Life Group
Chapter 29: GENTLENESS – June 4 & 5, 2016
Welcome!
Welcome to Session 29 of Believe. If there are any new members in your group, take a moment to
introduce yourselves to each other.
Getting Started
Let’s begin by reciting the Key Verse and Key Idea together as a group.
Key Verse: “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5)
Key Idea: I am thoughtful, considerate, and calm in my dealings with others.
Group Discussion
Let’s discuss our thoughts and feelings about the following declarations. Which statements are easy to
declare with certainty? Which are more challenging, and why?
 I consider my own shortcomings when faced with the failures of others.
Those who tend to be preoccupied with the shortcomings of others rather than their own
shortcomings tend to be self-righteous people. (Matthew 7:5)
> When we are faced with the failure of others here are some points to think about.
< Stop to think about your words before speaking about other’s failures.
< When the failure of another directly affects you, pause to pray.
^ Prayerfully consider your own weaknesses when faced with other’s weaknesses and
take the matter to God in prayer—hopefully this will be your first response.
^ And when we do pray, we need to give priority to our own thoughts and behaviors.
We need to give time to examine ourselves.
If we do see a Christian brother/sister involved in willful sin, we do have the responsibility
to go to them and confront them (Matt. 18:15-17).
> If the shortcomings involve their inability to set themselves free from a sin that they are
aware of, we need to come alongside them with gentleness to restore them (Galatians 6:1-5)
> If the shortcomings involve an unawareness of Biblical moral standard, we have the
responsibility to teach them what the Bible says (Matthew 28:19) and offer them correction.
> But, we are to speak these truths in love (Ephesians 4:15).
> We are to be discrete about sharing with others regarding such situations.
When facing shortcomings of others—and ourselves, here are a few points to ponder:
> Understand that a Christian can be successful in their spiritual life in spite of failure
because of God’s incredible grace and forgiveness.
< We and others may have to live with the results of some failures, but God is free to
continue to love us all in Christ and use us for His purposes because of grace.
> Seek to use failures as lessons for growth and change.
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 1
< Failures remind us of the consequences of our decisions and what can happen.
^ The can make us more careful
^ They can show what we should and should not do.
^ They can become lessons on what is wrong and why.
^ They can help us avoid making the same mistake.
> When failure comes acknowledge it and refuse to hide behind it with meaningless excuses.
< Confess any sin to God when sin is involved in the failure.
< Study what happened and learn from it.
< When it is confessed and forgiven, put it behind and move ahead (1 John 1:9;
Philippians 3:13).
QUOTE: “Being assured of God’s forgiveness, we are to put our failures behind us,
count on and rest in His forgiveness, and refuse to use them as an excuse for morbid
introspection, pessimism, self-pity, depression, and fear of moving on for the
Lord.”—UNKNOWN
> Grow through failure.
< We are accepted in the Lord on the basis of grace, not our performance.
^ But we are not to take license with God’s grace: “I can make mistakes because God
will always forgive me.” Remember our motives that are important. If our intention
is not to change and continue sinning, then grace cannot be given because it isn’t
truly being accepted.
< We are human and, as a result, we are not perfect.
< God still has a plan for our lives. He isn’t through with us yet, and we need to get on
with His plan for our lives.
> Understand there are different kinds of failure.
< One is failure according to the principles of Scripture.
^ If we fail to know why we believe what we believe and then fail to give an adequate
response when asked, then we fail in our responsibility to witness. (1 Peter 3:15).
< There is a false guilt of failure because of a wrong view of success.
^ We must remember that it is our responsibility to be faithful to God’s calling on our
lives. God is the one who is responsible for the outcome.
} Even though we may minister for long periods of time without results, we cannot
always count it as failure.
< There is also the failure of mistakenly believing in success.
^ A believer may earn an honest living and be a supporter of the church, but they
mistakenly consider themselves examples for others to follow. They do not realize
that from God’s perspective they may be failures.
} One man discovered this type of failure and said, “I climbed the ladder of
success only to discover that my ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.”
> We need to understand the importance of choosing the right standard of measurement to
determine success and failure. (2 Corinthians 10:12)
< Many beliefs about success, according to the world, are distortions of the truth.
^ They are based on faulty comparisons.
 I am known as a person who is sensitive to the needs of others.
