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WHAT DOES skylight DO?
skylight helps children and young people
deal with change, grief and loss – whatever the cause.
It also helps and resources adults who are supporting them.
Managing Our Anger
Guidelines for parents and carers
www.skylight.org.nz
For more information freephone 0800 299 100
or email: [email protected]
An extract taken from THE ANGER TOOLBOX, By Tricia Irving and John Taylor Smith
– a handbook of tools for parents and carers helping children
and young people through angry times.
Available from skylight 0800 299 100
A skylight RESOURCE
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Finding and using the help you need
There are many community agencies that can provide ongoing support for parents and carers who need
extra help – for themselves or their child. Check your local phone directory, information centre or nearest
Citizens Advice Bureau. They know your community well and could suggest different groups that could
assist you.
Support in your local community could be:
your doctor
community health centre
Public Health Nurse
mental health team
community worker
social worker
counsellor
your pre-school or school’s staff
marae based support services
cultural community based support services
church based support services
minister, priest, chaplain
local telephone counselling lines, such as
Samaritans, Lifeline, Youthline and others.
ABOUT skylight…
skylight is a non-profit New Zealand organisation. Its focus is specifically on helping children and young
people, and those caring for them, deal with issues of change, loss and grief – whatever the cause.
skylight services focus on: Education and Training, Information and Resource Provision,
Counselling and Support Services, and Advocacy.
For further information and a catalogue of resources
see www.skylight.org.nz
or call 0800 299 100
email [email protected]
Fax: 04 939 4759
PO Box 7309
Wellington South, New Zealand
For further information on SKIP: Strategies with Kids – Information for Parents,
see www.familyservices.govt.nz/skip/
skylight would like to gratefully acknowledge:
The Ministry of Social Development’s SKIP programme, all the families and professionals who have
made contributions to this project, the support of The Todd Foundation in the publication of
The Anger Toolbox, from which these pages have been taken and Sue Bannister for her
photographic skills. Book design and layout by Georgie K. at WYNTER graphic design.
© skylight 2004
For further copies of this publication, contact The SKIP team
by email: [email protected]
Here are some other groups you could try:
skylight is a national agency that supports
children and young people, and their families, who
are facing change, loss and grief – as well as those
who are caring for them. Call them on 0800 299 100
for information, resources and support.
Family Centres and Parent Support. In your
community or region there will be agencies and
groups that especially support parents and
families. Contact them and see how they might
help. Examples include: Barnardos, Birthright,
church or marae based support services, Parent
Help, YWCA, Relationship Services or Women’s
Refuge. Look in your local community directory, ask
around or enquire at your Citizens Advice Bureau.
Healthline, which now incorporates Plunketline,
provides information, advice and support on
parenting. Call 0800 611 116, 24 hours.
Parenting Courses. Different groups run community
parenting courses around New Zealand. A stress
management course may also be helpful. Watch
your local paper and community notice boards for
any coming up, ask friends, or contact your
Citizens Advice Bureau and ask what’s available, or
visit the Family and Community Services online
directory at www.familyservices.govt.nz
Anger Change Courses. There are courses in anger
change in many areas. Check local noticeboards
and newspapers or contact 0800 228 737 to get
information on courses run by CAPS.
Counsellors. Consider visiting a trained counsellor
in your local area to work through the things that
are triggering your anger. Ask around, ask your
doctor, or look in your Yellow Pages.
Parent 2 Parent is a nationwide organisation
offering one-to-one support to parents of children
with a disability, health condition or special needs.
Call 0508 236 236.
Budgeting Advice. Disagreements about money can
place a great strain on families and cause a lot of
anger and conflict. A free budgeting service is
available through your local Citizens Advice
Bureau or see your community directory.
Practical help like this can really make a difference.
“Keep looking till you find the kind of help you
need. Don’t give up the first time.
I decided asking for help meant I was
being a good Mum for my three
kids. We needed a
hand from
someone. I just had
to find the right
help.”
Annie, a parent
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adultsget angrytoo!
Managing our kids’ anger can be difficult,
upsetting and very draining. Often we find our
own anger stirring up inside us. Getting angry with
your child is normal, even if they are very young.
You spend a lot of time with your family and
wha-nau, so of course your feelings are often going
to affect each other.
