VALLEY
H
LET ATT, LAJBOB FOR THE B ]^T INTERESTS OF OUR TOWN.
Y A if ETTEN, F . Y., FRIDAY, JUNE 10, 1892.
VOL. I.
MR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
FOOD ON TAP.
I t Make* Quite li Difference Wliicli One
Peripatetic Kitchens to Flood New York
and Cooks to Be Dethroned.
P u b lis h e r’s N otice.
——
Half Inch (Professional Cards), per year, 13.00
of the Two Is Sick.
One Inch ( Business Cards), per year,
$4.00
When Mr. Bowser comes home and
Business Notices Five cents per line each in- finds his wife lying down with her head
tied up he is real sorry for her, of course
—just as sorry as any husband could be.
And, like any other husband, he stands
and surveys her for a moment and then
bluntly says;
“I expected iti Finally got fiat down,
eb?”
“It’s nothing,” she faintly replies.
“ OhI it isn’t! Nothing for a wife to
fiop down and upset the whole house, 1
supposed Well, I’ve been looking for
it the last three months, and so I’m not
much surprised. Mrs. Bowser, it's a
wonder to me that you or any other
woman in New York is out of your
coffin!”
“It’s only—only a headache, dear.”
“Yes, only a headache; but what do
headaches lead to? It you are not a
dead woman before Saturday night you
may consider yourself lucky. Didn’t 1
warn you not to sit in a draught—^not to
wear thin shoes—not to eat too much in
warm weatlier? Little good it does to
talk to a woman!”
“You can’t help ailing occasionally,”'
she replied, as she got up to wet the
bandage around her bead.
“Mrs. B )wser, look at me!” he said,
as be struck an attitude and held one
hand aloft. “When am I ever aUing?
When dp you hear me comolaiu? Never!
And why is it. Because, Mrs. Bowser
9 ,1 1 and 13 N. Tioga ntreet, Ithaca, —because I don’t cram my slorn icb wiih
watermelon, buttermiik, gum - drops,
( 0pp. SaviDgg Bank.)
custarcl pie, sweet-cuike, gingerale, ami
all that! Because I don’t go around with
my feet sopping wet ! • B .‘cause I kuow
enough to come in wlieu it raius! Be­
cause
exercise a litUe qommou sense in
TEETH FILLED WITHOUT takingI cars
of myself!”
“Your dinner is ready.”
PAIN.
“And I’m ready for dinner. A healthy,
happy person is always ready for
his meals. You won't try to gal up, 1
suppose?”
“Not now.”
Rates for displayed advertisements furnished
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•
F R A N K E. HOWE,
D EN TIST,
sp m A irY
Will
You!
I
NO. 40.
We Fiirnisli The Books,
You Carry Them Away.
G r a n t ’s M e m o ir s ,
Turn the crank and get a dinner.
T hat’s about what it’s come to now.
For years we have been turning the
crank and getting gas and water, and
of late heat has been brought along un­
der the streets and into our homes, but
now the climax is to be capped, it
seems. Pood is to be brought to us in
Original $7.00 Edition, for
a sort of movable kitchen.
A certain food supply company,
50
which originally broke loose in Boston,
No book has ever had such a sale in
is about to erupt this city. It promises
much, and alleges that it has fulfilled the United States as General Grant,s
even more in the “ City of Beans.”
Memoirs. Over 650,000 copies have
For instance, you can ordei- a dinner
served you in the park or on an “L” already gone into the homes of the
station stairway, and prompt to the rich, but the subscription price. of |7
minute there it will be.
has placed it beyond the reach of
Moreover, they promise that it will people ill moderate circumstances. If
be good. It will come’ in a queet
shaped vehicle and be served by a man 650.000 people have been willing Ip
pay $7.00 for Grant’s Memoirs, theN
with progressive ideas.
To supply out of the way pUices with must be a couple of million people in
meals is not the main idea of the the United States who want them>
scheme. It is proposed to invade homes
and abolish kitchens. This is a direct and Will jump at the opportunity to
blpw a t the great army of qooks, who, buy at the low figure here offered.
up to date, have reigned supreme.