There are always going to be people in your life that irritate, annoy, and baffle you as to
why they do and say the things they do (and say).
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 2
> Sometimes we need to overcome the urge to snap back at them about how annoying they
are.
< Or we may ignore them because we don’t particularly like them and just hope they will
go away.
> But, we have to remember, we have to be considerate of how that person feels and why
they do and say certain things.
< Before we can judge, we need to understand that person’s feelings and thoughts.
How do we develop the ability to be sensitive to others needs?
> Before we judge them, step into their shoes. Before we label them, try to learn about
their lives outside our context with them.
^ Are they having difficulties at home.
^ Do they have a physical impairment.
^ Are they struggling through a loss, or emotional crisis.
> Think about how we might feel if we were treated the way we (or others) were treating
them—through actions and/or words.
< We need to think about this before we say something to another person.
< How would we feel if someone was unkind to us simply because of their perception of
us?
< Don’t treat someone else any other way than how you would want to be treated.
> Don’t let one encounter set (or ruin) your perception of a person.
< Just because your first encounter with someone was met with negative response,
doesn’t mean this is their constant attitude or presence.
^ Maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe they were ill.
^ Don’t let a one-time experience ruin how you see a person.
> Don’t let insecurities or previous perceptions get in the way.
< It’s very common to meet people who are different. Don’t be insensitive to others’
likes and dislikes.
When you start to feel irritated, stop yourself from saying anything. Think to yourself that
there is a reason this person is acting the way they are acting, and you should respect how
they feel at the moment, even if it bothers you.
> Being sensitive to others is a decision that lies with us.
 I am known for not raising my voice.
When we raise our voice to someone, they call it “yelling.” Yelling is often a costly mistake.
Here is why:
> Improvement is temporary.
< It only works in the moment.
^ It’s used to intimidate.
^ Yelling attempts to usurp the power of the “yellee”. This is often unfair and usually
results in a negative reaction.
> It doesn’t change behavior.
< Behavior changes come only when a person desires those changes.
> It weakens our influence.
< Do you like people to yell at you? Do you like people who yell at you?
^ If your answer was “yes” to these questions, well then…
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 3
< If we cause people to dislike us, how are we going to give a witness?
< A gentle voice is much more productive (Proverbs 15:1 -- A gentle answer turns away
wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.).
> It can destroy real accountability.
< When attacking with raised voice, the one we are attacking will often fail to recognize
their responsibility in the issue and instead place guilt and anger on us (or someone else),
and will often respond with even more yelling.
> It can sabotage a relationship.
< As Christians it is our responsibility to build relationships, especially with God. If, as
representatives of Christ, we fail to have the compassion in our relationships, others will
equate it with a relationship with Christ and fail to make a commitment to Him. (See
further down regarding being an example of Christ.)
> It causes people to not listen.
< It is human nature that when being yelled at, we stop listening and start planning how
we will retaliate in our response.
^ This is because yelling feels like an attack.
} Some will actually refuse to listen when being attacked verbally.
> It’s stressful, and maybe a sign of failure on your part to lean on the Lord.
< Often yelling comes because one is under stress. When someone who is normally gentle
in response begins to raise their voice it is because they have become frustrated or angry
– stressed.
^ It is very important when dealing with others that you are
} Prayed up.
} Read up.
} Rested up.
> It’s difficult to defend.
< When we out of anger, frustration, and stress have raised our voice to someone, very
seldom does a verbal apology cover the transgression. Even when you confess that the
yelling was an inappropriate behavior, the harshness and the words have been released
and can never be taken back.
> It’s graceless.
< God bestows boundless grace upon His children, thus he expects us to return grace to
others.
> It provides a poor model.
< The apostle Paul many times urged his readers to follow his example in living the Christian
life. To the Philippians, Paul said: “My friends, I want you to follow my example and learn from
others who closely follow the example we set for you.” (Philippians 3:17).
^ 1 Corinthians 11:1 (Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.)
^ Philippians 1:21 (For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain)
< What does it mean to “live as Christ”?
^ “To live is Christ” means that we proclaim the gospel of Christ.
^ “To live is Christ” means that we imitate the example of Christ.
^ “To live is Christ” means that we pursue the knowledge of Christ. We want to know
Christ better and better each day. Not just a set of facts about Christ, but Christ
Himself.
