Her Majesty’s Secret Service
was borne of a great deal
of passion, experimentation
and the occasional tear.
We wanted to make a place
with great drinks, zero
pretense and all of the
fun. So if there’s anything
that’ll make tonight better
for you, just say the word.
CONTENTS:
YOU WANT POETS?
3
THE LAST BARTENDER POET
You want poets?
4–17 THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
18–31
THE DEVIL YOU DON’T
32–45
CLASSICS OF THE HOUSE
46–51
THE FLOWING BOWL
52
53 SWEET CHILD O’ WINE
DON'T STOP BEERLIEVIN'
54-59 AMUSEMENTS
I am the world’s last barman poet.
I see Bristol sippin’ drinks I make,
Gettin’ all loose on what I shake.
I got drinks in owls, wellies and bells
Anything fun, that’s what sells.
If it’s a classic you’d sooner devour
Wrap your lips on a Delicious Sour.
I make things with quality certified
The Violet Fizz, the South Side.
I mix all supremely; be it a Bellini
Or, shock-horror - Porn Star Martini.
Or if simplicity’s your dream,
Fear not; you’ll see what I mean:
We gots a Margarita, a Pina Colada
A Mojito, even some lager.
Bristol, you’re into the flavours I got,
But you wanna get loaded?
Just order a shot.
Bar’s open.
3
Adapted from the late, great Brian Flanagan (...long ago)
MOJITO
L I G H T, Z E S T Y & S U R P R I S I N G LY
MOREISH. £8.
2 parts
Bacardi White Rum
1 part
Sugar Syrup 1:1
1 whole
Lime, muddled
6 Whole
Mint leaves
MUDDLE THE LIME AND MINT
I N A TA L L G L A S S . F I L L W I T H
CRUSHED ICE, ADD A GOOD SLUG
OF WHITE RUM, AND MIX WELL.
5
PORN STAR
B R I G H T, F U N , C L A S S Y ? £ 8 .
2 parts
Vodka
1 part
Vanilla
1 part
Passion Fruit
1
Sparkling Finale
SHAKE FIRST THREE INGREDIENTS
T O S A T I S FA C T I O N . S T R A I N I N T O
A C H I L L E D C O C KTA I L G L A S S ,
P R O V I D E M O N E Y S H O T. C O N S U M E ,
D E L E T E H I S T O R Y.
7
OLD FASHIONED
SMOOTH, SLEEK & POWERFUL. £8.
2 parts
Buffalo Trace Bourbon
1 tsp.
Good Sugar
3 dashes
Cocktail Bitters
ADD ALL THE INGREDIENTS TO
A T U M B L E R G L A S S A N D D I S S O LV E
THE SUGAR.
O N C E D I S S O LV E D , A D D A D E C E N T
CHUNK OF ICE AND STIR UNTIL
YO U ’ V E TA K E N T H E E D G E O F F
THE ALCOHOL.
9
SOUTH SIDE
F R E S H , Z I P P Y, G O R G E O U S LY S I M P L E . £ 8 .
1 part
Beefeater Gin
1 part
Lime Juice
1 part
Sugar Syrup
1 pinch
mint
2 parts
Sparkling Wine
SHAKE ALL INGREDIENTS BUT THE
F I Z Z , STA I N I N T O A N I C E C O U P ET T E ,
T O P W I T H T H E B U B B LY. G A R N I S H
W I T H S H E E R S I M P L I C I T Y.
11
BELLINI
F I Z Z Y, P E A C H Y & S U B T L E . £ 8 .
1 part
Peach Puree
1/2 part
Crème de Peche
3 parts
Prosecco
ADD ALL THE INGREDIENTS
T O A C H A M PA G N E F L U T E A N D
M I X S L I G H T LY.
13
PIÑA COLADA
T R O P I C A L LY R E F R E S H I N G ,
DOWNRIGHT ADDICTIVE. £8.
