2 Monday. OclObel' 22 2012' THE NEW PAPER
News
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.
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Desperate to from drugs, he asked
In and out ofjail since he was a teen,
53-year-old addict is now dying ofcancer
REPORT: eHAI HUNG YIN
chaillynCsph.com.sg
With only regrets to look back on in his final days.
Mr Mahmood has a last wish - to share his story so that
others do not follow in his footsteps.
He took his first puffwhen he was a Secondary One
pillow. He took a sip of tea and swallowed with student at Bukil Merah Secondary SchooL He shared a
difficulty. his face a picture of pain. cigare tte with several classma tes under a tree near the
He breathed in and out very slowly. as though his footbalilield during recess time.
ai......ay was stuck. and his eyes looked dull. Mr Mahmood SaUch. 5..1. is dying linm lung cancer. which has also spread to his brain. He has been given only a couple of months more to Said Mr Mahmood: ... wanted to try a whole new
live. world. Once I had taken a puff. I felt as though I had
While his ,10 ye-= ofsmoking could have sealed his grownup."
fate. it was his 36 years of addiction to drugs that has
Soon, he graduated to smoking a stick a day. bought
robbed him of his freedom. his marriage and his family
using his pocket moncygivcn by his parents.
ties.
By the time he was 15 years old. he had dropped Ollt
Now. with the end looming. he is racing against time
[() make up for his past by making amends to his father ofschool. despite his parents' objection.
His parents later round OUI he was smoking as "they
and warn others of the dangers of dru~.
He missed the chance to beg tor forgiveness from his could tell (rom the smell or smoke" in his mouth. He
even stole cigarettes from his dad. • Iso a smoker.
mother. who died ofcolon cancer on Dec 41.st year.
IS frail frame rested on a sofa. his head on a H
One puff
He took up pan-time labour intensive jobs such as
kitchen helpcr and pot maker. which paid him betwL'Cn
$2 and 59 a day.
He also staned mixing with bad company in the
Redhill Close neighbourhood. where he lived.
Cwiosity got the better of him and one day in 1975
at a staircase landing. be smoked marijuana for the first
time.
He said: "I lost my memory temporarily. [ felt para­
noid while I was high for about halfan hour:
But he was hooked. and soon. he was taki(lg drugs
dailv.
':Once you have tried taking drugs even once, you
ca n't kick the ha bit." he said.
It W"-' cheap then - he could get a pack of marijuana
ror just $2. The n. marijuana came wrapped in newspa­
per orleaV<.'S.
He said he has never trafficked drugs and bought
only fo r his own consumption.
He would hang o ut with a group of five or six sch ool
dropouts like himself. They would listen to rock music
while they got high on marijuana.
·"We would trade many stories with each other. We
wOl~d 1~SO exchange infonnation on where to get
drugs," he said.
His parents were kept in the dark until a year later, in
1976, when he was caught for drug offences.
He said: "They were angry with me, though they
didn't hit me. I think they were very disappointed.
"They tried to dissuade me from taking drugs, but
I've Ilt....,erlistened to them."
On the day he was arrested, he was going downstairs
to look for a friend.
He said: I was high on dmgs and walking in a zig-7.ag
manner."
He said neighbours had complained to the police
about him and his friend, taking drugs.
He was jailed for three months and fined $3,000. It
wa., hi~ first time in jail and he was scan.'<I.
One by one, hi. friends were also arrested and were
sent to jail at different times.
The time in jail didn't change him. Mr Mahmood
re(Um(~d to drugs within six months of his release. His
friends were aL'D released at about the same tillle.
He said: "We would ask each other if anyone is still
pushing drugs. If yes, then we would restart our habit.
TNP hotline:
1800-73344 55
"Once we've tried one, we \'VdIlt to try another dnlg.
When a friend said this drug is even stronger, we want
to try too:
He was caught again the next year and sentenced to
six months in drug rehabilitatio<l cenrre (ORq,
The year after, he ,,;as caught again. 'nlis time, he
was jailed three yearn.
When he was released in 1981. he was determined to
tum avera new leafand he did, for 10 years.
He said: "I told mysclfthat I won't go back to drugs."
He became passionate about motorbikes, bought
his own Yamaha bike, did hell-riding. went on biking
trips and even met his first wife. a fellow enthusiast.
Ihey got married in 1984 and she gave birth to a
baby girl a year later.
Old friend
But h.is past returned to haunt him when he
bumped into an old friend, who, he said, pestered him
every day to try heroin.
He declined a few times but gave in after a while. He
said: "1 thought, it wouldn't do hann to just take once."
Rewas very wrong. "Once I had taken that onetime,
I yearned for a second time," he said.
That cost him his marriage. His wife asked for a
divorce and took custody of his daughter. then sLx years
old. He said: "[ didn'tlookafter my family. I spent all my
s.-lIary - $700 to $800 - on drugs."
His mother-in-law, who worked as a gardener. had
to support his family instead, as his wife was a hOllse·
wife.
SltI>/l\IDlS:94178899
Mr Mahmood wa.' caught again in 1991 and just
before he went to ·jail again that year. the divorce was
finalised.
