TREASURE ISLAND
Prologue – Front Tab
SFX: The clump, clump sound of a one-legged man is heard approaching.
Long John Silver enters (SL)
Silver
Avast there ye landlubbers! ‘Tis I, Long John Silver! I’ve been sailing the seven seas
for longer than I cares to remember and now I’m ready to hang up me cutlass and
settle down in Woodnewton with a nice little pension. Now my pension happens to be
a treasure map, showing the whereabouts of a hoard of buried booty, but it’s been
stolen from me by a dirty scum-sucking swab, by the name of ‘Billy Bones’. So me and
the lads are out looking for him and when we finds him, we’ll hang him high and splice
his mainbrace.
Pirates
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest! Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum#
Pirates enter (SL) arguing. Pirates square up to each other.
Silver
Don’t mess about you mangy dogs! Don’t forget what we’re here for!
Black Dog
We know what we’re here for Long John, so you’d better not try and double cross us.
Silver
Would I do that to me bestest pals?
All
Yes!
Silver
Don’t worry there’ll be plenty to go round when we finds the map, which shouldn’t be
long now that Blind Pew’s on the trail.
Pirates
Blind Pew!
Silver
Aye, he can sniff out a pirate from a hundred yards. Now let’s go find that map and
slice the traitor Billy Bones.
Pirates
Aye! Slice him!
All exit.
Blackout – cloth/tabs out – lights up.
Scene One - The White Swan (Full Set)
SONG
Serving Wenches & Customers. Oom-Pap-Pah song ends…Wenches exit.
Henrietta Hawkins and Jim enter (SR)
Henrietta
Time gentlemen, please!
Jim
But it’s only nine o’clock!
Henrietta
(taps her watch) That’s the last time I buy a watch from a jolly tar, boat sale. (spots
audience) Oh, we have got a lot in tonight haven’t we. Have you all had a drink? I
thought you looked the worse for wear. If you’ve come for the karaoke I’m afraid it’s
been cancelled, but you can still join in our musical evening. Whenever you hear the
old pirates song ‘fifteen men on a dead man’s chest’ you all can sing ‘yo-ho-ho and a
bottle of rum! Let’s have a practice shall we? Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest!
Audience
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Henrietta
Brilliant! Now there’s a little favour I’d like you to do for me. I’m trying to sell more of
my home brewed beer and wean our customers off the hard stuff, like rum and brandy.
So if you hear anyone say ‘I’ll have a stiff one’ I want you to all shout ‘not in here you
won’t’! Will you do that? (audience ‘yes’) Great, you can all have a drink on the house
later…providing you use your own glass and don’t leave the cold tap running.
Dr Livesey enters (SL)
Henrietta
Dr Livesey, how kind of you to call in.
Dr Livesey
Well it sounded quite urgent Mrs Hawkins. Now what’s wrong with you?
Jim
(dryly) Have you got a couple of hours?
Henrietta
It’s a bit delicate Doctor.
Dr Livesey
(produces a small tube of cream) Here, take this and rub it on the affected area.
Henrietta
No, it’s not that this time.
Dr Livesey
Then what is it?
Henrietta
It’s my chest, Doctor. (coughs) It’s terribly rough.
Dr Livesey
(staring at her bosom) Yes, but I’m afraid I don’t do plastic surgery.
Henrietta
(snaps) I don’t need plastic surgery! I have the perfect body.
Dr Livesey
(aside to audience) For a pantomime cow.
Henrietta
Aren’t you going to take a look then?
Dr Livesey
(grimaces) Must I?
Jim
Would you like a drink first, Doctor?
Dr Livesey
Thanks Jim, I’ll have a stiff one.
Henrietta
(leads audience) Not in here you won’t!
Dr Livesey
(takes out a stethoscope) On second thoughts, forget the drink. I want to get this
over with as quickly as possible. (listening to her chest) Ummh…oooh…ahh!
Henrietta
What is it Doctor?
Dr Livesey
(can’t hear her) Pardon?
Henrietta
I said ‘what is it’?
Dr Livesey
Eh?
Henrietta
(shouts into the end of the stethoscope) What is it?
Dr Livesey
Arrrgh! (pulls stethoscope from his ears) You could’ve done me a nasty injury Mrs
Hawkins!
Henrietta
There’s still time. Now what did you hear?
Dr Livesey
Well it’s a sort of regular, bom…bom…bom.
Henrietta
That’s my heart, you fool!
Dr Livesey
I’ve always wondered what that noise was. Close your eyes.
Mrs Hawkins closes her eyes and Dr Livesey holds a spotted handkerchief in
front of her face.
Dr Livesey
What do you see?
Henrietta
Nothing.
Dr Livesey
Open them again.
Mrs Hawkins opens her eyes.
Dr Livesey
Now what do you see?
Henrietta
Spots.
Dr Livesey
(removes handkerchief & shouts loudly) Do you suffer from headaches?
Henrietta
(holding her head) Well I do now.
Dr Livesey
(spins her around then stops) How do you feel?
Henrietta
(holding her head) Dizzy.
Dr Livesey
(thinks) Mm! Spots before the eyes, headaches and dizziness. It’s just as I thought.
Henrietta
(anxious) What?
Dr Livesey
You’re run down.
Henrietta
I knew I’d been working too hard. What do you suggest Doctor?
Dr Livesey
I suggest a long sea voyage.
Henrietta
Oh, I’ve always fancied a nice cruise.
Jim
But mum you used to get seasick in our paddling pool.
Henrietta
Oh, I’ll have grown out of that by now. (to Livesey) Isn’t that so Doctor?
Dr Livesey
Yes, you’d never fit in that paddling pool now.
Jim
Now then, Doctor! Doctor! I’ve just swallowed my watch, what’ll I do?
Dr Livesey
Drink syrup of figs.
Jim
Will it stop the pain?
Dr Livesey
No, but it’ll help to pass the time.
SFX: Howling wind.
Billy Bones enters (SL) Carrying / Dragging a chest
Billy Bones
Aharr! Batten down the hatches, there’s a storm a-brewing!
Henrietta
Can I help you Mr…?
Billy Bones
Bones is the name. Cap’n Billy Bones. Who be the owner of this ‘ere establishment.
Henrietta
(gruff voice) I be the owner…(normal voice)…I mean I’m the owner.
Billy Bones
Then I have a proposition for’ee.
Henrietta
We don’t want cheaper electric, gas or phone calls thank you. I’m perfectly happy with
candles and coal and my voice carries well over long distances.
Jim
I’ll vouch for that.
Billy
I be looking for a nice snug harbour to drop me anchor in…(taps his nose
knowingly)…if you knows what I mean. (winks)
Henrietta
You keep your anchor where it is mate. You’re all alike you sailors, always wanting to
get your anchor aweigh.
Billy Bones
You’re a feisty vessel and no mistake. You remind me of the last ship I sailed on.
Henrietta
(preens) Oooh! Was she a sleek racing yacht with a perfectly shaped hull?
Billy Bones
No, she was a rusty old dredger badly in need of having her bottom scraped.
Henrietta
Why you! (shoving him off) Get out of here at once, you scoundrel!
Billy Bones
Take it easy ma’am, ‘twas a compliment I was paying’ee!
Henrietta
If that was a compliment I dread to think what your insults are like.
Billy Bones
Many a sailor’s learned the ropes aboard that sturdy old vessel.
Dr Livesey
That sounds more like Mrs Hawkins.
Henrietta
(to Livesey) Haven’t you any patients to see too?
Dr Livesey
Patients?
Henrietta
You know, those people you take money from under false pretences.
Jim
What can we do for you Captain Bones?
Billy Bones
And what be your name lad?
Jim
Jim sir.
Billy Bones
Well Jim Sir, I’d like a room for the night.
Henrietta
I’m afraid we’re fully booked.
Billy Bones
I can pay ‘andsomely. (takes out a gold coin)
Henrietta
I’m sorry but we don’t take Euros.
Jim
(wide-eyed) It’s a piece of eight, mum!
Billy Bones
That’s right lad and I’ll pay two of these shiny gold coins, for one night’s
accommodation.
Henrietta
What a coincidence, that’s exactly what I charge.
Dr Livesey
But I thought you charged sixpence a night?
Henrietta
Yes, but Captain Bones will be wanting the h’executive suite.
Henrietta
I’ll just go and get your room ready Captain. (to any customers still on stage) Don’t
you lot have homes to go to? Henrietta and customers exit SR
Dr Livesey
I’ll be off then, goodbye Jim. Exit SL
Billy Bones
Now that we’re on our own Jim, I’d like‘ee to do me a little favour.
Jim
(edging away) Mum warned me about sailors like you.
Billy Bones
There’s no need to fear me Jim lad, I steers a straight course I do. (holds out a coin)
‘Ere, take this coin.