2 parts
Rum
1 part
Coconut Sorbet
1 part
Pineapple Syrup
1 part
Midnight Colada Mix
ADD ALL THE INGREDIENTS
TO A HURRICANE GLASS,
OVER CRUSHED ICE.
CHURN HARD ENOUGH TO CUT
15
T H R O U G H A L L T H I S R E D TA P E ,
GARNISH WITH A LOUNGER
AND BLAZING SUNSHINE.
MARGARITA
P U N C H Y, P E P P E R Y & H E R B A C E O U S . £ 8 .
2 parts
Jose Cuervo Traditional
1 part
Lime Juice
1 part
Triple Sec
SHAKE ALL THE INGREDIENTS OVER
I C E L I K E A M A R I A C H I A T A R AV E .
STRAIN OVER ICE IN A SHORT GLASS.
17
VIOLET FIZZ
A LIGHT EXPLOSION OF AMAZINGNESS. £8.5
2 parts
Liqueur de Violette
1 part
Milk
1 part
Lemon Sherbet
¼ part
Egg White
2 parts
Club Soda
SHAKE THE FIRST 4 INGREDIENTS
H A R D E R T H E N Y O U H AV E E V E R
SHAKEN ANYTHING BEFORE, THEN
SHAKE IT SOME MORE. POUR THE
19
C O N T E N T S I N T O A TA L L G L A S S
AND TOP WITH SODA.
DAIQUIRI
Z I N G Y, L I M E Y & Q U I C K - H I T T I N G . £ 8 .
2 parts
Bacardi Heritage
1 part
Lime Juice
1 part
Sugar Syrup 1:1
SHAKE IT UP LIKE A REVOLUTION
AND STRAIN INTO A CHILLED
C O C KTA I L G L A S S .
21
DELICIOUS SOUR
STONE FRUIT WHOLESOMENESS,
R E A S S U R I N G LY S M O O T H . £ 8 .
1 parts
Calvados
1 part
Peach Wine
1 part
Lemon Juice
¼ part
Egg White
SHAKE HARD AND STRAIN INTO
A C H I L L E D C O C KTA I L G L A S S .
23
SHERRY COBBLER
LONG, SPICED, IMPECCABLE. £8.
4 parts
Sherry Blend
1 handful
Mixed Fruit
½ part
Spiced Syrup
ADD ALL THE INGREDIENTS TO
A COBBLER GLASS, MIX WITH
CRUSHED ICE. GARNISH WITH
SOMETHING SEASONAL.
25
MANILA HOTEL
MINT JULEP
SHORT & STRONG, WITH TROPICAL
C H E R R Y & M I N T Y C O M P L E X I T Y. £ 8 . 5
1 part
Bacardi 8 Year Rum
1 part
Woodfords Bourbon
1 part
Spiced pineapple
& Cherry Syrup
6 Whole
Mint Leaves
MIX ALL THE INGREDIENTS OVER
C RU S H E D I C E I N A J U L E P T I N.
27
F I N I S H W I T H A B I G S P R I G O F M I N T.
FORD COCKTAIL
D E L I C AT E , B O O Z Y, B O T A N I C A L . £ 8 . 5
2 parts
London Dry Gin
1 part
Dry Vermouth
2 dashes
Benedictine
1 dash
Bitters
STIR ALL INGREDIENTS
OVER ICE AND STRAIN
I N T O A C H I L L E D C O C KTA I L
GLASS. GARNISH WITH A
TWIST OF ORANGE.
29
DAISY DE SANTIAGO
B O L D , L I M E Y, H E R B A L . £ 8 . 5
2 parts
Bacardi Heritage
1 part
Lemon ‘n’ Lime Sherbet
½ part
Green Chartreuse
MIX THE FIRST TWO INGREDIENTS
OV E R C R U S H E D I C E . F L O AT T H E
CHARTREUSE AND GARNISH
I N S E A S O N.
