Coming out and Crossing over: Identity Formation and Proclamation in a Transgender
Community
Author(s): Patricia Gagne, Richard Tewksbury, Deanna McGaughey
Source: Gender and Society, Vol. 11, No. 4 (Aug., 1997), pp. 478-508
Published by: Sage Publications, Inc.
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COMINGOUTAND CROSSINGOVER
IdentityFormation and Proclamation in a
TransgenderCommunity
PATRICIAGAGNE
RICHARD TEWKSBURY
University of Louisville
DEANNA McGA UGHEY
Ohio University
Drawing on datafrom interviewswith 65 masculine-to-femininetransgenderists,the authorsexamine
the coming-outexperiencesof transgenderedindividuals.Drawingon the literaturethat shows gender
to be an inherentcomponentof the social infrastructurethat at an individuallevel is accomplishedin
interaction with others, they demonstratethat interactionalchallenges to gender are insufficientto
challenge the systemof gender Whereasmanytransgenderistsbelieve that their actions and identities
are radical challenges to the binarysystemof gender,infact, the majorityof such individualsreinforce
and reify the system they hope to change.
Coming out is a term generally used to refer to the processes whereby gay men,
lesbians, or bisexuals inform others of their sexual identity. Despite this popularized
notion, the social scientific literature has shown coming out to be a broader and
more complex process whereby people recognize and accept their sexual preference, adopt a sexual identity, inform others of their sexual orientation, and become
involved in relationships with others of similar sexual identity (Cass 1979, 1984;
Coleman 1981-82; Isay 1990; Troiden and Goode 1980; Weinberg 1978). Research
on the discovery of sexual preference, the development of sexual identity, and
public disclosure has focused primarily on lesbians and gay men, with an emergent
literature concerning bisexuals (Garber 1995; Weinberg, Williams, and Pryor 1994;
however, see Mason-Schrock 1996). While this work is an important component
in our understanding of the dynamic nature of the formation, acceptance, and public
AUTHORS' NOTE: This researchwasfunded, in part, by grantsfrom thefollowing: The Societyfor
the Psychological Study of Social Issues, the Foundationfor the Scientific Study of Sexuality,and a
Project CompletionGrantfrom the Office of the VicePresidentfor Researchand Developmentat the
Universityof Louisville.
REPRINT REQUESTS: Patricia Gagn, University of Louisville, Department of Sociology, 103
AcademicBuilding,Louisville,KY40292.
Vol.11No.4, August1997 478-508
GENDER& SOCIETY,
? 1997Sociologists
forWomenin Society
478
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
479
disclosure of sexual preferenceand identity,it has, by its nature,been restricted
from examiningthe complex interplayof sex, gender,and sexuality.1
Identityis constructedwithin a rangeof potentialsocial options. The dominant
Western system of gender has made it difficult for those whose gender falls
somewhere between or outside of the binary system to understandand accept
themselves or to be recognizedas socially legitimate.Genderis achieved in social
interactionwith others, and to achieve accountabilityas a social actor,one must
enact gender in ways that are socially recognizable and decodeable (West and
Fenstermaker1995). But gender is also "a featureof social relationships,and its
idiom derivesfromthe institutionalarenain whichthoserelationshipscome to life"
(West and Fenstermaker1995, 21; West and Zimmerman1987). Further,gender
and gender belief systems are inherentcomponents of the social infrastructure
(Lorber 1994). Consequently,gender- and we would argue,gender identity-is
learned and achieved at the interactionallevel, reified at the culturallevel, and
institutionallyenforcedvia the family, law, religion, politics, economy, medicine,
andthe media.Genderidentityis establishedearly in life. As an internalizedaspect
of self, it is virtuallyimmutable(Kohlberg1966). Those who, for reasons not yet
understood,internalizea genderidentitythatis not congruentwith genitalconfigurationor who wish to enact genderpresentationsthatdo not coincide with sex are
often sanctioned because they fail to enact gender in socially prescribedways,
therebychallengingthe culturaland structuralsocial order.
In Western societies, gender identity has been largely dictated by external
genitalia,the initialsignifierof "sex,"andotherreproductiveanatomy(see Laqueur
1990). Withthe rise of technology,reducedinfantmortality,greaterlife expectancy,
contraception,infantfeeding formula,and the feminist movement,the immutable
relationshipbetween sex and genderhas been questioned(see Huber 1989; Huber
and Spitze 1983). Nonetheless, the expression of alternativeforms of gender has
been largely limited to the expansionof existing normsand roles-a liberalform
of social change. Ironically, those hoping to freely express alternativegender
identities have largely reacted against the binary system and thus have been
restrictedby it. Gender becomes something one must "confess"through social
signifiersthatmay only be interpretedwithinthe existing social order(see Foucault
[1978] 1990). Falling in "between"the genderbinarywill often result in assumptions of homosexuality,as in the case of the femininemanor the masculinewoman.
Expressionsof genderthatfall "outside"the dominantgendersystem make social
presentationsof gender undecipherable.Frequently,those who fall outside or
between the gender binary are encouragedto conform to the dominantsystem.
Those who cannot or will not conform may be counseled to alter their bodies or
encouragedto perfect a new gender presentationso that they may "pass"as the
"othersex" (Raymond1994). Those who startout challengingthe dominantgender
system by enacting gender in ways that are comfortable for themselves but
disturbingto othersoften end up by redefiningtheiridentitiesin ways thatconform
to hegemonic belief systems and institutionaldemands.