Most of the time parents and carers manage to
handle things well. Sometimes, though, adults’
anger can get right out of control. At this point it
can have a harmful effect, especially if it happens
often. This is because parents and carers are the
most influential people in any child’s life. Like it or
not, children are watching adults very closely. We
are their role models showing them how to handle
daily life. Researchers have found children of
regularly angry parents are more likely to be
aggressive. As they become adults, they’re more
likely to suffer emotionally and in their own
relationships. We all make mistakes as parents
and carers, but they are most likely to be
damaging if they’re repeated. If we find that
happening, then we have a choice.
We can:
recognise it’s a problem for us
look out for what triggers it off and for clues
that tell us we’re getting angry
learn to manage our angry thoughts and
feelings
change how we behave and what we do
and say when we’re angry
learn new ways to parent and give care without
losing control of our anger.
“I decided not to waste any more time feeling
guilty and blaming my background. I had to get
on and change what I was doing.”
Alan, a father
Think about the ways
and reasons you get
angry
How often do you get angry?
How can you tell when you’re getting angry?
What are the clues?
Where do you feel it?
What sorts of things do you say? How do you
say them?
What makes you angry? What are the triggers
for you?
Are there times of the day you’re more likely to
get angry? Why?
Think about the feelings underneath your anger.
What are they? What’s causing them?
Can something be done about the cause? A
stressed person is already half way to being
angry. How stressed are you? What’s causing
the stress? How can you reduce it?
Does your anger ever get out of control? How
often? What happens?
Do you ever get physical, violent or abusive in
any way?
What usually happens after you’ve been
angry?
When you were young, what did the adults in
your life show you about anger and how to
express it? Could this be influencing your anger
patterns today?
The way we behave with children sets the scene for
how they’ll behave as they grow up into adults.
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Who can help you make the changes you want
to make? If you have a partner, will they help
you? Or a friend you trust? Or a counsellor?
Are other things happening in your life that
make it hard to make changes? For example,
ill health, financial worries, job stresses,
depression, use of alcohol or drugs, a gambling
addiction, or abusive or violent relationships.
Where can you find help and support to sort
these out? (See inside the back cover.)
Tools for when anger
is rising...
Give a storm warning. Say something like, “I’m
getting really angry, I need to be left alone for
a while,” or “I don’t want to get more angry. I
want to stop and calm down a bit. Then we can
talk later.” It can often help to say how angry
you’re getting. It helps you realise what’s
happening so you can do something to manage
it – and it can help others know it’s time to give
you some space.
Stop. Say exactly what you want to happen – a
rule to be followed or something you want
respected. Use a firm, calm voice. For example,
“We don’t hit in this family. I want you to stop
hitting right now.” Accept no talking about it
and stand there as if you are expecting action.
Move away. Or leave the room to calm down.
Think about what you want to say or do. Return
to the child or situation when you’ve calmed
down. This can take minutes, or much longer.
Stop and count to ten. Ask yourself, “Am I
calm?” If the answer is no, keep counting.
Take a breath. Make it long and deep. Hold it,
and then let it out really slowly. Ask
yourself, “Is this really worth getting so angry
about?” or “What is it I’m actually angry
about?” Perhaps there’s something else that’s
bothering you that you need to sort out.
2
“I count in my head to calm down or leave the
room and only come back when I feel more in
control of things. Sometimes when I’m calmer I go
for a long drive in the car.”
Alex, a parent
“I exit. I just want to get out of the situation. I go
for a walk usually. The quiet helps me.”
Ellen, a parent
Use self statements. Talking to yourself positively
can help, like “I can do this if I keep calm and
cool” or “I’m going to keep cool, keep positive,
keep in control.” – Ask yourself, “What can I do
to calm myself down and get control of my
anger?” Act on your answers.
Take three deep breaths in and out. Move your
shoulders around. Tell yourself “It’s time to slow
down.”
Use ‘I’ statements that tell others how you’re
feeling. Don’t attack your child or with ‘you’
statements that can be hurtful and make the
situation worse.
Go outside for fresh air. Do something physical,
like go for a walk, run, clean something, dig in
the garden, kick a ball, hit a punching bag,
hammer something…
Walk.
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Find a pillow. Do you get so mad you could
scream? A pillow is great to scream or shout
into – or to hit. Try and do this privately, and
go for it!
Write it down. Write anything you want to. A
list of words. A letter. A story. A poem. Just
whatever’s on your mind. No one else needs to
see it. Or just scribble hard on some paper.
Laugh it off. Use your humour. Sometimes
laughing at ourselves or the situation can help
us see it differently.
Practise. When you’re on your own, practise
what you could say or do when you next get
really angry. Try it a few times. Use it next time
you get angry.