Jim
No fear, they’ll press gang me into the Navy if I take the King’s shilling.
Billy Bones
It be a gold doubloon, lad.
Jim
(wary) And what do I have to do for that?
Billy Bones
I want you to warn me if a one-legged man turns up, asking after me.
Jim
Who is this man?
Billy Bones
Never you mind, just let me know if he shows his ugly face around here.
Jim
(takes the coin) You can rely on me Captain.
Mrs Hawkins enters (SR) wearing a large peg on her nose.
Henrietta
Your woom is weady. (removes peg) I mean, you’re room is ready Captain Bones.
Sorry about the pong, it’s the pigs, but I’ve moved them out for the night, as you are
having the h’executive suite.
Billy Bones
Thank’ee kindly ma’am.
Henrietta
Can I tempt you with a little something before you retire?
Billy Bones
I don’t think so.
Henrietta
I have an extremely wide array.
Billy Bones
(glances at her bum) I can see that.
Henrietta
No I meant a drink Captain,. What would you like?
Billy Bones
I’ll have a stiff one.
Henrietta
(leads audience) Not in here you won’t!
SFX: Howling wind.
Fore and Aft enter (SL)
Fore
Lock your windows and doors, there’s a storm a-brewing!
Aft
Oh no there isn’t (encouraging audience)
Fore
Oh yes there is (encouraging audience)
Henrietta
What can I do for you gentlemen?
Fore
I could murder a good meal.
Jim
You name it and mum’ll murder it.
Aft
Bolognese!
Henrietta
Get out the pair of you! I won’t have that sort of language in my hostelry!
Aft
It’s only spaghetti in sauce!
Henrietta
And the less of your sauce the better.
Jim
Can I get you a drink, gents?
Aft
What have you got?
Henrietta
We’ve got…(say quickly)…Jamaican rum, navy rum, whisky, gin and rot tum. Bitter
beer, sweet beer, lager beer and duff beer. Brandy, shandy, Irish stout and milk
stout…(takes a glass filled with coloured feathers from the bar)…and this.
Fore
What’s that?
Henrietta
A cocktail! (laughs)
Fore
Ta very much, I’ll have a stiff one.
Henrietta
(leads audience) Not in here you won’t! (takes two tankards from bar and hands
them to Fore & Aft) Have this.
Fore
What is it?
Henrietta
It’s our own special brew.
Fore & Aft
(take the tankards) Ta very much.
Jim
(to Fore & Aft) Are you both sailors, then?
Aft
No, but we’ve seen a ship’s brochure and it looks a great life.
Billy Bones
Eh! Real sailors have to climb rigging, mop filthy decks and eat ship’s biscuits.
Fore
Hobnobs?
Billy Bones
It’s true I tell’ee! And if they complain they get a lick of the cat.
Aft
(grimacing) Uggh! I couldn’t lick a cat.
Jim
It’s a cat ‘o’ nine tails.
Aft
I don’t care how many tails it’s got.
Billy Bones
It’s a whip you fool!
Aft
(exclaims) A whip? On second thoughts I don’t think I want to be a sailor after all.
Fore
(to Aft) Me neither, let’s head back to London right away.
Blind Pew enters (SL) tapping the floor with a stick.
Henrietta
(to Pew) Can I help you Mr…?.
Pew
Who’s that?
Henrietta
It’s me, who are you?
Pew
Pew!
Jim
I said this place needed airing mum.
Pew
Blind Pew.
Henrietta
Are you after a room, Mr Pew?
Pew
No, I be looking for a man called Billy Bones.
A terrified Billy Bones shakes his head.
Henrietta
There’s no one here, apart from my son Jim and a couple of would be sailors.
Pew
What about your husband?
Henrietta
I’m a widow.
Pew
Your husband’s dead?
Henrietta
Is there any other way?
Pew
How did he die?
Henrietta
He was working at a paint factory when he fell into a vat of varnish and drowned.
Pew
He must have had a horrible death.
Henrietta
Yes, but a lovely finish.
Pew
(walks around tapping with his stick) I smells something fishy.
Jim
That’ll be the beer.
Pew
Beer?
Henrietta
Yes, we brew it ourselves.
Pew
What from, fish heads and parrot droppings?
Fore and Aft take a swig from their tankards.
Henrietta
How did you guess?
Fore and Aft immediately spit out their drinks.
Fore & Aft
Uggh!
Pew
(grabs Aft) Are you the salty sea-swab I’ve been looking for?
Aft
No, I’ve never seen me before.
Pew
(grabs Fore) And what about you?
Fore
I’ve never seen me either.
Henrietta
I’m afraid the man you’re looking for isn’t here, Mr Pew.
Pew
Very well then I’ll take my leave. (sings) Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest!
Billy Bones
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Pew
Aha! Tricked you, you dirty swab! No pirate can resist joining in that song.
All
(exclaim) Pirates!?
Pew
Come here Billy, I have something for you.
Billy Bones
(panicking) Leave it with Mrs Hawkins, I was just going out.
Pew
Cap’n Silver said I was to deliver it to you, personal like.
Billy Bones
(hiding behind Henrietta) Keep him away from me Mrs Hawkins, he’ll give me the
black spot!
Henrietta
(dragging him to the front) Oh stop worrying, I’ve been given worse than that by
sailors and it hasn’t done me any harm.
Pew
(grabs Billy Bones) Gotcha! Take this you scurvy swab. (thrusts a note into Billy’s
hand) My task is done, so I’ll bid you all goodnight. (exits SL)
Jim
What does the note say Captain?
Billy Bones
I don’t know I can’t bring myself to look at it.
Henrietta
Give it here. (takes the note and opens it) There’s nothing on it.
Billy Bones
(relieved) Thank goodness for that.
Henrietta
Nothing except a big black spot.
Billy Bones
(wails) The black spot! I knew it! They’ve given me the black spot!
Fore
The black spot!
Jim
The black spot!
Aft
Not the black spot!
Henrietta
What’s the black spot?
Billy Bones
(terrified) It’s the pirate’s death warrant! I must away before they come for me!
Jim
Who’ll come for you Captain Bones?
Billy Bones
The whole crew from Flint’s ship! They’ll stop at nothing to get their filthy hands on me
chest!
Henrietta
(hoists her chest) I know just how you feel.
Billy Bones
I must make my escape! (exits SR)
SFX: Sound of dog savaging.
Billy Bones
(off) Arrggh!
Jim
Oh no, Fluffy’s got him!
Jim
I’d better go and see if he’s all right. (exits SR and returns holding an arm)
Henrietta
He got away lightly. I always said that dog was armless
Jim
What’ll we do with his chest?
Henrietta
There might be something in it about his next of kin. Let’s have a look. (opens the
chest and looks inside) There’s nothing in here but a few measly coins, a tatty old
map and a dirty magazine. (takes out a magazine and blows dust off it) I told you it
was dirty. (to audience) What did you expect? This is a family show.
Jim
(reaches in and takes out the map & coins) These coins are pieces of eight, mum!
(opens the map) And this looks like a treasure map!
Fore
That must be what the pirates are after.
Henrietta
(scared) What are we going to do Jim? If the pirates catch us they’ll slice us in two
and make us walk the plank!
Fore
Why don’t you just give them the map?
Henrietta
That’s no good they’d still kill us to stop us blabbing.
Jim
Let’s go and see Squire Trelawney, he’ll know what to do.
Aft
What about us? The pirates might think we’re in on it.
Jim
Then you’d better come with us.
Henrietta
Let’s hide the chest first Jim.
They hide the chest behind the bar and all exit (SR)
Pirates enter (SL)
Silver
Get him lads!
Black Dog
There’s no one here Long John.
Pew
The dirty swab must have scarpered.
Silver
Search the place.
They search around and Hands finds the chest behind the bar.
Hands
I’ve found his chest, Captain! (drags the chest centre stage)
Silver
Open it up.
They open the chest.
Merry
It’s empty!
Morgan
Like our pension fund.
Pew
Billy Bones must have taken the map and had it away with the Hawkins woman.
Merry
He must be desperate.
Silver
Desperate men do desperate things Mr Merry.
Pew
(sniffs the air) I smells the map. This way lads. (exits SR)
SFX Sound of dog savaging
Black Dog exits (SR) and returns holding an arm
Black Dog
He never stood a chance.
Merry
What a horrible way to die. At least he’s out of arm’s way
Hands
(sadly) Poor old Pew. (brightly) Still, all the more treasure for us. Eh lads?
Pirates
Aye!
Silver
That’s the spirit! There’s nothing like money to keep old pirates happy.
SONG
Pirates - Money
Silver
Come on men, let’s find them and get back that map!
Silver and Pirates exit (SL)
Blackout – cloth/tabs in – lights up.
