Here are some samples from excellent Forum Posts, with some comments about their strengths:
Here’s the first half of a post that starts very strong.
I argue that the birthmark in the short story “The Birth-Mark” by Nathaniel Hawthorne
represents man’s desire to be in complete control of his world, more specifically, to control
that which he views as spiritual in nature. Hawthorne has nature take on a Godly countenance
in this story. The author capitalizes every instance of the word Nature, giving it the importance
of a proper name, similar to how some religions capitalize God. Hawthorne speaks of
humanity as being a product of Nature (2). Nature has stamped the birthmark on Aylmer’s
wife Georgiana to demonstrate the temporary nature of the human, serving as a reminder that
we are mere mortals (2).
Aylmer sees the birthmark as reflecting sin and mortality, by “Selecting it as the
symbol of his wife’s liability to sin, sorrow, decay and death” (3). Sin and mortality is
reflected repeatedly in the author’s description of the birthmark. Hawthorne refers to it as a
“symbol of imperfection” and uses terms like crimson and bloody to describe the imprint.
These descriptions get more intense as the story goes on. Though at first the birthmark is
described as having a “tint of deeper crimson” which vanished when Georgiana blushed, the
end describes the birthmark as “strongly visible” (2 & 14). The color red is often used as a
sign of evil and sin (think of The Scarlet Letter). Hawthorne contrasts the redness with his
description of Georgiana’s face as snow white in color with a marble like paleness, white
being a symbol of purity and in opposition of sin and evil. …
Commented [LM1]: This student immediately moves to
make her argument more specific, and it pays off. Look at
how she then immediately works very closely with the text
to develop her ideas
Commented [LM2]: Excellent work building up a pattern
in the text, and using it to methodically build an argument.
Note also how well this post is written, and how the
quotations are carefully integrated.
Here’s a small sample from a post that links important parts of a text very well:
I argue that the teeth in Poe’s twisted short story “Berenice” symbolizes mortality but
also a sense of purity. Believing that the narrator Egaeus is a man of intellect, fearful of death
and obsessed with knowledge he becomes fixated with the teeth of Berenice, which somehow
manage to escape the grasp of her illness: “Now I shuddered in her presence, and grew pale at
her approach; yet bitterly lamenting her fallen and desolate condition…” (4). The narrator
shows fear of the presence of Berenice who is suffering horribly from her illness, in my
opinion that fear and sorrow stems from the fear of death as he himself were born from death
and sorrow “Here died my mother. Herein was I born” (1).
Here’s some language from a post that does great close, imaginative work with the text:
… The word spiritual theologically symbolizes faith, and is represented by the female
characters. Ironically, to put your faith into something is to give up control, which is a
challenge for the male characters because of the affinity to have power and be in control.
Scientific study was another affinity for challenging their woman, defining the male’s
patriarchal characteristics. I think this is a few of the many gender specific symbols with
Commented [LM3]: Great Juxtaposition here between
quotations from page 4 and page 1. The two quotes work
together to illuminate not only the character of Egeaus, but
also the theme of death, and how gender interacts with both.
abstract philosophical binaries associate with patriarchy ideology. A quote I found from
Hawthorne's “The Birthmark” mentioned “spiritual affinity” (5), and it encompasses the irony
presented with language that symbolized gender specific characteristics used to show the
paradox of patriarchal ideologies. The Merriam Webster dictionary uses the words kinship and
marriage to define affinity. Ironically, affinity is also defined as an “attraction [a symbol of the
female characters] or force [a symbol of the male characters] between substances [a symbol
relative to science] causing them to enter into and remain in chemical combination” (Merriam
Webster dictionary). I find the latter definition interesting because it has symbols associated
with both male and female, chemically combining. Attraction representing the female
characters because it is the reason they married. Ironically the male characters conflict
between their love for science and love for their woman is to me, a paradoxical challenge to a
standard gender role of the man of the house to uphold…
It was ultimately, the male character that destroyed the naturally beautiful spirit of the female
because both men choose affinity for knowledge instead of natural god-given
beauty. Challenging faith and choosing love of science over their woman is thus symbolically
represented as dangerous and destructive. This reflects negatively on the character and
judgement of man’s humanity. … [It relates to] the attraction Eve had to the apple from the
forbidden tree of knowledge, because Eve chose knowledge over faith. This matters because
the male characters challenge religious ideologies by the affinity to acquire knowledge. I argue
that each story in its own way ironically subverted gender specific patriarchal ideologies, to
show the dangers of challenging faith or God’s power with obtaining the scientific wonders of
our creation. Science challenges religious beliefs, questioning everything religion tells us to
just have faith in…
Here’s a solid and clear example of how, formally, to work with quotations. Look at the 12-3 structure here: Claim, Quotation, Analysis:
… We know that Georgiana’s mark is deeper than just a mark on the surface of her
face. The mark on her left cheek was “a singular mark, deeply interwoven, as it were, with the
texture and substance of her face” (6). The word “interwoven” tells the reader that the
birthmark was so much a part of her that it couldn’t be removed because it was entwined into
every part of who she was. This scar was not a superficial mark but a much deeper identity
that she carried with her all her life.
