13A Use with session 13 Bible Experience ‘Level 1 connect’
Idols
By Marco Palmer
Characters:
Honest Lou (Devious salesman)
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang (Chief of village)
Miss Mu (Woman)
Mirror
Scene: Honest Lou shouts to the crowds in the open-air market.
Honest Lou: Idols! Graven images! Step up and get your idols! They’re cute! They’re cuddly! Take one
home to ya missus! Buy one for your grandma! Hey! Is there an all-powerful deity interfering with
your gaiety? Then try my easy solution without painful absolution. No mess! No fuss! It’s me you can
trust! Give your old god the boot! Let me find a substitute. My name’s Honest Lou, and I’ll find the ideal
idol deal for you! (Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang enters.)
Honest Lou: (To audience.) Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, an old friend of mine just dropped by.
Be with you in a moment. (To Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang.) Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang, what seems
to be the problem this time?
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (Yells in angry jungle gibberish.) Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: You’re afraid of your idols!
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (Yells in frightened jungle gibberish, cowers and bows repeatedly.)
Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: I understand! I understand! The great mother-in-law idol, Mamamba-Mamba-NaggaNagga, is indeed fierce and needs to be appeased.
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (Angrily.) Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: So did you try the great appeasement festival of sacrificing the best of your crops, your
goats and your chickens to the great Mamamba-Mamba-Nagga-Nagga? She still won’t make it rain?
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (Angrily.) Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: Did you try dancing for your idol?
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (Dances around.) Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: That’s pathetic! Pathetic! You got to put more feeling into it, Chief! More feeling.
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (Sings.) Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: No! No! No! No! I think the only thing that will satisfy and appease the great anger of
Mamamba-Mamba-Nagga-Nagga is the sacrifice of some sons-in-law!
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: (On knees, begging for mercy.) Oo ee oo aa aa! Oo ee oo aa aa!
Honest Lou: Oh all right! I’ll let you trade your idol for one you are less afraid of. Why don’t you
worship the great fertiliser god, the great Da-Dunga-Dunga?
THEGRID JAN–MAR 2015 / THEGRID JAN–MAR 2015 / THE
Use with session 13 Bible Experience ‘Level 1 connect’ 13A
Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang: Da-Dunga-Dunga?
Honest Lou: You’ll have hours of fun holding your breath and worshipping the great Da-DungaDunga! It captures the real essence of all idols. Now why don’t you run back to your tribe and teach
them the Da-Dunga-Dunga dance?
(Chief Walla Walla Bing Bang dances off stage.)
(To audience.) Well, there goes another happy, satisfied customer! What are you waiting for?!
(Miss Mu enters.) Miss Mu, how are you? Will you bow down to our idol and take it home with you? It
outsells every other idol. Mirror, come on out here!
(Mirror enters, singing the Carly Simon song, ‘You’re So Vain!’)
Mirror: You’re so vain! You probably think this song is about you! Don’t you? Don’t you?
Honest Lou: Well, my dear, I bet you’re thinking, Why, that’s just a mirror!
Mirror: I’m no mere mirror... get it? Mere Mirror… oh, never mind.
Honest Lou: My dear, talk to it! Say, ‘Mirror, Mirror, off the wall. Who is the fairest of them
all?’
(Miss Mu repeats these words as she looks at the Mirror. The Mirror mimics every movement she
makes.)
Miss Mu: Mirror, mirror, off the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
Mirror: Who is the fairest of them all? Why, it’s you! Your happiness and comfort come before
anything else. Your freedom and rights outweigh the freedom and rights of any other human being.
Baby, you are the centre of the universe; your every whim and desire must be met! Oh, just look in the
mirror and bow down and worship! Shout ‘Halelu-meeeee!’ Hey, girl! You don’t really want to give
yourself over to any god. God’s gonna ask you to do a lot of things you just don’t want to do, like looking
after others, loving and forgiving other people, putting other people before yourself, and putting God
first! You’re gonna have to give your life away, your time away, your money! Why don’t you give in to
selfishness? Why don’t you bow down to me?
Honest Lou: So, my dear, what do you say? Will you bow down to this idol and take it home with you
today?
Miss Mu: No!
Mirror: What?! Look what you’re doing to me! (Sinks to knees like the Wicked Witch of the West.)
You’re killing me! (Flops over and dies.)
Honest Lou: Look what you did! You killed my best idol! Well, I’m disappointed in you! You set your
mind fully on things above! That’s terrible.
Mirror: Oh relax, Lou. I’ll be back tomorrow!
Honest Lou: And so will I!
15 / THEGRID JAN–MAR 2015 / THEGRID JAN–MAR 20