31
TU-WHIT-TU-WHOO-WOO
PEPPERY WITH A SLIGHT
P E AC H Y E F F E RV E S C E NC E . £ 8.5
2 parts
Stoli Vodka
1 part
Sage, Peach &
Cranberry Syrup
1 part
Lemon Juice
2 parts
Prosecco
MIX ALL THE INGREDIENTS
OVER ICE IN NEAREST OWL.
GARNISH WITH SOME FUN
BITS AND BOBS.
33
#FESTIVALCHIC
M I N T Y, T R O P I C A L G O O D N E S S
WITH A HINT OF YOLO. £8.5
1 part
Rum
1 part
Cinzano Bianco
1 part
Lychee Liqueur
1 part
Cranberry
1 part
Lemon Juice
6 Whole
Mint Leaves
M I X O V E R I C E I N A S M E L LY W E L LY.
35
GARNISH WITH DISCO BISCUITS,
U P L OA D T O I N STAG R A M .
FOR WHOM THE BELL BOLS
P U N C H Y, T A N G Y & F L O R A L . £ 8 . 5
2 parts
Lavender & Chamomile
Infused Bols Genever
1 part
Golden Syrup 1:1
1 part
Lemon Juice
¼ part
Egg White
SHAKE ALL INGREDIENTS AS IF
Y O U R B O L S D E P E N D E D O N I T.
STRAIN INTO A CHILLED GLASS
AND FINISH WITH SOMETHING
37
NICE TO NIBBLE.
T H I S D R I N K I S D E D I C AT E D T O T H E
L A T E , G R E A T A R E K S T E FA N I A K – R I P.
SCOUT’S HONOUR
S M O K Y, W I T H L O T S O F C A R A M E L
A N D A K U M B AYA F I N I S H . £ 9 .
2 parts
Reposado Tequila
1 part
Lime Juice
1 part
Smoked Marshmallow Syrup
MIX OVER ICE TO THE CRACKLE
O F A WA R M C A M P F I R E .
GARNISH WITH ROASTED
MARSHMALLOWS AND A FEW
BITS OF BRIC-A-BRAC.
39
{ W E L C O M E T O K E N T U C K Y, H AV E A
N I C E D AY } T H E P E R F E C T F U S I O N O F
E A S T A N D W E S T. £ 9
2 parts
Jim Beam
1 part
Ginger & Plum Infusion
1 part
Yuzu Juice
1 part
Matcha Tea
MIX ALL THE INGREDIENTS IN A
NOODLE SOUP BOX. DELIVER WITHIN
30 MINUTES OR YOUR MONEY BACK.
IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH YOUR
41
SOUP NOODLES, PLEASE CALL:
0141 357 3033
SAUVIGNON PRIVATE RYAN
B R I G H T, Z E S T Y, R E F R E S H I N G . £ 8 . 5
1 part
Calvados
1 part
Dry Sherry
2 part
Sauvy B
1 part
Lemon Juice
1 part
Cardamon &
Passionfruit Syrup
M I X A L L T H E I N G R E D I E N T S S PA R I N G LY
O V E R S H AV E D I C E I N A R AT I O N T I N .
GARNISH WITH HONOUR AND GOODWILL.
43
50P FROM EVERY DRINK S OLD GOES TO THE
R O YA L B R I T I S H L E G I O N P O P P Y A P P E A L .
URN-AGED CORPSE
REVIVER NO.2
C A U T I O N : T H I S D R I N K M AY B E C U R S E D . £ 8 . 5
1 part
Egyptian Embalming Gin
1 part
Fortified Honey Wine
1 part
Mandarin Liqueur
1 part
Lemon Juice
¼ part
Absinthe
MIX AND AGE ALL THE INGREDIENTS
I N A C L AY U R N .