Have a hot drink to slow you down.
Talk about it with someone. Contact a friend or
relative and tell them what’s going on for you.
Or use a telephone counselling line in your
area. (See inside the back cover.)
Take a long shower or a hot bath.
Avoid the things you know get you most angry,
or make practical changes to give yourself a
break from them. For example, if you hate that
question “When’s dinner?”, why not provide a
good snack and drink mid afternoon to keep
kids going till dinner? Or perhaps give them
dinner at an earlier time.
Do something you enjoy to get your mind
onto something else – go to a movie, do a
hobby, read, cook or anything else that gives
your mind some ‘time off’. Often we’re angrier
when we’re stressed. What gives you the best
stress relief?
Ask others. What do others you know do when
they’re ready to explode? How do they manage
their kids so life becomes easier for everyone?
“Using someone as a sounding board helps –
someone that understands and knows about
children and what you’re meaning when you talk
about what’s been happening.”
Jeanine, a parent
“I withdraw inside myself and don’t get involved.
Then I have to find physical ways to let my anger
go – anything that’s exhilarating and active and
allows me to yahoo and get what’s inside out.”
David, a parent
“I reckon some people are more hot headed
than others. They get angry more often and get
aggressive. Or they get grumpy and irritable a
whole lot of the time. I was angry for so long I
didn’t know how not to be angry. It caused heaps
of problems. I asked my friend what she did
when she got angry and she taught me to stop
and keep counting in my head. It worked for me.
Then I did a school parenting course that gave
me more ideas. I’m not perfect but I’m not
angry all the time any more. I know I’m a hot
head sometimes, so there’s often a lot of counting
to do!”
Teresa, a parent
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If anyone is
harming you
It is never okay for anyone to get what they want
by threatening, bullying or hurting another person.
If your child’s anger – or that of anyone else close
to you – has become violent or abusive to you,
then you need some help to deal with this situation.
For example, they might hit, kick or punch you,
verbally abuse you or scare you with threats. Get
help and support as soon as you can. (See inside
the back cover.)
Getting help helps
It can be tough to make changes happen. If you
feel like you’re losing the battle and don’t want to
keep going as you are, find the help you need.
(See inside the back cover.)
If you are ever in danger
of really hurting or abusing
your child,
STOP IMMEDIATELY.
Make sure they are safe and
go out of the room.
Remind yourself you are
really angry and that you
need to calm down as quickly
as possible. Talk to another
adult, perhaps ask them to
come round. Or call a
professional – such as
a Plunket or health nurse,
a social worker, a family
support agency or a
counselling phone line.
(See inside the back cover.)
Never let embarrassment stop
you from calling for help when
you need it. Getting help helps
you to parent well.
“The solution to adult
problems tomorrow depends
a lot on how our children
grow up today.”
– Margaret Mead
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creating
positive
family and whanau
Don’t worry that children never listen to you.
Worry that they are always watching you.
When children are raised in positive families and
wha-nau they will feel loved and accepted, and will
want to learn ways of doing things that please
those who care for them. Parents and carers can
help lower the levels of anger in their home if they
make home a positive place.
be consistent about what you expect – avoid
changing how things are all the time
It might help your child if you:
give reasons for any rules – understanding
things helps
tell them and show them they’re loved,
accepted, respected, and important
give them some one-to-one attention, every day
listen to them – let them have a say about things
catch them being good and doing the right
things – and let everyone know about it
encourage and praise them – build them up,
don’t put them down
avoid hurtful words that shame them – use kind,
positive words
encourage them to see mistakes as times to
learn and be forgiving
give them physical affection – a hug, a smile, a
hand held, a back rub
Q…
help them understand what’s okay and what’s
not okay in your home and why
give them fair boundaries – don’t expect too
much of them
always give honest information about things
happening in the family
let them make mistakes – and learn from them
understand accidents do happen sometimes
and don’t deserve punishment
learn to manage your own anger well
if you have a partner, support each other in
your parenting tasks
remind adults coming into your home to set a
good example for young people
keep them healthy and safe from harm
have good times with your child whenever
you can.
What do I do with my kids that’s fun for all of us?
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taking a look at
myself
Q…
Could I be increasing my child’s anger at times, without
meaning to?
Take an honest look at how things are. Could any
of the following things, or others you think
of, be increasing your child’s anger? You may not
realise they’ve been happening or making any
difference. If they’re happening often, then they
could be doing real harm and need to stop
happening.
