FATIN
1.
FATIN
Hello, dear friends! I’m Fatin the Entertainer!
If you like what I do, drop a coin in this container!
We got room for a laugher, not room for a complainer!
Because we only like to laugh with Fatin the Entertainer!
[Crowd has gathered.]
FATIN (CONT’D (CONT’D)
WHEN YOU FEEL SAD, OR UNDER A CURSE
YOUR LIFE IS BAD, YOUR PROSPECTS ARE WORSE
YOUR WIFE IS SIGHING, CRYING,
AND YOUR OLIVE TREE IS DYING,
TEMPLES ARE GRAYING, AND TEETH ARE DECAYING
AND CREDITORS WEIGHING YOUR PURSE...
YOUR MOOD AND YOUR ROBE
ARE BOTH A DEEP BLUE
YOU'D BET THAT JOB
HAD NOTHING ON YOU...
DON'T FORGET THAT WHEN YOU GET TO
HEAVEN YOU'LL BE BLESSED..
YES, IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST...
SOME MEN ARE BORN TO LIVE AT EASE, DOING WHAT THEY PLEASE,
RICHER THAN THE BEES ARE IN HONEY
NEVER GROWING OLD, NEVER FEELING COLD
PULLING POTS OF GOLD FROM THIN AIR
THE BEST IN EVERY TOWN, BEST AT SHAKING DOWN
BEST AT MAKING MOUNTAINS OF MONEY
THEY CAN'T TAKE IT WITH THEM, BUT WHAT DO THEY CARE?
THEY GET THE CENTER OF THE MEAT, CUSHIONS ON THE SEAT
HOUSES ON THE STREET WHERE IT'S SUNNY..
SUMMERS AT THE SEA, WINTERS WARM AND FREE
ALL OF THIS AND WE GET THE REST...
BUT WHO IS THE LAND FOR? THE SUN AND THE SAND FOR?
YOU GUESSED! IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST...
FATIN (CONT’D)
All together now!
[Fatin and the people joyously sing their two
parts together as Fatin dances about, doing
acrobatics, and adding in these additions at the
end:]
FATIN
2.
DON'T FORGET THAT WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN YOU'LL BE BLESSED!
YES, IT'S ALL FOR THE.....(YOU MUST NEVER BE DISTRESSED....)
YES, IT'S ALL FOR THE.....(ALL YOUR WRONGS WILL BE REDRESSED...)
YES, IT'S ALL FOR THE.....(SOMEONE'S GOT TO BE OPPRESSED!)
YES, IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST!!!
[Crowd disperses merrily as Fatin bows, holding
out jar to them. HESSA remains, still
applauding.]
HESSA
Fatin, I’ve had so much business with you outside my shop. I
cannot thank you enough.
You can try...
FATIN
(rattles can)
HESSA
I have something better! Come to my home for dinner.
FATIN
A free meal does allow me to keep my coin.
Exactly. Come.
HESSA
[They sit at dinner.]
HESSA (CONT’D)
I really marvel at your talent, Fatin.
FATIN
Anyone can do it.
HESSA
Hardly! I was always too clumsy for leaping about.
FATIN
Perhaps someday you will stumble into good fortune.
HESSA
Like the Royal Gardener? No such luck.
FATIN
Royal Gardener?
FATIN
3.
[Enter Gardener, INAYA.]
HESSA
One day she was trimming the leaves over the river. She
reached out and... splash!
She fell in?
FATIN
HESSA
Fell in and found... a baby! He said, “It’s a gift from God, to
reward me for so many years alone.”
FATIN
What are the chances that he fell in just as that baby came
along?
HESSA
What are the chances that the very next year...splash!
Again?
FATIN
HESSA
“Another gift from God!” he cried.
FATIN
That seems unlikely.
HESSA
As unlikely as the next year... splash!
Not again!
FATIN
HESSA
God smiles upon me. Now I have a full family!
FATIN
And the year after that... or after that?
HESSA
In the following years, the children grew into natural beauties.
Their adopted father showered them with love and kindness and they, in turn, became loving and kind.
FATIN
4.
