Is she yours?” Strangers to me, a white woman with a black daughter.
I waited tables at a restaurant and a regular stated to me on several
occasions that I walk *so* well. I’m 37 and it’s only in the last 2 years
that I have begun openly exposing my prosthetic leg (I’ve had it since I
was 12) and I will never go back to covering it. He once gestured for me
to come over to him and asked “Do roll your pant leg up like that on
purpose or are those pants cuffed like that?” I explained that I chose to roll
then. He gestured to me again as I walked by and explained to me, as
though he was letting me in on some big secret, that if I just covered it up,
no one could tell. He persisted in telling me this and was obviously
confused that I wouldn’t hide it. I eventually gave him the business end of
my point-of-view and refused to wait on him if there was another server
available. My co-workers happily obliged.
“Illegals”
“That could be more affordable for you.”
I have to make a video for a school project with three other white people
about a book. I want to be a certain person, but I can’t, because in the
book they’re white and I’m not white, according to my team. They are
adamant about keeping everybody looking ‘like they did in the book’,
which means that I can’t be in the video because there aren’t any Indian
people in it.
I end up switching to another group.
I am a college junior. I lost my student ID today, so I went to the office
to replace it. There’s a bit of a line, like 2 other people, so I wait. Both
are white men, and both have lost their IDs as well. The women behind
the desk help them, whatever, it’s fine. It’s my turn, and I go up and say
“Hi, I need to replace my ID.” The woman looks at me and asks, “Are
you an employee…?” She didn’t ask the other people that. I look down
at my backpack, sketchbook, and laptop that I’m carrying with me, and
wonder how that could translate to being an employee. I just reply “No,
I’m a student,” get my ID, and walk out of there reminded that being a
POC in white spaces must mean that you are serving them. I am
black/mixed.
“Why are we learning about this? It’s not even important.”
A white classmate of mine complaining about us learning about the
colonization of South and Latin America. I didn’t know how to respond
Sales woman pointing at the clearance rack to my darker-skinned Mexican
friend, while my other light-skinned Mexican friend was pointed to the
regular/more expensive section.
Friend:: How cool is Chicago?
Me:: I love it! You should come visit me this summer!
Friend:: If I come will you be my ghetto pass?
Me:: .........
I then tried very every avenue possible to explain why this was a
microaggression (mind you he was very familiar with the term as we were
in a graduate program that focused very heavily on race, racism, and
microaggressions). He told me I was over reacting and that Eminem had
said it so it was okay -__- He then said he's said it to other Black ppl. and
they were okay with it -__-.
“Before Martin Luther, everyone in the world was Catholic.”
My high school history teacher.
G341, 07/14/2015
Okay, so my class had this huge test coming up. I studied weeks for it.
So when I got a 100% I was really happy. The teacher tends to announce
everyone’s scores in class. When she said my name and what score I
got, I heard someone whisper “SHE ONLY GOT THAT SCORE
BECAUSE SHE’S ASIAN.” This wasn’t the first time someone said
this.
Made me sad and angry that everyone believes I only get good grades
because of my race, not based off my hard work.
© 2015 First Unitarian Church of San Jose
I'm a 13 years old girl buying a black Nintendo DS Lite. I was so stoked to
buy it- it would be the first big purchase I'd made on my own. My mom
beside me, I ask the cashier in the video game department if I could please
have the black one.
Him:: Oh, don't you want the pink one?
Me:: Uh, no I really want the black one.
Him:: My girlfriend has a pink one, and she loves it!
My mom:: She doesn't care about that, just give her the black one!
He begrudgingly gets it out of the glass cabinet with an uncomfortable
look on his face. At the time, the only colors available were black, white,
and pink. Apparently boys get to have black or white, but girls only get
pink.
“Wow you look so Mexican in this picture! You look so much better
now!”
Classmate to my Latino friend, while looking at his student ID where he
looks much more tan.
Every week I see a psychiatrist to help me deal with my mental health
problems (depression and a personality disorder) Whenever I talk to my
mother about it she’ll say things like ‘Have you seen your helper this
week? Any closer to fixing you yet?’. It’s so derogatory, she wouldn’t say
that about any other type of doctor or illness.