Scene Two - Squire Trelawney’s Garden – Front Tab
Jim, Mrs Hawkins, Fore and Aft enter (SL) (Carrying contents of chest)
Aft
Where are we?
Henrietta
We’re in Squire Trelwaney’s garden.
Fore
He might not take kindly to us trespassing.
Squire and Livesey enter (SR)
Squire
Halt! Who goes there?
Dr Livesey
(recognises Jim & Henrietta) Jim! Mrs Hawkins! What are you doing sneaking about
in the Squire’s garden?
Jim
We’re being chased by a bunch of pirates, Doctor Livesey!
Squire
How come?
Fore
They’re after what she’s…(indicates Henrietta)…got down her blouse.
Dr Livesey
I find that hard to believe.
Squire
They’ve obviously been at sea too long.
Henrietta
It’s a map if you must know.
Squire
Let’s have a look then. (goes to reach down her blouse)
Henrietta
Gerroff! You’re not getting your hands on my treasure.
Squire
Your treasure’s perfectly safe madam, I’m only after the map.
Dr Livesey
Allow me Squire. After all I am a Doctor.
Henrietta
That’s a matter of opinion. You can keep your hands to yourself an’ all. (takes out
map and hands it to the, Squire) Here it is.
Squire
(takes the map) It’s still warm! (opens it) By jove, this map shows the whereabouts of
Captain Flint’s treasure!
Fore
Who’s Captain Flint?
Squire
An infamous buccaneer who plied the Spanish main, stealing a fortune in treasure. He
was eventually captured and hanged, but not before he’d hidden his ill-gotten gains on
an island somewhere in the Caribbean. And this map shows where it’s buried.
Jim
No wonder the pirates are so keen to get their hands on it.
Aft
It’s getting their hands on us that worries me.
Dr Livesey
If the pirates do capture you, they’ll slit you from ‘ear to ear’ (indicates) and then ‘ere
to ere’ (indicates neck to groin)
Aft
Aft looks at Fore scared and bewildered. Well it’s been nice meeting you all,
Fore
But we’ll be on our way back to London now.
Squire
The pirates will find you no matter where you hide.
Fore
Is there no escape?
Squire
You’re only chance is to stick close to me.
All form tightly against the Squire.
Squire
I don’t mean that close. (all move away) We’ll set off for Peterborough immediately,
where I will charter a ship to take us to the island where the treasure is buried.
Aft
I won’t have to lick the ships cat, will I?
Dr Livesey
I don’t think it’s compulsory.
Henrietta
It seems I’ll be getting my sea voyage after all Jim.
Squire
You’re not coming with us, Mrs Hawkins.
Henrietta
Why not?
Squire
The high seas are no place for a woman.
Henrietta
Nonsense. I can hold my own as well as any man.
Squire
So I’ve heard, but you’re still not coming.
Henrietta
But what about my little Jimmy?
Squire
A life at sea will make a man of him.
Henrietta
That’s what I’m afraid of.
Jim
Don’t worry mum, I’ll be fine. Just go back to the White Swan and pretend you know
nothing.
Dr Livesey
(dryly) She won’t have to pretend.
Squire
Follow me everyone.
All except Mrs Hawkins exit (SR)
Henrietta
If they think I’m staying behind to have my gizzard slit, they’ve another think coming.
I’ll follow them and sneak aboard their ship, somehow. But how? (thinks) I know, I’ll
disguise myself as a sailor and apply for a post onboard. The navy are always looking
for slim, fresh-faced young recruits.. Whatever happens, I must look after my little
Jimmy. I couldn’t sleep at night thinking of him being tossed about at sea. (takes out a
handkerchief and blows her nose)
SFX: Foghorn.
Pirates
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest#
Audience
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Henrietta
It’s the pirates! (drops her hanky in shock) I’d better scram. (exits SR)
Pirates enter (SL) Merry picks up the hanky.
Hands
Someone’s been here Long John.
Morgan
(takes the hanky) Aye and not long since.
Silver
How can you tell?
Morgan
The snot’s still fresh.
Merry
I wonder who it belongs to?
Morgan
The initials say H.R.H.
Hands
(exclaims) A royal hanky!
Morgan
I’ve never seen royal snot before.
Merry
What would royalty be doing, sneaking about the Squire’s garden at night?
Silver
(musing) H.R.H? Of course! ‘Henrietta Ruby Hawkins’ A.K.A Mrs Hawkins, proprietor
of the White Swan.
Black Dog enters (SL)
Black Dog
I’ve checked the Squire’s house Long John and no one’s in. But I did find this. (holds
up a timetable)
Silver
What is it?
Black Dog
It’s a timetable showing the times of high tide at Peterborough docks.
Silver
Squire Trelawney must be in on the map. To Peterborough lads! We have a ship to
catch.
Silver and Pirates exit (SR)
Blackout – cloth/tabs out – lights up.
Scene Three – Peterborough Docks – Full Set
SONG
Sailors - In the Navy. After song ends…Sailors exit (SL)
Squire and Jim enter (SR)
Squire
Ah, Peterborough Docks. A place of excitement and adventure. Inhale that fresh sea
air Jim.
They both inhale deeply, then cough roughly.
Jim
What’s the name of our ship, Squire?
Squire
The Hisssspaniola. I’ve asked Captain Spellitt to meet us here at ten o’clock.
Silver and Pirates enter (SL) unnoticed and move behind them.
Jim
But it’s only eight o’clock, Squire.
Squire
Then we might as well pick up a couple of sailors while we’re waiting.
Jim
Beg pardon Squire?
Squire
Captain Skillet said he was short of crew-members.
Jim
(realising) Oh, I see.
Silver
(to Squire) Pardon me squire, but did I hear you say you is looking for sailors?
Squire
Why, yes!
Silver
Well me and the lads here have just disembarked from an old tub…
Squire
I warned Mrs Hawkins not to follow us.
Silver
And now we’re free to find another ship.
Squire
What luck! And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?
Silver
Long John Silver, expert sailor and ship’s cook. Me Mousaka is famous throughout the
Mediterranean.
Black Dog
Which is where most of it ends up. (holds his tummy and heaves)
Silver
(hits Black Dog) Quiet, you mangy dog! Beg pardon Squire, but I likes to keep
discipline amongst my crew.
Squire
Good show Mr Silver. I like plenty of discipline myself.
Silver
What you do in private is up to you Squire. (to Jim) And who be you lad?
Jim
Jim Hawkins, sir.
Silver
‘Awkins eh? Does your mother ‘appen to run the White Swan by chance?
Jim
Yes, but I do all the work.
Silver
Never be afraid of hard work Jim lad.
Squire
You’re hired Mr Silver. Meet me later onboard the Hisssspaniola. I’m just off to find
Captain Smellitt. (to Jim) Come along Jim.
Jim
See you later, Mr Silver.
Silver
You can count on it Jim lad.
Squire and Jim exit (SR)
Hands
Flint’s treasure here we come!
Merry
Did you hear about the cannibal who went to Bermuda on holiday and came back with
one arm missing?
Morgan
No, what happened?
Merry
He went self-catering.
Silver
Save the jokes for later. Now let’s go find our ship.
Silver and Pirates exit (SL)
Squire, Jim and Smollett enter (SR)
Smollett
I’d prefer you to leave the hiring of the crew to me, Squire.
Squire
I can assure you Captain Shoveit…
Smollett
My name is ‘Smollett’!
Squire
Mr Silver and his men are as fine a crew as you could wish for.
Smollett
I hope you’re right Squire.
Livesey and Mrs Hawkins enter (SL)
Squire
Ah, Livesey! Allow me to introduce you to Captain Smallbit.
Smollett
(annoyed) ‘Smollet’! My name is ‘Smollett’!
Dr Livesey
I’ve picked up another crewmember Captain. (indicating Mrs Hawkins) This is able
seaman Bucket.
Henrietta
It’s ‘Bouquet’ actually.
Smollett
(looks her over) You’re a peculiar shape for a sailor.
Henrietta
I accidentally swallowed a lifejacket…(hoists her chest)…and it inflated.
Smollett
Have you ever used a boson’s chair?
Henrietta
No, but I tried a birthing pool once.
Smollett
Are you an experienced seaman?
Henrietta
I’ll say. I have salt water in me veins, rum in me tum and splinters in me bum.
Smollett
And what was your last job aboard ship?
Henrietta
Swinging the lead. Unfortunately it hit the Captain and knocked him unconscious. So I
had to take charge of the ship for the rest of the voyage. I had twenty sailors under me
for eight weeks.
Smollett
What ship was this then?
Henrietta
The Isle of Wight Ferry.
Dr Livesey
How come it took eight weeks to reach the Isle of Wight?
Henrietta
We went via the West Indies.
Smollett
You seem to know you’re way about the seas, Bucket. Can I rely on you to show the
young sailors the ropes?
