Clarity
Problems with clarity in writing can have several causes. Since each cause suggests a different solution, it’s
helpful to know something about them as you revise. If you’re having trouble with clarity, diagnose the
problem with these points in mind.
Thought Smog: problems with underlying organization. It’s hard to write clearly when you’re not sure what
you’re trying to say. Consider this example:
• The trend in production started with the Washington, DC bands active during the 1990s that traveled in
the Dischord circles, but it was never restricted only to those performers and its signature features could be
heard across the country soon enough.
It’s unclear which parts of this sentence are most important. Try this:
•
The production trend started with the Washington, DC bands in the Dischord circle, but it soon spread
across the country.
If you can’t remember what your point was supposed to be, your reader won’t be able to figure it out
either. Think it through and rewrite.
Pronoun Trouble: playing “hide the noun.” Pronouns only work when the noun they’re replacing is nearby,
reminding the reader of its presence. Look what happens when the noun gets away:
• I said she didn’t have any proof of it, and she said that she wasn’t trying to say she’d had proof of it,
either.
Here’s the same idea with a few nouns:
• I said Angela didn’t have any proof of wrongdoing, and Lisa said that she wasn’t trying to say that Angela
had proof of it, either.
While the second sentence is still convoluted, we have enough nouns to know who’s doing what.
Verbal Indigestion: incorrect or imprecise usage. Some writers give in to the temptation to use more
complicated vocabulary than the sentence demands. In this case, the writer packed in as many fancy words as
possible:
• The interlocutor expounds on the dubious credentials of the éminence grise.
The syntax of that sentence is just fine, but the vocabulary can be confusing. This is less distracting:
• The speaker explains the suspect qualifications of the authority figure.
Writer’s Narcissism: slang, acronyms, in-jokes and untranslated foreign languages. Some language is only
clear if both the writer and the reader share specific knowledge. If readers don’t have that knowledge, they
might feel left out. Worse, they may think you’re trying to condescend to them. Consider the following
sentence:
• New users might prefer WYSIWYG editors, but experienced people can’t stand them.
People unfamiliar with the acronym will have a difficult time understanding the sentence. This is
more accessible:
• New users might prefer graphical interface editors, but experienced people can’t stand them.
Note: Some disciplines require the use of terms in a foreign language. It’s not appropriate to translate
things like pro bono or amicus.
Clause Gridlock: the importance of proper syntax. Simple sentence structures can save writers from
misplaced modifiers and complicated relationships between clauses. Consider this sentence:
• The noble house of Kithworth started its long slide into infamy when their most prized sloop, the
Dithering Griffin, ran afoul of the cunning pirate Captain LeBleu; she unleashed the full force of the
ship’s sheep on the hapless crew, which strove in vain against the trampling hooves but were subdued at
last off the shores of Port Royal, where their embarrassment at losing a sloop to a bunch of walking
mutton was keen.
The reader has to do a great deal of work to understand the relationship between the elements of the
sentence. This is easier to manage:
• The Dithering Griffin was the most prized sloop of the Kithworth family. The cunning pirate Captain
LeBleu captured her by loosing the ship’s sheep on the crew while she was moored off the shores of Port
Royal. The embarrassing defeat started the noble house of Kithworh’s long slide into infamy.
Rampaging Figures of Speech: the simile, the metaphor, and the importance of forbearance. Figures of
speech can liven up writing and make complicated ideas easier to grasp. But they take readers away from the
main theme of the sentence or paragraph, and they’re best used in moderation. This simile complicates the
sentence it’s meant to clarify:
• Like a second coat of paint, the wet poster clung to the telephone pole.
The simile isn’t necessary because the main idea of the sentence is not particularly complicated. A
direct statement works:
• The wet poster clung to the telephone pole.
Undergraduate Writing Center | The University of Texas at Austin | http://uwc.utexas.edu | FAC 211 | 512.471.6222
Handout created by Shelley Powers, June 2006 | Last revised by Erin Clough, March 2009