Here is some more nice work with the language of a quotation:
While it is improbable that the birthmark was the sole imperfection of Georgiana, Hawthorne
continually stresses both her inner and exterior beauty, without mention of another
inadequacy. I contest that he does this as a means to both highlight the absurdity of Aylmer’s
discontent, and stress the unattainable standard of perfection the result of Aylmer’s Godcomplex:
“No, dearest Georgiana, you came nearly so perfect from the hand of nature that this
slightest possible defect, which we hesitate whether to term a defect or a beauty, shocks me as
being the visible mark of earthly imperfection” (5).
Commented [LM4]: Watch how carefully, and
imaginatively, this student works with both words in this
important phrase.
Commented [LM5]: Note how this student mentions a
“paradox” in the lines above, but doesn’t stop there—she
goes on to further analyze that paradox.
Commented [LM6]: This student keeps thinking, and
keeps building up her argument with both further reference
to the text (the text’s allusion to Eve) and further comments
on the philosophical impact of the text. It is very creative,
and the analysis is very sustained—it keeps growing and
building.
Commented [LM7]: She doesn’t let the quotation speak
for itself—she zeroes in on a single significant word.
The phrase “hand of nature” is significant because the birthmark itself is shaped like a
hand, specifically that of an infant. Much like an imperfection, a hand is synonymous with
humanity. Children are universally revered as beautiful, envied for their innocence, and
unconditionally loved despite their imperfections. Most men would view the birthmark in this
regard, “Many a desperate swain would have risked life for the privilege of pressing his lips to
the mysterious hand” (6). However, Aylmer’s love is far from unconditional, rather his love is
predicated on the notion that he is a God and therefore is deserving of divine perfection. His
use of the word “earthly” whilst describing her imperfection serves to evidence this fact, as
earth and dirt are often associated with poverty and the earliest of humanity.
Here are two full Posts that are all-around excellent:
I argue Berenice’s teeth are an extension of the objectification of women that occurs in a
patriarchal society. The overwhelming patriarchal tones are presented prior to Egaeus’
obsession with Berenice’s teeth. Egaeus goes into great length to discuss the glaring
differences between himself and Berenice, and furthermore, highlights perceived ideological
differences of the male and female genders. Egaeus describes Berenice as “agile, graceful and
overflowing with energy” and continues further to state her as possessing “gorgeous yet
fantastic beauty”. (7). Alternatively, Egaeus contrasts himself as “ill of health and buried in
gloom” and “soul to the most intense and meditation” (7). Egaeus’ perception of Berenice is
merely bodily where he portrays himself as intelligent, analytical and capable of profound
meditation. Egaeus suggests that as a bodily creature, Berenice only has qualities of her body
to offer, where he offers a profound and preferable intellect.
Considering the primary notion of distinct and unequal differences between the genders, the
objectification is further clarified when Egaeus discusses his illness. His monomania is
described as a fixation of insignificant items, such as “some frivolous device on the margin…a
quaint shadow…common word.” (10) Although he defines his illness as intense consideration
of insignificant items, the underlying reality is that he has too analyzed Berenice throughout
their life and has been consumed with her because she too is an insignificant object. Egaeus
objectification of Berenice is elucidated as he proclaims “most surely I had never loved
her…feelings with me, had never been of the heart.” Aside from the lack of affection, Egaeus
continues that Berenice was “not as a thing to admire, but to analyze; not as an object of love,
but as the theme of the most…desultory speculation.”(13) He describes her as a “thing,”
removing any human quality or autonomy owed to Berenice.
