WWW.SURREY-YOUNGCARERS.ORG.UK
Surrey Young Carers has been supporting young carers across
Surrey since 1996. We are one of five voluntary services
managed by Action for Carers (Surrey).
AUTUMN 2016
Insight to Bullying and how to avoid it!
In this issue:
e
p and inspir
cheer you u
to
st
li
ay
arper
Music pl
– by Mia H
llbeing
we
4 Lifemusic for
6 Farewell and Useful Apps
9 Bullying
the
12 A message from
events team
you!
1. Darlin’ – by Avril Lavigne
2. Be Alright – by Justin Beiber
3. Under pressure – by David Bowie & Queen
4. Demi Lovato – Skyscraper
5. Who you are – Jessie J
6. Recovery – Fran Turner
7. Hold on till May – Peirce the Veil
8. Didn’t mean it – Jasmine Villegas
9. Every rose has its thorn – The Beatles
10. Young and Beautiful – Lana Del Rey
News from the 18-24 Network
We’ve just had our whole county social event of the year! This time we went to
Hampton Court Palace by coach. It was a great chance to get to know others and get
out and have a break.
It turned out to be the hottest day of the summer and after running around the maze
and exploring the Tudor corridors, it was great to be able to cool off in the shady
woods and chill in some deckchairs!
Patrick Buckingham (SYC Education Adviser) and Melanie Buxton (Learning and
Employment Adviser) also attended to help support the young people and to ensure
they enjoyed the day. Many thanks to all who came, it was a wonderful day!
Some fun facts:
Henry V111 had a collection of toilets or ‘close stools’ as they were
previously known. These stools had a hole in the middle and were placed
over a chamber pot. They may have been smelly but were padded and
covered in black velvet so they were comfortable and looked fancy!
2
The Crown that Henry V111 wore at court ceremonies was destroyed
after the English Civil War so the one found at the palace today is a fake!
The crown has been re-created with pearls and jewels to give visitors an
idea of what the original looked like.
3
being
ell
Lifemusic for W
What is Lifemusic?
A playful, fun approach to the spontaneous creation & expression of
improvised music, designed to promote wellbeing, which everyone can do (no
previous musical experience or knowledge required!).
It has 4 beliefs at its heart:
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Everyone is musical
There are no wrong notes in music
Every sound has a meaning
Making music is an act of trust
Lifemusic can be done on your own or with others. There are starting points,
called ‘Holding Forms’ (e.g. patterns of rhythm/notes, or ideas/themes – make
up your own starting points!) but you’re encouraged to deviate from them and
let the music develop organically.
This is what noodling around with Lifemusic does for me, and can do
for you too:
• Teaches me to go with the flow, feel ok about uncertainty, be open to
unexpected beautiful things happening around me, and to trust even when
I don’t know what’s going to happen.
• Empowers me to know that in the context of uncertainty, my actions still
influence what happens around me.
• Gets me out of my comfort zone and builds my confidence - it took away
my fear of playing improvised music.
• Teaches me that I am capable of doing something I had previously firmly
believed was not possible for me. This applies to other things in my life too.
• Shows me that my beliefs about what I am and am not capable of can
be changed.
• Gives me an enormous sense of wellbeing and joy.
• Helps me to relax and be truly present in the moment and get into a
meditative state of mind – by losing myself in the act of spontaneous
music-making using voice, body or instruments.
• Soothes, comforts and brings peace to me when I’m feeling sad or worried.
• Exercises the creative part of my brain.
• Helps me not to judge or criticise myself – there’s no right or wrong
in Lifemusic, and no way you can ‘fail’ as everything you do is valid.
4
How can you use Lifemusic
in your everyday life?
• Using instruments, body and/or voice, noodle
around
• – come up with little riffs and rhythms, get patterns going. Lose
yourself in the moment and the sheer joy of how it feels and sounds
to create music spontaneously!
• Get together with a group of friends and try using some musical games/starting
points (‘Holding Forms’), such as:
• “Humming Breaths” – deep breaths, hum one long note per out-breath.
• “The name-pattern game” (walk a pulse, express a musical pattern containing
your name or its rhythm, using body percussion and/or voice).
• “Pulse” – start with a steady beat & gradually introducing changes.
• “Sound & Silence” – play together until someone raises hands & says “stop”.
• “Anchors” – one person creates an anchor which all play, then deviate,
then return.
