More editing practice for vivid verbs
The following paragraph was intended to turn college students off of smoking. Edit it to make it more
vivid, concise, and persuasive. You can combine sentences and/or rearrange them. You can leave out
details that you find redundant or ineffective, but you must keep the writer’s meaning essentially the
same and make sure the paragraph is still appropriate for its non-expert readers. Underline one or two
sentences that you intended to make most striking for your readers.
I have spent thirty years of my life on a tobacco farm, and I cannot understand why people smoke.
The whole process of raising tobacco involves deadly chemicals. The ground is treated for mold and
chemically fertilized before the tobacco seed is ever planted. The seed is planted and begins to grow,
and then the bed is treated with weed killer. The plant is then transferred to the field. It is sprayed with
poison to kill worms about two months later. Then the time for harvest approaches, and the plant is
sprayed once more with a chemical to retard the growth of suckers. The tobacco is harvested and hung
in a barn to dry. These barns are havens for birds. The birds defecate all over the leaves. After drying,
these leaves are divided by color, and no feces are removed. They are then sold to the tobacco
companies. I do not know what the tobacco companies do after they receive the tobacco. I do not need
to know. They cannot removed what I know is in the leaf and on the leaf. I don’t want any of it to pass
through my mouth.