We will send you Gon. Grants Me^They have had us in their entire keep­
moirs, publisher’s original edition^
ing—not only our hfe^th, but our do­
mestic happiness as well; and now, at' best paper, cloth, green and gold bindr
last, they are to be undone.
ing, hitherto sold by subscription at
Just think of |t!
No more “ W hat shall we have for
dinner, dear?”
and absolutely a proportion such ag
No more underdone fish and burned has never been made in the histery of
up mutton.
No more dinners on s i^ in e s because book publishing. The two splendid
the market man had foi^otten to send' volumes of Grant’s Memoirs, of which
the roast of beef around~ and that al­ 650.000 copies have already be(tt
ways happens, you know, when you' sold—not a cheap edition, but th^
have asked Smith home to take ‘*pot
luck” with you, trusting th at there best—for 50 centb^ PROVIDED yon
would be something especially good to send your subscription to the B reizi
eat.
for one year, and also a subscription
No more vexed wives with
faces, of $3 for the Cosmopolitan Magazine*
burned fingers and an ineiinathHi to be
snappy, all bet^use some; little pastry the brightest and cheapest of the
great illustrated monthliesi itself
did not come out jjust
The food-Dn-top’c<^pany is to have' equal to the best $4.00 magazine,
a nqpiber 6f kitchens lo o te d m dijffer-'
y AThe^ C o s m q ^
eht*piii^-oT
kUchens seVid out supply wagons rigged; makie this o£fer because of the purl
CENTS !
h a d n ’t
w e
B E T rtlll
HAVE
TW O
DOC­
TO R S, M RS. B O W S E R ?
“Nonsense! Yoh’ve just got a little
inflammation of the tonsils.”
“ I’ve felt fo r 8 0 1 ^ days as if a great
calnraity hung DfBr this household.
Hadn’t we beitpr l^ve two. doctors?”
“Just trv and gef to sleep. Mr. Bow­
ser,and I’ll warrant you’IL (cel better by
night.”
?“Ah! how T enffeh” he groans. “You
may be a widow b^pre the week is out.
I hope you will always he kind to our
child. I have trletf to be a good hus­
band. and—ami”—r— •
Mrs. Bowser lay| her hand on bis
forehead and the tears come to his eye*
and he suddenly, bpeomes a great big
booby. Siie has to hold his huud to get
him to sleep, and w}ien he wakes up he
wants tea and toast and jell,nod he is as
petulHnt ns a sick b^by urHU fiualiry put
to bed. He is a new mnn when he
awakes in the morning; and when *he
ask.s after his throat he replies:
“Throat—huraphi Mrs. Bowser, for
a'boiit five hours-yesterilay I was hover­
ing between life and death. Had it
been you you woiihl have died ten times
over, but grit pulled me through.”
“ Grit!”
“Yes. Grit—sajid-—pluck.—- Spartan
rnnmge and fortitude. I let none of
you know how bad I actually was. but
just shut my teeth and determined to
live’ and here is the result of if. Ah!
Mrs. Bowser, if you only had a huridrecUii part of my,.courage and will.powder you'd be. a far .different woman
frotn-What you*ar<&4low—a far '(lifferettb
woman!”
For SO Cents
like a bumble bee, with a hot and cold chasA of 600,000 volumes at a price
end. From one end of this wonderful which even publishers would deem
wagon you can draw out hot coffee
Pretentious Work UafluiHhed.
impossible, and with the idea of run­
Alexander William Kinglake,who died from the other end ice cream.
But what a picnic these wagons will ning up its circulation to half a mih
recently in England, was best known'a?
ttie author of the “Invasion of the be for the small boy when they get to lion copies. By contract with the
Crimea.” He was born at Wclton be plenty on the streets ! I can imag­ Cosmopolitan the B reeze is enabled
House, near Taunton, in 1811. His ine tiie street Arab now “cutting on” to offer to its readers \a share in the
father was a country gentleman and he beliind, turning the faucet and getting
Another piece of fine Hemp Carpet at
received the usual educational course of his fi11 of sou p or lemon shqrbet. Don’t low price obtained through the largest
his class, going through the preparatory fear but that the small lx>y will have purchase of books ever made in the
15 cents a yard.
school at Eton and graduating at Trinity fun with this ^ rip a te tic cookery!
history of the world.
