Following the last weekend of May generally comes the first weekend of June, and this year, just like
last year, it did so again, and with it bought an away fixture at OD Cuaco (rhymes with I’d like to
shoot Wacko) for the 6’s. The 11:45 meet clearly too much for some people as we waited
(im)patiently for the final stragglers to arrive in to the bright sunshine of the car park. News that
Tom Haagensen had managed to get 7 hours sleep whilst at work the previous night was equally met
with shock, humour and jealousy. With Murali having pulled out on the morning of the game, it
meant that the journey to the game was calm and relaxed for all; ourselves and other road users
included. The facilities we became upon were looked on with admiration; the changing rooms less so
but the croquet lawn was picturesque in its immaculateness. The right angle in the boundary on the
top pitch caused by some plush new nets and astroturf run-ups showed that cricket cannot hold
back modern technology any longer…..sigh an end of an era….tablet scoring books for everyone!!!
The toss, as is my understanding, was tossed, and won by the oppo and they put the brave souls of
S&M in to bat. The Skip having looked around the changing room and seen 9 all-rounders happy to
bat 5 in the order, took the decision to open the batting and concocted the secret plan for victory.
This secret plan was to be the “Plan HSBC” which had worked so well a few weeks previous (the
week before this reporters lovely Norwegian Cruise – P&O Ferries, cracking but the talent is a bit on
the old side). This plan consisted of The Skip getting out in the first over and the top order following
suit before a swash-buckling display, with tail support, providing a decent total to defend. With the
top order seeing The Skip proceed to run himself out in the first over, they took to their tasks of
fulfilling the plan. A lack of foot movement by all really helped the plan come together as Van
Aswegen (pronounced Van Arse-Vegan), Raeburn (pronounced Ray-Burn) and Adams (pronounced
Adams) came and went without troubling the scorers, excuse me, scorer. David Cook again seeing
that he was required to be the main essence of Plan HSBC, tried and lasted longer than most and
was unlucky to fall as he did. Paul Miller came in next and clearly thought that the middle order
needed to follow what the top order did and proceeded to play and miss at three, wear one in the
groinal region, solidly block and then miss a full bunger on middle. So at 30-6 the plan was set. If you
ever wanted to see a secret plan put in to action then this was the day to see it.
At this time a clear mind and a stabling influence was required. Remarkably this came in the form of
Tom Haagensen. The green shoots of recovery began to show when Geoff Cox joined the Ice Cream
man at the crease and they proceeded to see off the bad balls, deal with the variable bounce and
take what runs they could. With 66 on the board, the beginnings of dreams of 100 were starting to
cross the player’s minds, before Cox fell in a way that without remembering exactly how, was
certainly unlucky and maybe a touch unfortunate. Oh wait no he chipped it to the opening bowler
who had bowled 10 straight and took 3 catches in the match. We (yes the royal we) will be fair and
say maybe the bounce was variable on this occasion, because it was on every other ball. Jonny Tyson
was next, and even though I have had to come back and edit the report because I missed him out,
that was very wrong as his innings added stability to the innings too and hung around a good while
enabling Haagensen to score well. Tyson followed Cox in picking out the opening bowler/catcher,
which ironically I remember very well, as he changed his mind about 15 times on the shot before
looping it to the fielder, a valuable 21 had been added in the partnership. Last week’s player of the
week, Ben Mayo, was in next and clearly inspired by the write up he got last week ably assisted
Haagensen with stout defence. Haagensen then put on a clinic for how to bat with the tail, crushing
the early weak balls in an over for 4 and then manipulating the strike for the rest of it. With Mayo
now having his eye in, he proceeded to get 24 in 5 scoring shots, well the same shot really, a pick-up
off middle and leg that towered over the fielders on the boundary. Haagensen accelerated as well
and took the total to an astonishing 150 before Mayo picked out the opposing Captain with what
looked like a lofted straight drive, going away from works for you clearly not the way to go.
Zahidullah Shenwari came in 11 and ended the game as 5th top scorer with 5, but saw out the 40
overs with Haagensen who continued his dominance of all the bowlers, apart from the new bowler
that came on in the 36th over, who probably stopped Tom getting his ton. Jug avoidance not
withstanding an excellent innings that turned the match and turned an unwinnable position of 30-6
in to 178-9 (hint hint player of the week, hint hint).
An excellent tea, with some very light, homemade Victoria sandwich and carrot cake was devoured
with glee and an uplifted S&M set about taking 10 wickets in the search for maximum points. Mayo
opened up and unsurprisingly started with a maiden, surprisingly though not a wicket maiden.
Shenwari was to be the opening bowler with the wicket maiden though thanks to an amazing reflex
catch by David Cook in the slips, reacting like a fox in a box first to the rebound off the keeper, not
the first fox we would see that afternoon, as the one being clearly hen pecked by a crow halted the
game as we all took in wildlife in its most purest form. Clearly inspired by this, and what wordplay
would follow in the report, S&M fielded like their lives depended on it, Van Aswegen chasing down
lost causes, Mayo diving full stretch on multiple occasions, Raeburn with a head first dive at the
boundary, all contributed and only the fact I have written a page and a half already, their each
individual effort would have been remembered for posterity in the written form you are now
reading.
Mayo took out the other opener with his usual swing in seam away bowled delivery, having learned
from his batting to not go away from what works for you, and continuing his ways with his
depressed suicidal walk back to his mark when he doesn’t get a wicket. Shenwari was not to be
outdone though and took out the what seems most talked about player in this report the opening
bowler/catcher/number 4, who looked a good bat and everyone was happy to have him bowled
cheaply. The fielding got its reward as well, as Mayo’s fine work at deepish square leg got a run out
that made the score 20-4. Cox was the bowler for the run out and his almost impossible job of
replacing Richard Hunsley as first change spin option was rewarded with a great diving caught and
bowled. 34-5. Knowing what had happened in our innings, S&M continued to keep the fielding to its
highest standards and Cook was unlucky with a couple of sharp chances in the slips. The Skip, freed
from the shackles of keeping, bowled with success in each of his first two overs, first a good catch at
mid-wicket by Raeburn and then Haagensen managed to move his weary body to take another good
one. 51-7. OD Cuaco needed to stabilise, and if it wasn’t before now it would have been now that
they had decided the chase was impossible, and sought respectability. The left-hander toyed with
Cook in the slips on multiple occasions and almost broke him as a man with his dabs just out of reach
of the scholarly slipsman. The OD Cuaco wicket keeper was the backbone of their innings and was
almost set packing by a blinder of a catch by Miller off of a returning Mayo that instead smacked him
on the shin and rolled to third man. The warm conditions may have taken their toll by this time but
Adams, again showed his versatility, skill and importance with the ball in hand, bowled a good
teasing spell in combination with Van Aswegen at the other end, and was rewarded when his spin
twin made good ground at wide mid-on to take a hoike from the lefty, with another fine piece of
fielding. 92-8. With overs running out and the chance for maximum points drifting away due to
defensive defiance, The Skip came back on for the final over and brought the fielders in close in an
attempt to buy the remaining wickets. His first ball that almost hit Miller at silly mid-off was clearly
another new secret plan to get them out with laughter. No further success and to be fair OD Cuaco
probably deserved to not be bowled out, but another great win for S&M, and a sign of the attitude
of the team that there was disappointment at only securing 19 points out of 20. Also showed what a
good 7 hours kip can do for you too. NOTE: Haagensen for player of the week or I eat my hat….or
some more of the what seemed far too spicy for a man from Watford Nasi Goreng back at the club.
Thank you for my extra mild version Karen and Savitri 