CCN WEEKLY SOLUTIONS SERIES
THE WEEK OF NOVEMBER 17, 2008
I Do, 7:
Freedom Fighters
Featuring
Dr. John Townsend
Psychologist
Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,
author of How People Grow
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Solutions: I Do, 7—Freedom Fighters
I. Love is impossible without freedom
- Love requires an object outside your skin
You can’t desire your nose: it’s part of you
- A marriage that insists on ultimate freedom is doomed
You give freedom up to get something: you’re building something better
What things to insist on freedom in, and where to give up freedom
- Protect freedom in values
- Give up on freedom in preferences
You get in trouble giving up your values to keep someone from being mad
You get in trouble insisting that every preference should be honored
II. Three big areas of freedom in marriage
- Freedom to define yourself
What you are and what you’re not
“Can we both define ourselves and stay connected?”
- Freedom to confront
“I’ve got a problem with our relationship and I want to solve it.”
You can hammer things out, and nobody plays victim
- Freedom to have an “I” in life
Carving out space and time just for you that your spouse really isn’t a part of
An “us”, and a “you”, and a “me”
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Solutions: I Do, 7—Freedom Fighters
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Each spouse should be a freedom fighter for the other
You even need to support your spouse’s freedom to not be on your side
If your spouse isn’t free to disagree, your spouse can’t choose you
III. Problems in freedom
- Experiencing freedom as a lack of love
- Living in an internal jail
- Separating our freedom from our consequences
Above all else, guard your heart, for
out of it flow the wellsprings of life.
—Proverbs 4:23
Nobody is justified in saying a wounding thing just because it’s a fact
IV. Submission: Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3
Biblically, it’s a leadership relationship between equals
Temper this with mutual submission
Submission is a voluntary act of an adult
In healthy marriages, the issue never comes up
A wife must never submit to abuse, control, addiction, sin
Obeying a higher law
V. Skills
- Ask: “What are you scared to say to me?”
- Practice having choices and staying connected
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Solutions: I Do, 7—Freedom Fighters
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Small Group Discussion Questions
Freedom Fighters
1. How do you see increased freedom bringing increased connection to your marriage?
2. Have you ever had the experience of not feeling free in the “Big Three” areas that Dr. Townsend
mentioned (defining yourself, confrontation, and creating an “I” area of your life)? How has that
affected you?
3. How did you relate to the submission section of the talk?
4. This week, can you and your mate agree with each other to support each other!s freedom?
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Solutions: I Do, 7—Freedom Fighters
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Next week on Solutions:
I Do, 8: “Play Mates For Life”
Resources
Loving People
by Dr. John Townsend
www.cloudtownsend.com
How People Grow: What the Bible
Reveals about Personal Growth
by Drs. Henry Cloud and John
Townsend
www.cloudtownsend.com
Solutions Small Groups and
Leaders
www.cloudtownsend.com
Sponsored In Part By:
New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental
and spiritual health issues.
www.newlife.com
Contact Information
Dr. John Townsend
Cloud-Townsend Resources
18092 Sky Park South, Suite A
Irvine, CA 92614
Phone: 800-676-4673
Web: www.cloudtownsend.com
Church Communication Network
PO Box 1718
Mountain View, CA 94042
Phone: 800-321-6781
Fax: 650-745-0660
Email: [email protected]
Web: www.ccn.tv
Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv