The Clock of Life
By NCS Case Story Sub Group
Ah Hua (not her real name) was a determined woman who
painstakingly raised 9 children. Despite her hardships, she never gave
up when faced with obstacles in life. At age 72, she was diagnosed
with ovarian cancer. To Ah Hua, this was just another obstacle in life
which she believed she could overcome. She was very positive and
her will to recover was very strong. She took her medications and
attended her therapy sessions on time, hoping that her condition will
improve. Despite her efforts, the cancer spread to the lymph nodes
in her neck.
As her condition deteriorated, Ah Hua's became weaker. After her
diagnosis, her 3 biggest challenges were taking showers, having her
meals and getting sleep. Because of her condition, she also had
difficulty taking care of her own daily needs. She also could not take
care of her family, as she used to. Ah Hua felt even more guilty after
her daughter quit her job to take care of her.
Ah Hua was a neat person but she dreaded seeing herself in the
mirror. Every time she did, she struggled internally with herself. Was
the person in the mirror really her? How did she become so frail and
pale? Her sickness also caused her to lose her voice. Because of this,
she could not communicate as well as before, and she took to
bottling up her emotions. Ah Hua also that felt she was unable to
function properly due to her condition which caused her to fall
asleep easily - even while having a conversation with others.
Ah Hua often asked herself - “where do people go when they die?”
She was uncomfortable and kept thinking about traditional folklore
which dealt with death and the afterlife. Ah Hua got increasingly
frustrated and questioned the meaning of life. Her negative outlook
got so bad that she even contemplated suicide. Fortunately, under
1
the loving care and patience of her daughter and Nectar Care’s team,
Ah Hua soon dismissed such thoughts.
Due to the pus and blood coming out from Ah Hua’s broken tumor,
she has great difficulty sleeping at night. She could only try to keep
herself clean by wiping off the pus and blood. The pain was beyond
words for Ah Hua. She sought out comfort and relief by meditating.
She also recalled her younger days when she used to enjoy burning
ants with fire. Now her pain felt like thousands of ants biting on her
body, and Ah Hua wondered - was this her retribution? Ah Hua was
very frightened and worried because she knew she had a low chance
of recovery. All she could do was pray to Buddha with the hopes that
one day, she would feel no pain.
Ah Hua was fed up of the constant pain and not knowing when death
would come. She longed for solace for her soul. At Ah Hua’s request,
Nectar Care invited the Master to her house to take refuge in the
Triple Gem, with her family members as witness. After the process
ended, she felt relieved and peaceful. Every time she felt pain, she
would meditate and pray for herself and her family members. Ah
Hua eventually became courageous in facing death.
As Ah Hua's condition deteriorated, she constantly struggle to accept
the reality that she was no longer going to recover, and struggled
even more with letting go. She believed in the mercy of Buddha but
at the same time, questioned if an afterlife truly exist. She had
several concerns – her elderly mother of age 90, an inconsiderate
husband and her defiant and yet filial children. She sometimes woke
up from her dreams, only to realise it was only dreams!
We listened to Ah Hua attentively and accompanied her through her
journey. We admired her determination and strength when she told
us how she balanced family and work commitments to bring up her
children. We also tried to bridge the gap between Ah Hua, her
2
mother and children, so that all parties could appreciate and express
gratitude to each other.
Ah Hua’s greatest concern was her husband, who was her
companion for many years. She was at a loss when she spoke of her
fiery-tempered husband. Ah Hua had expected him to show empathy
and support but her husband only remained quiet every time we
visited. However, we soon realised that her husband cared very
much for her but did not speak much because he did not know how
to express his love. During a session with Ah Hua, we managed to
encourage her husband to hold her hand, like old loving times. At
that magical moment, all enmity, grievances and complaints
between them seems to disappear! Ah Hua’s children were also in
tears when they witnessed that loving moment!
We accompanied Ah Hua for eleven months as her condition
deteriorated daily. It was a consolation that Ah Hua and her husband
managed to let go of all enmity before she passed away. As for us,
we were relieved to know that during her final days, she had relief
and solace despite her pain.
There is a saying in Chinese - “A day together as husband and wife
means endless devotion the rest of your life”. After Ah Hua passed
away, Ah Hua’s husband felt indebted to her. As he had not given her
any presents or gifts when she was alive, he now wanted to give
pilgrim offerings to compensate. This was against the will of Ah Hua’s
daughter as she thought it was not necessary. The Master’s advice is
to fulfill Ah Hua’s husband wishes and proceed with the offerings.
Ah Hua, we will pray for you!
___________________________
3