480
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
Much of the social scientific focus on transgenderedindividualshas derived
from an interest in understanding"deviation"from the "normal"and "natural"
two-sex system (see Herdt 1994). While extremely diversified, this literatureis
organizedaroundpsychiatricandpsychologicalconcerns(Blanchard1988; Brown
1990; Docter 1988; Persinger and Stettner 1991; Person and Ovesey 1984),
anthropologicalexaminationsof transgenderism(Blackwood 1984; Bullough and
Bullough 1993; Callenderand Kochems 1983, 1985;Whitehead1981), and defining and describingvariouscategoriesof transgenderistsandtheirculturalmanifestations (Chauncey 1994; Newton 1979; Talamini 1982). With the exception of
Weinberg,Williams, and Pryor's (1994) researchon transsexualbisexuals and
treatises written by transgenderedindividuals (Bornstein 1994; Morris 1974;
Rothblatt1995), the literatureon transgenderismhas focused primarilyon issues
of sex and gender. Within this literature,there has been little examination of
sexuality (but see Herdt1994) and a virtualabsenceof researchon the coming-out
experiencesof transgenderedindividuals.
We have both substantiveand theoreticalgoals in writingthis article.Substantively, we aim to enhance social scientific understandingsof the coming-out
experiences of a nonrandomsample of individuals whose gender expressions,
genderidentity,or both fall outsidethe genderbinary.Theoretically,our goal is to
demonstratethe ways in which interactionalor identity-basedchallengesto gender
are limited in the extent they can reform,radicallyalter,or eliminate the gender
binary.Those whose genderidentityandgenderpresentationsfall outsidethe binary
are stigmatized,ostracized,and socially delegitimizedto the extent that they may
fail to be socially recognized.With such social erasure,it becomes incumbenton
the individualto adopta social identitythatfalls withinthe confinesof thedominant
genderorder.Formany,"comingout"includes"crossingover,"eitherpermanently
or temporarily,from one sex/gender category to the only acceptablealternative.
While identitieshave been createdfor morphologicalmen or women who wish to
dressor live as "theother"gender,the binarygendersystemdemandsthatindividuals confess alternativeidentities and learn to present themselves in ways that
convince others that they are, in fact, membersof the sex category suggested by
theirgender.
Traditionally,coming-outprocessesfor gay men andlesbianshave been seen as
a sequenceof psychologicalandsocial progressions.The stagesof coming outhave
been conceptualized as (a) self-definition as lesbian or gay, (b) tolerance and
acceptanceof self-defined identity,(c) regularassociationwith other gay men or
lesbians, (d) sexual experimentation,and (e) exploration of gay subcultures
(Troiden 1988). Obviously, not all out bisexuals, lesbians, or gay men progress
throughthese stages in similar orderor speed. Lesbians,bisexuals, and gay men
may slowly pronouncenew identities,with fluctuatingperiodsof opennessorbeing
closeted (de Montefloresand Schultz 1978). Not every gay or lesbiancoming-out
process leads to a similar outcome. For some, the effects of externally imposed
stigma (perhapsreinforcedby internalizedhomophobia)lead individuals to be
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
481
"out"but to capitulateto stigmas andavoid gay/lesbianactivitiesor to seek to pass
as heterosexual(Troiden1988). Forlesbians,gay men, andbisexuals,being known
and labeled is not necessarilythe goal of coming out. Even for the most political
andthose who managestigmasbest, disclosureis not universal(Bell andWeinberg
1978; Troiden 1988). Gay men and lesbianscan and frequentlydo enjoy selecting
and controllingto whom theiridentitiesare known.
In this article,we examine the coming-outexperiencesof a nonrandomsample
of individuals who were membersof the transgendercommunityat the time we
solicited volunteersfor our project.Transgenderismrefers to "thelives and experiences of diverse groups of people who live outside normativesex/genderrelations"(Namaste 1994, 228). Personswho enact alternativegenderpresentationsor
who have internalizedalternativegenderidentitiesarereferredto as "transgenderists" (Tewksburyand Gagne 1996). When looking at the experiencesof transgenderists,identitymanagementconcernsareat least as complex as those of bisexuals,
gay men, and lesbians, if not more so. While there are some similaritiesbetween
the coming-outprocesses of transgenderistsand gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals,
there are also salient differences. First, since around the end of the nineteenth
century,homosexualityhas been defined as an identity(D'Emilio 1983; Foucault
[1978] 1990). As thatidentityand the communitiesand institutionsbuilt aroundit
have become morevisible, lesbiansandgay men, andmorerecentlybisexuals,have
had opportunitiesto find similar others. Thus, feelings of "difference"are more
easily identified, labeled, and accepted than they were before homosexuality
defined "who" the person was. While gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals have
challengedthe medical definitionof homosexualityas a mentalillness, they have,
for the most part,adheredto the notion that sexuality is an importantcomponent
in definingwho thepersonis (Adam 1995;D'Emilio 1983). Challengesto this trend
are only now emergingwithinqueercommunitiesandqueertheory(Epstein 1994;
Namaste 1994; Seidman 1994, 1996; Stein and Plummer1994).
Although barriersto self-awarenessand acceptanceare declining, transgenderists continueto grapplewith many of the issues that confrontedsexual minorities
in the UnitedStatespriorto the 1970s. Most masculine-to-femininetransgenderists
conform to traditionalbeliefs aboutsex and gender,whereasa minorityattemptto
step outside the genderbinaryby defining themselvesin nongenderedor multiply
genderedways (Raymond1994). For example,withinthe transgendercommunity,
the declassification of transsexualismas a psychiatricdiagnosis has been hotly
debated,with those seeking to challengemedicaldefinitionsarguingthatit should
be removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
(DSM-IV) andthose still seeking access to hormonesandsex reassignmentsurgery
(SRS) arguingthatbeing diagnosedtranssexualis the only way they may become
the women they trulyare.In otherwords,they must "confess"theirtranssexualism
in ways thatadhereto medicalmodels in orderto proceedfromone sex to the other.
