excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro in one space, a MAN, early forties, in boxers, an undershirt, and a lucha mask holds a red ribbon and fiddles with his laptop. in another, separate space, DOG stands, staring out at the audience. it is not a dog but a human being wearing a t-­‐shirt that says “DOG” on it. the man turns on the camera in his laptop. turns on a song—whitney houston’s “i wanna dance with somebody.” he begins a complicated ribbon dance to the song. it is well-­‐practiced and performed with great fervor and dedication. maybe it is incredibly weird and awkward, or maybe it is actually really kind of good. dog continues to stare at the audience. the man finishes his dance with a flourish. dog opens his mouth. a beat. dog …bark. the man fiddles with his laptop, turning off the camera. a tennis ball rolls slowly across the stage in front of dog and out of sight. dog watches it roll. looks back to the audience. a beat. dog chases the tennis ball offstage. * norma’s apartment. NORMA, late thirties-­‐early forties, and DAVE, early forties. dave i’ve never done something like this before norma there’s no reason to be nervous dave i don’t think of myself as the kind of person that does something like this norma what kind of person is that? dave i don’t know the not me kind of person norma that’s not a kind of person or that’s a lot of kinds of persons dave do i pay you now? excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro or after? norma after is fine take your jacket off make yourself comfortable from offstage, dog barks. he doesn’t bark but actually just says the word “bark” loudly. dave is that a dog? you have a dog? norma are you allergic? dave no, i just it didn’t say on the i didn’t know you had a dog norma i don’t i mean obviously that’s a dog obviously that’s a dog barking but it’s not mine dave dog sitting? norma i found him dave you found him? norma on the street no tags or anything like that but a collar so it’s not like he’s just a stray he’s somebody’s just not mine dave and you just excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro and you just took him? norma what was i supposed to do? dave aren’t there people? aren’t there people to call? norma i wasn’t gonna take him to some shelter if you lost your dog, would you want him to end up in some shelter? dave i don’t have a dog norma but if you did? dave but i don’t i’ve never had a dog i’ve never had any kind of pet norma dogs are good companions you should think about getting a dog dave are we on the clock? norma don’t worry i don’t have any other appointments today this is about getting to know you this is about making you feel safe dave should i not feel safe? is this a dangerous neighborhood? norma i was speaking on a more on a more metaphorical level excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro dave oh so this is not a dangerous neighborhood? norma this is a safe neighborhood dave because i don’t remember if i locked my car or not norma this is a safe neighborhood dave okay norma … dave what’s your dog’s name? norma it’s not my dog dave what’s not your dog’s name? norma i don’t know dave well what do you call it? norma i don’t call it anything i just found him yesterday i haven’t had to worry about it too much dave you could name him norma that wouldn’t be right he’s not mine excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro dave you could keep him norma he has a home he has people that love him dave don’t be so sure norma he has a collar dave what’s a collar? just some fabric a collar’s not a home a collar’s not people that love you norma i don’t know maybe i shouldn’t have brought him home in the first place do you think i did the right thing? dave … norma … dave i think i think if i were a dog and i were lost and alone i think i’d be scared maybe a little excited, but mostly scared and i think if i was that dog that slightly excited but mostly scared dog and you showed up and smiled at me and took care of me even for just a little while i think i’d like that i think i’d be very grateful i think i’d be excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro i think i’d be something like happy norma … dave … norma … dave maybe i should go yeah i think i should go norma don’t be silly dave i’m sorry i’m nervous norma there’s nothing to be nervous about it’s just us dave and the dog norma (laughs) yes and the dog you can change in the bathroom dave exits to the bathroom. dog barks. norma talks to dog. norma shh it’s okay i’ll come and play with you in a little bit the park, i’ll take you to the park we’ll throw a tennis ball is that what your family does with you? i’ll buy a pack of tennis balls and we’ll go excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro don’t cry we’ll go to the park i promise dave reenters wearing silly-­‐colored pajamas with a silly design on them. dave i know they’re dumb norma they’re perfect dave and norma get into bed. norma