^ “To live is Christ” means that we are willing to give up anything that prevents us
from having Christ.
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 4
^ “To live is Christ” means that Christ is our focus, our goal, and our chief desire.
Christ is the center point of our mind, heart, body and soul. Everything that we do,
we do for Christ’s glory.
 I allow people to make mistakes.
If we are going to present the virtue of gentleness to those around us, we must develop as a
trustworthy person. When people trust us, even when they make mistakes, they will feel
comfortable to come to us and seek guidance.
> But…we also must develop a semblance of trust with the people we are working with,
feeling that they are worthy of our time and efforts.
< Allow people to make mistakes with demeanor that causes them to want to admit to
those mistakes.
< It is the one who does not admit to their mistakes that will transfer guilt and
accusations onto others, refusing to take responsibility.
} These are the people that are harder to trust and will need more patience.
> And…we must have trust in God to give us wisdom regarding situations we come into
regarding the mistakes of people.
< There are times that a person or situation may cause you to lose trust. Before it
destroys a relationship listen with the heart and mind of the Holy Spirit. If you are
involved in any way, accept your part and be responsible for your actions.
< Being honest with our mistakes will develop a better trust in those around us.
“Trust, it is the one thing that develops over time but takes only a moment to destroy.”

Discuss this week’s Key Ideas with these questions.
1. Why do you think the most challenging Christ-like virtue for believers to grasp is gentleness?
2. Consider someone in your life who has the ability to be calm and collected in stress-filled
moments. How did he or she manage to develop this virtue?
3. Are there certain circumstances in your life that make gentle conduct nearly impossible? How
could a relationship with God empower you to alter your reaction to this situation?
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 5
4. In what ways can Jesus’ life be a guiding example of gentleness for us when we face difficulties
of our own?
Read the section “Nuggets on Gentleness” in Believe (pages 456 – 459) and choose 1 – 2 questions that
will lead to the greatest discussion in your group.
NUGGETS ON GENTLENESS
The New Testament offers us wonderful nuggets on being thoughtful, considerate and calm. Jesus
offered up powerful insights and encouragement in the Sermon on the Mount.
Matthew 5:5} Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Matthew 5:38-42} “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not
resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if
anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one
mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants
to borrow from you.
Inspired by the life and teaching of Jesus and led by the Holy Spirit, the apostles offered further
understanding and encouragement on the virtue of gentleness.
Ephesians 4:2} Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:26-32} “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but
must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share
with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve
the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all
bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 6:4} Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training
and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:12} Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
1 Timothy 3:1-4} Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble
task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled,
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 6
respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not
quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children
obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.
1 Timothy 5:1-2} Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father.
Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with
absolute purity.
1 Timothy 6:10-11} The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money,
have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love,
endurance and gentleness.
2 Timothy 2:24-26} The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone,
able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant
them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses
and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
Titus 3:1-2} Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready
to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be
gentle toward everyone.
Peter told his readers that a thoughtful, considerate and calm gentleness is key in a marriage
relationship.
1 Peter3:1-4} Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of
them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward
adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it
should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great
worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:7} Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat
them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that
nothing will hinder your prayers.

1. How does judgment choke our ability to be calm, considerate, and thoughtful?
2. Why do you think the Bible specifically instructs authority figures to be gentle with the people
under their care?
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 7
3. If being judgmental leads to anger and quarreling, what does gentleness produce?
Case Study
Use the following case study as a model for a real life situation where you might put this week’s Key
Idea into practice.
Sean has invested incalculable amounts of time and money into the development of his youngest son,
Cade. The results have been infuriating. Cade has flunked out of college twice. Sean has used family
and business contacts to help Cade find good jobs, but Cade’s work ethic is rotten. Consequently, he
lost every job Sean set up for him. As a believer, Sean wants to do what is right, but he can hardly
hold back the rage he feels toward his son.
Using the Key Applications from this session, what could you say or do to help Sean?
Share with him the information under the four declaration statements at the beginning.
See if any of the information would help him in his approach to his son as far as working to
understand Cade and keeping focused on the relationship rather than the failures.
Closing Prayer Close your time together with prayer. Share your prayer requests with one another.
Ask God to help you put this week’s Key Idea into practice.
BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness
Randy Frazee Discussion Guide
Revised from First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA
Page 8