Similarly,most transsexualsadhereto beliefs that their desires to live as women
were the resultof biological "mistakes"thatleft them as femininepersonsin male
482
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
bodies (Pauly 1990; Stoller 1971). Ratherthanchoosing to live as femininemales,
they opt to cross over to full-timewomanhood.Similarly,most cross-dresserslook
on their sartorial transitionsas opportunitiesto express their feminine selves
(Talamini 1981; Woodhouse 1989). They deem feminine behaviorin masculine
attireto be highly inappropriate.Among oursample,the exceptionsto these trends
tendedto exist amongindividualswho, at one time,identifiedas transsexualsand/or
cross-dressersandwho, in theprocessof tryingto understandwho they were, began
to questionthe legitimacyof genderas a definingcharacteristicof self. At the time
we talked with them, these people were membersof the transgendercommunity
who self-identified as either a radical transgenderist,ambigendered,or a third
gender.They were looking for ways to defy categorizationbased on gender,rather
thanfind a way to fit within the gendersystem.
While transgenderismis an issue of sex and gender,it does entail aspects of
sexual reorientation.Thus,sexuallyactivetransgenderistsmustrecognize,tolerate,
and learn to accept an alternativegender identity;develop a repertoireof coping
strategiesto managepublic presentationsof gender;and, in some cases, manage
the actual transformationof permanentidentity and anatomy.Whether gender
transformationsare temporaryor permanent,the sense that one really is the sex
associated with the genderportrayedinvolves a reexaminationof sexual identity.
For example, some anatomically male transsexualsand cross-dressers,in the
process of establishing a feminine self, engage in sexual activity with other
anatomicalmale persons. While morphologicallythe experiencemay be defined
by observers as homosexual or same sexed, the social women experiencingthe
interactiontendto define it as heterosexual.Such activityis highly valuedas a way
of exploringfemininity.For transgenderists,the discovery of sexual identity,or a
sense of who the individual is as a sexual person, frequently occurs within a
sex/gendersystem thatdoes not addresssexual issues amongthose whose sex and
gender do not fit within the binarysystem. Furthermore,those who do have SRS
must sexually "come out" to themselves and others by reexaminingtheir sexual
preferencesand orientations.As gender and/or sex changes, the subjective and
social meanings of sexual interactionsare also transformed.While gay men,
lesbians, and bisexuals must come out sexually, their experiences are not confoundedby alterationsin genderand genitalmakeup.
Researchon the coming-outprocesses and experiencesof transgenderistsprovides an opportunityto examine the managementof the transformationof three
aspects of socially normativeexpectations,ratherthanjust one. Whereaslesbians,
gay men, and bisexuals are able to carefully control informationdissemination,
transgenderistsmustmanageboththeiractualandvirtualsocial identities(Goffman
1963) on threedimensions.Lesbians,gay men, andbisexualscan selectively come
out, whereas transgenderists,because of changes in gender or biological appearance, are often forced out of the closet, creating awkward or even dangerous
situations. Transgenderistsprovide an opportunityto examine the private and
public dimensionsof achieving a new genderthroughinteractionwith othersand
the emergenceand managementof alternativesex, gender,and sexual identities.
Gagne et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
483
METHOD
We completed65 semistructured,
interviewswithmasculinein-depth,tape-recorded
to-feminine individualsfrom several points along the transgenderspectrum(see
Tewksburyand Gagne 1996). Transgenderismis an umbrellaterm that encompasses a variety of identities-including transsexual,fetish, and nonfetishistic
cross-dresser;drag queen; and other terms-as devised by individualswho live
outside the dominantgendersystem. In this study,we have categorizedindividuals
on the basis of the identitythey proclaimedto us. All volunteersin oursamplewere
membersof the transgendercommunitiesthroughwhich we recruitedvolunteers
for our study. The majorityin our sample had refined their self-identificationsin
the process of coming out. Includedin oursampleareindividualswho self-identify
as pre- (n = 27), post- (n = 10), and nonoperative(n = 4) transsexual.Transsexuals
are people who believe themselves to be female and who wish to, or do, live
full-time as women. Preoperativetranssexualsare those who desire to have, but
have not yet had, SRS. Postoperativetranssexualsare those who have had SRS.
Nonoperative transsexuals are those who live full-time or nearly full-time as
women but who do not wish to have SRS. Some have availedthemselves of other
medical and cosmetic procedures-including female hormones,breast implants,
and electrolysis, whereas others alter their gender presentationswithout bodily
alteration.Duringchildhood(beforeage 10), aboutone-third(n = 16) felt a strong
desire to become a girl or believed themselvesto be female. The remainderbegan
to recognizea desireto be femaleduringadolescence(n = 15) or adulthood(n = 10).
They self-identifiedas heterosexual,bisexual, lesbian, and asexual. Although our
sample included many male individuals who had had sexual relationships or
encounterswith othermale persons,no one in our sample self-identifiedas gay at
the time of the interview or at any time duringtheir lives. Also included in our
sample are 2 fetishistic cross-dressers,one of whom began erotically motivated
cross-dressingduringadolescenceandthe otherduringadulthood.Suchindividualsreferredto in the psychiatricliteratureas transvestites-are male individualswho
have a masculine gender identity, self-identify as heterosexual, and dress in
women's clothing for eroticpurposes.Oursamplealso includes 17 (nonfetishistic)
cross-dressers.2Cross-dressersare men who usually self-identify as heterosexual,
with a minorityidentifyingas bisexual(Feinbloom1977; PrinceandBentler 1972;
Talamini1982;Woodhouse1989).Thirteenof thecross-dressers
begancross-dressing
in childhood,and4 duringadolescence.Cross-dressersaremen who wearwomen's
clothing to relax and permitthe expressionof theirfeminine selves. Seven of the
cross-dressersin oursamplebegan"dressing"in responseto eroticmotivations.By
the time we interviewedthem, the eroticismhad dissipated.The remainingcrossdressersin our sample had always dressed for noneroticreasons. All but 1 of the
transsexualsin our studyhad, at one time, self-identifiedas a cross-dresserpriorto
developing a transsexualidentity,with 15 reportingthattheirearliestexperiences
with cross-dressingwere eroticallymotivated.Eachcontinuedcross-dressingeven
afterthe erotic componentwas gone and finally adopteda transsexualidentity.In
484
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
our sample, 4 cross-dresserswere in the process of exploringthe possibility they
might be transsexual.We have categorizedthem accordingto the identities they
presentedto us at the time of the interview.Most cross-dressersin our sampleheld
very traditionalopinions about sex, gender,and sexuality.They were masculine,
heterosexualmen who, when they dressed as women, wished to be perceived as
feminine, heterosexualfemale persons.
