our actions and our attitude will always speak more
loudly than words. Once we forgive another for any pain their conduct caused us, the
matter is finished. The best course of action is usually to let the entire experience pass
away. Announcing we have forgiven someone can give new life to an old situation. And
new hurts can be created. This scenario is, of course, one worth avoiding.
There are times, however, when some form of communicating about forgiveness is
actually necessary to the process of forgiving itself. Words that have meaning to us are
powerful words. If we can harness the power of the word to infuse a negative situation
with positive energy and without involving anyone else directly, we can give expression
to the pain and release it, simultaneously. A method that I have used frequently and
effectively for forgiving is the Forgiveness Letter. I have included an exercise below for
writing a Forgiveness Letter. You should feel free to make any changes you believe would
make the experience of a Forgiveness Letter a meaningful exercise for you.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 19
EXERCISE
The Forgiveness Letter
To prepare yourself for this exercise, you will want to get yourself into the right frame of
mind for the experience. Go to a place of quiet and calm, where you can be alone for, at
least, thirty minutes.
If you use candles or peaceful music to help you relax, set the stage by adding the positive
energy of these environmental influences. Make certain that you have taken precautions
to avoid interruptions or distractions from other people or animals.
Seat yourself in a comfortable position, and place your pen and paper on your lap.
Close your eyes and envision yourself in a movie theatre. There is no one else in the
theatre. You have complete privacy. And there is plenty of ambient lighting, which makes
you feel comfortable and safe. Envision the movie screen before you. It is a large, white
screen; and it is at a distance that allows you to see clearly but not be overwhelmed by
any images that might appear on the screen.
Now, call to your memory the event or circumstance for which you would like to offer
forgiveness and allow the memories associated with the event to play on the movie
screen. Consciously focus on the screen and the images you see playing on the screen, as
your memories of the events arise. Let each scene play through once, like a streaming
video. Do not hold any of the scenes on the screen and try not to replay any scenes. Try
not to force anything. Just let the movie play through, the way that you remember it.
As the movie plays, let your feelings unfold naturally. If anger arises, let it flow through
you. If tears come to your eyes, let them flow. Stay with the experience of watching the
movie until the movie is over. When the memories have all passed through, imagine the
screen going totally white again.
Open your eyes and take several deep breaths. Take the pen in hand and begin your
letter.
Begin the letter by addressing it to the person you would like to forgive (whether it is
someone else or yourself).Write down what you feel needs to be said to that person.
Explain anything that you feel needs to be explained. Discuss how painful the event was
and ask any questions that you might need to ask. Explain to the addressee that you are
choosing to let go of the pain associated with the event and that you are choosing to
forgive all that needs to be forgiven.
Proclaim you are releasing the pain of the event because you choose to be free from the
pain, free from the judgment, and free from all negative thoughts that have arisen out of
the event. You are choosing to let it ALL go now.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 20
Sign the letter and add any final declarations you feel are appropriate.
Now take the letter in hand and begin tearing the pages slowly and deliberately. When
the letter is destroyed, set the pieces of paper to the side; and relax your mind and body.
Breath in deeply and exhale slowly, three times.
Once you have finished the exercise, you may want to bring additional closure to the
act of forgiveness by either burning the paper or releasing it into a moving body of water.
This simple act holds the power of ritual. Our minds value symbols and symbolic
gestures.
Often, a simple gesture that holds great meaning for us can be exactly what we need
to solidify a decision to start something new or to bring a sense of closure to an experience
we’re ready to end. While the term “ritual” may hold negative connotations for some,
rituals are a common and valuable part of the human experience. Some rituals are so
simple that we might fail to recognize them as anything more than habit: like always
tying your right shoe first. Other rituals are meaningful to us on a deeply spiritual level:
like lighting candles during a particular holiday or tying a yellow ribbon around a tree.
Adding some element of ritual to your forgiveness process can infuse the experience with
a sense of finality that is liberating and powerful.
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 21
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
This short eBook has given you new perspectives, ideas to contemplate, and practices
that can help create a greater sense of peace within you and in your life. You have already
begun the forgiveness process; and I want to encourage you to stay with it. Read this
book again and use the tools I have shared with you. Refuse to hold onto anything that
prevents you from enjoying Life to its fullest. It will not happen all at once. But, if you
stay with the process, you will see powerful changes in yourself and in your life, every
step of the way. Pay attention to the change; and be grateful for every bit of freedom you
gain.
Be patient with yourself during the forgiveness process. And keep reminding yourself
that forgiveness is a process, not an event. Your willingness to forgive carries greater
power than you might know. Stay with the process for as long as it takes to free yourself
from the pain and torment of grudges and resentment. What you have not forgiven, in
yourself and in others, is blocking your happiness. That is a situation you can correct. No
matter what has happened to you and no matter what you have ever done, you deserve
to be happy now. The time has come to let the past go and to begin again.
Many blessings to you and your journey,
Sloan Rawlins
FOR MORE TRANSFORMATIONAL INSIGHTS & INSPIRATION,
PLEASE VISIT MY WEBSITE at http://www.sloanrawlins.com.
Coaching Guidance Sessions Available
FIND OTHER BOOKS BY THIS AUTHOR ON AMAZON: HERE
Restore Your Inner Peace With Forgiveness | pg. 22