Mindful Personal Story Exercise
Mindfulness allows us to look at our reactions and understand patterns that may have
developed over time. Reflecting on past negative experineces allows us to make sense of our
current reactions and can help us integrate thougths, emotions, beliefs and expectations about
ourselves and our place in the world. This activity walks you through developing a narrative.
You will look at your personal experiences that ulitmately led to who you are today.
Self-knowledge is a key ingredient to making change in your life. It helps you define what has
happened to you, in a more cerebral way, without judgment or emotional attachment. Every
thougth you have leads to the ultimate outcome of your life. Every decision you make leads you
to the outcomes generated by those decisions. Learning how and why we think and behave in
certain ways can give us incredible freedom to make intentional choice and create much more
satisfaction for ourselves and those around us!
This process is NOT about:
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Reliving your childhood trauma or negative experiences.
Finding fault or blaming others for things they did. Even though you may have been hurt
by others, the goal here is to understand how your thought patterns developed as a
result of the past events.
Having to forgive, but you are encouraged to focus on understanding.
Forcing yourself to feel traumatic emotions.
This process IS about:
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Imagining how your child-self may have reacted to your parents and/or caretakers in
your home environment.
Allowing for an empathetic attitude about your parents or other caretakers.
Gaining insight into negative conditioning so you can more clearly identify triggers, step
back from automatic reactions and learn new ways of “showing up to your day”.
Beginning to understand what your caretakers/parents might have gone through or
experienced in their own lives that led them to behave the way they did.
Looking back as an observer, assessing past events as an onlooker – as if watching a
movie go by.
Gaining insight about your own conditioning
Developing increased compassion for self and others
Knowing that not all bad experiences lead to negative conclusions about self or
negatively impact present day functioning!
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 4
Mindful Personal Story Exercise
This is an oppportunity to begin reflecting on negative messages you may have received
from others or that were self-generated based on difficult past experiences.
This may feel difficult, and may cause you to feel some embarrassment or vulnerability,
this is normal and understandable. However, if you feel too overwhelmed – stop and get
support from a counselor.
Again, this is not about reliving the past…you are just noticing without judgment or
emotional involvement, as if investigating as a detective to determine causal
relationships to events and current negative thougths and feelings about yourself.
As you begin to reflect, see if you notice any patterns or messages that seemed to repeat
over time and if that impacted your thoughts or feelings about yourself.
Read each question below – take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then write your
answer in the space provided. This is for you to keep. You do not have to share with
anyone else or in the workshop session.
1.
Who were the main people that raised you during childhood? What was your
relationship with them? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then write
your answer.
2. If there was more than one person responsible for your primary care, what was
their relationship with each other? What were their personalities like? Take a deep
breath, reflect for a moment and then write your answer.
3. How would you describe the environment where you grew up? How did your
parents/caretakers treat you? Were there similarities or differences that you
noticed? How did this affect you? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and
then write your answer.
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 4
4. What was discipline like in your upbringing? Take a deep breath, reflect for a
moment and then write your answer.
5. What message(s) was/were sent to you when you did something that was
perceived as wrong by your parents/caretakers? Was this message different from
those sent to other siblings or peers in your home? If so, how? Take a deep
breath, reflect for a moment and then write your answer.
6. Did you ever feel in danger or threatened by a parent or caretaker or experience
any major negative event as a child? If so, how did you manage this feeling or
situation? Was there anyone there to help you manage it? If so, how? Take a deep
breath, reflect for a moment and then write your answer.
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 4
7. If no one helped, what strengths did you have at the time that helped you keep
going and manage the situation? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then
write your answer.
8. Do you still have those strengths now? Do you still consider them strengths?
Why, why not? (sometimes the ways in which we handled things as children may
not be helpful as we get older – e.g. hiding under a bed from an angry parent). Take
a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then write your answer.
9. How did your parents or caretakers react when you were upset? Did you feel
supported? Did you make any assumptions (internalize messages) about yourself
or others based on your parents reactions to you in difficult times? Take a deep
breath, reflect for a moment and then write your answer.
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 4
10. Do you think the ways you act now are influenced by the way you were brought
up? If so, how? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then write your
answer.
11. Looking back as an adult now, how would you describe your home life and
yourself as a child? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then write your
answer.
12. Looking back as an adult now, can you see any ways in which your parents
struggled that might have negatively influenced the way they treated you? Looking
back as an adult now, can you also notice any behaviors exhibited by your parents
that were likely a result of their negative conditioning and experiences when they
were children? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then write your
answer.
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 4
13. What coping skills would you say you have now that help you deal with difficult
situations? Are there any ways that you deal with difficult situations now that you
think/feel might be unhelpful or even unhealthy? Take a deep breath, reflect for a
moment and then write your answer.
14. Looking back as an adult now, based on your answers to questions 8, 9 and 15
regarding messages, do you think you carry those beliefs with you today in your
present life and relationships? If so, how? Take a deep breath, reflect for a
moment and then write your answer.
15. Do you notice any themes from this reflective activity that give you insight into
your present day functioning? Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment and then
write your answer.
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 4