A small numberof persons(n = 5) who cross-dressedandhad no desirefor SRS
referredto themselves in more politically orientedterms. While there are subtle
differences in politics, all five of these people have used transgenderismto challenge binaryassumptionsabout sex, gender,and sexuality.Their intent is not to
"pass"as women but to challengethe idea thatgenderis a "natural"expressionof
sex and sexuality. This group of five includes one "radicaltransgenderist"-an
anatomical,heterosexualmale personwith a masculinegenderidentity,who uses
cross-dressingas a means to express feminine aspects of self and to challenge
traditionalbinaryconceptualizationsof sex, gender,and sexuality.It also includes
an individualwho lives alternativelyas a man and a woman,
one "ambigenderist,"
andwho believes thatcategoriesof sexualorientationdo notexist andthatsexuality
is a spectrum.Dependingon how he or she feels, he or she frequentlywent out "in
between"-as neithera mannora woman(with long hair,makeup,high heels, tight
pants,anda two-daygrowthof beard).In addition,this groupincludesthreepeople
who self-identified as a "thirdgender."These three individualsbelieved that all
people have both masculineand feminine attributes.Their desire was to develop
and be able to publiclypresentboth aspectsof self and to live as a combinationof
bothgenders.Like the ambigenderist,theyresistedcategorizingthemselvesaccording to sexual identity.In ourdiscussionsof the transgenderedpeople in oursample,
we have self-consciouslyadheredto the self-identificationsused by ourvolunteers,
with the exception of the final group of five. For purposesof clarity,we refer to
this groupas genderradicals.We have takenthe libertyof doing this becauseall of
thememphasizedtheirdesireto eliminatethe existing systemof gender,ratherthan
just theirown gender.
Ourresearchwas conductedover a one-yearperiod, spanning 1994 and 1995.
Earlyin the researchprocess,we madea consciousdecisionto includeall masculineto-feminine transgenderistswho volunteered.Our reasons were twofold. First,
within the literatureon transgenderism,there has been a strongtendencyto reify
categories.While we havereliedon the literaturefor anunderstandingof ideal types
of transgenderexpression, our early forays into the transgendercommunityconvinced us that such categorizationwas often imposed on the community by
outsiders,includingresearchersand medical practitioners.We have attemptedto
avoid doing this by relying on the identitiesproclaimedto us. Second, althoughit
is not universallymanifestedamong our sample, we have found the transgender
experienceto be a process wherebyindividualsexperimentwith variousidentities
until they find one that"fits"or with which they arecomfortable.While some boys
know fromearlychildhoodthatthey arereallygirls, otherscome to thatrealization
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
485
more slowly, through a process of cross-dressing(either fetishistically or nonfetishistically),andperhapson to transsexualismor genderradicalism.By including
individualsfrom severalpoints on the transgenderspectrum,we were able to gain
a richer understandingof the coming-out experience as an ongoing process of
genderexploration,ratherthanone in which the goal is a rigid end product.
We solicitedvolunteersthrough14 transgender
supportgroups,transgenderonline
services, and by respondingto personalads in a nationaltransgenderpublication.
People in every region of the contiguous 48 states volunteeredfor interviews,
making our researchnationalin scope. Participantsresided in large urbanareas,
small towns, suburbs,andruralareas.Oursampleincludes4 AfricanAmericans,2
Asians, 1 Hispanic,and 58 Whites. Participantsrangedin age from 24 to 68 years,
with a mean age of 44. Occupationally,they were diverse with jobs rangingfrom
doctors, airline pilots, computersystems analysts, engineers, college professors,
school teachers,enlistedmembersof the military,police officers,welders,mechanics, food service and clerical workers, and janitors. Although our sample was
occupationallydiverse, the majoritywas well educatedand had long employment
historiesin the skilledtradesandprofessions.Mostmembersof oursamplewereeither
employed or voluntarilyunemployed(i.e., retiredor student)at the time we talked
with them.Nonetheless,one postoperativeandeightpreoperativetranssexualswere
unemployed,andthe majorityof those who lived full-timeas the genderinto which
they were not assigned at birthwere vastly underemployed.3
To providethe greatestreliabilityamonginterviews,all butone were conducted
by the first author.Where distance precludeda face-to-face meeting, interviews
were conducted over the telephone. They were organizedsuch that, after backgroundinformationon age, education,occupationalhistory,and family was gathered,respondentswere encouragedto tell theirlife storiesas they pertainedto their
transgenderedfeelings andexperiences.Respondentswere guidedthroughseveral
areasof inquiry,includingtheirearliesttransgenderexperiencesor feelings; being
discoveredcross-dressed;acquiringgirls'or women's clothing,makeup,andwigs;
learning about and refining a feminine appearanceor persona; participatingin
transgendersupportgroupsor on-linecommunities;findingtherapistsandsurgeons
and experienceswith the medical community;identifyingand labeling emotions,
feelings, behaviors, and identity; telling others; transformationsor stability in
sexual fantasy,behavior,andidentity;andpoliticalandgenderattitudes.Interviews
rangedfrom 45 minutesto eight hoursin length, averagingaboutthreehours.
Interviewswere transcribedin full. An analytic-inductiveprocess was used in
organizing and interpretingthe descriptionsand stories of the volunteers in our
sample (Miles andHuberman1984). Dataanalysisincludedthreeflows of activity:
data reduction,which includedthe process of identifyingemergentthemes in the
data; data display, the process of organizingand clusteringthe informationto be
used for derivingconclusions;andconclusiondrawingandverification,the process
of decidingwhatexperiencesmean,notingpatternsandexplanations,andverifying
our findings (Miles and Huberman1984).