“There’s fighting, for you boys, and romance, for you ladies.”
My high school teacher, talking about Les Miserables.
I’m an Asian American student, and when I’m in class at the beginning of
the year, teachers would generally ask me if I understood basic words.
Sometimes this happens several times throughout the year when I’ve had
the teacher every other day!
“Do you really need to eat that?”
A thin friend to me (a fat women) when I was half finished with my
sandwich and went to pick up the other half.
G341, 07/14/2015
Every time someone uses the word “psychotic” to mean some variation
of “evil, sadistic murder”. This is not what this word means, and every
single supposedly insignificant use of this word in a derogatory manner
contributes to the massive stigma that I, as a mentally ill person who has
been diagnosed with psychosis (amongst other things), has to live with.
This is the reason that I lie to friends, classmates and teachers if they see
me picking up a prescription. Even when I tell people I am mentally ill I
have a tenancy to only mention my other diagnoses, because the stigma
surrounding the word “psychotic” is so great that people believe I must
be joking in applying it to myself. Makes me feel like I have to
continue lying even though I desperately need support and
understanding because I don’t want people to be afraid of me.
A friend was telling us about her lost dog, when another friend turned to
me and said, “You didn’t eat it, right?” I am Chinese-Vietnamese
American.
When talking to a classmate he was surprised I knew how to speak
Spanish. I asked him why and he responded by saying I did not have an
accent like many of “them.” Them being Mexicans in this context. After
that I became more self conscious after speaking my native language
and regret letting his comment dictate how I spoke around him.
“He’s totally white on the inside.”
School bus discussion about me, an Indian American.
“I like you, you’re cool. But some others, you know, why do they have
to shove it in our face?”
This is a new friend at a party. I am gay. I was more patient than he
deserved. I just felt like, suddenly I am this man’s token gay friend, and
now I have to speak for all LGBTQIA people.
Person:: You are so pretty and smart! I would have never guessed you
were deaf!
Me:: Umm…?
© 2015 First Unitarian Church of San Jose
So I’m in a sorority, and we all got invited to a frat party. I was having a
pretty good time talking to this white guy I met, and we were having a
really good conversation. After a while he tilted his head, squinted, and
said, “YOU KNOW, YOU SPEAK ENGLISH REALLY WELL!” After
he said that, I turned around and just walked away. I am half Mexican
and half Indian (so, dark skinned) and was born in America. The only
language I speak is English….
“Can I check your bag?”
“You need a wife.”
The Korean owner of a noraebang I visit often with my friends. Customers My husband, when I complained that I’m so busy that I can’t keep up
sometimes sneak in alcohol. He always only checks ME. I’m African
with my to-do list. It makes me feel depersonalized and objectified, as if
American, all my friends are Korean. Makes me feel like a criminal. It
I have no function other than to make my husband’s life easier.
ruins my mood for about an hour every time.
When people lower their voices when they say “black,” like it’s offensive. I overheard one of my husband’s co-workers tell him that “IT MUST
BE NICE TO BE MARRIED TO AN ASIAN WOMAN, BECAUSE
THEY’RE SO SUBMISSIVE.”
I’m participating in my schools fall play and need to use a mirror in the
I work in a Mexican restaurant. My white male coworker is serving a
girl’s changing room. I ask the girls if it’s okay for me to come in when
table when he turns around and asks me: “Hey, you’re Mexican, how do
one of them says it’s okay because I’m gay and that I have “an honorary
you pronounce this word in Spanish?”
vagina” and that I’m “basically one of the girls.” Just because I’m gay
I reply: “I’m not Mexican, I’m Paraguayan.”
doesn’t mean I’m inherently feminine or that I’m one of the girls. It’s fine He proceeds to say loudly: “No one cares, it’s the same damn thing.”
if your comfortable enough around me that it’s okay if I might see you
This was said right in front of our customers.Not all Latinos are
changing, but just because I’m not objectifying you doesn’t mean you can Mexican and Mexicans are not similar to Paraguayans. I felt belittled by
consider me a female.
the fact that my entire history, people and culture can be dismissed by
one ignorant comment.
