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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
SCENE 1 Dinner with Frenemies
A downtown living room with a dining table, couch, arm chairs and a coffee table. Other items
include framed awards on the wall, a modern gothic black chandelier hanging from the ceiling,
and a vintage Ms. Pac-Man Cocktail Table Arcade Game with two stools on either side ready to
play.
WILL
How am I the crazy one?
KORI
Because you’re with someone you don’t love.
WILL
I love her in my own way.
KORI
Please. This is me. You do not love that girl.
WILL
She’s not a girl. She’s almost 30.
KORI
Oh! Almost 30! Well in that case she’s ready for menopause!
WILL
It’s not like she’s a college student.
KORI
Will, she wasn’t born when Asteroids came out. Fuck she wasn’t born when Super Mario
Brother’s came out.
WILL
Okay, so she’s a millennial. Would’g you stop?
KORI
Sorry…
A beat.
I’m sure if you’re choosing to be with her then she’s probably a very nice person.
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
WILL
She’s nice enough.
KORI
You’re crazy. I rest my case.
WILL
Speaking of crazy how crazy are you to get back together with you alcoholic ex-husband? Now
that- to me- if you’ll forgive me is way more off the chartsKORI
He may not be an alcoholic. The jury isn’t out on that yet. He had a drinking problem and he has
a personality disorder, but he’s taking medication now, okay?
WILL
You divorced him because of his drinking.
KORI
It wasn’t totally his fault. He had a nervous breakdown while I was in the middle of grad school
and I cut him loose so he wouldn’t take me down with the ship. I’m not particularly proud of
that, but I have a life now that I am proud of and he started taking meds. Now that he’s on the
meds I’m watching to see if the drinking gets better.
WILL
He’s on meds and he drinks? Doesn’t that strike you as odd?
KORI
No, that’s half of Manhattan right there. If we can get through dinner tonight without it turning
into a shit-show, then I think we’ve really got a chance. He didn’t have a lot of support from me
and that’s something I’m trying to work on... I feel like I owe it to him to try at least... He does
love me, which is more than I can say for some.
WILL
Does he have a job?
KORI
He’s employed, not able to cover the kind of lifestyle that I can, but he has a job. How about
whats-her-face? Miss BarbieDoll? Does she work?
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
WILL
She works-out. She’s a yoga instructor.
KORI
Oh my god. It’s so predictable. I justWILL
What? Whaaaaaat? I can’t date a yoga instructor?
KORI
You don’t even like yoga, let alone someone who does it professionally.
WILL
I started taking private lessons.
KORI
Yeah, you and Alec Baldwin, okay.
WILL
What?
KORI
Okay. I said okay.
WILL
That doesn’t mean okay. Look if you and James can get through dinner like a normal couple,
then Martina and I can definitely make it through dinner.
KORI
I never said you couldn’t get through dinner.
WILL
You tend to scare off my girlfriends.
KORI
Those were not girlfriends.
WILL
They might have been if you hadn’t gone all ‘She-Ra Bitch of Power’ on them.
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
KORI
Hey, if a person can’t carry on a decent conversation it’s not my job to talk about utterly inane
shit like Justin Beiber or the latest Kardashian drama. Just because I’m the other female in the
room it doesn’t mean I wanna get trapped in an episode of TMZ.
WILL
I have to talk about sports with James.
KORI
You like talking about sports!
WILL
How come you don’t?
KORI
Do you ever wanna talk about a women’s team?
WILL
Um… no, but…
KORI
Well, ‘Shove a battery in my ass and call me Megatron’ that might be why.
WILL
(Laughs.)
Fine. I’ll go ahead and stick with politics and current events for 500 Alex.
KORI
(Laughs. Then, imitating Alex Trebek.)
Politics and current events for 500 it is! This recent extremist movement was just forced to
relinquish control of the city of Ramadi.
WILL
Holy fucking terrorism Batman. What is ISIS?
KORI
What is ISIS? Right?
MARTINA and JAMES enter the room.
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
JAMES
So that’s the whole place. It’s not as big as you would think, square footage-wise, but it feels big.
MARTINA
Will’s place is bigger.
WILL
I have a place uptown so I have more space. Kori wanted to live downtown.
MARTINA
(To WILL.)
But your place is still way bigger.
(To Kori.)
I mean don’t get me wrong. Your place is really nice. No, I mean it. It’s really nice.
KORI
Thanks.
MARTINA
Nice soap in the bathroom and the… the little foot washer thing.
KORI
You mean the bidet?
MARTINA
(To Kori.)
What’s a bidet?
WILL
It’s something youKORI
Excuse me. I can tell her what it is you know. She asked me. Just because you’re a guy and
you’re her boyfriend doesn’t mean any time new information needs to be imparted that it’s
suddenly the ‘bat signal’ to turn yourself into a mansplainer.
WILL
I was just trying to answer the question.
KORI
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
She asked me.