Henrietta
Given half the chance…I mean…you can rely on me Captain
Smollett
Excellent! Now let’s board ship. Time and tide wait for no man.
Henrietta
Aye-aye Captain!
The Captain exits (SL) followed by the others.
Jim
(pulls Henrietta back as the others exit) Mum!
Henrietta
You recognised me, Jim?
Jim
Obviously. But what are you doing here?
Henrietta
I’m coming with you.
Jim
But you heard what the Squire said.
Henrietta
I don’t care what he said. I’m not letting you sail halfway around the world on your
own.
Jim
But what if someone recognises you’re a woman?
Henrietta
Then I’ll have fooled at least one person. Now come on, you heard the Captain. Time
and tide wait for no man…or woman.
Both exit.
Blackout – cloth/tabs in – lights up.
Scene Four – Peterborough Docks – Full Set
Fore and Aft enter (SR) Aft walks about looking at the ground.
Fore
What are you looking for?
Aft
A key.
Fore
What key?
Aft
The one Squire Trelawney said our ship was tied up next to.
Fore
He didn’t mean a key, key! He meant a quay!
Aft
What’s the difference?
Fore
One goes in a lock and the other is hundreds of yards long and made of stone.
Aft
Blimey! You’d never fit that in your pocket.
Silver and Pirates enter (SR)
Silver
Good morning Swash me buckle, splice me mizzen and hoist me topsail.
Aft
(to Fore) They sound like pirates to me.
Silver
(to Fore) What did you say?
Fore
He said you sound like pirates.
Silver
Did you hear that lads? They think we’re pirates!
Pirates laugh.
Black Dog
We’re not pirates. (to other Pirates) Are we lads?
Pirates
No! ‘Course not! Etc.
Hands
And if anybody says different we’ll slit their throats!
Fore and Aft huddle in fright.
Silver
(to Fore & Aft) Take no notice of him. He’d faint at the sight of blood. (threatens
Hands) Especially if it’s his own.
Aft
(to Pirates) So where are you brave sailors off to then?
Merry
We’re off to seek our fame and fortune.
Morgan
But mostly fortune.
Fore
What’s the name of your ship?
Silver
The Hisssspaniola.
Fore
What a coincidence, that’s the name of our…ship.
Silver
Really? (turns to Fore & Aft) Then that makes us shipmates.
Hands
(to Fore & Aft) So we can all go together to find our ship.
Fore
We’ll make our own way thanks.
Aft
Yeah, I have to pop to the chemist’s first to get some protection.
Morgan
Protection from what?
Aft
The sea-air. I’m a martyr to chapped lips.
Fore
He won’t go anywhere without his lip balm.
Silver
You’ll need protecting from more than sea-air.
Aft
(scared) Wh…wh…what do you mean?
Silver
Well…(leans in)…there’s some very funny sorts hang around these here docks.
Fore
You’re not kidding.
Silver
So we’ll accompany you to the Hisssspaniola and make sure you come to no ‘arm. We
wouldn’t want you to run into any nasty pirates…(to Pirates)…would we lads?
Pirates
No, Long John! Pirates laugh.
Black Dog
(guiding to Fore & Aft) Let’s go shipmates.
Fore & Aft
(nervous) Ooooh!
Pirates exit (SL) with a reluctant Fore and Aft. Singing in the Navy
Blackout – cloth/tabs out – lights up.
Scene Five - Onboard The Hispaniola – Full set
Stowaways - Highway to the Danger Zone After song ends…All exit (SR)
SONG
Fore and Aft enter (SL)
Aft
How are we going to get ourselves out of this? I don’t want to go to sea.
Fore
Me neither. I still think Mr Silver and his men are pirates.
Aft
Me too. And that Black Dog gave me a very funny look.
Fore
He didn’t give you that you’ve always had it.
Smollett and Arrow enter (SR)
Smollett
Avast there!
Fore & Aft
(startled) Aaahh!
Fore and Aft hug each other.
Smollett
Put that man down, sailor! (Fore & Aft stop hugging) We’ll have none of that
onboard my ship…(to Mr Arrow)…will we Mr Arrow?
Arrow
(sighs) No Captain.
Squire and Jim enter (SR)
Squire
Well here we are Jim off on the high seas and who knows what adventures await us.
Jim
I’m ever so excited Squire.
Aft
You won’t be saying that if we get grabbed by the buccaneers.
Jim
Have you ever been grabbed by the buccaneers Mr Arrow?
Arrow
(wryly) No, but I live in hope.
Fore
There’ll be no hope for any of us if we get caught by pirates.
Smollett
There’s little chance of that. The Hisssspaniola is the fastest ship on the high seas.
Fore
What if we run out of petrol?
Smollett
The Hisssspaniola is wind-powered.
Aft Burps.
SFX: Loud burp.
Fore
So is he. (indicates Aft)
Mrs Hawkins and Livesey enter (SR)
Henrietta
A word in your shell like, Captain.
Smollett
What is it Bucket?
Henrietta
How come I had to bunk with all the other sailors last night?
Smollett
You’re a sailor aren’t you? Where else would you sleep?
Henrietta
Sleep! That’s a joke. I never slept a wink listening to them tossing in their bunks all
night.
Smollett
You should have sent for Mr Arrow. He has a remedy for restless sailors.
Henrietta
I beg your pardon?
Arrow
Sleeping-tablets. I use them all the time when the sea’s rough.
Smollett
I’m sure Bucket’s experienced rougher nights.
Henrietta
Yes, but not at sea. And I feel as sick as a dog this morning. That fish curry I had for
supper is going right through me. I’ve made four trips to the poop deck already today.
Livesey
Didn’t those seasick-pills I give you work?
Henrietta
Yes, I’ve been sick three times already.
Smollett
(to Aft) You there! Climb up to the crow’s nest and keep a lookout.
Aft
(looks about) But there aren’t any trees.
Fore
No. Besides he’d never fit in a bird’s nest.
Jim
Don’t either of you know anything about the navy?
Aft
‘Course we do.
Smollett
All right then, I’ll ask you some naval questions and we’ll see how you get on. Which
battle did Admiral Nelson die at?
Fore
His last one.
Smollett
I see. And do you know what a U-boat is?
Aft
This is a-you boat. (indicates the ship)
Smollett
What?
Fore
(Italian accent) The Hisssspaniola is-a-you boat.
Smollett
Not my boat! U-boat! U-boat!
Aft
We…(indicates himself & Fore)…don’t have a boat.
Smollett
It’s obvious you’ve never been on a ship before. (shouts) Bucket! Show these two
landlubbers the ropes.
Henrietta
Yes Captain? (pointing to coils of rope) There they are.
Smollett
Henrietta
(to Bucket) I thought you were an experienced sailor, Bucket.
I am!
Smollett
Then how come you don’t know one end of a ship from the other?
Henrietta
I served on a submarine.
Smollett
I think it’s time you all learnt some basic seamanship. Line them up, Mr Arrow.
Arrow
Yes Captain. (lining them up) Line up everyone.
Smollett
(to Fore & Aft) Now when I shout ‘raise the sails’ you both pull on the rope and shout
‘Heave ho! Heave ho’! (to Squire & Livesey) And when I shout ‘hard a port’ you turn
the wheel to the left and shout ‘Aye-aye Captain! Aye-aye Captain! (to Jim) And when
I shout ‘lookout ahead’ you shout ‘Land ahoy! Land ahoy’! (to Mrs Hawkins) And
when I shout ‘fire in the hold’ you shout ‘Put it out! Put it out!’ Right, let’s try it shall we?
Raise the sails!
Fore & aft
Heave ho! Heave ho!
Smollett
Hard a port!
Squir & Liv
Aye-aye Captain! Aye-aye Captain!
Smollett
Lookout ahead!
Jim
Land ahoy! Land ahoy!
Smollett
Fire in the hold!
Henrietta
Put it out! Put it out!
Smollett
That wasn’t very good was it?
Henrietta
It might help if we had something to hold in our hands.
Smollett
Very well. (to Arrow) Give them something to hold Mr Arrow.
Arrow
Yes Captain.
Arrow exits and returns holding two stiff ropes – two small ship’s wheels – a
spyglass and a super-soaker gun. He hands them out.
Smollett
Now do it all again and this time with actions.
Arrow
Why don’t we get these landlubbers…(indicates audience)…to help them Captain?
Smollet
Good idea Mr Arrow.
Arrow
Right then you land lubbers, when the Captain says ‘raise the sails’ I want all the men
to shout, ‘Heave ho! Heave ho!’ And when the Captain says ‘hard a port’ I want all the
women to turn to the wheel to the left and shout ‘Aye-aye, Captain! Aye-aye, Captain!’
