Sacred Choice Overview
Enduring understandings of Sacred Choices:
1. My body and soul – including my sexuality – are gifts from God.
2. Jewish tradition provides guidance in making sacred choices about how I use and care for those gifts
and in coping with the consequences of my choices.
The Essential Questions of Sacred Choices:
1. What does it mean to view my life – my body, soul and sexuality – as well as that of others as gifts
from God? How does it affect my own thoughts and actions? How does it affect my thoughts about
and actions toward others?
2. How does the way I treat my body and soul matter to me, to God, and to others, particularly to other
people in my Jewish community?
3. What is the guidance that Jewish tradition provides in this area/. Which elements resonate with me,
and which do not? How can I incorporate Jewish beliefs and behaviors into my own life as I make these
choices?
4. What are the consequences of my choices? How does Judaism help me to copy with those
consequences? How does God help me to cope with those consequences? What do I do if I make a
choice that does not treat my life and that of others as a sacred gift? Are all choices with regard to
sexuality sacred?
5. How is the guidance that Judaism provides in consonance with the messages in the greater society,
and how is it countercultural? How can I evaluate the range of messages I receive?
Sacred Choices Details & Ground Rules:
Teachers: Emily Messinger and Benny Summers
Classroom & Confidentiality: During each class the teachers will speak to the students about creating a
respectful classroom environment. Each class will develop a set of ground rules to help them do this. The
goal is to create a sacred space in the classroom, but that information shared will not necessarily be kept
confidential. Teachers will inform the students that if anyone shares any information that they think needs
to be shared with his/her parents then they will do so immediately. Fortunately, nothing of that sort as
occurred thus far.
CURRICULUM OVERVIEW
Topic 1: Communication and Assertiveness
This session is designed to help participants be aware of their feelings and communicate them in a
respectful way, particularly in intimate situations with peers.
Questions to be addressed: How can I get in touch with my own feelings and communicate them? How
can I assert myself in a respectful way? How can I listen to others in a respectful way? What do I do when
I need time to think about what I really want to do?
Text: Rabbi Hillel said: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself: what am I? And if
not now, when? (Pirke Avot 1:14)
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Topic 2: Self Worth: I am a Gift
This session is designed to teach the message that each of us – our bodies, minds, and souls, is a gift.
Participants will study texts from our tradition that address the idea of both self-esteem and humility.
They will engage in exercises designed to build their self-esteem and to reinforce that we must treat
others with dignity and respect.
Questions to be addressed: What are my gifts? What is my special place in the world? What does Jewish
wisdom teach me about both self-esteem, and humility? When I perceive the value in myself and others,
how do I relate to myself and others?
Text:
Asher Yatzar: Praise to You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the universe, who has formed the body with
wisdom.
Elohai N’Shamah: My God, the soul you have given me is pure.
Topic 3: Self-Control: Who is a Hero?
While popular culture in North America may send the message that we should indulge all of our desires
and impulses, Judaism teaches self-control as a way of elevating our behavior. This principle can be
applied to sexual behavior as well as other impulses. The Jewish message in this session gives participants
a chance to investigate the idea of balance, control, and delayed gratification. (This was written with the
assumption that middle schoolers are not psychologically mature enough to engage in a healthy sexual
relationship. The Reform movement’s message at this age and stage is to wait on engaging in a sexual
relationship.)
Questions to be addressed: How can I apply the Jewish message of self-control and balance to my own
life? Why do the adults in my Jewish community and family want me to wait before I engage in certain
behaviors (including sexual relationships?)
Text:
Who is mighty? One who controls one’s urges as it is said, “One who is slow to anger is better than
the mighty and one who rules one’s spirit than one who conquers a city. (Pirke Avot 4:1)
A person’s nature can be recognized through three things: his or her cup (koso), his or her purse (kiso),
and his or her anger(kaaso). (Talmud Eiruvin 65b)
Topic 4: Friends and More than Friends*
Adolescence is a time for learning to develop deeper friendships and relationships with one’s peers. This
session will explore the Jewish responses to friendship and how it relates to their lives, allowing the
participants the opportunity to consider the characteristics and behaviors of the various friendships they
have and how each friendship differs.
Questions to be addressed: What kinds of friends and friendships do I want to have, and what kind of
friend do I want to be? What are the responsibilities of each side to the other in a healthy relationship?
Text: I-It vs. I-thou relationships (Martin Buber)
“I-It” Relationship: In this relationship we perceive another person as an object to be manipulated or
used for our own self-gratification.
“I-Thou” Relationship: In this relationship we accept another person for who he or she is; we accept
the for his or her strengths and weaknesses; we see the person as a whole being.
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* Students will be separated by gender for certain parts of this topic.
Topic 5: Everyone’s doing it! Addressing Peer Pressure
In this session, participants will analyze the ways they are influenced and the ways they influence others.
They will learn some strategies for prioritizing the positive over the negative influences, particularly when
making decisions of a personal, intimate, or sexual nature.
Questions to be addressed: Who are the people and what are the ideas that influence my decision
making, particularly about sexual behaviors? What are the tools I, as an adolescent, can use to resist
negative peer pressure and influence positive peer pressure?
Text:
One day while hurrying on his way, Rabbi Joshua ben Chananyah noticed a wheat field with a short
cut, a path that had been worn by other travelers. He began to cross the field when he saw a young
girl. “Where do you think you are going?” she called to him. “This is my father’s field.”
“I am only following a path that is already made,” the rabbi answered.
“Yes,” she responded, “but the path was made by other like you who have already harmed the crops.
Will you follow in their footsteps to do harm?” (Talumud Eiruvin 53 b)
In a place where there are no human beings, try to be one. (Pirke Avot 2:5)
Topic 6: When Push Comes to Shove…It is No Longer Love*
Abuse in teenage and young relationships can have serious physical and emotional ramifications including
substance abuse, unhealthy weight control, risky sexual behavior, pregnancy, and suicidal thoughts.
Stereotypes about the nature of the Jewish community often get in the way of our realizing that Jewish
teens may be in abusive relationships, and even if we are aware that abuse happens, many of us do not
know how to recognize the warning signs, do not understand the barriers to leaving an abusive
relationship or are unaware of the resources to get help. While abusive relationships can be destructive,
healthy relationships and friendships are powerful and life affirming; this program is a tool to help young
people understand the difference.
Goals:
Understand the dynamics and warning signs of abusive relationships
Understand the barriers to leaving an abuser and the role of a friend in getting help
Be empowered to raise awareness about dating abuse and promote healthy relationships.
*developed Jewish Women International
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