WILL
Okay. Fine. Go ahead.
MARTINA
What’s a mansplainer?
KORI
(To WILL and JAMES.)
Don’t answer that.
(To MARTINA.)
Martina, why don’t you google it. Yeah, right now. Google bidet.
MARTINA gets out her phone and googles it.
KORI CONT.
B. I. D. E. T… there… see it? It’s not a foot bath. It’s something you wash your vagina and your
ass with so it’s cleaner than using just toilet paper.
JAMES
(To MARTINA)
Not for nothing, but I’m pretty sure no matter how big your place is my ass is cleaner than yours.
KORI
Ignore that… but do look up mansplainer and while you’re at it…
(Waits while MARTINA googles it on her phone.)
Google, YesAllWomen, NotAllMen and Feminism.
MARTINA
I know Feminism. Duh. I’m a feminist.
KORI
That’s great. I think we’re all feminists here no matter how we choose to live.
JAMES
(Puts his arm around Kori.)
I’m a feminist. Always was always will be. Right honey? I loooooove you.
KORI
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
Yes sweetheart. I love you too.
JAMES
Hug?
KORI
Not right now.
JAMES
This is what I mean about the affection thing.
KORI
Okay, yes…
KORI gives JAMES a little hug and JAMES gives KORI a
big long hug, which she is clearly uncomfortable receiving.
JAMES
(While still hugging her.)
I’m feeling rejected. You’re not reciprocating.
KORI
(Breaks free of the hug gently.)
It’s just, people are watching. I don’t like to perform intimacy. That’s the opposite of intimate.
JAMES
It’s just a hug.
KORI
But it was a long hug. A long, long… Sorry I’m being a bitch again.
WILL
And who says feminists aren’t nice? Obviously I’m a feminist, as a progressive man I mean, of
course. I’m also not a racist either, even though I’m sure I’ve adopted some backward thinking.
I’m not the only one… Even though maybe I’m the only one owning up to it right now.
MARTINA
I think we’re all influenced by the things we were raised with. I know I was. Like my parents
were really lovey-dovey. Lots of touching, lots of affection.
She plays with WILL’s hair.
I’m always touching Will aren’t I?
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
WILL
Sometimes, yes. Mostly when we’re at parties or in front of photographers, but yes you do show
lots of public affection.
MARTINA
I just like people to know we’re together. Don’t you like that?
WILL
Of course I do. I would also like it when we’re alone.
A beat.
MARTINA
Is this a thing?
KORI
Doesn’t sound like anything at all to me. Nope. Nothing at all.
WILL
It’s not.
MARTINA
Good.
JAMES
You guys around a lot of photographers?
WILL
Sometimes.
MARTINA
On the awards nights for sure. And at the Conventions whenever he does any of those press talks
or a panel. A lot actually. I have this VIP pass that I got for Comic Cons, but it’s like a temp
card, which is really lame.
WILL
It’s not really a VIP card.
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
MARTINA
Yes it is. It literally says VIP Pass on it and we didn’t have to pay for it at all. They just sent him
two in the mail without even asking or anything.
JAMES
That sounds cool, really cool... Does anyone want a drink? I want one.
KORI
Will got a lot of press on his last project.
JAMES
You didn’t tell me about it.
MARTINA
I could use a drink.
JAMES
That’s two drinks.
KORI
I wasn’t hiding it.
WILL
It’s a complicated project.
MARTINA
I don’t really understand it either.
JAMES
I’m getting us drinks. It appears I understand how to be a good host.
JAMES exists.
WILL
I’m not trying to be a dick, but it is complicated.
KORI
C’mon Will. We build games, we’re not winning Nobel’s for quantum physics.
(To MARTINA.)
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Ten Page Sample DINNER WITH FRENEMIES by C. Copeland
All smart men think what they do is so brilliant that they can’t be understood. They use that as an
excuse to withhold emotionally and look down on women as if we’re not worthy of knowing
them. It’s bullshit.
(To WILL.)
The work you did was innovative, but it’s not indecipherable.
WILL
You understand it, because we’re in the same field. We have a similar background, training.
You get it, but you’ve got training and… Martina hasn’t got the same… I mean we’re just…
KORI
We’re both kinda nerdy in the same way, but don’t let him tell you that you can’t understand it.
MARTINA
I can’t. That’s the truth. I don’t even want him to tell me the details. It’s like listening to another
language. It’s boring.
JAMES enters carrying the half empty bottle of wine for
refills and a tray of food. He starts pouring some wine in
MARTINA’S glass.
JAMES
We’ll have to open a new bottle after this or switch to something else.
MARTINA
Thank you.
JAMES
Most welcome. Anyone want any snacks?
KORI
Yes please.
KORI comes to get snacks. MARTINA eyes the tray.
MARTINA
Are we having dinner or just snacks?
JAMES
We’re having dinner. It’s being delivered in another thirty minutes.