And when the Captain says lookout ahead! I want all the boys and girls to raise their
spyglass and shout ‘Land ahoy! Land ahoy! And when the Captain shouts ‘fire in the
hold!’ I want everyone to shout ‘Put it out! Put it out!’
Smollett
Right everyone ready………..Raise the sails!
Fore & aft
(heaves rope up and down) Heave ho! Heave ho!
Smollett
Hard a port!
Squire/Liv
(turn wheels) Aye-aye Captain! Aye-aye Captain!
Smollett
Lookout ahead!
Jim
(looking through spyglass) Land ahoy! Land ahoy!
Smollett
Fire in the hold!
Henrietta
(squirts audience) Put it out! Put it out!
Smollett
(snaps) That was rubbish! but I suppose it’ll have to do, we haven’t got all night and
the ship will have sailed if we carry on
Silver and Pirates enters (SL)
Squire
Ah, Mr Silver. How are the culinary creations coming along?
Silver
Eh?
Arrow
What’s for tea?
Silver
Do you all like seafood?
All
Yes! Love it. Etc.
Silver
Well if you see food be sure and let me know.
Dr Livesey
Do you mean to say there’s no food onboard?
Silver
Only dry ships biscuits.
Smollett
(to Jim) Go and check the fridge Jim lad.
Jim
Aye-aye Captain! (exits SL)
Henrietta
If I have to survive for weeks on nothing but dry biscuits, I’ll go crackers.
Jim returns (SL) carrying 2 custard pies.
Jim
I looked in the fridge, but all I could find were these two custard pies.
Aft
Those are ours!
Fore
Yeah, we bought them from Kings Cliffe bakery before we boarded ship.
Morgan
I’m sure you won’t mind sharing them with your shipmates.
Fore
No chance.
Aft
Yeah, get your own.
Henrietta
Allow me. (takes pies from Jim – to Fore & Aft) Are you sure you won’t share them?
Fore & Aft
No / Yes
Henrietta
Positive?
Fore & Aft
Yes! / No
Aft & Fore
Now let us have them.
Henrietta
With pleasure. (‘pies’ them both) Bon appetite!
Dr Livesey
Well that’s them fed, but what about the rest of us?
Smollett
Break out the emergency supplies Mr Silver.
Silver
Aye-aye Cap’n! (to Pirates) This way lads.
Pirates exit (SL)
Henrietta
Is there anything to dunk in my tea, Captain?
Smollett
Only my Garibaldi’s.
Henrietta
I was thinking more in the line of biscuits, actually
Smollett
They are biscuits! Which reminds me, I’d better make sure the crew don’t get their
hands on them. They’re for officers only. (exits SR)
SFX: Storm effects.
Jim
It sounds like there’s a storm a-brewing.
Aft & Fore
Oh no there isn’t (audience – oh yes there is …etc)
Arrow
I’d better the lash down the hatches. (exits SR)
Squire
I’d better secure my belongings. (exits SR)
Livesey
I’d better store away my medical supplies.
Henrietta
Yes, we don’t want the Viagra washing overboard do we?
Dr Livesey exits (SR)
Fore
(fearful) I hope we don’t sink in a storm.
Aft
My uncle was on a ship that sank in a storm.
Fore
Really?
Aft
Yes, it was carrying a cargo of blue paint and red paint when it sank off the coast of an
uninhabited island.
Jim
What happened to the crew?
Aft
They were all marooned. (to audience) Think about it.
Pirates
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest!
Audience
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum#
Jim
That’s the pirate’s song!
Fore
Which means there are pirates onboard!
Aft
What’ll we do?
Henrietta
Hide!
All hide inside or behind a cut-out barrel.
Pirates enter (SL)
Silver
Gather round me hearties, ’tis time to make plans to take over the ship.
Hands
I say we slit their throats and throw them all overboard.
Morgan
Aye, the sharks will soon dispose of the evidence.
Silver
All right lads, but first we needs to get hold of the map.
Henrietta sneezes.
Hands
Who’s there?
Henrietta
No one.
Morgan
Then who said that?
Aft
Someone else.
Black Dog
Come out or we’ll slice ya!
Fore
All right we’re coming.
All enter from the barrel.
Merry
Why were you all hiding in that barrel?
Henrietta
We thought we heard pirates.
Silver
No, that were just me and the lads.
Jim
You’re pirates?
Black Dog
Who’s been blabbing?
Silver
(snaps) Hold your tongue Black Dog! (reassuringly) We’re not pirates, Jim lad.
Henrietta
Well you sounded like pirates.
Silver
We was just rehearsing. (to Pirates) Ain’t that right lads?
Pirates
Aye, Long John!
Fore
Rehearsing for what?
Silver
We’re all members of Woodnewton Players and we’re rehearsing for our next show.
Show ‘em lads.
SONG
Pirates – Hi diddly dee a pirates life for me
Henrietta
(to Jim) Remind me not to buy any tickets.
Jim
But we heard you plotting to take over the ship.
Silver
That were just some lines from our current play, Jim lad.
Aft
What’s it called?
Hands
Treasure Island
Smollett, Squire, Livesey and Arrow enter (SR)
Smollett
Mr Silver, shouldn’t you be in the galley preparing lunch?
Silver
Aye Cap’n! Come lads, it’s time to cook up their last meal.
Jim
Last meal?
Silver
Last meal before we hits land, Jim lad.
Smollett
Get on with it then.
Silver
Aye-aye Cap’n!
SONG
ALL (Including Audience) My Breakfast lies over the ocean Pirates exit (SR) during
song
Livesey
I hope Mr Silver is as good a cook as he says.
Aft
We think Silver and his men are pirates…(to others)…don’t we?
The others nod in agreement.
Arrow
Don’t be silly, Captain Smollett would never allow pirates onboard.
Jim
But we heard them plotting to take over the ship.
Squire
Nonsense Jim, Mr Silver and his men are gentlemen of the sea.
Jim
Well if you don’t believe us why don’t you ask the audience?
Squire
Very well. (to audience) Do you think Mr Silver and his men are pirates?
Audience
Yes!
Fore
That’s good enough for me. Let us off at the next stop, Captain.
Smollett
The next stop is Treasure Island.
Aft
But you just heard them…(indictates audience)…say they were pirates!
Squire
They must be mistaken. I can always tell a man by the cut of his jib.
Henrietta
Well I don’t want my jib cutting thank you very much.
Dr Livesey
Mr Silver strikes me as an honest sort.
Henrietta
He can strike you any time he likes.
(shouts off) Land ahoy!
Jim
(peering into distance) It’s the island!
Squire
As soon as we’re ashore, I will lead us all in the search for Flint’s treasure.
Fore
Let’s hope we don’t end up like it.
Aft
What do you mean?
Fore
Six-feet under.
Squire
Oh tiddly poo, tish and nonsense.
Henrietta
(to audience) You can’t beat a public school education, can you?
Squire
This will be one great big adventure.
Henrietta
Lead by one great big nit.
SFX: Storm effects.
Smollett
Strike the sails and drop the anchor Mr Arrow! There’s a storm a-brewing!
Fore & Aft
Oh no there isn’t (audience oh yes there is ……….etc)
SONG
All - Bad moon rising After song ends…Curtains close.
End of act one
Act Two
Scene One - On Treasure Island – Full Set
SONG
Islanders. La vida loca – tbc After song ends…All exit (SL)
Squire, Mrs Hawkins, Fore and Aft enter (SR)
Squire
Here we are safe and sound on Treasure Island.
Henrietta
Well I don’t feel very safe and I’m not sure how sound you are.
Fore
I wonder if it’s deserted?
Aft
It can’t be.
Fore
Why not?
Aft
‘Cos we’re here.
Henrietta
I think your brain deserted long ago.
Squire
(keen) Let’s go exploring!
Dr Livesey
I think we should wait for Captain Smollett. Danger may lurk behind every rock and
bush.
Ben Gunn enters from behind a large rock or bush.
Gunn
Boo!
All
(startled) Aaahh!
Gunn
Welcome to my island!
Aft
Eh-up, it’s Gandolph from Lord Of The Rings.
Henrietta
(holding her nose) More like ‘Lord Of The Smells’ if you ask me.
Squire
(to Gunn) Who are you?
Gunn
Ben Gunn. Poor Ben Gunn. I’ve been marooned on this island for years. All by myself,
with nobody with me. Poor lonely Ben Gunn.
Livesey
Who did such a terrible thing to you Mr Gunn?
Gunn
‘Twas a mean bunch of cut-throats led by a one-legged man by the name of, Long
John Silver.
Fore
(wide-eyed) But that’s the name of our ships cook.
Aft
And he only has one leg.
Squire
I say, what a coincidence!
Henrietta
Coincidence my foot! They’re all pirates!
Gunn
So they’ve marooned you here as well have they?
Dr Livesey
No, we’re here to search for buried treasure.
