She’s My Sister, My Family
Gabriela was 6 months old when she came home to Elaine;
Ashley was 12 when she joined the family.
Elaine Ash knew that adoption was her plan for building a family. At 39 she was a
single person, a social worker who had previously worked with young mothers at
Children’s Aid Society and was working with children and families in her clinical
practice. Elaine wanted her first child to be as young as possible and from a
culture she was familiar with. Guatemala was a logical choice as she lived in a
primarily Latino neighbourhood and had friends who were from Latin America.
Elaine was matched with Gabriela when she was 14 days old and brought her
home to Canada when she was 6 months old.
Q
Q
Can I adopt a
child older than
my first child?
A
A
Yes, you always have
to think about what
is best for children
already in your home,
but you can adopt
older children if it
works for your family.
“I was adopted when I was 12 years old . . .I know for sure my
adoptive mother, sister and extended family have my back, and no
matter what happens in life, I have a safety net. I know I am one of the
lucky ones and I would not have had that if I stayed in care.”
- Ashley, Adopted at 12
Continuing to build their family
After 5 years as a single parent Elaine was ready to grow her family more and this
time she felt confident in looking at an older child, a child from foster care. Ashley
joined the family at the age of 12. Ashley was born in India and came to the
attention of CAS when she was only 16 months old. She was in and out of foster
care her whole life until the age of 10 when she was placed in her last foster home.
She remembers making 18 moves in her years before adoption. Ashley was two
years older than Gabriela and Elaine and the girls became a beautiful multiracial
family.
Everyone who knows this family is amazed at how well it all works. Ashley and
Gabriela are so very close. In fact, Elaine, Ashley and Gabriela are looking to build
their family even more with a third adoption in the near future. They just need to
find someone who will renovate their attic into another bedroom. The girls know
that Elaine can find a way to make it happen. Just like she found a way to help the
girls with tutoring for learning challenges, counseling when Ashley’s chaotic past
brings up stuff that needs to be processed and when Elaine took in a foster child’s
pets when he suddenly had to move foster homes and could not take them with
him.
Ashley and Gabriela are members of the ACO Youth Network and have spoken out
about their adoption experience on lots of occasions. Ashley presented to the
Youth Leaving Care Hearings last year and in May presented My REAL LifeBook
to Minister Eric Hoskins.
Elaine has some thoughts on how to improve our Ontario adoption system
• Love is not always enough.
• Families need adoption competent therapists to help them along the way.
• Agencies need to do specialized recruitment for families using programs like,
AdoptOntario, Wendy’s Wonderful Recruiters, and the adoption resource
exchanges.
• Providing subsidy to adoptive parents in order to facilitate older children
adoption is a savings to the government and makes a difference to families.
• When adopting children with special needs like FASD, Autism and Attachment
disorders, parents need respite care, specialized educational facilities, and ongoing therapeutic supports.