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September 28, 2015
Organizational Elements of a Short Response Expository Essay: 1. Topic Sentence: A good topic sentence thoroughly develops 2­3 text examples 2. Organization of the Body:
A. Begin with the transition “For example,” or "For instance," and introduce text example 1 from the topic sentence
B. Brief quotation or paraphrase from the book that shows text example 1
C. Detailed analysis and explanation of text example 1 (2­5 sentences); begin with "This quotation proved..."
or "showed..."
or "demonstrated..."
or "symbolized..."
or "represented..."
or "implied..."
1
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September 28, 2015
Prompt:
In The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton, which character showed the most kindness to others? Use two details from the book to support your answer.
Example: In The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton, the character who showed the most kindness to others was Johnny, because he stood up to Dally at the drive­in to protect Cherry Valence and supported Ponyboy when he ran away from home. For example, Johnny disliked how Dally was treating Cherry Valence at the drive­in and demonstrated kindness by challenging Dally's rude behavior. After Dally tried to put his arm around Cherry, Johnny reached over and stopped him while warning, "'Leave her alone, Dally.'" This quotation represented Johnny's kindness , because he knew how dangerous Dally was but stood up to him anyway to protect his new friend, Cherry. Johnny, Ponyboy, Cherry, and Marcia were having an enjoyable conversation, and Dally was showing off and being rude and antagonistic. Johnny was not comfortable with Dally's behavior. Cherry and Marcia, who were older and Socs, had been very kind to Ponyboy and Johnny, and Johnny was motivated to show them kindness , too. 2
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September 28, 2015
What positive suggestions would you make to improve this response?
3
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Me? Who is "you?"
September 28, 2015
Quotes do NOT belong in the topic sentence
Vague
This response is very strong: the prompt is answered specifically in the topic sentence and relevant text examples are developed to support the answer. Pronoun­antecedent usage needs to be improved. 4
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Analysis of Quote #2?
Analysis of Quote #1
Exemplary Response
September 28, 2015
The prompt is answered specifically with 2 text examples
'
Quote #1
Quote #2
This response is very strong: the prompt is answered specifically in the topic sentence and relevant text examples are included to support the answer. However, the second quote is too long, and no analysis of the quote is provided.
5