Gunn
Well you’re marooned now.
Fore
What makes you think that?
Gunn
(pointing) That skull and crossbones flying above your ship, for a start.
All look.
Squire
The blighters have taken over the Hisssspaniola!
Aft
We told you they were pirates!
Dr Livesey
I wonder what’s keeping the others.
Squire
I thought they were following us in the other rowing boat.
Fore
Maybe they’ve been grabbed by the pirates.
Aft
Well it’s probably better than being grabbed by the buccaneers.
Fore
Buccaneers are pirates, you twit!
Henrietta
Oh no, I’ll never see my little Jimmy ever again!
Aft
And I’ll never set eyes on a pretty woman ever again.
Gunn
You ladies all look pretty to me.
Squire
You really have been here a long time, haven’t you Mr Gunn?
Dr Livesey
Being alone all these years has obviously driven him mad.
Gunn
It might have if Buttercup hadn’t turned up.
Henrietta
Who’s Buttercup?
Gunn
Buttercup is an old cow from Orchard Lane (looks to his side) Buttercup enters SL.
Say hello Buttercup. (talks out of the corner of his mouth as Buttercup) Hello
everyone. (to others) Well aren’t you going to say hello to her?
Dr Livesey
Don’t be ridiculous.
Henrietta
Don’t worry Mr Gunn, after a few years stranded here we’ll all be talking to Buttercup.
Gunn
You don’t happen to have a piece of cheese on you, do you?
Henrietta
You’re right, we don’t.
Gunn
Are you sure? (sniffs) I’m getting a strong whiff of gorgonzola.
Fore
That’ll be his…(indicates Aft)…socks.
Gunn
What I wouldn’t give for a nice piece of mature cheddar. For years I’ve been eating
nothing but wild berries, wild mushrooms and goats.
Dr Livesey
Were the goats wild too?
Gunn
Wild, they were absolutely livid.
SFX: Native drums.
Mrs Hawkins dances wildly.
Squire
What was that?
Dr Livesey
It sounded like native drums.
Squire
What’s come over you Bucket?
The drums stop.
Henrietta
(stops dancing) I never could resist the Tom-Toms.
Dr Livesey
Or the Dick-Dicks and Harry-Harrys.
Fore
(to Gunn) I thought you said you were alone on this island?
Gunn
I am…apart from Buttercup and the cannibals that is.
All
(exclaim) Cannibals!
Gunn
Aye, me and Buttercup have been dodging them for years.
SFX: Native drums.
Mrs Hawkins dances wildly again.
Gunn
It sounds like they’re getting ready for a feast.
Aft
I wonder if they’ll invite us? I’m starving.
Drums stop.
Henrietta
(stops dancing) Invite us! We’re probably the main course!
Fore
Don’t you think we ought to hide?
Squire
No, we’ll be safer spending the night on the beach. That way we can escape in the
rowing boat if needs be. (to Gunn) You’re welcome to join us Mr Gunn.
Gunn
No fear. The ghost of Cap’n Flint roams the beach at night searching for his buried
treasure.
Aft
(terrified) I don’t want to stay on a haunted beach.
Dr Livesey
Don’t worry, the ghost will just be another figment of Mr Gunn’s tortured mind.
Gunn
Well don’t say I didn’t warn you. Come on Buttercup, let’s hurry to the stockade in the
sand dunes. (exits SL)
Aft
(to Fore) You don’t think Captain Flint’s ghost really exists do you?
Fore
Well I’ve heard of ghost ships so I suppose there must be ghost Captain’s.
Henrietta
Why don’t we all sing a song to stop us being frightened?
Squire
That’s an excellent idea…not that I’m frightened you understand.
Dr Livesey
Nor me. Still best be on the safe side, eh.
Fore
What’ll we sing?
Aft
How about…Bobbing Along….
SONG
ALL - Bobbing along
All sing. A Ghost enters and taps the Squire on the back. He turns and sees the
Ghost and runs off (SL)
Dr Livesey
You’ve gone very quiet Squire.
Fore
(looks round) He’s gone altogether!
Aft
Maybe he’s been dragged off by ghosts or ghoulies.
Henrietta
Well for his sake I hope it was the ghosts.
Dr Livesey
Boys and Girls, there wasn’t a ghost was there. If you see it again will shout really loud
to let us know
Fore
Let’s carry on singing.
They sing. Ghost enters and taps Fore and Aft on the shoulder. They turn and
see the Ghost.
Fore & Aft
Aaargh! (run off SL)
Henrietta
Did you hear someone shouting, Doctor?
Dr Livesey
No. How about you boys? Boys (turns) I’m afraid we’re on our own Bucket.
Henrietta
You really are stupid, there is no such thing as a ghost.
They sing. Ghost enters and taps Livesey on the shoulder and he turns and
sees the Ghost.
Dr Livesey
Aaahh! (turns and hugs Henrietta)
Henrietta
Oh Doctor Livesey, you’ve seen through my disguise at last. Well I suppose you can’t
hide beauty, no matter how hard you try.
Dr Livesey
(lets go of her) Mrs Hawkins!
Henrietta
I know I wasn’t supposed to come along, Doctor. (moves downstage) But I had to
look after my little Jimmy.
Ghost stands behind Livesey and taps him on the shoulder.
Dr Livesey
Aaahh! (lunges forward and hugs Henrietta again)
Henrietta
Oh Doctor, this is all so sudden. We’ve only known each other ten years.
Dr Livesey
(separates from her) G…G…G…
Henrietta
…Give you a kiss? Well I don’t normally on a first date. (pause) Oh all right, you’ve
talked me into it. (closes her eyes – puckers her lips, and holds out her arms)
Ghost comes forward and taps Livesey again, he turns and runs off. Mrs
Hawkins reaches out and grabs the Ghost.
Why Doctor Livesey, you’re chilled to the bone. Here let me warm you up. (pulls
Ghost closer) Now I’m going to open my eyes and I want you to look into them and
tell me that I’m the only the only girl for you. (opens her eyes and screams) Aaahh!
(lets go of the Ghost)
Henrietta
SFX The Ghost chases her around the stage Comedy Chase Music and both exit
(SL)
Pirates
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest#
Audience
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Pirates enter (SR)
Silver
Did anyone see which way they went?
All
No, Long John.
Hands
Never mind them, let’s just find Flint’s treasure.
Morgan
Aye, I can almost hear it calling to me.
Black Dog
Then let’s hope it tells you where it’s buried.
Merry
What do you mean?
Black Dog
Well how are we going to find it without the map?
Hands
He’s right. We should’ve cut their throats and taken it while we had the chance.
Silver
We don’t need no map! We’ll let the swabs find the treasure, then take it by force and
leave them on the island to rot. What say you lads?
Pirates
Aye! Maroon them all!
Silver and Pirates exit (SL)
Blackout – cloth/tabs in – lights up.
Scene Two - On Treasure Island – Full Set
Smollett, Arrow and Jim enter (SR)
Smollett
That was a narrow escape, Mr Arrow. If it weren’t for Jim’s quick thinking, we might’ve
been overwhelmed by those big rough pirates.
Arrow
(wryly) Perish the thought Captain.
Jim
I knew they were up to no good when I saw them getting their weapons out, down
below.
Arrow
I’ve never seen such big ones before.
Smollett
Pirates always carry large cutlasses Mr Arrow.
Arrow
They were certainly waving them about in a very angry manner.
Smollett
Luckily for us we managed to escape in the rowing boat.
Jim
We must warn the others.
Arrow
What are your orders Captain?
Smollett
Get it out Mr Arrow.
Arrow
I beg your pardon Captain?
Smollett
Take it out man.
Arrow
What? Right now?
Smollett
Yes, I want to look at it.
Arrow
But what about Jim, Captain?
Jim
I’d like to see it as well Mr Arrow.
Arrow
(surprised) Really?
Smollett
(to Arrow) Now hurry up and take out the map.
Arrow
(realising) Oh, the map! Yes of course, Captain. (produces a map and hands it
over)
Jim stands behind them as they study the map.
Smollett
(pointing to the map) Now we are here and the old stockade in the sand dune is over
there.
Two Pirates enter – put a hand over Jim’s mouth and drag him away.
Arrow
Pity it doesn’t show us where the pirates are.
Smollett
Hand me my compass Jim…Jim?
They turn round.
Arrow
He’s gone Captain!
Smollett
(picks up a large earring) Is this yours Mr Arrow?
Arrow
No Captain, I only have a stud.
Smollett
Oh no, the pirates must’ve nabbed Jim from under or noses while our backs were
turned.
Fore and Aft enter (SL)
Fore & Aft
(stammer) G…G…G…
Smollet
What’s the matter with you two?
Fore & Aft
(stammer) G…G…G…
Arrow
They must have cabin fever Captain.