Kids may forget what
you said, but they
will never forget how
you made them feel.
You may be:
taking out your own angry feelings on them,
because they’re nearby
treating them unfairly
being inconsistent about what you expect
of them – often changing the rules
breaking promises
teasing, mocking, humiliating or labelling them
making them feel guilty when they don’t need
to be
punishing them unfairly or too harshly
being negative about them – expecting their
failure
always forgetting to praise or encourage them
yelling or screaming at them a lot
expecting too much – demanding too much –
making them feel they’re never good enough
Q…
6
expecting them to take on jobs and
responsibilities not suited to their age
comparing them with others, having
favourites
ignoring them – rejecting them – pushing
them away
overprotecting them
not letting them do what they most enjoy or
are good at
threatening and scaring them with words or
actions, bullying them
letting your own anger get out of control
too often
becoming violent or abusive.
What steps can I take to change ways I might be
treating my child that are harmful?
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understanding
feelings
“I let her know it’s okay to feel how she does.
But it’s not okay to behave how she does, just
because she feels that way.”
Hine, a parent
Often children find it difficult to understand,
handle and communicate their feelings –
especially when they’re angry. Often they
don’t understand why they’re feeling like
they do, what it is they’re feeling or what to
do with the feelings. Adults can struggle with
this too.
If parents and carers are able to help
their child understand, handle and
communicate their feelings, then they give
them an important life skill.
Let them know their feelings are okay to
have and that it’s good to express them in
ways that suit who they are – as long as they
don’t hurt themselves, others or property.
Listen well to them and accept what they tell
you they feel – even if you don’t understand
it.
Helping them know and use words for
different feelings helps. Use these words
yourself in everyday life. At times let them
know what your own feelings are. Ask what
theirs are.
When you think you can sense a particular
feeling in your child, talk to them about it.
Perhaps say something like, “I can tell you’re
really disappointed” or “You seem very
angry”. This can help them to understand
and name feelings in themselves. You might
also add what you think has caused that
feeling. For example, “I think you might be
angry because you’re disappointed you
didn’t get in the team.”
Teach the difference between feelings and
actions. Feelings aren’t right or wrong – they
just are. But acting on those feelings isn’t
always okay – for example hitting someone
or breaking something in anger. You could
look for examples to talk about together – for
example in a book, on TV or in a movie.
Perhaps share some stories from your own
life which show how difficult feelings can be
and what effect they had on you.
Suggest and offer them choices about ways
they could let their feelings out.
Be patient. It can be hard dealing with
others’ feelings. Remember, we all get angry
– we just boil at different degrees!
Contact skylight to order a copy of
The Anger Toolbox, full of ideas to help you
manage kids through angry times.
Q… When I think of my own childhood years, what are the
feelings I especially remember and why? Could telling
my child about these be helpful?
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be
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prepared
Being prepared with ideas for handling your child’s anger can
help you deal with a stressful situation more calmly and
confidently. Make a plan. Here’s one to start you off.
“It’s not enough to tell a child that their
behaviour’s not acceptable if you’re not teaching
them the right ways to behave. Otherwise,
how will they ever know?”
Jason, a teacher
1. What’s happening?
What’s really happening and where? Are there
safety issues? Do I deal with this immediately or
can I safely leave the child to cool off and calm
down somewhere without hurting someone else or
themselves? What’s causing the anger? Can the
cause be removed?
2. Stay calm. Don’t feed
the anger
I’ll try to avoid meeting their anger with my
anger. I’ll try these ways to calm myself down…
3. Say what the
problem is
In one sentence I will let them know exactly what
they’re doing that’s not okay, for example, “It’s not
okay to pick on your brother like that”. I’m going
to focus on their behaviour and not them
personally. I won’t call them names or lecture them.
4. State exactly what
you expect
I’ll use their name, get their attention and
confidently give clear, strong instructions. “I want
you to...” I’ll give them time to think and act as
I’ve asked them to. I’ll repeat my instructions if
necessary and be firm and stay in control. I’ll try
not to argue during all of this. I’ll say what I mean,
mean what I say.
5. Clarify consequences
Consequences aim to teach, not punish. I’ll be
consistent about what I expect and make it clear
what’ll happen if they don’t do what I expect.
What will this be? I’ll follow through on this if I
have to.
6. Allow cool off time
I’ll take time and space to cool down and let them
have it too. Then we’ll look together at what
happened and why. People find it very hard to talk
sensibly when they’re angry.
