The CEO who cannot
come to work
I know a gay man. He is a very senior executive.
Heads up a publicly listed company. He is a very
competent man. One of the smartest and most driven
people you will ever meet. But part of him can’t come to
work.
This man cannot tell others at work about his sexuality.
He feels that he will be judged negatively and his career
options will be limited. Even in this day and age.
Well, it’s not just his sexuality he can’t share is it? It’s
his full identity that can’t show up to meetings,
conferences, events and other everyday interactions who he is, what he enjoys, and who he loves are all offthe-table as topics of conversation.
He chooses instead to focus on work related topics and
rarely talks about his weekend, or his holidays, his
interests, his family, or his partner. He just can’t.
As a result, the people that work closest to him don’t
really know who he is. Sure, they know how competent,
smart, and experienced he is. But they don't really
know him.
Because his own personal life is out-of-bounds as a
conversation topic, he never asks about others personal
lives. There’s no “how was your weekend?” or “what
have you got planned for the holidays?” As a result
people assume that he has no interest in them outside
of their work, or their assigned role.
I feel for this man. I wonder how it feels like to be
unable to bring your whole self to work. I wonder what it
must do to his soul, to his spirit.
I also wonder what it does to his relationships. If he is
unable to show trust in others by sharing who he really
is, can they fully trust him? Knowing so little about him,
asking why so much about him is being withheld.
Many people that work with him acknowledge his very
high levels of competence but lament his lack of
warmth. Studies by Cuddy, Fiske and Glick suggest
that as a result others may envy him and passively
undermine his efforts. His behavior is certainly not
going to enlist the active support of others.
This is somewhat problematic for someone hoping to
mobilise thousands of employees around his vision and
strategy. I wonder if he realizes this?
I can’t imagine for a moment this is an easy life. To
leave for work each day, closing the front door on an
important part of yourself, knowing that part of you can’t
come with you.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able take the most important
person in your life to work with you - to turn up fully and
completely. Authentically.