Vanity
understandings
distorts
Singer-songwriter Carly Simon had a hit in the ’70s with a
memorable chorus: “You’re so vain; you probably think this
song is about you.” It’s a clever premise that uses a play on
words to point out how excessive self-love can distort our
thinking processes.
In my column here last month, I wrote about some of the
influences that interfere with our ability to form
intelligent, well-reasoned opinions – an important skill in
this election season. In that column I discussed the problem
of unconscious processes, which can affect our judgment
without our knowing it. Self-love is another negative
influence on our ability to think well and exercise good
judgment.
Self-love can take many forms – selfishness, conceit,
arrogance, insensitivity. In the form of pride, it is
considered one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Virtually all world
religions recognize the problem of self-love and caution
against it.
In the New Testament, Jesus emphasized the need to balance
concern with self and concern with others, saying, “Love your
neighbor as yourself.” Other religions focus on the importance
of detaching from your ego, caring for those who are poor and
helpless, and putting others before yourself.
In the field of psychotherapy, excessive self-love has a
formal diagnosis, narcissism. But some argue that self-love
isn’t all bad. For example, shame or self-hatred is also the
mark of a dysfunctional personality; good mental health
requires a certain degree of self-interest, or self-esteem.
Evolutionary psychologists argue that human intelligence
developed over eons in the crucible of self-interest. In the
early setting of survival of the fittest, the selfish were
more likely to survive to reproduce and pass on their genes.
But as human population grew and social interaction became
both necessary and inevitable, cooperation increasingly became
a survival trait. And so, such psychologists argue, altruism,
compassion and empathy also grew in importance. Caring for
others as much or more than yourself oiled the wheels of
social intercourse.
Unfortunately, the growth of concern for others didn’t
eliminate self-love in the human heart – or in the human
genome, as evolutionary psychologists might assert. Self-love
survives as an intrinsic part of what we often call human
nature, setting up a struggle between good and evil in
ourselves and in the world.
Despite the existence of human kindness and generosity, many
forces in today’s society continue to fuel the fires of selflove – reality TV, social media and non-stop ads that focus on
possessing superficial qualities and material possessions.
How does self-love interfere with thinking well? First, and
most obvious, it distorts our ability to be objective when
viewing ourselves and others. A multitude of studies show the
majority of people, when asked, report they are above average
in driving ability, intelligence, attractiveness and so on.
A little knowledge of math and statistics shows such a
distribution is impossible. But this over-inflated sense of
ourselves supports our further tendency to believe our
opinions are better than the next person’s – whether they are
based on good critical thinking or on strong feelings about a
given subject.
This explains why so many of us have extremely strong
political opinions with absolutely no facts to back us up -and
we can make sure we won’t hear any facts challenging our
thinking by watching the news channel or listening to the
radio talk-show host that thinks exactly the way we do. After
all, we don’t need facts when we already know we’re right, do
we? We’re on dangerous ground when we slide into such
thinking.
Self-love also distorts our thinking by causing us to
overvalue our own importance and undervalue the importance of
others. It convinces us that we’re better than other people
and deserve more than they do. It also convinces us that our
grievances are more legitimate and our suffering is more
important.
One of the more insidious effects of self-love is that it
makes us want to believe we are good and virtuous. The more we
need to believe in our goodness, the more likely we are to lie
to ourselves and others to maintain that belief.
Our unconscious mind steps in to help us maintain the charade,
employing denial, rationalization and other psychological
defense mechanisms. Not only are we sure we’re right and the
other person is wrong, but we’re outraged and indignant by
their position.
This situation is likely to get worse before it gets better.
Our society may be in a pendulum swing toward excessive selflove. Researchers report that narcissistic attitudes among
college students have increased dramatically over the last 15
years, with one-third now showing high scores on the
Narcissistic Personality Inventory.
If that research is right, you’re so vain – to paraphrase
Carly Simon – you probably think this column isn’t about you.
Linda Smith is associate dean of the Honors College.