7. Repair and rebuild
After the heat of anger has cooled off I’ll take time
to put things right between us, as much as possible.
8. Get help
If what’s happened has got out of hand, or if my
child’s angry behaviour continues to cause me
great stress and concern, I’m going to find some
extra help. (See inside the back cover.)
Q…
8
What sort of behaviour do I expect from my child?
What things do I want to teach them when it comes to
getting on with others?
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accept the child, shape the
behaviour
Identify the
problem
What is their angry behaviour
like? What is it they do? Why is this
causing a problem? Who does it
affect?
Decide
How would I like to see this
behaviour change? How will I help
my child learn to manage their
anger better? What extra help and
support can I find and use? How
will I show them my support as they
try to do this? How will they know I
love and accept them, even if I don’t
accept their behaviour?
Lack of progress
How will I tell if the angry behaviour is
not improving? What clear consequences will
there be if behaviour is not acceptable? Which
ways or ideas just don’t seem to work? Which
others could I try? Is it time to get some extra
help and support?
Think about
How often does it happen? Where? What causes
it? Who’s involved? What actions do I usually
take? Then what usually happens?
Consider
Is it them who has the problem? Or
could it be me or another person?
Take the first steps
What anger managing tools or strategies can my
child use? What small goals can we set together?
What will the first steps be? How can they begin?
What will the next steps be?
Progress
How will I tell if the angry behaviour is
improving? How can I notice, praise and
encourage the progress, however small it is?
Which ways or ideas work best for my child?
How will I help them to keep up the positive
changes?
You’ll probably feel frustrated and disappointed when your child loses control of their anger one
more time. One more time they’re going to need your understanding and support. They need to know
you still have confidence in them to make real changes. This will help them keep on trying to learn
how to manage their anger, and not give up. It’s going to take time – and setbacks – but behaviour
can change. It can! Use all the extra help and support you can. (See inside back cover.)
Q… What is it about their angry behaviour that I’d like to
see change? How can I help that happen?
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things to
Page 10
in
keep mind
A few things to avoid
Denying, ignoring or not allowing
anger. If anger is being bottled up or
banned, not being allowed to express it can
create even angrier, more frustrated kids
who have more angry, even explosive,
outbursts.
Giving in to avoid anger. To avoid their
anger a parent or carer allows themselves to
be pushed around, bullied and directed by
their child. The child is likely to learn to do
this to get their own way, even as adults.
Bribes. When a parent or carer persuades
a child not to show their anger by offering
them rewards or promises of treats. Teaching
them that anger gets them treats is not
helpful or sensible, and they may try to use
bribes in the future to always get their own
way.
No set limits. If a child is allowed to
behave as they like, their anger can grow
out of control and become very destructive,
both to themselves and others. They will not
learn self control or that there are sensible
limits on behaviour that people expect.
These are very important life skills.
Swearing and
bad language
For many people swearing and bad language is a
way to release angry feelings. Every family
chooses if and when this sort of language is okay
or if it’s not. Negative words are always the most
harmful when they’re targeted directly at someone.
They can be insulting, hurtful and abusive. If your
child uses language you don’t accept, tell them you
won’t accept it and be ready to follow through with
consequences. For example, Time Out to cool
down, withdrawal of privileges, or chores to do.
A word about smacking
Hitting doesn’t teach them how to behave – it’ll
teach them how to hit. Smacking teaches that
hitting someone is okay when you’re angry. It’s
not. If you’re unable to cope with the situation in a
calm, reasonable way, cool down until you can.
Smacking is an impulsive, angry reaction that
can get out of control. It can hurt physically and
emotionally, and be abusive.
Families at war
Kids arguing and fighting is a common
part of family life. Adults get angry too. But anger
can be infectious and sometimes it can seem like
the whole family is at war – everyone seems angry
a lot of the time. This can happen when things are
stressful and then settle down again. Or it can
become a regular feature of a family’s life. Talk
about it as parents or carers and, if you can, as a
whole family. Choose ways to try and manage
your anger and get some extra help if you feel you
need it. (See inside back cover.)
Getting support
for yourself
It can be very stressful living with and dealing with
angry kids or angry adults. Many parents and
carers find it can:
strain the relationship they have with their
partner, and their other children
affect their whole family’s way of life
lower their self esteem and confidence as a
parent and carer
stress them so much it affects their daily lives
and work, and even their health.
It is very important to look after yourself well
and to get all the help and support you can. You
might find your own feelings are getting intense
and difficult to handle. (See inside the back cover.)