A white man in his 50s/60s (a stranger) stared at me (an Asian American
White coworker:: You're really good at this job but I gotta admit it still
woman in her 20s) as I was leaving the office and said, “That’s a very
bothers me when people like you come to this country & take jobs from
pretty outfit.” His tone was ambiguously friendly but a little lecherous, I
real Americans.
thought.
Me:: Where do you think I'm from?
I questioned my first impression that it was a microaggression (“Can’t you Coworker:: I don't know what you are, but I know you're something.
even take a well-meaning compliment?!”)… til I recognized that it had
What are you?
made me walk faster and make the split second decision to take the open
Me:: Native American.
air stairs in the parking garage up 6 flights just in case he followed me to
Coworker:: Oh... then I guess you didn't come here, huh?
the elevator. made me feel objectified and unsafe, which makes me mad!
At work. Made me feel stunned, angry, hurt.
People are always telling me that my problems will go away if I just
smile, or “think positively.” I’ve also been told that my problems aren’t
“real” or that “other people have it much worse.” I have suffered from
depression and anxiety for 15 years. I take medication, and I see a
therapist every week. Makes me feel as if my problems are insignificant or
nonexistent, like people think I’m just making it up for attention.
G341, 07/14/2015
© 2015 First Unitarian Church of San Jose
Guy next to me on plane:: So, where are you from?
Me:: Florida.
Guy:: No, like, where are you FROM?
Me:: Um, I was born in New York...
Guy:: But, what about... (He pulls the corners of his eyes back in an effort
to look Asian.)
“You’re too smart for your own good.”
My neighbor in response to me, the only woman in the group, talking
politics with my other men neighbors. He didn’t seem to feel this way
about the men in the group.
Stranger:: What do you do?
Me:: I'm a professor.
Stranger:: You're way too young to be a professor. You look like a
student.
I'm in my 30s and I dress more professionally than my colleagues. But I'm
also petite and female. My male partner, who has the same age and
occupation, is never told that he doesn't look like a professor. It sends me
the message that I'm an imposter, merely play-acting at being a serious
scholar or authority figure. Made me feel like no one will take me
seriously despite my accomplishments.
I am the only female attending a trade show with all older white men in
my company. One of the men–not my boss–sends me out of a meeting to
fetch bottles of water “for the guys” from the vending area. Hands me
some cash–only enough to buy bottles for the three men. Not only have I
been asked to perform serving duties, I am then excluded from the
meeting and made to feel like I’m not part of the team. I’m so taken aback
by the manner of the request that I just do it, fuming inside. Humiliating.
“You’re pretty for a black girl”
G341, 07/14/2015
Damn, what a waste!”
Straight male acquaintance after I came out to him as a lesbian. Was it
supposed to be a compliment? Does a man get to judge my relationship
with a woman as unfulfilling and “a waste?” Does he think that had
been straight, he and other men would be entitled to sex with me?
“Sometimes we need to just step back and realize that not everything is
racist.”
Someone gently scolding me like a child after I comment on the fact that
people of colour tend to just be seen and not heard in the media.
“You don’t want to buy a house, it’s too much trouble.”
White neighbor who owns over 50 properties in our community, to me,
a black woman. I was expressing my concern that our activist work
would increase the value of homes in our community where I rent
before I could afford to buy one. We were standing in her doorway, one
of the largest homes in our community. Made me feel the same way I
felt when she told me how articulate I am.
“If everybody would just stop making everything about race, you would
realize everything is actually ok.”
Said by my white, 20-something friend and co-worker.
I HATE this statement. How I think/feel/act is defined partially by my
culture. Telling me to ignore my race is like telling me not to exist. Why
must it be my responsibility to fix the world according to how she sees
fit? I would say something to her, but I hesitate because I don’t think I
need to be my white friends’ “minority educator.” I struggle with having
this difference of opinion while trying to maintain a friendship.
You’re so articulate!
© 2015 First Unitarian Church of San Jose