486
GENDER& SOCIETY/ August1997
FINDINGS
Appearanceis a centralcomponentin the establishmentandmaintenanceof self
and identity (Stone 1975). An alternativegender may be achieved only through
interaction,in which the recognitionof othershas the potentialto legitimate and
reinforcethe emergentalternativeidentity.Therefore,in orderto "be"themselves,
whetheron a temporaryorpermanentbasis,transgenderistshave a compellingneed
to presentalternativeexpressionsof gender.Many transgenderistschoose to alter
their external physical characteristicsto conform to beliefs about "appropriate"
appearancefor the desired gender.Individualexpressions of gender, as well as
surgical,cosmetic, andmedicalproceduresused to alterprimaryandsecondarysex
characteristics,aresignifiersof identity.Such alternationshelp individualsexplore
and clarify who they are and may help them gain entreeto a communityof others
like themselves. Identity transformationis a social psychological process that
develops with time, experiences, the managementof emotions (Mason-Schrock
1996), conscious efforts,and interactionwith others.
To examine the ways in which alternativelygenderedidentitiesarerecognized,
explored, evaluated,and declared(both privatelyand publicly), it is necessaryto
look at severaldevelopmentalsteps in the lives of transgenderedpersons.First,an
identificationof earliest memories of experiencingthe "difference"or dissonant
sex/gendersensationswill be explored,followed by a look at how, when, and why
transgenderistsarrivedat a self-definition as a transgenderedperson; and how,
when, why, and to whom the processes of proclaimingthis new identityto others
was managed.Finally,we concludewith a discussionof wherealong the transgender spectrumindividualslocate themselves and how they arrivedat a salient and
(relatively)stable identity.
Early Transgendered Experiences
Examinationof the earliestrecollectionsthattransgenderedindividualshave of
feeling that either their sex or gender was "wrong"or did not "fit"for them are
useful in providinginsight into the earliestmanifestationsthatbecome alternative
identities.Many recollectionsof childhoodmay, in fact, be reconstructedbiographies. Nonetheless, these are materials from which individuals mold current
identitiesand,therefore,arevalid and significant.4This is the process in which the
collective creation of biographicalstories brings phenomenologicallyreal "true
selves" into being (Mason-Schrock1996).
Gender constancy-a sense that a person's gender is a permanentaspect of
self-is acquired between the ages of three and five years (Kohlberg 1966;
Kohlbergand Ulian 1974). In our sample, 16 transsexualsrecalled wantingto be
girls or knowing thatthey really were girls duringearly childhood.For all but one
of the remainder,feelings of being or wanting to be a woman emerged during
adolescence or adulthood.Among cross-dressers,all reportedknowing they were
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
487
boys in earlychildhoodandthroughoutadolescence,butfoursaidtheyremembered
wishing they could be girls duringearlychildhood,andtwo reportedknowingthey
were male but wishing they could become female duringadolesence. Fetishistic
cross-dressersand genderradicalsdid not reportfeeling they were or wanting to
become women. Feminine behaviorsand feelings of being or wanting to be girls
created confusion for young children and adolescents, particularlywhen they
received messages thatthey could not be or act that way.
For transsexualsandcross-dressers,one way of makingsense of the incongruity
between sex and genderwas to explore whethera feminine boy might actuallybe
able to become a girl. For example, one cross-dresserexplained that at about the
age of five, "Iremember... asking my motherout in the backyard,'Am I always
going to be a boy? Could I change and be a girl someday?'" Such questions are
undoubtedlycommonamongyoung children.Formost children,clothingandother
expressions of gender are signifiers of maleness or femaleness. Cross-dressers
explainedthatthey were satisfiedwith explanationsthatthey could not changetheir
anatomy and become female but that they continued to want to temporarily
"become"girls by wearingfeminineclothing,makeup,and wigs. As adults,all but
four cross-dressers(who were exploringthe possibilitythey might be transsexual)
reported knowing they were male and being happy with their sex and gender
identity. Throughouttheir lives, they were able to conceal their transgenderism
muchmoreeasily thanweretranssexuals,who felt compelledto act andbe feminine
at all times.
Among transsexuals,confusionover gender,desiresto be female, or feelings of
being female were commonlyreportedin childhoodandover the life course.Many
of the transsexualsin our sample thoughtthey really were girls (in the dominant
culturalsense) until they began to receive messages to the contrary.For example,
one postoperativetranssexualexplainedher earliestunderstandingof gender and
the way in which it startedto be corrected.She said,
I wasprobablythreeor fouryearsold.... I remember
playingwithpaperdollsand
Barbiedollsandstuffwithmy sistersandwearingtheirclothes.I didn'tevenknow
I wasn'ta girluntil[atschool]I wastoldit wastimeto lineupfora restroombreak.
Differentiating themselves from girls did not come easily for these 16
transsexuals.Socializing messages might be gentle and subtle, as the ones above,
or more laden with overt hostility and anger.For example, anotherpreoperative
transsexualexplained,
I can rememberbeggingmy motherto let me wearher clothes.... I kickedand
screamed.... AnothertimeshewasironingandI wantedmyownironingboardand
ironandbejustlikemommy.
ThistimeshegotreallyangryandI guessI wasbecoming
awareof the fact thatI wasn'tever going to be a little girl, thatit was socially
... becauseshe said,"Youwantto be a littlegirl?Well,we'll putyou
unacceptable
in a littledressandtie yourhairup in ribbons."
.. . Shebecameaggressiveaboutit
andatthatpointI understood
thatit wassociallyunacceptable.