• “1,2,3,4,5,6” – count together, all play on 2 consecutive beats; allow it to develop.
• “Invitations” - one person begins & silently invites another to join in, until
everyone is invited.
• Vocal jam – get a beat going and jam over it, with sounds or words.
• And make up your own starting points/games/Holding Forms – remember, the
idea is to allow the piece of music to develop organically, so don’t stick rigidly
to the Holding Form (they’re tools, not rules!).
See www.lifemusic.co.uk for more information about the approach, developed
and pioneered by Dr. Rod Paton who trained Anthea as a Lifemusic facilitator.
5
Lifemusic continued...
Other ‘Life Hacks’ that help me keep anxiety and depression at bay
• Getting balance in my life – making sure I spend enough time doing the things
I enjoy and having lighthearted fun just for the sake of it! Allowing myself leisure
time.
• Spending time with friends, and getting involved in group activities where I can
try new things and make new friends.
• Pursuing my interests and passions in life and working towards goals for things
I want to achieve and experience. Reading books about self-development and
wellbeing, e.g. about mindfulness, self-compassion and affirmations.
• Using meditation to help me be mindful and train my mind – e.g. to respond
rather than react, and to focus on the present rather than get caught up in
worries about the future. I use apps like Buddhify and Headspace to meditate
for about 10 mins each morning.
• Exercising and taking care of my body and mind with healthy food – I go for walks
and look at the beauty of nature, do a little bit of yoga-like stretching,
some cycling – a bit of whatever exercise will make me feel good, a few times a
week.
• “Power posing” – standing for around 30 seconds with an expanded body, e.g.
arms outstretched upwards or hands on hips, feet apart - it programmes our brain
chemistry to make us feel empowered, confident, calm and assertive before we
go into challenging situations. A great way to start each day!
• Sometimes I have courses of counseling, which has been really helpful to me, on
and off, over the years.
• Making sure I stretch myself beyond my comfort zone and challenge myself
to do things that might seem difficult - I know I’ll grow and learn through
doing them.
• Making conscious choices about my mindset – I try to be outward-looking,
resilient, see the good in myself and other people, find the opportunities in
challenging situations, and be grateful for every small moment of joy and
every blessing in my life.
Farewell…
Hi everyone!
Hope you’re all well and had a good summer!
Just a little note to say that I will be going maternity leave in September as due to
have a baby in October. All very exciting and I’m looking forward to becoming a
mummy for the first time! I will very much miss Surrey Young Carers but plan to keep
in touch with all the good work that goes on and I hope to be back in July 2017.
Emily Gibbons will be covering my post whilst I’m on leave so please do not hesitate
to contact her if you need any support in regards to your caring role.
Wishing you all the very best and hopefully see you next summer!
Lucy Robertson (North East Young Carers Support Coordinator)
Olivia
autiful baby girl called
Lucy has since had a be
Useful Apps
Lucy
http://www.selfcareforum.org/2016/08/22/self-care-students-app/
The app is certified by the NHS England Information Standard as a source
of reliable health information. If you would like to share it with other
people feel free to do so. The app cost 79p to download.
Advice on the meningitis W, is here http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/
vaccinations/pages/men-acwy-vaccine.aspx first year students will have
the vaccination at the home GP surgery, second, third and fourth years will
have it at uni.
Carers Club
Have you looked at the Virgincare carers club?
http://www.carersclub.org/
Lots of advice and info, deals and discounts.
6
Service
ndent Living and Handy Van
Indepe
The Royal British Legion’s Independent Living Service covers England, Wales
and Northern Ireland. We offer beneficiaries a high quality, friendly and
professional service to live safe and well at home. The Independent Living
Service comprises of two services; the Independent Living Advice Service and
the Legion Handy Van Service.
Anyone can be bullied. Sometimes people pick on something that makes
you different to everyone else or if you wear different clothes. Sometimes
there is no particular reason at all for someone to bully you. Sometimes the
bullying is a one-off. Other times, someone can bully someone else for a long
period of time.
We offer support face to face, over the telephone and email to help
beneficiaries work towards goals that are important to them.
Around 70 per cent of young people have been bullied at one time and
one million children are bullied every week. Bullying can upset you, hurt you,
make you feel isolated and worthless, lonely, lack in confidence, anxious
and angry. Bullying in any form is hurtful and unacceptable. If you are being
bullied, you need to talk to someone and get help.
