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Know Someone With An
EatingNotDisorder?
Sure What To Say?
By Janet Graves, RN, MHA, Director, Brandywine Hospital Eating Disorders Program
T
alking to someone about their eating disorder is
probably one of the most difficult conversations
to begin. People with eating disorders are often
in denial and do not want to talk about their problem.
They may get defensive or upset with those who try to
help, but do not let these reactions prevent you from
trying.
If you suspect a friend or relative is suffering from an
eating disorder, it’s important to come up with a plan
of action before approaching him or her:
Plan. Many people believe that eating disorders are
“just about food” or weight concerns, when in
reality, these are symptoms of more serious
underlying problems. Make an effort
to educate yourself with some basic
facts about eating disorders, but don’t
try to become an expert overnight.
Remember your role here is to support
and encourage the person to seek
professional care, not to diagnose
or treat the person yourself.
Discuss.
Speak to the
person privately, not in a group,
and allow time to talk. Without
judging them, calmly explain
your concerns. Ask them if
anything is wrong, and let
them know you are available
if they need to talk. Use
“I” statements such as
“I’m concerned you don’t
eat lunch anymore,”
or
“I’m
concerned
you’ve been throwing
up a lot after meals.”
Avoid judgmental or
accusatory statements
like “You’re killing
yourself,” or “You just
need to eat more,”
and avoid using words
like “too skinny” or
“sickly” that define
the person’s physical
appearance.
Allow the person time to
respond to your concerns. Asking
questions and then carefully listening is
often the best way to show support. Remember
that this is a conversation, not a confrontation.
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If the person denies the problem or reacts with anger,
don’t push the issue. Instead, repeat your concerns
and assure them you are there to support them when
they’re ready for help. In cases of extreme danger to
the person’s health (i.e,. where the person is severely
underweight or is binging and purging several times
daily), you may need to step in and get professional
help immediately. If this is the case, please contact
your local crisis center or county mental health office
for assistance.
Act. Encourage your friend or family member to
see a doctor or counselor about the issue, and offer
to accompany them to the appointment for support.
Cut out some of the legwork for them by having the
names and phone numbers of some area specialists on
hand. This way, they cannot put things off by claiming
they haven’t had time to look for someone. With this
information on hand, all it takes is one call to get things
started.
Finally, don’t be afraid to take a break if things become
too intense. It doesn’t have to be resolved in one day.
Remember that no matter how difficult this may be for
you, it is infinitely more difficult for the other person.
Give them some time to think about what you’ve
discussed, and try coming back to the conversation
when you feel it’s appropriate. This shows you are not
pushing them into something they are not ready for.
They will be more open to considering treatment if
they don’t feel pushed into it and come to the decision
on their own.
Talking to a friend or loved one about their eating
disorder is not easy. You will likely experience frustration
and anger along the way, but don’t give up. Persistence
and continued support are key. With proper treatment,
many people with anorexia and bulimia are successful
in overcoming these disorders.
Brandywine Hospital is proud to announce the recent addition
of a highly experienced team of eating disorder specialists
to its growing behavioral health division. Under the direction
of Michael Pertschuk, M.D., named Philadelphia Magazine’s
‘Top Doc for Eating Disorders’ and one of the ‘Best Doctors in
America,’ Brandywine’s team is among the most experienced
group of professionals treating eating disorders in the country.
We are delighted to now be able to offer the expertise of our
specialists to the families of Chester County.
For more information, please call Brandywine Hospital Eating
Disorders Program at (877) 406-0431.
January/February 2011