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
488
In early childhood, cross-dressingand cross-genderbehavior appearto have
been tolerated.However, as childrenadvancedbeyond the "toddler"stage, they
were pressuredby adultsand otherchildrento recognizeand adhereto traditional
conceptualizationsof gender and conformto masculinestereotypes.Pressuresto
conformto the genderbinarywere often basedon homophobicassumptionsabout
gender "deviants."For example, a nonoperativetranssexualsaid,
Aroundthe time I was 9 or 10 yearsold, therewas one boy in the neighborhood... [who]wasneverallowedto spendthenightat myhouse.... All he would
I approached
his dadaboutit....
tell me is, "Mydadwon'tlet me."Oneafternoon
colorandshakingandpointinga fingerin
Thismanturnedanincrediblered-purple
my face [said],"Becauseyou'rea fuckingqueer!"I didn'tknowwhatthosewords
meant,butit wasrealclearfromhisbodylanguagethatwhateverthosewordswere
tiedto wasnotOK.
The pressureto adhereto the masculinestereotypewas strong,andmany in our
sample triedto conform.Cross-dressershid theirdressing,segmentingit off from
therestof theirlives. Amongtranssexuals,suchsegmentationof thefeminineaspect
of self was more difficult. The majorityfelt more comfortableplaying with girls,
participatingin "girls"' activities, and expressing and presentingthemselves in
more feminineways. For those whose transgenderfeelings andbehaviorsbegan in
earlychildhood,pressuresto "fit"into the masculinestereotypeand"act"like boys
createdconfusion aboutidentity,an internalizedsense of deviance,and frequently
strong self-loathing.For example, a preoperativetranssexualsaid, "I didn't know
it was transsexual.I just didn't feel like a male. Everyonewas telling me I was and
I felt I had to act thatway ... I felt it was somethingvery, very wrong."
After an initial periodof confusion aboutsex and gender,most childrenrecognized thatcross-dressingand feminine behaviorwere deviantand, therefore,they
tried to repress it and keep it secret. This suggests that as children begin to
understandthe binarygendersystem, they become ashamedof feminine or transgenderedfeelings, learnto hide their behaviors,and become confused about who
they areandhow they fit intothe world.Manyin oursampletalkedaboutbecoming
addictedto alcohol or drugs later in life, in an effort to numbthe emotional pain
they experiencedand to repressthe "trueself," which did not fit and, therefore,
neededto be repressed.Throughoutadolescenceandadulthood,most went through
periods of "purging,"when they would stop engaging in transgenderedbehavior
and throw out feminine clothing, makeup,and wigs. Despite the stigma attached
to transgenderism,however,the need to "bethemselves"was strong.Even as they
tried to stop, and as their feminine attributeswere criticizedand sanctioned,they
found it impossible to stop and learnedto become more and more secretive. For
example, a preoperativetranssexualexplained,
I was beingbeatup,calledsissy.... I didn'tfeel normal.I feltlike,"Whyareyou
doingthis?Thisisn't right.You'rea boy."ButI couldn'tstop.Thecuriositykept
drawingme to it andI kept doing it. I felt guilty and I always thoughtafterI ... took
Gagne et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
489
Thisis silly."A few dayslater...
theclothesoff, "I'mnotgoingto do thisanymore.
I wasbackdoingit again.
Among ourentiresample,for some transgenderistscross-dressingbeganduring
puberty (n = 20) or even adulthood (n = 16). Only six of our sample (three
cross-dressers,one fetishistic cross-dresser,and two transsexuals)reportedthat
their initial experiences with cross-dressing were erotically motivated during
puberty.For the majority,cross-dressingwas an expressionof genderthat,during
puberty,became entangledwith sexuality.Most would put on women's clothing;
read, watch television, or lounge aroundthe house; and then, almost as an afterthought,before removing the clothing, they would masturbate.For example, one
preoperativetranssexualexplainedthatshe beganwearinghermother'spantyhose
and shoes at age eight or nine. She liked the silky feeling and the way they looked.
As she got older, she began puttingthe entireensembletogether.She said,
I usedto borrow[wigsandclothes].... I wouldputthisstuffon when[myparents]
weregoneandI wentrunningaroundthehouse,anditjustfeltthatI wasrelieved.A
greatburdenwas liftedoff me. I felt like I'm fine now.Whenshe was finished
beforeremovingtheclothing.
aroundthehouse,"shewouldmasturbate
"running
While most childrenand adolescentscould achieve a temporarysense of relief
by cross-dressing, a small portion of the transsexualsin our sample associated
gender with genital construction.While transsexualchildrenand adolescentsfelt
that they were (or wished they could be) girls, most believed genital construction
was something that could not be changed and that gender could only be altered
For a smallportionof our sample(n = 4),
throughclothingand otheraccoutrements.
however,this was not the case, andeffortsto alterorremovegenitalswerereported.
This was relatedby one preoperativetranssexualwho was tryingto find the means
to pay for SRS when we talkedwith her.She said, "I startedthatwhen I was seven
or eight.... I used to do some castration-typethings.No realpainfulones. Justlike
rubberbandthings. I just did not want what I had there."
In recalling initial experiences defined as transgendered,most individuals
discussed activitiesthatallowed themto experimentwith feminine genderpresentations. Secrecy was important,as there was a sense of needing to keep activities
andfeelings frombeing detectedby punishingothers.As individualsgrappledwith
guilt, anxiety,feelings of being different,and with social pressuresto conformto a
gender that did not feel comfortable,they struggledto "find"their true identity.
This internalstruggleis the precursorto coming out to one's self.
Coming Out to One's Self
For many transgenderedindividuals,coming to termswith identityis drivenby
three factors: (1) events that inform them that to feel as they do is "wrong"
(discussed above), (2) finding that there are names for their feelings, and (3)
learning that there are others who have had similar experiences. The search for
490
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
authenticityis a motivatingfactor in the desire to resolve identity (Gecas 1991).