Squire and Livesey enter (SL)
Smollet
Squire! Dr Livesey!
Squire
Captain Snickett!
Smollet
It’s ‘Smollet’!
A bedraggled Mrs Hawkins enters (SL)
Fore
(to Mrs Hawkins) What happened to you?
Henrietta
I was grabbed by of the ghost of Captain Flint.
Aft
It must have been a horrible experience.
Dr Livesey
Not as horrible as the experience I’ve just had.
Henrietta
(looks around) Where’s Jim?
Arrow
He’s been kidnapped by the pirates.
Henrietta
You useless lot! It seems none of you can keep hold of my little Jimmy.
Squire
You seem overly concerned about the boy, Bucket.
Henrietta
That’s because I’m his mum!
Smollett
(to Livesey) We’ve only been on the island a few hours and already he’s lost his
mind.
Dr Livesey
He…I mean ‘she’ really is the boys mother.
Smollett
Not you as well Doctor?
Arrow
The fever must be spreading Captain.
Smollett
You’re right Mr Arrow. Bucket would have to be mad to think he could pass himself off
as a woman
Henrietta
Cheek! I suppose I’ll just have to prove it to you. (starts unbuttoning her blouse)
Smollett
What are you doing Bucket?
Henrietta
I’m going to show you something that’ll convince you that I’m Jim’s mum. I don’t
usually get them out in public in case they get grubby. (rummages in her blouse)
Arrow
(covers his eyes) I can’t look.
Henrietta
(takes out photo’s) Look, here’s a photo of me and Jim behind the bar at the White
Swan, this one is on the beach, this one is……….
Squire
(interrupts and exclaims) Mrs Hawkins!
Henrietta
I know you said I wasn’t to follow you Squire, but I couldn’t let my little Jimmy sail the
seven seas without his mummy.
Smollett
Did you know about this, Doctor?
Dr Livesey
No, I only found out when he…I mean ‘she’ tried to kiss me.
SFX: Native drums.
Mr Hawkins briefly dances wildly again. Drums stop and she stops dancing.
Fore
It’s the cannibals!
Pirates
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest#
Audience
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Aft
It’s the pirates!
Arrow
We’re surrounded Captain!
Dr Livesey
What’ll we do now?
Smollett
Let’s hurry behind that sand dune and hold out there.
Henrietta
(to audience) What a choice. Being eaten by the cannibals, sliced by the pirates or
locked in a stockade with a madman and his old cow.
Smollett
Follow me!
All exit (SL)
Blackout – cloth/tabs out – lights up.
Scene Three – Treasure Island – Full Set
SONG
Islanders – Jungle Rock tbc. After music ends…All exit (SR)
Gunn and Buttercup enter (SL)
Gunn
It’s all right Buttercup they’ve gone. What? No I don’t know how they got in. What do
you mean it’s my fault? How was I to know they’d look under the doormat? Well if
you’re going to be like that, you can take charge of the key from now on.
Smollett and the others enter (SR)
Gunn
So you’ve decided to join Buttercup and me after all.
Smollett
(puzzled) Buttercup?
Henrietta
Mr Gunn’s talking old Cow!
Smollett
I told you she was mad, Livesey.
Gunn
What made you change your mind?
All
(in unison – Fore) The cannibals! (Aft) The pirates! (Mrs Hawkins) The ghost!
The Squire circles his finger next to his head to denote Gunn’s madness.
Fore
What now? We can’t stay here forever.
Aft
Why don’t we wait until the cannibals have eaten all the pirates Then we can come out
and make a run for it.
Squire
We’re not leaving the island without the treasure. I still have to pay Captain Sprocket
for the hire of the Hisssspaniola.
Smollett
I have a plan to regain control of the ship. We could take it up the estuary…..
Arrow looks to wing (SR)
Arrow
Men approaching from the rear Captain!
Smollett
Who are they Mr Arrow?
Arrow
It’s Mr Silver and the pirates and they’ve got Jim with them.
Henrietta
Jimmy!
Squire
They mustn’t see the map. (hands map to Gunn) Hide this somewhere safe, Mr
Gunn.
Gunn
Right’o. Let’s go Buttercup. (exits SL)
Hands enters (SR) waving a white flag.
Smollett
(to Hands) What do you want?
Hands
Cap’n Silver wants to parley with’ee.
Smollett
I’m the only Captain on this island.
Silver, Black Dog and Merry enter (SR)
Silver
Ah, but you’re wrong Cap’n Smollett. You see the crew took a vote after you suddenly
jumped ship and they made me their new Cap’n.
Squire
What have you done to Jim?
Merry
Nothing…yet.
Silver
The boy is our insurance policy in case you get any funny ideas. He won’t be harmed
so long as you all play ball.
Dr Livesey
And what if we don’t?
Black Dog
Then the boy will end up as shark bait.
Pirates
(chant) Shark bait! Hoo-ha-ha!
Henrietta
Don’t you dare lay a finger on my little Jimmy!
Silver
…Quiet, scumbag! (calls to wing) Bring the boy in!
Morgan brings Jim in (SR)
Henrietta
Jimmy!
Jim
Hello mum.
Henrietta
They haven’t been doing unspeakable things to you have they Jim?
Jim
No mum.
Dr Livesey
Come here Jim, I’d like a word with you. (takes Jim downstage & whispers to him)
Listen Jim. We need someone to sail the ship up the estuary so that we can take it
over. Do you think you can do it?
Jim
Leave it to me Doctor. They’ve already broken into the rum-barrels, so I’ll just wait until
they fall asleep and then move her.
Dr Livesey
Good lad.
Silver
That’s enough! Bring Jim back here.
Pirates drag Jim away.
Henrietta
(calls out) Jimmy!
Jim
Don’t worry mum I’ll be all right.
Silver
But only if we gets the map. Now hand it over!
Squire
Can we have a bit of time to think about it?
Silver
Very well Squire, I’m a reasonable man. We’ll return in one hour and if we don’t get
the map then, we’ll slice the lot of ya!
Pirates and Jim exit (SR)
Henrietta
I say we give them the map and get my little Jimmy back.
Squire
There’s no point Mrs Hawkins, they’ll kill us either way.
Fore
Then we’re all as good as dead.
Dr Livesey
Don’t worry. Jim’s going to take it up the estuary to prevent them from getting away.
Aft
Is that before or after they kill us?
Squire
The pirates won’t harm us before they get their hands on the treasure, so we must find
it first.
Gunn enters (SL)
Gunn
Have they gone?
Squire
Yes, now give me the map.
Gunn
What map?
Squire
The map I gave you for safekeeping.
Gunn
You mean that big papery thing?
Squire
Yes.
Gunn
You mean that big papery thing with lots of little diagrams on it?
Squire
Yes
Gunn
I let Buttercup play with it to keep her quiet.
Squire
Well can I have it back now?
Gunn
Sure. (takes out the map, which has been torn into a paper-chain) Here you are.
Smollett
She’s torn the map into a paper-chain!
Gunn
It weren’t me, it were Buttercup! But don’t worry I’ve given her a good telling off and
she’s promised not to do it again
Henrietta
You steaming great nit! Now we don’t even have a map to bargain with.
Dr Livesey
We’ll never find the treasure now.
Gunn
You don’t need a map to find the treasure.
Squire
You know where it’s buried?
Gunn
No, but Buttercup does. What was that Buttercup? Buttercup says follow her and she’ll
lead us to the treasure
Squire
Lead on Mr Gunn. I mean Buttercup. I mean…oh, just lead on.
All exit (SR)
Blackout – cloth/tabs in – lights up.
Scene Four - Onboard The Hispaniola - Front Tab?
Merry steers the ship whilst drinking from a bottle of rum.
(sings) Fifteen men in a dead man’s vest, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of scum!
Merry
Morgan enters (SR)
Merry
Halt! Who grows hair? I mean, who goes there?
Morgan
It’s me…Morgan.
Merry
(swaying drunkenly) I didn’t know you had a twin brother.
Morgan
I don’t.
Merry
(covers his eye-patch with his hand) Sorry, my mistake.
Morgan
Long John will feed you to the sharks if he finds you drunk in charge of the ship.
Merry
Not a drop of rum has touched my lips, Mr Morgan.
Morgan
I find that hard to believe. I’ll go and make you some black coffee. Try and not fall
overboard while I’m gone. (exits SR)
Jim
Jim enters (SL) Hello Mr Merry.
Merry
Hello Jim lad.
Jim
I think there’s a storm a-brewing.
Audience
Oh no there isn’t
Merry
I wish they wouldn’t keep doing that. (covers his mouth)
Jim
What’s the matter Mr Merry?
Merry
I think I’ve had a bit too much rum Jim, but don’t tell Long John.
Jim
Why, will he be very annoyed?
Merry
No, he’ll be very furious.