there are tissues on the bedside table if you need them dave do people do people usually need them? norma sometimes it’s good to let it all out it’s also fine not to, of course but know that they’re there dave okay norma big or little? dave umm little? is that okay? norma of course they spoon. norma is big spoon. excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norma … dave … norma … dave how long have you been doing this? norma about eight months i’m the first in the city dave how does one decide to become a professional cuddler? norma how does one decide to become anything? dave and before this what did you do before this? norma a lotta things i was a yoga teacher before that i was a netflix call center representative retail, restaurants, all the rs and i used to work in corporate, too but that was years ago feels like a different life i guess i’ve done a little bit of everything just not much stuck dave so why this? norma i guess i just wanted to find a way to help people that sounds pretentious excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro like i’m curing cancer or something but i think it’s important touch is important dave … norma i’m babbling we don’t have to talk we can just lay here don’t be afraid to go to sleep, either whatever you need dave … norma … dave i think i think just laying here like this i can’t sleep not without pills but laying here like this feels good i think i’d like to just stay like this for awhile norma okay then just like this just like this they lay there like that. for a long time. * coffee-­‐shop. NORM, early forties, behind the counter. norma holds a flyer. norm i’m really sorry but you can’t put that there excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norma why not? norm it’s not me it’s just company policy norma it’s for a dog it’s for a dog i found norm i’m sorry it’s not i don’t norma this is a coffee shop norm yep norma there’s a bulletin board the purpose of a bulletin board is to post bulletins on the board norm that would follow that would make sense norma what are these? what are these bulletins? what are these bulletins on this bulletin board? norm umm that one looks like guitar teacher and that that one what does that one say? excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norma tarot tarot readings norm that one’s a dog walker maybe you should take one a little stub thingy maybe the dog walker can help you with your lost dog norma found dog norm found dog norma why can those people put up flyers and i can’t? norm i don’t know that’s actually a really good point that’s actually a great point there’s a flaw in the system there’s a flaw in the what’s it called protocol norma there is it’s a big flaw norm people didn’t post those when i was here different shifts different baristas baristos? baristas norma so? excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norm i’m i’m just saying i’m not like i just do what they tell me norma but apparently but apparently the other baristas don’t and apparently it’s not a problem so so unless there’s unless there’s any number of different protocols for different baristas it seems like there’s an unwritten rule that’s been established an unwritten rule that’s been established as regards the bulletin board norm an unwritten rule that supersedes the written protocol is that what you’re saying? norma that’s exactly what i’m saying norm i think i follow norma i think you do norm and and for some reason and for some innocent reason and for some completely innocent reason i was never told this unwritten rule norma it’s unwritten maybe you were out of the room norm maybe i was in the bathroom excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norma maybe you were on a break norm it’s unwritten norma simple enough norm so really so really i’m actually breaking the rules the unwritten rules if i don’t let you post your flyer really i’m in the wrong norma not morally but yes as regards the rules the unwritten rules yes norm i don’t like that norma of course not norm that’s no good norma it’s not norm what am i gonna do? norma i don’t know what are you gonna do? norm … excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norma … norm cute dog norma it is he smells like fall it’s almost spring but he smells like fall norm like red leaves? norma like something like red leaves norm that’s not a bad smell norma it’s not norm … norma … norm go for it norma really? norm really next to the dog walker same target audience norma i like the way you think norm it’s a cute dog it deserves to be found excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro * norma at the park with dog. rain. they throw the tennis ball. they actually toss the tennis ball back and forth to each other, like two people would. norma that’s a good dog give it back give it good dog is this how your mommy throws? your daddy? do you have a mommy and a daddy? do you have brothers and sisters? i never had brothers and