Because of the centralityof communityin the formationandlegitimationof identity
(see Taylorand Whittier1992), the effortsof transgenderiststo find and express a
"trueself' aremitigatedby theircontactswith the transgenderedworld,just as they
areaffectedby the dominantculture.To "confess"gender(or transgenderism),one
must communicatein an establishedidiom or risk the desiredauthenticity.While
new identities are emergent, they are created within the constraintsof current
understandings.Furthermore,because of dominantbeliefs that incongruity between assumedsex and presentedgenderis indicativeof homosexuality,and that
such is deviant, as transgenderistsmix or replacemasculinitywith femininity on
either a temporaryor permanentbasis, they frequentlywonderwhat this implies
abouttheirsexuality.
When individualsfail to adhereto the genderbinary,they areoften told they are
wrong or bad, so they tend to initiallythinkof themselvesas sick or deviant.Until
they find similarotherswho haverejectedstigma,self-blameandthe internalization
of deviance are common. As the transgenderistsin our samplebecame awarethat
therewere othersin the worldlike them,theyexperienceda sense of self-recognition,
and most quicklyalignedthemselveswith new potentialidentities.The refinement
and adoptionof relativelystableidentitiesoccurredwithinthe possibilitiesoffered
by the transgendersubculture,which has been heavily influenced by medical
models of transgenderism.
For most individuals, the first display of feelings that are later labeled as
transgenderedcome in the form of cross-dressing.Among adult transgenderists,
cross-dressingis symbolicallymoreimportantthan"playingdressup."Forfetishistic and nonfetishisticcross-dressers,it is an opportunityto express the feminine
self; for genderradicals,it is a chanceto blendthe masculineandfeminineaspects
of self; and for transsexuals,it is a time to be one's self. Childrenlearn at a very
early age to attributetheirown and others'sex and genderon the basis of clothing
(Cahill 1989), and they find cross-dressingan accessiblemeansof genderexploration. When others, especially valued and respected significant others, strongly
oppose such actions,they effectively communicatea sense of deviance.All buttwo
of ourparticipantswho engagedin transgenderbehaviorsas childrenor adolescents
told us that the message came throughloud and clear: to cross-dress,or for that
matterto do anythingthatwas not "appropriately"
masculine,was deviantand not
worked
to drivetransgenderedchildren
Such
with
others.
to be discussed
messages
into a secret world, where feelings aboutwhat was "natural"were held in private.
Most transsexualsand a minorityof the cross-dressersin our sample reported
being labeled "sissies" by parents,siblings, and school mates. The difference in
experiencesmay be due to the factthattranssexualsreportedan overwhelmingurge
to be feminine at all times, whereascross-dresserscould more easily segmentthe
feminine self away from public scrutiny. Those labeled "sissy" or "girl-like"
experienced extreme stigmatization,isolation, and at times abuse. Derogative
commentsfromfamily membersseemed to affect the self-esteemand self-concept
more than insults from peers or othernonrelatives.One nonoperativetranssexual
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
491
marriedto a womanrecountedhow herparentsandfriendspressuredherto be more
masculine.She said,
thatI wantedto be friendswith... werethegirls....
Thekidsin theneighborhood
I wantedmy owndollandremember
theboysin theneighborhood
seemedto havea
realproblemwiththat.... Inthatsametimeperiod,mydadcameintomybedroom
one nightandhe tookall thedollsoutof my bed.He saidI couldkeeptheanimals
butthedollshadto go because,"You'rea littleboy andlittleboysdon'tsleepwith
dolls."
Even with such social sanctions,the feelings persisted.Among transsexualsand
a minorityof cross-dressers,to be doing whatgirls were doing felt comfortableand
natural.For many,playing with boys was stressful,anxiety provoking,and often
inducedfeelings of failureand low self-esteem. Consequently,many transgenderists found ways to separatethemselves from those who reinforcedthe feeling of
differenceand deviance, staying to themselves as much as possible.
Just as childrentriedto conceal transgenderismor conformto the expectations
of family andothersocializingagents,adultswerelikely to engagein similarcoping
strategiesuntil they began to accept themselves as transgenderists.Transsexuals
tendedto reactto negative messages by being hypermasculine.As adults,many in
our sample went into physically strenuousor high-risk occupations where they
could prove theirmasculinity.Some joined the militaryandothersmarried,hoping
to "cure"themselves of transgenderedlongings and behavior.For example, one
preoperativetranssexual,who got marriedat a time in her life when she identified
as a cross-dresser,explained, "[Now] I'm okay. I'm one of the guys. I've scored.
I'm a guy. I fit in with all the otherguys. This will cureeverything.Well, it didn't."
She was cross-dressingwithin monthsof the wedding. Or,as an attemptto not be
perceived as different during her life as a man, one preoperativetranssexual
explained, "[Workingfor a] moving companyand the fact that I played windmill
softball were both indicative of the many people in my situation where we
overcompensate."Anothersaid,"Iwould avoiddoing anythingthatsomeonemight
see as being a remotelyfeminine kind of thing. I wouldn'teven help my ex-[wife]
planta flower garden."Outof ourentiresample, 18 hadservedin the military.Most
said they hopedthe experiencewould makemen out of them.Althoughan extreme
example of this sentiment,anotherpreoperativetranssexualexplained,
I knewtherewas somethingwrongwithme andI wantedto do whateverI couldto
makea realmanoutof myself.So I joinedthe army.Voluntarily
wentto Vietnam.
carrieda machinegunin thejungle.I was a paratrooper.
I was a Green
Voluntarily
Beret.I dideverythingI coulddo in a thatthree-year
periodto makea manout of
wereless likelyto reactin hypermasculine
myself.Cross-dressers
ways,primarily
becausetheykepttheirfemininesidehidden.
Most transgenderistswho recalledchildhood,adolescence,andearly adulthood
as periods of confusion and turmoil found cross-dressing to be relaxing and
comfortableandfunctioningas a womanto be natural.Theirstruggleswith identity
and relationshipsarose from society's sanctions.