45
WA I T F O R B R E N D A N F R A S E R T O AWA K E N
T H E U N D E A D . O N C E AWA K E , S H A K E L I K E
A BACKING DANCER IN THRILLER, AND
ST R A I N I N T O A C H I L L E D C O C KTA I L G L A S S .
MOSCOW DRUG MULE
I L L I C I T, F I E R Y, FA I T H F U L LY
S E RV E S 4 . £ 25.
3 parts
Vodka
2 parts
HMSS Ginger Brew
2 parts
Violet-Melon Infusion
1 part
Lemon
M I X A L L I N G R E D I E N T S R O U G H LY
OVER CUBED ICE IN A DOGGY BOWL.
WA I T.
WA I T.
OK, GO.
47
THE JOHN COLLINS
THE FLOWING BOWL, REIMAGINED.
S E RV E S 4 . £ 25.
3 parts
Bourbon Whiskey
2 parts
Bergamot Liqueur
1 part
Citrus Oleo Saccharum
2 parts
Rooibos Tea
C O M B I N E A L L I N G R E D I E N T S I N C I ST E R N.
SWIRL ANTICLOCKWISE UNTIL BALANCE
I S R E A C H E D . E N J O Y.
AND REMEMBER, ONCE FINISHED,
A G E N T L E M A N A LWAY S L E AV E S
49
T H E S E AT D O W N .
GOODY GOODY GUM DROPS
R U T H L E S S LY D I S C O - C A N Y O U H A N D L E
T H E F EV E R? S E RV E S 4 . £ 25.
3 parts
Banana Pisco
1 part
Elderflower Liqueur
1 part
Aperol
1 part
Lime Juice
2 parts
Grapefruit Bubblegum Soda
COMBINE ALL INGREDIENTS IN A
BUBBLEGUM DISPENSER. ADD ICE,
A L L O W T O C H I L L T H O R O U G H LY.
GARNISH WITH A SIGNED PHOTO
51
O F J O H N T R AV O L T A , I F AVA I L A B L E .
AFFIX FLARES, CONSUME, BOOGIE.
DON'T STOP BEER-LIEVING
LIKE CLASSIC ROCK & ROLL,
OUR BEERS CHANGE
THERE IS A WINE FOR
R A N D O M LY S O
E V E RY O C CA S I O N.
PLEASE CHECK IF
YOU’RE A LITTLE
WE KEEP OUR LIST FREE FROM
FUSSY WHEN IT
PRINT SO WE CAN CHANGE IT
COMES TO THE
S E A S O N A L LY W I T H T H E M O O D ,
G O O D S T U F F.
W E AT H E R A N D A M B I E N C E O F
T H E C I T Y.
SWEET CHILD
OF WINE
175ml
Bottle
£5
£5
£5
£20
£20
£20
125ml
£6
£30
£40
SPEAK TO A MEMBER OF THE
T E A M T O F I N D O U T W H AT T U N E S
A R E P L AY I N G AT T H E M O M E N T.
Red Zeppelin
White of the Conchords
Guns and Rosé
£4.5
£5
£5
Lager
Bitter
The unusual brew
BOILER MAKERS
FA N C Y A B O I L E R M A K E R ?
ADD £3 TO A SHOT OF ANY
Thin Fizzy { Prosecco} The Sec’s Pistols { Champagne}
SPIRIT AND GET A BEER
OF YOUR CHOICE.
THE CROSSWORD
4. THE EPONYMOUS GIN AND VERMOUTH MIX.
5 . O U R I L L U S T R I O U S M A S C O T.
6 . W H AT M A K E S A C O S M O P I N K .
7. T H E I N D U S T R Y ’ S FAV O U R I T E U N C L E .
1 2 . T Y P I C A L L O N G PA I R I N G W I T H G I N .
1 3 . T H E U K’ S B E S T S E L L I N G C O C KTA I L .
1 4 . W I T H R I C A R D , A L O V E R O F A N I S E .