This means we could help with:
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Specialist Information and Advice-About Independent Living Options
Aids and Adaptations
Assistance with Disabled Facilities Grants and Challenges
Small maintenance jobs
Home safety checks
Winter warmth checks
Help and support to navigate social services
Help and support to challenge decisions
Help to address isolation and loneliness
Information on local services
Setting up your own social groups
Help to understand your rights and speak up
Who can use this Service?
A beneficiary is anybody who has served, is currently serving in the armed
forces or are a dependent, spouse or partner of someone who is serving or has
served.
Making Contact
Call our friendly contact centre on:
0808 802 8080- Open 8am-8pm- 7 days a week
Or visit one of our pop in centres:
http://www.britishlegion.org.uk/get-support/the-legion-near-you
8
BULLYING
Bullying is where someone hurts you either physically,
by hitting or kicking you, or verbally by calling you
names or teasing you. You can find out more about the different forms
of bullying in our Newsletter Team’s Articles.
Bullying by Tiffany Cooper
Bullying from my point of view is when a person calls other people names or
physically hurts them, sometimes a one-off and sometimes over and over again,
every day.
Are there types of bullying?
There are lots of types of bullying such as;
• Verbal bullying – constant mean names being said.
• Physical bullying – kicking, punching, slapping and many more.
• Social isolation - This includes spreading gossip, ignoring, and can be
especially difficult to identify.
• Homophobic bullying – This is where people are mean to usually young
gays or bisexuals.
• Cyber bullying – This where people give you abuse online (phones, laptops
and much more.)
• Racism – bullying because of your skin colour or race.
• Sizeist bullying - Someone may bully you because of your size, calling you
‘fat’ or ‘skinny’ as an insult.
• Sexist bullying - People bully you for being the opposite sex, calling you
‘weak’ if you are a girl for example.
Effects of bullying
Bullying can lead to the victim experiencing depression, anxiety, eating
disorders and self-harm - which can lead to suicide.
More and more people are becoming suicidal because of bullying - so if you
bully someone, STOP NOW!
Beat the Bullies! – by Isobel Clifton
As a young carer, you may get bullied for many different reasons. It may be because of
your caring role, or because your family’s circumstances are different to others. I have
been bullied for a range of things, one of which was because people thought I was
weird because of my family situation.
Here are some simple strategies to cope with bullying:
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•
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•
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Count to 10 and walk away
Tell a teacher, parent, guardian etc.
Tell the bully that what they are doing is wrong, and explain how you feel.
Use a stress ball to remove your anger
Ignore the bully and do not react. (The bully will soon get bored when they get
no reaction, and walk away).
• Write down your thoughts in a diary/journal.
I know that dealing with bullying may be tough, but bullies usually bully because they
don’t understand your situation, or have problems themselves. So, why not explain
what it feels like to be in your shoes? You never know, it might prevent them from
bullying in the future. Good luck, and I hope these tips work for you!
chool
s
Bullying in
For some young carers, school is a place where they can feel “normal” and forget
about their caring responsibilities for a while. But for many others, it is a place
that adds to their stress. Bullying can take many different forms, such as being
physically threatened, or having someone spreading nasty rumours about you at
school, or on internet sites such as Facebook (also called Cyber-bullying)
If you are being bullied at school, you do not have to put up with it. There are
things that you can do to put a stop to it:
• Tell somebody in school about it, a teacher or another member of staff. If
you are worried about telling someone yourself, ask a friend, your parents or
somebody else you trust to do it with you, or for you.
• You can also tell somebody from Surrey Young Carers, we are always here to
help and can speak to people in the school for you.
• Ask to see your school’s anti-bullying policy – every school has one.
Schools will deal with bullying in different ways, depending on how serious the
bullying is. They might deal with it in school, e.g. by disciplining the bullies, or they
might report it to the police or social services if it is serious enough to need this.
Remember that if you’re being bullied it’s not your fault. You’re not alone, and
there are always people who can help.
Kidscape
www.kidscape.org.uk
Beat
Bullying
www.beatbullying.org
10
What if you’re the bully?
Most people have bullied someone at some point in their lives but they
usually feel sorry about it afterwards and don’t do it again. But if you’re
always picking on other people and you don’t care how angry or upset you
make them, then you’ve got a problem.
How can you stop?
• Try talking to someone you trust
• Apologise to your victims if possible
• Try to be nice to your former victims –they might not trust this
new you, but keep trying!!
• See if you can help new pupils in your year.
• Get a job/do voluntary work
• Visit a local youth club-try to make other friends.
• Find a hobby/take up a sport
• Learn how to control your anger/aggression
• Set yourself goals not to bully/be nasty that day
• Ask a friend to support you becoming nicer.
This won’t happen overnight but you will taking positive steps to help
yourself.
Adults who were bullies as children often end up with all sorts of
problems –failed relationships, few friends, frequent job changes,
because they still think that being aggressive and nasty is the only
way to behave.
So, stop this being your future and stop bullying TODAY!
Young carers made a short video about bullying.
Check it out at:
https://vimeo.com/141398088
lly
Bu
Letter to a
Dear Bully,
Why are you horrible to me?
Disapp
Is it because your life is hard?
oint
Distraught
in mys ed
How would you feel if this was done to you?
elf
Fright
Step into my shoes.
ened
Do you want help?
Frustrated
Hopeless
Your bullying makes me feel…
ed
Twist
Unliked
Worthless
Inside
Isolate
Alone
d
11
A message from the events team...
The Events Team at SYC organises social events for all young carers aged
6-17+ throughout the year. Sometimes, demand for these can very high, so in
order to make them run as smoothly as possible, we would be very grateful if
Young Carers’ families would bear the following in mind:
• If you do not receive a confirmation letter for the event, please DO NOT
assume you have a place for that event. Only those people who receive
confirmation can attend.
• Please do not simply turn up at event. Places are strictly limited and it
causes distress and disappointment to have to turn people away.
• Attendance at an event is also subject to SYC having received the correct
paperwork, which includes a valid medical consent form.
• If the Young Carer is ill or unable to attend an event for any reason, as
soon as you know this, please contact SYC (Events Manager) to release
the place on the event so that another young person can use it instead.
If you do not do this, a place will be wasted.
• If a taxi has been booked for the young person, it will be paid for by SYC
unless we are able to cancel it before the event. We may be able
to organise escorts (if given sufficient notice and subject to availability)
if the young person is not confident in travelling in a taxi, but it delays the
journey for other passengers and the start of the event, if the taxi
is compelled to wait for any young person for any reason.
• Arrangements for an event may vary – sometime a taxi time will be given,
but on other occasions this might not be the case. Please refer to the
letter of invitation for each event for specific details.
• If you need to contact the Events Team about any event which is being
organised, please ensure you give the name of the Young Carer, their age,
and the date and venue of the event. This will enable us to match up the
person with the event you are calling/emailing/texting about.
• If you are not sure about anything to do with an event, PLEASE call us!
We are friendly and helpful and will do our best to sort out any problems
and issues. If in doubt, check arrangements, don’t assume.
We look forward to organising future events to give the Young Carers a well
needed break and thank you in advance for your vital co-operation in the
running of each one.
Kind regards
The events team.
12
12
ire
Young Carers - Short Breaks Questionna
A Short Break gives disabled children and their families a break and time
to have fun and relax. Short Breaks are things like:
• Clubs, play & youth schemes like Challengers, LinkAble, Crossroads Care,
YMCA East Surrey, The Children’s Trust and White Lodge.
• Places to stay such as Cherry Trees, White Lodge and The Beeches
• After School Clubs or other activities like Wheels for All and
Surrey Heath Arena Swimming
We would like to hear what you think about these Short Breaks. What you tell
us will help us make sure these services are right for you and your family in the
future. Thanks for your help!
What Do YOU THINK your brother/sister ENJOYS MOST about Short breaks?
__________________________________________________________________________
What DO YOU THINK your brother/sister ENJOYS LEAST about Short
breaks?
__________________________________________________________________________
Do you get the same opportunities as your friends to relax and have fun?
YES/NO
__________________________________________________________________________
Are you able to do the things you want to do?
If not, why not and what would help?
Yes/No
__________________________________________________________________________
ARE THERE ANY THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE ABOUT SHORT
BREAKS?
PLEASE TELL US MORE
__________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
Please reply to [email protected] by Thursday 27th October.
For the past 6 years I have worked for Surrey Young Carers as an
Admin Assistant so I already know a great deal about SYC and the
support and help it provides to young carers and their families.
I am really excited about my new role as Support Assistant for
the North East team. I am looking forward to meeting new young
carers at welcome events where, apart from meeting me(!), you will
be able to meet and chat to other young carers who live in your
area and enjoy a lovely meal or take part in a fun activity.
Outside of work, I enjoy taking my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel,
Jasper, on long walks, cooking vegetarian food and baking cakes!
Hello! My name is Cheryl Marriott and I started working for
Surrey Young Carers in July as one of four Support Assistants
which are new roles within the organisation.
My previous job was working in a higher education college and I am also a
governor at a local school. Both of these roles have given me an insight into the
education and wellbeing of young people which I feel passionate about.
I am also a mum of two boys. I enjoy holidays (who doesn’t!), swimming, walking,
watching movies and reading. I am looking forward to being part of Surrey
Young Carers future and playing my part in how the organisation helps young
carers across the county.
Hello, my name is Petrina, I’ve recently joined Surrey Young
Carers and thought I’d say hi. Well so far it’s been great, the
teams are all so friendly and it’s great to find a flexible part time
job (sorry if that’s a pain when you’re trying to contact me).
Before SYC I worked as a student mentor at Guildford College,
I even made a few referrals to SYC! So I feel I know a fair bit
about how to help young people when things get tough. I’ve
also had almost 50 children of my own including some with
disabilities…if you want to know more you’ll have to ask me!
I’m looking forward to meeting some of you at the Welcome
events and I’d really like to hear what YOU would like SYC to do
to support you in the future. Say HI if you meet me.
Hi, my name is Emily Gibbons and I am the new
Support Coordinator for the North East, I will be covering
Lucy Robertson’s Maternity leave. I have worked with Children
and Young People for 8 years working as either a volunteer or
professionally.
In my last job, my role was to support young people who were at risk
of homelessness, and support them to learn skills to live independently
in the future such as cooking and budgeting.
I also volunteered with Children’s Holiday Clubs over the summer, and
enjoyed joining in with all the fun activities such as crafts, games and
dance! In my spare time I enjoy baking, and I love to visit the beach
when I can.
The Young Persons Safe Haven
It provides Mental Health Crisis Support for 10 to 17 year olds who are
experiencing:
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Stress
• Self-harm
The service supports young people and therefore parents who just need to talk
to someone. Its opening times are 6.30pm to 8.30pm on Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday and Sunday, with access via a Freephone number that is being
widely publicised in local schools and GP practices.
In its first two months, 20 young people have attended the service equating
to 51 attendances, with young people attending form a variety of areas within
the CCG. In addition, 6 parents have attended the service for support and this
equates to 13 attendances.
Although based in Aldershot it is open to our Farnham young people.
The address is:
4 Hillside Road, Aldershot, Hants, GU11 3NB
Freephone:
0800 061 4132
(during opening times only)
Useful websites
The following is a list of some of the websites we feel you may find useful. Please
note that Surrey young Carers is not responsible for the content or availability of any
other site.
www.actionwork.com
www.anti-bullyingalliance.org
www.besafeonline.org
www.britkid.org
www.bully.org
www.bullying.co.uk
www.childLine.co.uk
www.lgbtyouth.org.uk
www.nobully.org.nz
www.samaritans.org
www.stoptextbully.com
www.youngminds.org.uk
s,
Monday
ursdays
h
T
s,
y
a
Tuesd
m,
ays 5-6p
and Sund esdays
n
and Wed .
7-8pm
Additional websites you might
find useful...
https://www.surreycc.gov.uk/__data/assets/
pdf_file/0012/10290/Anti-bullying-CharterMark-booklet.pdf
https://youtu.be/PH6tmuix7Z4
http://www.winchester.ac.uk/aboutus/
wideningparticipation/Military-ServiceChildren/Pages/Further-and-HigherProgression-for-Service-Children-Resources.
aspx
www.babble.carers.org
Come along to the chat sessions and take a break from your day. Talk
to other young carers about how things are going for you, about your
favourite films and books, your day at school, what you’ll have for
dinner, your plans for the future or what colour socks you’re wearing.
No two chats are the same. Pop in and say hi!
WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
PLEASE SEND ARTICLES TO
[email protected]
SYC now tweets! Follow us
@SYC_YoungCarers
come and see what we are up to!
Action for Carers (Surrey) is a company limited by guarantee with charitable status. Charity No: 1116714
Company No: 5939327 Reg, in England & Wales. Reg Office: Astolat, Coniers Way, Burpham, Guildford GU4
7HL