Fans 1 cent each,
LO O K A T M E. M RS. B O W S E r I
College. Cambridge, in*1832. - He studied
The very sight of them will smell
law at Lincoln’s Inn and was admitted
“Well,
you
have
only
yourself
to
If, however, you have Grant’s books,
liadies' Fast Black Hose 5c a pair,
good.—New
York
Herald.
blame. You m*iy learn in time, but I to the bar, but after a few years of
the Costqopolitan’s offer will permit
doubt it. I’d like to find one woman practice retired and devoted himself to
Men’s Socks 5c a pair,
A Correction.
with about two ounces of horse sense in literary pursuits. He traveled some in
you to take in^t ad:
Some words are so generally misap­
New Calicoes 5c a yard,
iier head before I die, but I don’t expect the East and after his return published
Gen. Sherman’s Memoirs, 2 vols.,
to do it. Well.it cam’t be helped, I sup­ a record of his experiences under the plied th at many people imagine them
Men’s Pants, lined all through 75c,
pose. Tiie Lord madle you that way,and title of “Eothen.” He was elected to to be quite correct and even elegant in sold by subscription for $5.
parliament
for
Bridgewater
as
a
liberal
P e st X X X Full Roller Flour $1.25 it’s no n.se to argue.”
Gen. Sheridan’s Memoirs, 2 vols.,
Mr. Bowser eats his dinner, smokes in 1857 and continued a member until he certain instances when they are really
out of place.
his cigar anti sings and whistles as if the
sold by subscription for $6.
for 50lb sack,
“Will
you
tell
me
how
near
to
the
slightest noise didn’t go through her
Gen. McClellan’s Memoirs, sold by
Good Java Coffee 18c a pound,
station this car goes?” asked a mild
aching head like a bullet. It never oc­
curs to him.to fan her. wet the baudage
subscription
for $3.75.
featured
old
lady
of
the
conductor
oo
10 Cakes of Soap for 25c,
or ask if slip can’t sip a cup of ten. It
a suburban horse car.
All of these are bound in cloth,
does
occur
to
him.
however,to
say
about
31b Fresh Baked Cook es 25c,
“W hat station?” inquired the con­ g r^ n an4 gold^ in uniform style ifith
bedtime; \ .
ductor; with an air -of great forbear-i
^T’m sorry, of course, but then you
31b Fresh Ginger Snaps 25c,
ance.. “Do you mean the- police sta-r Grant’s Memoir^.
miiat haVe more sehse. I’U go up to
51b Fresh Ci ackers 25c,
bed. and you caff eoitne wbert you get
tion ? We don’t go anywhere neat: it. ”
The CoemopoUtan and Weekly
ready. If you are going to kick around
“No, I meant”—, b e ^ n : the. old lady. Free Frees) are sent postage prepi^id,
Good Writing Paper 2c a doz.,
much, you’d better sleep in the spare
“Ohi I s i i p p ^ you ineiaa the fire en­
room, *
Safaty Pins 2c a doz.,
gine station,” internipt-^tiie coriduct-: but the postage dn the bookej at th*
NoW and then the tables are turned.
or. “Well, we go within about five' rate of ^iefeht^per ounce, mfiet be fiOronoco Tobacco 4c paper,
Mr. Bbwser comei hofne to luhcii. drii^
giiig hi* legs aflef him and Tookiag pale
minutes’ walk o f‘thatl^'
mitted with the'order; Gem GraBt%
Str^iw Hate 10c each.
and scared. ‘
‘ '
“ 1 meant-the-raiiwAy-station!” ejacu­ Meinoirs, 96 oz*—
cent s;
“ WtiAfs the matter?” asks Mrs. Bow­
lated
ladjr, with a o c ^
Mixed Candy 10c a pound.
ser as sooff MS he stepk iniff the house.Sheridans MeihQirftr,92 qz.^t- 46 cenji;
fiu
sh
^
c
o
u
n
ts
.
“ G(»t a tore throat and I foe! Tevensh.
Pickles 10c a doz., 3 dpx. 25p,
“6h,
depot!” said the conductor,' Gen. ShertoApfs^Memoirs; #
I—I think rin going to be sick!”