1 5 . C R E AT O R O F V I V I D LY C O L O U R E D C H E R R I E S .
ACROSS
2 . D R I N K S FA M I LY W I T H W H I S K E Y
& A M A R E T T O R E L AT I V E S .
3 . I T A L I A N A P E R I T I V O FAV O U R E D B Y T H E C O U N T.
5. HOME OF KREMLINS AND MULES.
8 . T H E W O R L D ’ S B E S T S E L L I N G S P I R I T.
9 . M A I N I N G R E D I E N T I N A L L T H I N G S G I N.
1 0 . S T A P L E I N F U S I O N I N D R I N K S A N D
B R I T I S H C U LT U R E .
11. HOME TO A SERIOUS SLING.
1 2 . C A U S E O F T H E ‘ G R I P P Y ’ F E E L O F S O M E R E D W I N E S .
1 6 . W H E R E A C R U S T A’ S S U G A R R E S I D E S .
DOWN
1 . I N G R E D I E N T I N E V E RY D R I N K O N T H I S M E N U.
2. FOOTWEAR TO SOME, CHESTWEAR TO OTHERS.
1 7. U S E F U L F O R WA L K I N G A N D S W E E T E N I N G .
1 8 . H O W T O H AV E Y O U R P I N A W H I L S T C A U G H T
I N T H E R A I N.
FEEL FREE TO DOODLE AND
SCRIBBLE ON THE FOLLOWING
PA G E S A S M U C H A S Y O U L I K E . *
*Please refrain from drawing penises.
amusements
57
BAR CHAT
O H , H E Y.
WELL, HI THERE. IN RESPONSE,
S O , I WA S J U S T S I T T I N G T H E R E , E N J O Y I N G A ( N )
TEQUILA
WHISKEY
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ , W H E N I S AW Y O U . S E E I N G A S I A M
G I N FACE
OTHER
_______________, I THOUGHT I’D GET IN TOUCH,
AS YOU APPEAR TO BE _____________________________
S O, HOW ABOUT THIS:
SHOTS?
W O U L D W O U L D Y O U R AT H E R :
A. _______________________________________________
OR
B. _______________________________________________
I’M KIND OF A BIG DEAL AND AM IMPRESSED BY YOU PRETENDING TO NOT EVEN NOTICE ME.
__________________________________________________
P L E A S E U S E T H E F O L L O W I N G PA G E T O R E S P O N D .
A LT E R N A T I V E LY, I C A N B E R E A C H E D O N :
_______________________________________________________
R E S P E C T F U L LY,
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ( P O R N S TA R H A N D L E )
I M U S T R E S P E C T F U L LY D E C L I N E .
I W O U L D R AT H E R :
RUM
OPTION A
OPTION B
THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE.
I ’ M C U R R E N T LY O U T O F T H E O F F I C E -
P L E A S E C O N TAC T F R I E N D @ Z O N E .C O.U K ,
AND ONE OF MY COLLEAGUES WILL
G ET B AC K TO YO U.
T H A N K Y O U F O R AW K WA R D LY P O I N T I N G
OUT MY LONESOMENESS; I WILL PERMIT
YOU TO JOIN ME.
I ’ L L A D M I T I ’ M I M P R E S S E D B Y Y O U R W I T. T H O U G H N O T F R E E T O T A L K N O W, Y O U M AY C O N TAC T M E I N F U T U R E O N :
______________________________________________________
59
FONDEST REGARDS,
________________________________________ (JEDI NAME)
We take great pride and care
in delivering fun but complex
cocktails. There are a lot of
ingredients going into creating
the flavours in our cocktails.
We have a full list of allergens
available. If you have any
allergies, please inform
a member of staff.
ALL OUR SPIRITS AND LIQUEURS ARE
S O L D A S D O U B L E S A S STA N DA R D. I F YO U
WOULD LIKE A SMALL MEASURE WE ARE
MORE THAN HAPPY TO POUR ONE.