Choose to hug, not to smack
Awhitia, kaua e papakitia
Q…
10
How can I look after myself better?
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When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking...
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you hang up my first painting on the wall.
I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you smile at my new friend.
I wanted to be kind to people too.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you make my favourite dinner when I’d failed a test.
I found out supporting people is important.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you count to ten when you got really mad.
I learned to control my anger so others don’t get hurt.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight.
I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you look at me with pride.
I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I did look....
Thanks for all the things I saw that have taught me how to live.
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my thoughts
and
notes
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Finding and using the help you need
There are many community agencies that can provide ongoing support for parents and carers who need
extra help – for themselves or their child. Check your local phone directory, information centre or nearest
Citizens Advice Bureau. They know your community well and could suggest different groups that could
assist you.
Support in your local community could be:
your doctor
community health centre
Public Health Nurse
mental health team
community worker
social worker
counsellor
your pre-school or school’s staff
marae based support services
cultural community based support services
church based support services
minister, priest, chaplain
local telephone counselling lines, such as
Samaritans, Lifeline, Youthline and others.
ABOUT skylight…
skylight is a non-profit New Zealand organisation. Its focus is specifically on helping children and young
people, and those caring for them, deal with issues of change, loss and grief – whatever the cause.
skylight services focus on: Education and Training, Information and Resource Provision,
Counselling and Support Services, and Advocacy.
For further information and a catalogue of resources
see www.skylight.org.nz
or call 0800 299 100
email [email protected]
Fax: 04 939 4759
PO Box 7309
Wellington South, New Zealand
For further information on SKIP: Strategies with Kids – Information for Parents,
see www.familyservices.govt.nz/skip/
skylight would like to gratefully acknowledge:
The Ministry of Social Development’s SKIP programme, all the families and professionals who have
made contributions to this project, the support of The Todd Foundation in the publication of
The Anger Toolbox, from which these pages have been taken and Sue Bannister for her
photographic skills. Book design and layout by Georgie K. at WYNTER graphic design.
© skylight 2004
For further copies of this publication, contact The SKIP team
by email: [email protected]
Here are some other groups you could try:
skylight is a national agency that supports
children and young people, and their families, who
are facing change, loss and grief – as well as those
who are caring for them. Call them on 0800 299 100
for information, resources and support.
Family Centres and Parent Support. In your
community or region there will be agencies and
groups that especially support parents and
families. Contact them and see how they might
help. Examples include: Barnardos, Birthright,
church or marae based support services, Parent
Help, YWCA, Relationship Services or Women’s
Refuge. Look in your local community directory, ask
around or enquire at your Citizens Advice Bureau.
Healthline, which now incorporates Plunketline,
provides information, advice and support on
parenting. Call 0800 611 116, 24 hours.
Parenting Courses. Different groups run community
parenting courses around New Zealand. A stress
management course may also be helpful. Watch
your local paper and community notice boards for
any coming up, ask friends, or contact your
Citizens Advice Bureau and ask what’s available, or
visit the Family and Community Services online
directory at www.familyservices.govt.nz
Anger Change Courses. There are courses in anger
change in many areas. Check local noticeboards
and newspapers or contact 0800 228 737 to get
information on courses run by CAPS.
Counsellors. Consider visiting a trained counsellor
in your local area to work through the things that
are triggering your anger. Ask around, ask your
doctor, or look in your Yellow Pages.
Parent 2 Parent is a nationwide organisation
offering one-to-one support to parents of children
with a disability, health condition or special needs.
Call 0508 236 236.
Budgeting Advice. Disagreements about money can
place a great strain on families and cause a lot of
anger and conflict. A free budgeting service is
available through your local Citizens Advice
Bureau or see your community directory.
Practical help like this can really make a difference.
“Keep looking till you find the kind of help you
need. Don’t give up the first time.
I decided asking for help meant I was
being a good Mum for my three
kids. We needed a
hand from
someone. I just had
to find the right
help.”
Annie, a parent
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WHAT DOES skylight DO?
skylight helps children and young people
deal with change, grief and loss – whatever the cause.
It also helps and resources adults who are supporting them.
Managing Our Anger
Guidelines for parents and carers
www.skylight.org.nz
For more information freephone 0800 299 100
or email: [email protected]
An extract taken from THE ANGER TOOLBOX, By Tricia Irving and John Taylor Smith
– a handbook of tools for parents and carers helping children
and young people through angry times.
Available from skylight 0800 299 100
A skylight RESOURCE