O ja ta l Rice 5c a pound.
jn a tone of -great ^ j^ rk n ty . “Wei cents; Gen. rMcClellan’s Memoj^, 48
8he doesn’t cull oiiit that it’s just as
she expected, and declare that no hus­
A. W. KINOLAXE,
p ^ ^ lo M b y itl” ’ J .
OZ.—24 cents, or books can be sent Jby
band in New York li.is seU'fe enouglt t'o was unseated on petition In 1868. He
*^hanjj: you,” ^ d the old lady |)o-|
express at the expense^ of the miih
look out lor his healtih. She kiioWa be gained some prominence through bis op-’
^jtely^
an
d
tjhe
c
^
d
u
c
^
e
v
i
d
^
^
y
f^
^
was out in a draught in his shirt-sleeves, position to the conspiracy law and his
but she doesn’t even mention it. On the denunciation of the annexation or Savoy that she was suppressed, and he h a d scfiber.
contrary, she remarks:
and^Nice by France ih 186(y, but iktever' adi|«im ^;ei^ a ne^jed, lasson In Eii-^ ^ Send at ofiee $3 (or a year’s - stib
gliSb.'^Youth’s C om p^ten.
“Try and eat a little something and achieved parliamentary disitinction.
scriptldu to the Cosmopolitim, 50 ets.
The work o f liiaf life was hiS- Bistory
then lie down. You’d belter gurgle your
of the Crimean war which, appeared in
for h'-ycn/s subseripticn to ihh VAtxn
throat and then lie it up.”
ODDS AND EWDS.
successive
rolurhes
athefe
1868.
It
is
very
YanEttenville, N. Y.
“D ) you—you tiduk its anything
BiuEEZEj^ afid 50 cefite* for a Mt of /
serioiisf” he whispers as he grows paler. labored and is more remarkable for
Great Britain has 58,000 women trade
Memoirs--$4 in rH—to which add
»»u the
LUO rhetorical brilljancy than for accuracy imionists. '
“ I hone not. but it’s best lo be5 on
safe side. Yon me s.nbject to quinsv, ! of statement or jutlgnj^nt of 'the meFita
In Spain the infant’s face is swept postage on the particular set of Me­
voii know, and spinal meuiugiiis begins | <>f military opferations; He gitve great
jn.si this wav.”
| offense to the French by systematically with a pme tree "bough- to bring good moirs selected.
“ I believe I'm going to die,” gasps i minimizing their part in^ the war and luck.
If you are:^not ac<juainted with Hie
Mr. Bowser, and he grows so weak tnat | failing to recognize the timely aid they
Repentance th a t is brought about Magazine, send a postal card to the
she has to take off liia coat and vest and | gave the British on more than one critical
get him on the lounge. Everything j occasion. The last volume of the work through fear hardly .ever lasts very Cosmopolitan, Madison Square, New
about the lion«e is ordered to go o-i tin- j appeared only a few years ago.
long.
too Mild fv-u !he cat is put out and the
Mr. Kinglake had been suffering from
In the interior of South America Yofik Citj", for free sample c5py.
Icloca siopj»ed. After his ihmat 1.as cancer of the tongue for some time and
, Seiid all orders to the ■
chocolate,
cocoanuts and eggs are used
I been lied u p , his shoes taken off and a ! (or several days before his death he WM
HISTORIAN OF THE CRiMEA. •
The
L a te
A . W . K insrlttke;
L eave* HI*
Look Over The List
BELOW ?
# 1:
G.F.6aR pn’s^tore,
Tulf s Pills
quilt Ihrowu <<ver him Mr. Bjwser : unable to take any food.
pia<niivcly Inquires:
!
“D o i'ty o u inmk you'd better send
■—.....
for
di>C‘ior? ’
I “Not ju*!t vet, dear, I don’t think it’*
I verv
I *Mts. B/vv.eer. I believe Tm already
I StrUuK WiLil lIculLj"
................
j
SUBSCRIBE!
as currency.
^
VALLEY BREEZE
In average condition a turnip seed
y an E ^S aU e, N. Ymay increase its own weiight fifteen
times in a minute.
The subscription price of the B k iin
P u t old rubber rings of cans into
cenli
weak ammonia water and they will if senlm itof Ihe county,
again become elastic.