Jim
Maybe you ought to let me steer the ship for you.
Merry
Would you do that for me Jim?
Jim
Of course Mr Merry. What are friends for?
Merry
How do I know I can trust you?
Jim
If I tell you a secret, you won’t go blabbing will you?
Merry
My lips are sozzled, I mean…sealed.
Jim
Well I’ve always wanted to be a pirate just like you.
Merry
Really?
Jim
Yes. With a parrot on my shoulder a cutlass in my hand and looking all mysterious in
an eye-patch.
Merry
Arrh! Very good Jim lad. Mind you steer a straight course now. (staggers off SR)
Jim
I’ll steer a straight course all right.. (turns the wheel)
SFX: Crunching sound as ship runs aground. Blackout – cloth/tabs out – lights up.
Scene Five - Treasure Island
SONG
Islanders. Day – O Banana Boat Song After song ends… All exit (SR)
The Squire’s party – minus Jim – enter (SL)
Squire
Are you sure Buttercup knows where the treasure’s buried, Mr Gunn?
Gunn
Yes, Buttercup’s an experienced old cow.
Smollett
I’ll never live this down at naval headquarters. They’ll think I’ve gone mad.
Henrietta
I think we’re all mad following an old black and white cow.
Jim enters (SR)
Henrietta
Jim! You’ve escaped!
Jim
Yes and I’ve beached the ship just like Dr Livesey asked.
Dr Livesey
Well done Jim.
Smollett
We’ll wait until the pirates head for the stockade in the sand dune, then we’ll circle
back to the Hisssspaniola and break out the firearms, from the secret compartment in
my cabin. It’s time to teach those pirates a lesson they’ll never forget.
Jim
What about the treasure?
Fore
Ask Buttercup.
Jim
Who’s Buttercup?
Henrietta
Don’t ask.
Aft
I’ll ask her. (looking to the side of Gunn) Where’s the treasure Buttercup?
Gunn
Who are you talking to?
Aft
That old cow standing next to you.
Henrietta
Don’t you speak to me like that
Gunn
There’s no old cow standing next to me.
Dr Livesey
He’s obviously snapped out of his delusion.
Gunn
Buttercup’s gone ahead to check if the coast’s clear.
Henrietta
He’s just snapped back again.
Pirates
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a deadman’s chest#
Audience
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Fore
The pirates are coming!
Smollett
Follow me everyone!
Gunn
I’m not leaving without Buttercup.
Henrietta
Suit yourself, we’re off.
All except Gunn exit (SR)
Gunn
The pirates will be here any minute, but I can’t leave Buttercup to face them alone.
(looks SR) Buttercup! Buttercups enters SR. Thank goodness you’re back. Did you
find the treasure? You did? Let’s go and get it then. (both exit SR)
Silver and Pirates enter (SL)
Silver
The double-crossing swabs have hopped it.
Hands
It’s all your fault, Long John. If we’d slit their throats when we had the chance, we’d
have the treasure by now.
Pirates
Aye!
Morgan
Long John’s gone soft on us because of the boy.
Hands
This whole trip’s been a disaster.
Merry
I say we make him walk the plank.
Pirates
Aye! make him walk the plank
Silver
You mutinous swabs! So you’d dare to make me walk the plank, would ya? And who’s
going to be brave enough to make me?
Pirates all look at each other, pushing each other forward towards Silver
Ha! You useless lot couldn’t wipe your own noses without me! I’m the leader of this
merry band and don’t you forget it!
Gunn and Buttercup enter (SR)
Hands
It’s Ben Gunn!
Black Dog
He’s still alive!
Silver
Aye, but not for long.
Gunn
It’s Silver! Run for your life Buttercup! (both exits SR)
Merry
Who’s Buttercup?
Silver
Never mind, just get after Gunn! He’s bound to know where the treasure is. After all
he’s had long enough to find it.
Silver and Pirates run after Gunn.
Smollett and others enter (SL) armed with guns.
Squire
I’d like to see the look on their faces when they see our weapons, Captain Stretchit.
Smollet
For the last time, my name is ‘Smollet’!
Jim
(points SR) Here comes Mr Gunn
Henrietta
(looking SR) Yes and the pirates are just behind him!
Gunn enters (SR) followed by the Pirates.
Squire
Well done Mr Gunn, you’ve led the villains too us.
Smollett
(to Pirates) Raise your hands!
Silver
I’m afraid I can’t do that Cap’n.
Dr Livesey
Why not?
Merry
‘Cos he’d fall over.
Squire
The game’s up Silver. You and your men will be taken back to England to face the
gallows.
Silver
We’re not greedy men Squire. We’ll split the treasure with you fifty-fifty, what do you
say?
Squire
That’s very generous of you Mr Silver, seeing as we’re the ones holding the guns.
Besides, Mr Gunn tore up the treasure map.
Gunn
No, it was Buttercup!
Jim
It seems no one will be getting the treasure after all.
Silver
Flint must have put a curse on it to stop anyone getting their hands on his baubles.
SFX: Native drums.
Mrs Hawkins dances wildly.
Drums stop.
Henrietta
(stops dancing) I wish they’d stop doing that, I’m worn out.
Morgan
It’s the cannibals!
Silver
Run for it lads!
Pirates exit (SR)
Pirates
(screams off) Argghhh!
Islanders enter (SR) lead by their chief.
Aft
Aaahh! Don’t let them eat us Captain Smollett!
Chorus 1
Why would we want to eat you?
Fore
‘Cos that’s what cannibals do.
Chorus 2
But we’re all vegetarians.
Henrietta
Who ever heard of vegetarian cannibals?
Chorus 3
We’re not cannibals!
Smollet
(to Islanders) Do any of you know the whereabouts of Flint’s treasure?
Chorus 1
Squire
Treasure? (to Gunn) You really must stop eating those funny-looking mushrooms,
Gunn old chap.
So there isn’t any treasure here after all?
Chorus 1
None that I know of.
Jim
What’s happened to Mr Silver and his men?
Chorus 1
They were dragged off by the Amazons a tribe of warrior women from a neighbouring
island
Henrietta
No wonder they screamed.
Squire
What will they do to them?
Chorus 1
The Amazons outnumber their men four to one, so I’ll leave it to your imagination.
Aft
The lucky devils.
Henrietta
You mean we’ve been dragged halfway round the globe, been marooned on a desert
island and faced cut-throat pirates and vegetarian cannibals all for nothing?
Jim
At least we’re still alive mum.
Gunn
But I keep telling you. Buttercup knows where the treasure is.
Dr Livesey
Mad to the end poor chap.
Gunn
(points SR) And here he comes now.
Buttercup enters (SR) draped in treasure.
All
Buttercup!
Gunn
Who’s mad now?
Fore & Aft
(exclaim) We’re all rich!
Squire
Indeed we are. Now let’s take Mr Gunn, the treasure and Buttercup back to England
and the good life.
Gunn
Is that programme still on?
Dr Livesey
As soon as we’re back I’m going straight to the White Swan for a drink.
Squire
I’ll join you Livesey.
Henrietta
And this time the drinks really are on the house.
Squire
In that case I’ll have a stiff one.
Henrietta
(leads audience) Not in here you won’t! Let’s have a song to celebrate
SONG
ALL – tbc (when the going gets tough) As the song nears the end, all move
upstage as cloth/tabs close – then house lights up.
Scene Six - Homeward bound (Front Tab)
Henrietta and Jim, enter SL
Henrietta
What an adventure that was Jim.
Jim
It certainly was mum. So what are you going to do now that we’re rich?
Henrietta
I’m going to sell the White Swan and open a trendy wine bar in Oundle And all pirates
are barred. I’ve had enough yo-ho-ho to last me a lifetime.
Fore & Aft
(singing off) #Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest#
Jim
It’s the pirates!
Fore and Aft enter.
Henrietta
Oh look, it’s the Chuckle Brothers.
Aft
There’s a storm a-brewing.
Audience
Oh no there isn’t (encouraging the audience etc …
Scene Seven - The White Swan Inn (Full Set)
MUSIC
Instrumental – Portsmouth
Curtains open with customers and serving wenches on stage.
Enter Squire, Henrietta, Fore & Aft, Jim, Benn Gunn and Buttercup SR. Followed
by Captain Smollet, Mr Arrow, Dr Livesey, Long John and Pirates
Squire
Our panto is over and we’re back from the sea.
Henrietta
From now on it’s good old terra-firma for me.
Fore
The treasure was shared.
Aft
And we are both wealthy.
Fore
And we’ll help you spend it.
Aft
Too much isn’t healthy.
Jim
We’ll be back next year of that there’s no doubt.
Ben Gunn
But meanwhile from us...
All
…It’s over and out!
SONG
Ensemble - Finale. After song ends…Curtains close then re-open and the cast
wave as curtains close again.
The End