be resilient
be resilient.
EMPLOYEE
ASSISTANCE
PROGRAMS
THE ROLE OF EAP
Your Employee Assistance
Program (EAP) is available
to individual employees
and workgroups impacted
by a critical incident
or crisis event in the
workplace. EAP provides
a range of services to
support the recovery
process after the event.
These services include:
consultation, critical
incident debriefing, group
debriefing, psychological
first aid, grief debriefing
and counselling.
A PUBLICATION OF THE EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE CENTRE
April 2011
SEX AND ADDICTION
Lately there has been more information on TV, in the papers and in magazines about sex
addiction. Until recently, there was little or no discussion about this topic. For many people
in our society the topic of sex is difficult to talk about. Talking about sex as a problem is even
more difficult due to a sense of shame that people often feel.
Sex addiction is one of the more complicated addiction problems in society. When does normal
sexual behaviour change to having sexual problems? When does it become an addiction? We
now live in a world where values are changing. It is easy to access pornography on the internet,
to buy magazines based on sex or to walk into adult/sex shops. The question is, when is it too
much? We run into difficulty answering this question because we are usually judging behaviours
such as number of sexual partners, masturbation, looking at pornography, or visiting massage
parlours. As a result, we come across our own values or the values of society. What may be
viewed as a problem for some may be normal for others, depending on an individual’s personal
values. We have to be able to evaluate sexual behaviour taking into account different opinions
about sex.
We may ask the question, how do we decide when sexual
behaviour becomes a problem if we are faced with such a
wide range of opinions (and of course ours is always the right
one!)? To get an understanding of what addiction is, we will
look at the different parts of addiction according to Gabor
Mate, author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.
So the four parts of addiction are: compulsion, impaired
control, persistence and dissatisfaction or withdrawal.
KEY QUESTIONS
•
Compulsion engagement with the behaviour, a
preoccupation with it;
The following questions can be used to evaluate addictive
behaviour. These questions focus on sexual behaviour, but
will apply to other addictions as well. Note that each question
will reflect the values of the person answering the questions.
It must also be clearly understood that there are values held
by society that make certain kinds of behaviour unacceptable
or illegal, even if a person would say that it is not a problem
for him or her. Such behaviours include child pornography,
indecent exposure and prostitution.
•
Impaired control over the behaviour;
Key Questions to assess sexual addiction:
•
Persistence or relapse, despite evidence of harm;
and
1.
•
Dissatisfaction, irritability or intense craving when
the object – be it a drug, activity or other goal – is
not immediately available
2.
Addiction is any repeated behaviour, substancerelated or not, in which a person feels compelled to
persist, regardless of its negative impact on his life and
the lives of others. Addiction involves:
Compulsion, impaired control, persistence, irritability,
relapse and craving – these are the hallmarks of
addiction – any addiction.
3.
4.
5.
Do you feel that you have to engage in your behaviour,
that your mind is often or constantly thinking about doing
the behaviour?
Is the behaviour increasing in intensity or moving to other
sexual aspects?
Have you tried to stop?
Do you feel guilt/shame after engaging in that behaviour?
Do you keep your behaviour a secret from your partner?
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6. If your sexual activities were found out by your work
place, partner or others, would there be problems such as
loss of partner, work or legal consequences?
7. After engaging in that behaviour, do you make a promise to
yourself that you will not do it again?
8. As far as your own personal beliefs are concerned, is
your behaviour wrong?
9. Is your behaviour consistent with your own idea of
who you are or how others see you?
10. Are there potential legal impacts in your behaviour?
11. Has your sexual activity caused physical or other
injury to yourself or others?
12. Have others commented about your behaviour, expressed
concerns or asked you to stop or change your behaviour?
(The Key Questions can be used to see if other things such
as alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. have become addictions by
substituting those words for sexual addiction).
These Key Questions help to get an answer as to whether a
person has an addiction to sexual behaviour. They look at the
four main parts of an addiction mentioned earlier: compulsion,
impaired control, persistence and withdrawal (relapse, craving).
By answering yes to even one of the questions, there is an
indication that the behaviour has become more important than
it should. Sexual addiction is further complicated by the natural
sex drive that is part of nature increasing the likelihood of
sexual activity becoming a problem.
However, as in all addictions, there is a strong “habit” part.
Engaging in the habit part itself (thinking about sex, looking
at objects, other repeated behaviours, etc.) can release the
“feel good” chemicals in the brain. The combination of the two
elements – the natural body chemistry together with the habit
part makes this addiction difficult to deal with. Often the onset
of sexual addiction starts at a young age when there is the
beginning awareness of sex. Society’s attitudes towards sex
and general lack of openness surrounding this new awareness
can contribute to problems.
and shame, which may be deeper than in other addictions.
It is perhaps more difficult than other addictions because of
societal attitudes towards sex and it is a subject that is very
difficult to talk about.
As part of the Addictions Management Program (AMP)
through the Employee Assistance Centre, an assessment is
available to answer the question of whether there is a sexual
addiction. The AMP also offers non-residential treatment
on addictions that is based on cognitive behavioural
(psychological) principles. Employees and eligible family
members covered under the Employee Assistance Plan may
request an assessment and attend the ten-week treatment
group. Individual sessions are also available. Persons
who are not covered under the Employee Assistance Plan
may purchase these services on a fee-for-service basis.
For addiction services through the Blue Cross Employee
Assistance Centre, please contact Intake at 786-8880 to
arrange an assessment.
In Winnipeg there are two 12 Step programs related to sex
addiction: Sex Addicts Anonymous (204 926-1944) and Sex
and Love Addicts Anonymous (204 943-6137). One Internet
site that offers self evaluation and treatment ideas is www.
recoverynation.com.
This article was written by Ken Barkman, M.S.W., A.C.S.W.,
who is an Employee Assistance Centre counsellor.
Reference: Mate, Gabor, MD, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts,
Close Encounters with Addiction, ISBN 978-0-676-97741-7.
Random House of Canada Limited, 2009, page 128.
TREATMENT
For change to take place there has to be an admission that
there is in fact a problem. An honest self-evaluation is the
beginning of dealing with sexual addiction. To deal with the
addictive aspect of sex, a person has to be willing to look at
their attitudes towards sex, problems in relationships they
may be having related to sex, and a willingness to give up
the behaviours that cause problems. On one level, sexual
addiction is no different than other addictions. It may keep us
from having to deal with emotions, or it may give us pleasure.
It may keep us from having to face problems in a relationship,
or it may have become a habit that we repeat because it feels
empty when we do not repeat the behaviour. It is also like
other addictions in the sense that we have to deal with guilt
The Winnipeg Regional Health Authority EAP is a one
program, multi-site model. EAP offices are located at the
following sites:
Employee Assistance Centre
599 Empress Street
Winnipeg, MB R3G 3P3
St. Boniface Hospital
Nursing Education Bldg
Room N5052, 431 Tache Avenue
Winnipeg, MB R2H 2A6
To access any of the sites call 204 786-8880
be resilient is a quarterly publication of the Employee Assistance Centre, a Division of Manitoba Blue Cross.
Direct inquiries and letters to R. Faraci, 599 Empress Street, Winnipeg, Manitoba R3G 3P3
204 786-8880, TTY 204 775-0586, toll-free 1 800 590-5553, Fax 204 788-5598.
be resilient is general in nature and not intended to apply to a reader’s specific situation.
Consult a professional (counsellor, physician, etc.) before taking action with respect to any topics discussed.
Visit us at www.mb.bluecross.ca