NAVIGATING SIBLING
DYNAMICS
Refresh 2017
WHAT IS A
SIBLING?
Shared Home
Separate Homes
Same Bio Parents
Different Bio Parents
“many rituals exist in Western culture to
mark important changing points for parents
and their children e.g. baptism,
circumcision, confirmation, bar-mitzvah and
graduation. Similarly, there are marking
rituals to celebrate and legalize the bond
between husband and wife e.g.
engagements, weddings and divorce.
Despite this, no such rituals exist to
celebrate sibling bonds nor are there legal
means to make or break them.”
Adoptive Genogram Example
Affair
X
Foster Genogram Example
Bio Dad
Foster Dad
1
Bio Mom
Foster
Mom 1
//
Jill
Jane
X
Jack
Jack
Foster
Mom 2
Foster Dad
2
Jill
Jane
Jack
Monique
us
me
all Y’all
me
FORMING IDENTITY
•
Security - I don’t have to
have shields up
•
Protection - You’ll keep me
safe.
•
Acceptance - It’s okay to be
me.
FORMING IDENTITY
I’m just like _________
I’m NOT like _________
THAT’S AWESOME
THAT’S NOT FAIR
CALVIN AND HOBBES © 2011 Watterson. Reprinted with permission of ANDREWS
MCMEEL SYNDICATION. All rights reserved.
BUILDING ME
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One-on-one time
•
Expanding view of self as center
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Long term experience of security,
protection and acceptance
•
Helping them take ownership of
their security, protection and
acceptance.
•
Individual family responsibility
•
Affirmation
Roles & Rules
Placater
Scapegoat
Computer
Fixer
Invisible
REQUIRE MORE “ME” TIME
•
Medial/Injury/Illness
•
Special Needs
•
Behavioral Problems
•
Sports/hobby
•
Life Phase
us
H.A.L.T
Hunger
Anger
Lonely
Tired
FORMING “US”
•
Time Together
•
Shared responsibilities
•
Traditions
•
Teach & Coach
Interpersonal Skills
•
Teach & Coach Conflict
Skills
SIBS PROGRAM
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12 weeks + 3 family nights
Understanding feelings
Traffic light - various emotion levels
Communicating feelings without blame or hurt
When you feel jealous
Listening Skills
How to think to create choices and how to make a plan
Negotiating and agreeing
Feelings of rejection
Fair Play
Treating with respect
Goal setting to improve your relationships
Fairness and differential treatment
Bonds over time
all Y’all
OFFENSE AND DEFENSE
FAMILY IDENTITY
•
Be purposeful about who you hang out with
•
Church/Worship
•
“We aren’t the only ones” moments
•
Support for the whole family
•
Family Impact Activities
SESSION 1
QUESTIONS?
NEXT STEP
•
Two Action Steps
•
Support
•
Email Follow-up
•
Sign-up sheet
•
familyexperience.gr8.com
•
PATCH to 44144
CONNECT
www.projectpatch.org
Facebook.com/projectpatch
@projectpatch & @chuckhagele
360-690-8495
TodaysFamilyExperience.com