Over the next 18 vcars, he was in and out of the ORC
and jail five times. .
His longest time in ORC was two years a nd his
longest time in jail was 3' /, years.
He also got hitched a second time, to a. Malaysian
woman, whom his mother introduced in a bid to make
him stay away from drugs.
It workE:,<! for a while, but he asked for a divorce two
years later, as the conunute to visit her in Malaysia COSt
him his job.
He said: "I had to take three days of leave every time
1wem to visit her in Datu Pahat, lohor. Mv boss \vasn't
.
very happy with that."
lIs his siblings started shwming him, one person
stood by him - his mother.
She never missed a cha nce to visit him in jail. even
when canccrwas ravagmgher body.
He said: "She never failed to visit, till she was too sick
[0 move about last year:
Once, out of desperation to break free from drug.',
he suggested to his parents to tie him to the bed using
cloth.
But ,vithin an hour, he had the urge to abuse drugs
and he screamed and shouted .
His Illother, who cOlddn't stand seeing her son in
that state, released him.
Web.<lte: tnp.sg Em.il:tnp@!!ph,co:m_sg
Continued on
r.u:63198266
REGRETS:
MrMahmood
salleh recalls
his childhood
days while
flipping
through an
album of old
photographs.
TNP PICTURES:
KELVlfi ClING
PAGE 4
To snbscribe:6388 3838
4 Monday, Oclober 22 2012-THE NEW PAPER
HOMEVlSIT:
Apaillattve care
nursechecking
on Mr Mahmood
Salish's healll1,
HIP PlCTUIIE;
KElVINCHNG
He wants to ask mum to forgive him, but ... I,
Fro::~~~!
10 a
only chained him
lifetime
of drugs.
In January this year, Mr Mahmood was caUghl again
for drug offences.
Before the court could impose a sentence, h e was
diagnosed with lungcancer.
Thesymptoms started lasl year.
He said: "When I was rele.1Sed from prison last ye-df
after serving 3'/, years in jail, I felt pain HI my back. I
thought I had muscle lear. Doctors gave me painkill­
ers."
But he didn't fecI better so he retlmled lO the poly­
clinic fora second consultation.
An X-ray showed a lump in his left lung. He was
referred to the National Universiry Hospital bur he
didn' t rum up for follow-up checkups, even wben can­
cer was suspected.
It was only in January this year when he was arrested
again that he told doctors in jail that he was suspected
ofhaving cancer.
He was refemod to the Changi General Hospital,
where he was connrrncd tohavc lungcancer.
Treatment consisting of rudiotherapy and chemo­
therapy ~tarted , and he lost his hair.
"The doctor told me thilt it was alread)' stage four
and had spread to my brain. He told me, 'Be pre­
paretl'."
By then, he had been charged in courr for drug
offences bllt because of his condition, he was released
onAug3 this yearo~ compa<;sionate ground.
"Now, I sperid my days praying for guidance and
asking fo r long life. There's !.lothing much I can do
now."
Today, he thinks of his biggest regret at not being
able to beg for forgiveness from his mother.
" I wasn't bv her s.ide even though I was alit of jail
when she died: lowed a lot to my late mother. Since she
died .. ... His voice rrailed oO'an" rumed into sobs.
"I want to ask forforgiveness because I realised that [
never made her happy.
"She tried her best to me make happy. but I ma de
her life difficult. I feel embarrassed, I did so much
wrong.
"She sacrificed a lot for me, in terms of finances and
love. I was always her priority. She seldom said no to
me.
"But I took advantage of her. That's why J feel bad
now. When I was staying with her, I would ask her for
m o ney whenever I n"'-'<led to feed my drug habit.
"She disliked it. scolded me and gnlillbled, but she
still gave it to m e. She didn'l want me
go around
stealing things."
VI/ith his days numbered, he is racing against time to
make amends to his father, who has multiple diseases.
induding he-drl disease_
He said; "Whatever he cannot do, I do it for him. I
can't carry heavy things, but I can push his wheelcbair
and \Vash him up."
10
95
The strained ties betwee n him and his Siblings, have
been mended_
His yOlUlge r sisler, Madam Junaidah SaIIeh, 43, n
housewife, is lookingafter him.
She said: "He'ssliIJ our sibling. We don't beargnJdg­
05."
She also looked after her mother when she wa.
suffering from cancer.
Mr Mahmood a lso has" palliative care nurse, Ms
Amy Lim, from HO\ Hospice Care, caring for him on
his finallnp.
She looked after hb mum too, during her last days
And it ,,'<15 she who floated the idea ofdoing more in
his las t days.
And Mr Mahmood, who is inspired, hopes to leave
behind a legacy, in the form of a book, with the mc'ssage
to young people to stay away from drugs,
He is working"~th a ftcclance , vriter and photob'fa­
pherol1 the book.
H is message is simple.
He said: "Don't try any drug. not eve n once. It
doesn't m a tte r what lype of dnlg. Once you've tried it,
you can't forget it.'·