FATIN
That’s some story.
[Hessa begins clearing table.]
HESSA
Yes, but my own clumsiness has brought me nothing but
trouble. I remember one time—
[She swivels the pitcher around, striking Fatin in
the head. Fatin pitches forward into the table.
Hessa lifts her wrist. It drops back to the table
with a clatter.]
HESSA (CONT’D)
Oh, no... I’ve killed her!
[Fatin begins to stir.]
I’ve killed her!
HESSA (CONT’D)
[Hessa, not seeing Fatin awaking, has thrown her
arms wide, striking Fatin again, knocking her
unconscious again.
Hessa slaps her hands over her mouth.]
HESSA (CONT’D)
They will accuse me of murder. What do I do? Wait. My
neighbor, the doctor...
[She drags Fatin away.
Enter Doctor JOHARA speaking with another
neighbor, JANAN.]
JOHARA
The best I can do for you is to give this herbal tea.
JANAN
How is that going to stop someone from breaking into my
house?
JOHARA
It won’t. It will help you sleep.
FATIN
5.
JANAN
But someone is trying to break into my house!
JOHARA
For a month straight?
JANAN
(pause)
They are very persistent!
JOHARA
They are very bad at breaking in. Now, go. Don’t be up all
night like Sultana Samar.
JANAN
Was someone trying to break into her house?
JOHARA
No, she was kept up by Alima, the Vizier’s daughter.
JANAN
Rotten Alima, keeping up her Sultana.
JOHARA
Actually, wonderful Alima. Things are not always what they
seem - as you need to learn.
JANAN
Why ‘wonderful’ if she was keeping the Sultana awake?
JOHARA
She was saving the life of every young girl in the kingdom.
How?
JANAN
JOHARA
The Sultana had gone quite mad some months back - her
daughter had run off to a husband the Sultana hated.
JANAN
Wait, wait, wait — was this the Sultana who was adopting a
different girl each morning.
JOHARA
Now you remember.
FATIN
JANAN
Yes. Her daughter had run off against her wishes, so the
Sultana adopted a new daughter each morning, but by the
next sunrise...
JOHARA
She had the girl killed - trying to punish her own daughter
through others.
JANAN
So Alima convinced the Vizier to have Sultana Samar adopt
her.
JOHARA
And she began a story that didn’t end by the next sunrise.
JANAN
The Sultana kept her alive to hear the end of that story.
JOHARA
But Alima weaved another story into the original one that did
not end.
JANAN
And story after story for a thousand and one nights...
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE OH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE OH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
COME JOIN THIS TRIP (THIS TRIP)
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A WORLD LIKE THIS
NO SHADE, JUST SAND
THROUGH THE STORMY DESERT WE WILL CROSS THE LAND
FARAOH, CAIRO, PIRAMIDS, EGYPT, BOMBAY, NEW DELHI
OPEN SESAME
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
IT'S A JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
6.
FATIN
GET READY FOR A MAGIC CARPET RIDE
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE OH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
1-0-0-1
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE OH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
WE FLY THROUGH FLAMES
HEAR THE CREATURES CALLING OUT YOUR NAME
WE HAVE NO FEAR
FIGHT THE DEMONS MAKE THEM DISAPPEAR
HEROS, VAGABONDS, CITY OF SECRETS, LAND OF MYSTERY
OPEN SESAME
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
IT'S A JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
GET READY FOR A MAGIC CARPET RIDE
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE OH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
1-0-0-1
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE OH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH...
OH OH EE YEAH YEAH...
1-0-0-1
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
IT'S A JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
GET READY FOR A MAGIC CARPET RIDE
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
IT'S A JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME
7.
FATIN
8.
1-0-0-1 NIGHTS
ARABIAN NIGHTS
GET READY FOR A MAGIC CARPET RIDE
GET READY FOR A MAGIC CARPET RIDE
JANAN (CONT’D)
That’s how she protected her life.
JOHARA
And the life of each girl who was not adopted or killed after
that.
JANAN
Well, I think I can go home without worrying about someone
breaking in.
JOHARA
Good.