Egaeus does not find desire or value until his fixation of Berenice’s teeth. Berenice’s teeth
are not an extension of Berenice as person with qualities but rather they are a bodily offering
of perfection despite her decline. His desire and madness ensues as he links them to his
salvation from his madness, for they are “capable of moral expression” and that “their
possession could alone ever restore me to peace, in giving me back to reason.”(18) In other
words, only the possession of her bodily offering, rather than her love or compassion, will save
him.
The objectification of Berenice parallels the objectification of Georgiana in “The Birth
Mark.” Both women are valued for nothing more than bodily beauty. They are not desired as
humans but rather as objects that are only appreciated once manipulated to a state of perceived
Commented [LM8]: Look how much analysis comes from
that quotation, including careful reference to key words
“hand of nature” and “earthly” and some imaginative
symbolic work with the shape of the birthmark—nicely
specific.
perfection. There is also the common thread of their bodies offering salvation to their
husbands. Egaeus’ return to reason is founded in the possession of his obsession. Aylmer’s
ease will only be found when the birthmark is gone. The fixations of both Egaeus and Aylmer
lies in their own selfish fulfillment of possessing the beauty, Egaeus being the physical
possession of Berenice’s teeth and Aylmer’s possessing the satisfaction of creating physical
perfection. The men appeal to patriarchal ideologies as justification for their actions, seeing as
they view themselves a intellectual and knowing. Neither man questions their actions or
fixation because the ideology is unquestioned and they act merely appealing to their status,
intellect and gender as justification.
I argue that the teeth in “Berenice”, Poe’s short story, represents Egaeus’ longing for freedom
of his own mind and happiness that he seeks which is linked through the text by showing the
“monomania” or obsession and the frequent reference to Berenice’s “overflowing with
energy” (on page 2) flashbacks. The link between the teeth and the symbolism of freedom
begins with the implied jealousy he has for her stating “she roaming carelessly through life
with no thought of shadows in her path” (page 2). This statement would usually imply that she
is a happy and healthy girl, but one must read it in the text that it is being said by Egeaus, who
is very syndical and “buried in gloom” (on page 2 ) and in turn one can sense a back handed
compliment and the rise of jealousy. In this argument the “shadows in her path” is referring to
the fact that Egaeus is scared of his shadows, also known as he is scared of himself, because
the mental illness is slowly taken over his life and he is at the point where his life is solely
consumed with the thoughts of her teeth. Jealously that she can roam the house and land with
no cares while he has to suppress and isolate himself because he is continuously fighting back
all urges to his illness in attempts to being “healthy”. Through the jealousy that is triggered
the obsession to now intensifies. “The eyes were lifeless, and lusterless, and seemingly pupilless, and I shrank involuntarily from their glassy stare to the contemplation of the thin and
shrunken lips. They parted; and in a smile a peculiar meaning, the teeth of the changed
Berenice disclosed themselves slowly to my view. Would to God that I had never beheld them,
or that, having done so, I had died!” (on page 4).His investigative and analytical eye for facts
show how ill she now looks but he realizes that even in despair her teeth are a symbol of
happiness because they have not changed, like her other features, linking her youth and
happiness to the teeth. With this realization he begins to think that once he has a chance to
“beheld them” he in return will be cured and be able to feel peace with himself. The thought
that the teeth are the cure is also linked through the text, “It [the box] was of no remarkable
character, and I had see it frequently before, for it was the property of the family physician…”
(on page 6). He subconsciously puts the teeth in a spot that represents good health and
medicine. A location he has seen many times in his life and that not only the physician but he
sees its as a means to fix or attempt to make healthy, also known as a cure. A sign that fighting
the urges of his illness can be solved with procession of the teeth and in turn can free him of
his thoughts and gloom. The teeth meaning good and happiness indicates that although his
whole life has been miserable and full of “gloom” by self inflicted isolation but by now having
the obtaining his obsession it is mentally breaking his chains, by doing so it has been the only
good or happy things that has happened to him in his life. This argument also speaks to the
theme that until you are free to be yourself you will not be happy or healthy. Despite Egaeus
being a male obsessed by a female the ultimate goal for his is to feel happiness and freedom
and he only does so when he is true to himself and allows himself to be “ill”. The text, through
its symbolism, presents that the only medicine or cure to unhappiness is acceptance.