sisters but i always thought it’d be nice always someone to talk to bark at give it good dog do you hate the gray? do you get lonely when the rain comes? can’t go out as much can’t see your doggie friends do you have lots of doggie friends? probably do probably way more popular than me give it give it good dog yeah, i see that twinkle in your eyes mr. popularity going out with your friends wagging that tail if i had a tail i’d want it to wag all day long i’d never want it to stop because that means you’re happy, doesn’t it? that means you’re happy and everybody wants to be happy * norma’s apartment. norma and COLT, teens. colt he does tricks excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro have you seen his tricks? norma i don’t know if it’s the same dog colt picture looked the same looked just like him zeke pretty fuzzy picture norma i’m not good with that kind of stuff technology colt it’s a photo it’s just taking a photo anybody can take a photo norma my phone is old flip phone and the camera’s not very good and i have a hard time getting the pictures from my phone to my computer luddite colt lud what? norma it doesn’t matter colt i’m not stupid norma i didn’t think you were colt i just don’t use dumb words norma duly noted excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro colt or say frilly shit like that “duly noted” that’s not a thing people say people read that or see that in some show some show set in like england with butlers and tea but people don’t actually say shit like that norma but i just did i’m people colt you’re a person norma i wasn’t implying i was multiple colt you’re an exception normal people don’t say shit like that norma now i’m not normal? duly noted colt can i just see my dog now? norma of course norma exits. colt snoops around the room. colt what’s with all these candles? all this hippy shit? norma (o.s.) it’s for work excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro colt you a what? you a candle maker or something? norma (o.s.) no i’m a professional cuddler colt hah that’s funny norma (o.s.) i’m serious colt i’m young, i’m not stupid norma (o.s.) suit yourself norma enters with dog. norma this him? zeke, was it? colt kinda looks like him kinda doesn’t zeke? come, zeke come dog doesn’t move. colt i don’t know why i did that zeke doesn’t come when you call him i don’t know why i did that norma you said he could do tricks? excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro maybe try that? colt yeah, okay that’s a good idea okay, zeke shake dog doesn’t move. colt shake dog doesn’t move. colt dance zeke do the dog dance do the dog dance, zeke dog doesn’t move. colt come on i’ll sing it for you, okay i’ll sing and you do the dog dance he sings, or maybe beat-­‐boxes—it’s a practiced, in-­‐depth routine. colt come on zeke don’t be a limp dick do the dance dog doesn’t move. colt it’s not him norma are you sure? colt of course zeke can’t resist the dog dance he’s got the beat in his blood excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro norma maybe he’s just not in the mood colt he’s always in the mood it’s not him norma i’m i’m sorry colt … norma … colt … norma … colt it’s okay i hate that dog anyway dances like a retard this is stupid norma are you okay? colt what? my nose is running i have allergies back off, lady weird lady with your stupid dog can’t even dance i’m allergic to you i’m allergic to this stupid dog norma i’m sure you’ll find him excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro colt fat chance it’s been weeks what’s he doing, pitching a tent in the park? norma … colt it just it just looked a lot like him is all the photo stupid grainy photo we’re in the 21st century, lady learn some basic skills fucking hippy norma … colt … norma … colt i just thought maybe like crazier stuff happens, right? i thought maybe stupid i’m not stupid i have to go norma you’re not stupid and you’ll find him i have a feeling colt what, you a psychic or something? is that why you have all the candles? you into palms and cards and crystal balls and the future and all that shit? norma … excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro colt wait a minute is it true? are you are you really? you really psychic? norma smiles a knowing smile—she’s not a liar, but omitting the truth in this one case couldn’t hurt, could it? colt HAH! i knew it i knew you weren’t a whatever professional hugger norma cuddler colt i totally knew it! norma … colt you have a feeling? that i’ll find him? is that what you, like, see? in your crystal mind ball? don’t hold back on me now i need to know i i miss him, okay? i really miss him norma … colt … norma just keep looking excerpt from The Found Dog Ribbon Dance by Dominic Finocchiaro colt … norma … colt okay yeah okay i can do that norma … colt … norma … colt he’s actually a pretty good dancer for a dog i don’t know why i said he dances like a retard how many dogs you know got rhythm? he dances amazing