JANAN
Yes. I’m much more worried now that someone is going to
try and kill me.
Go.
JOHARA
(chuckling)
[Exit. Lights go dark.
Enter Hessa dragging Fatin.]
Johara! Johara!
Who’s there?
Someone is sick!
Who speaks?
Come quick!
HESSA
JOHARA
HESSA
JOHARA
HESSA
FATIN
9.
JOHARA
Give me a moment to light a lamp!
HESSA
(to herself)
Now to leave poor Fatin against the door. Johara will burst in
and think she did the terrible deed.
[Exit Hessa. Fatin stirs.]
FATIN
(dazed)
When you feel bad...
Or under a curse...
Your life is bad...
Your prospects are worse—
[Johara bursts in, knocking Fatin into a
somersault at the end of which she lies
unconscious.]
JOHARA
Who beckons so late—? What have I done? Fool that I am.
The stranger left the patient at my door and I’ve killed her.
They will say I am a murderer.
[Exit Johara, dragging Fatin.
Enter Janan.]
JANAN
Johara is right. No one is trying to break into my house.
[Exit Janan.
Enter Johara, dragging Fatin. She leans the street
performer into a standing position then exits.
Fatin begins to stir.]
FATIN
(dazed)
Your wife is crying, sighing,
And your olive tree is dying...
[Re-enter Janan with tea.]
FATIN
10.
JANAN
This herbal tea should calm my nerves.
Hello!
Ahhh! Thief!
FATIN
JANAN
[She throws tea at Fatin. Fatin cries out from the
heat. Then Janan knocks a basket over Fatin’s
head. She crumples to the floor in a backwards
somersault.]
JANAN (CONT’D)
Oh! What have I done? Excuse me, are you dead? This is
terrible. They will say I’m a murderer!
[Exit Janan dragging Fatin.
Enter Nuri, grumbling. Enter Hessa from
opposite direction.]
You!
NURI
HESSA
Me? I’ve done nothing!
NURI
Didn’t say you did. What town is this?
HESSA
The town of Muhrim.
Lost again.
NURI
HESSA
Forgive me. I cannot stay.
But I am blind!
I’m sorry!
NURI
HESSA
FATIN
11.
[Exit Hessa.
Enter Johara.]
Back so soon?
NURI
JOHARA
Ahh! Oh. I did not see you.
NURI
You’re someone else. How late is it friend? I feel cool.
JOHARA
Very late. Get home!
[Exit Johara.]
I wish I could.
NURI
[Enter Janan, dragging Fatin.]
NURI (CONT’D)
Is there no one who will help a poor blind man?
[Janan stands Fatin in front of Nuri, who begins
to walk forward waving stick. Nuri strikes Fatin.
Janan releases her, allowing her to flop to the
floor, and then races away.]
NURI (CONT’D)
What was that? Oh, dear! My dear, wake up. Wake up.
[Enter Hudun.]
NURI (CONT’D)
Help me, friend. I have accidentally struck this woman.
HUDUN
Have you killed her? If you have, you will answer with your
life.
NURI
It is no more than I expect.
FATIN
12.
HUDUN
No? You have done this sort of thing before?
NURI
No. But life is punishing me for my greed.
Explain.
HUDUN
NURI
I was once a great camel herder from Damascus. On one
journey I met one of those dervishes, who you know aid the
poor and seek nothing for themselves.
Go on...
HUDUN
NURI
He told me where there was an immense treasure, but he had
no way to transport it.
HUDUN
He wanted to use your camels.
NURI
He promised to give me half of what we carried.
HUDUN
Whose treasure was this?
KING TUT’S (KING TUT’S)
NOW WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG MAN
HE ALWAYS LIKED TO SEE (KING TUT)
PEOPLE STAND IN LINE
TO SEE THE BOY KING (KING TUT)
HOW'D YOU GET SO FUNKY (FUNKY TUT)
DID YOU DO THE MONKEY?
