HANDOUT 10: Improving Paragraphs
Feeling Superior To The SAT
Sample passage:
(1) Himalayan birds inhabit what is perhaps the most
wonderful tract of country in the world. (2) The
Himalayas are not just a chain of mountains as a
mountainous country, some eighty miles broad and
several hundred long—a country composed entirely of
mountains and valleys with no large plains or broad
plateau.
(3) There is a saying of an ancient Sanskrit poet which,
being translated into English, runs: "In a hundred ages
of the gods I could not tell you of the glories of
Himachal." (4) This every writer on things Himalayan
contrives to drag into his composition. (5) Certain
begin with the quotation, while others reserve it for the
last, and make it do duty for the epigram which stylists
assure us should terminate every essay.
(6) Some there are who quote the Indian sage only to
mock him. (7) As regards beauty, the Himalayas at
their best surpass the Alps, because they exhibit far
more variety, and present everything on a grander
scale. (8) Such assert that the beauties of the
Himalayas have been greatly exaggerated—that, as
regards grandeur, their scenery, while their beauty is
surpassed by that of the Alps, compares unfavorably
with that of the Andes. (9) The climate of the
Himalayas is surprisingly temperate much of the year:
only during the depths of winter is one subjected to the
snowstorms and blizzards that fill the popular
imagination with regard to the place. (10) Not having
seen the Andes, I am unable to criticize the assertion
regarding the grandeur of the Himalayas. (11) I find it
difficult to imagine, however, anything finer than their
scenery.
(Source: Birds of the Indian Hills by Douglas Dewar.)
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Questions:
1. Which of the following would be the best way to revise the underlined portion of
sentence 2 (reproduced below)?
The Himalayas are not only a chain of mountains as a mountainous country, some
eighty miles broad and several hundred long—a country composed entirely of
mountains and valleys with no large plains or broad plateau.
(A) are not only a chain of mountains as a mountainous country
(B) are not merely a chain of mountains as a mountainous country
(C) are a chain of mountains furthermore a mountainous country
(D) are notwithstanding a chain of mountains, as a mountainous country
(E) are not so much a chain of mountains as a mountainous country
2. Which of the following is the best way to rephrase sentence 4 (reproduced below)?
This every writer on things Himalayan contrives to drag into his composition.
(A) On things Himalayan, this every writer contrives to drag into his composition.
(B) Every writer on things Himalayan contrives to drag this into his composition.
(C) Every writer contrives to drag this, on things Himalayan, into his composition.
(D) Every writer, on things Himalayan, contrives to drag into his composition this.
(E) Every writer on things Himalayan contrives to drag into his composition.
3. In sentence 5, “Certain” is best replaced by
(A) None
(B) Often
(C) Always
(D) Some
(E) These
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for your classroom? Go for it. All other reproduction and distribution is prohibited.
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4. In context, which of the following is the best way to phrase the underlined portion of
sentence 8 (reproduced below)?
Such assert that the beauties of the Himalayas have been greatly exaggerated—that,
as regards grandeur, their scenery, while their beauty is surpassed by that of the Alps,
compares unfavorably with that of the Andes.
(A) (As it is now)
(B) that, as regards grandeur, their scenery compares unfavorably with that of the
Andes, while their beauty is surpassed by that of the Alps.
(C) that, with respect to grandeur, their scenery, while comparing unfavorably with that
of the Andes, their beauty is surpassed by that of the Alps.
(D) that their scenery, while their beauty is surpassed by that of the Alps, compares
unfavorably with that of the Andes, as regards grandeur.
(E) that, as regards grandeur, their scenery compares unfavorably with that of the
Andes, nonetheless their beauty is surpassed by that of the Alps.
5. Which of the following sentences should be omitted to improve the unity of the third
paragraph?
(A) Sentence 6
(B) Sentence 7
(C) Sentence 8
(D) Sentence 9
(E) Sentence 10
6. Sentence 7 would make the most sense if placed after
(A) Sentence 1
(B) Sentence 2 (as the beginning of Paragraph 2)
(C) Sentence 3 (as part of Paragraph 2)
(D) Sentence 5 (as part of Paragraph 2)
(E) Sentence 11 (as part of Paragraph 3)
© 2011 Shmoop University, Inc. All rights reserved. For classroom use only. Want to print this out
for your classroom? Go for it. All other reproduction and distribution is prohibited.
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