(BORN IN ARIZONA)
(MOVED TO BABYLONIA, KING TUT)
(KING TUT) NOW, IF I'D KNOWN
THAT WAS HOW I COULD GO (FUNKY TUT)
I'D HAVE STUDIED EVERY DAY
TO BE A PHARAOH (KING TUT)
BURIED WITH A TREASURE (FUNKY TUT)
FATIN
13.
PILED HIGH BEYOND MEASURE
(BORN IN ARIZONA)
(MOVED TO BABYLONIA, KING TUT)
DANCIN' BY THE NILE (DISCO TUT)
THE LADIES LOVE HIS STYLE (BOSS TUT)
ROCKIN' FOR A MILE (ROCKIN' TUT)
HE ATE A CROCODILE
(KING TUT)
(TUT, TUT, TUT, TUT)
GOLDEN IDOL
(TUT, TUT, TUT, TUT)
HE'S AN EGYPTIAN
(TUT, TUT, TUT, TUT)
YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE (KING TUT)
NOW, WHEN I DIE
NOW DON'T THINK I'M A NUT
DON'T WANT NO FANCY FUNERAL
JUST ONE LIKE OLE KING TUT (KING TUT)
HE COULDA WON A GRAMMY (KING TUT)
BURIED IN HIS JAMMIES
(BORN IN ARIZONA)
(MOVED TO BABYLONIA)
(HE WAS BORN IN ARIZONA)
GOT A CONDO MADE OF STONE-A
KING TUT
HUDUN (CONT’D)
So the dervish’s half was to go to the poor...
NURI
Yes, but I kept convincing him he could not drive so many
camels and to give them to me.
HUDUN
How many camels did you take back?
NURI
All of them. And more... He had taken a mysterious potion
from the treasure chamber.
What was it?
HUDUN
FATIN
14.
NURI
If applied to one eye, a person can see all hidden treasures. He
warned me that, if applied to both eyes, the person would
immediately go blind.
And so?
HUDUN
NURI
I thought he was keeping secrets from me. I applied it to both
eyes and here I am - blinded by greed.
HUDUN
Then your punishment continues.
[Enter Janan.]
JANAN
Wait! He did nothing. It was me. I thought she was breaking
into my house.
HUDUN
Then the law falls on your head.
[Enter Johara.]
JOHARA
Wait! She did nothing. I hit her with my door. It was an
accident. Believe me.
HUDUN
We will see what the Sultana has to say.
[Enter Hessa.]
HESSA
Wait! It was I who struck her. I had her to dinner and
accidentally hit her with a pitcher.
HUDUN
Then you shall answer for your crime and your deceit.
FATIN
(standing)
My dear friend, whatever did you do?
FATIN
15.
HUDUN
She murdered a poor street performer!
No! Who?
You.
Really? —What?
FATIN
HUDUN
FATIN
HUDUN
Wait. You’re not dead.
FATIN
But I am dead. Dead tired!
[All groan and exit.]
Tough crowd.
FATIN (CONT’D)
DON'T ASK ME HOW I'M DOING
IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW
I STAYED OUT TOO LATE
WOKE UP LATE
OH, YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES
GIVE OFF THE VIBE THAT EVERYTHING'S FINE
AS LONG AS, AS LONG AS
YOU DON'T LOOK IN MY EYES
IT'S ALL GOING JUST SO PERFECTLY WRONG
HEY HEY HEY WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE, ONE OF THOSE DAYS
HEY HEY HEY WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE, ONE OF THOSE DAYS
AH AH AHHH
DON'T MIND THIS KIND OF LIFE
OF HURRY UP AND WAIT
TOO MANY THINGS TO DO TO LOSE
IT GETS A LITTLE INSANE
SO MUCH CRAZY IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS
TOO MANY BILLS, TOO LITTLE FRILLS
FATIN
AND NONE OF THE FLOWERS
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A MINUTE TO MYSELF
HEY HEY HEY WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE, ONE OF THOSE DAYS
HEY HEY HEY WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE, ONE OF THOSE DAYS
AH AH AHHH
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH
HEY HEY HEY WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE, ONE OF THOSE DAYS
(REPEAT 3X)
IT'S JUST BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS
IT'S ALL GOING JUST SO PERFECTLY WRONG
16.