492
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
Throughoutchildhood,adolescence,andearly to mid adulthoodmost transgenderists in our study experiencedshame and confusion for not being "right."They
lived in a social regionfor whichtherewas no idiom.Becausethey were sanctioned
for feminine attributesand behavior, they learned that there was no place for
feminine boys or men in society. Feeling more comfortablewith girls, they began
to understandgender and sex within the social options presentedto them. The
socially constructedaspectsof realitywere so strongthatbelieving they were born
with the wrong genitals seemed more plausiblethan violating the gender binary.
Even in adulthood,transsexualsfrequentlymade efforts to conceal their genitals,
even from themselves,by tuckingthembetweenthe legs or tapingthem up. While
relatively uncommonin our sample (duringadulthood,n = 2), when transsexuals
were unawareof available medical options or were unable to afford SRS, they
attemptedself-castration.These efforts indicate the degree to which gender is
signified by genitalia.
to experiencesexualattractions
It was commonin oursamplefor transgenderists
to othermen, to have sexual fantasiesaboutmen, or both. At the same time, they
experiencedsocial sanctionsand pressuresto conformto dominantconceptualizations of gender.While they worriedthey might be gay, they began to experience
and explore sexuality within the binary system and its ancillary compulsory
heterosexuality(Rich 1989). As a 36-year-oldbisexual cross-dresserexplained,
"You'regetting all kinds of messages that men are men and women are women.
Sissy boys and fags. The adolescentyears are really,really hardon homosexuals
and anything not mainstreamsexually." Within our sample, adolescent male
persons and adult men in the early stages of identity formationwere frequently
confused aboutthe implicationsfemininebehaviorhadon theirsexuality.As men,
they knew sex with male individualswas unacceptable;but as women, it was a
source of validation.Most reactedby repressingattractionsto men, at least until
they began to go out in public as women, when sexual interactionswith men were
indicative of passage into social womanhood. Nonetheless, sexual interaction
between social men was perceivedby everyone in our sample as problematic.As
a postoperativetranssexualexplained,
There'sbeena few boysthatI wouldhaveprobablylikedto havegottenit on with.
or gay,or somethinglikethat,
Theso-calledlabelsbackthenof beinghomosexual,
kept me from doing it. .. The fifties was when I grew up and you just didn't talk
aboutthingslikethat.
None of the people in our sample adopted a gay identity,even temporarily,
althoughsexual experimentationwith male persons was a common aspect of the
coming-outexperience.Because of an understandingthattransgenderism,homosexuality,and femininity were wrong, all but two transgenderistsmade efforts to
conceal, to purge,to deny, and to cure themselvesin orderto avoid acceptanceof
theirtransgenderism.
Most commonly,the triggeringevent for acceptanceof an identitycame when,
either accidentallyor intentionally,the individualencounteredotherswho served
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
493
as symbols for availableidentities.However,role models who challenged binary
conceptualizationsof genderwere largely unavailable.Because "thereis no place
for a person who is neithera woman or a man" (Lorber 1994, 96), finding role
models and formulatingan identityoutside the genderbinaryis virtuallyimpossible. Thus, alternativeidentitieswere restrictedto those availablewithinthe gender
binary,usually found among those who had crossedfrom one gender to the only
other one known to be legitimatelyavailable.
Symbolic otherscame froma varietyof sources,includingtelevision, magazine
articles,pornography,psychologicalor medicalcase reports,female impersonators
andmost recently,on-line computerservices.However,most of these sourceswere
not equally available to children and adolescents. Television appearancesby
pioneer transgenderistsserved to introduce many adolescents of the 1960s to
ChristineJorgensenand JanMorris,and to Renee Richardsin the 1970s. Learning
of the availability of transsexualismand seeing such women on television and
readingaboutthem in newspapersand magazinesprovidedopportunitiesto know
thattherewere alternativeidentitiesavailable.One newly postoperativetranssexual
looked back on her late teens as generallyunhappyandconfusingbut says thatshe
made a majordiscovery aboutboth herself and society when
I was in highschoolandI startedto hearaboutReneeRichards.I graduated
high
schoolin '72, so shewasjustcomingoutwhenI wasjuststarting
highschool.Atthat
time,I stillthoughtthatI was alonein the world .... WhenI startedto hearabout
ReneeRichards,thenI said,Maybethereis somebodyelse,butthisis theonlyother
personthatknowswhereI'mcomingfrom.
Findingotherswho felt as they did helpedto alleviate,butnot remove,the sense
of isolation experiencedby transgenderedindividuals.Nonetheless, throughsuch
initial exposures,many individualslearnedthattherewere alternativesto living in
confusion and shame, if one was willing to transform(either temporarilyor
permanently)to the othergender.Simply learningthatSRS was possible led some
to reconfiguretheiridentitiesandreassesstheirplace in the world.One transsexual,
who more than 20 years later is still awaiting SRS, recalled that when she was
enteringher teen years,
I stilldidn'thavethosefeelingsof wantingto be a womanprobablyuntilaboutthe
age of 10 whenthe ChristineJorgensenthingbroke.At thattime,I knewit was
possibleformento havesexchanges.That'swhenI gotmyfirstfeelingthatI wanted
to be a girl.
From this point onward,the way she perceivedherself was different.Whereas
she says thatduringchildhood"Ididn'tfeel like a girl, and I didn'tfeel like a boy.
I just wanted to be myself," after learningaboutthe possibility of SRS, she lived
in a state of identity limbo. Finally, she says, "When[my feminine self] took her
firstinjection[of hormones],she becamea realityto me. She becamea realperson."
While available role models and medical proceduresmay not dictate identity
changes, they do provide alternativesthat contribute to identity clarification.
494
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
Femininegenderis culturallysignifiedand,in Westernsociety,dictatedby anatomy
(Laqueur1990). Because such beliefs are internalized,many transgenderedindividuals feel compelledto physically altertheirbodies.
Findinga symbol of sex and genderpossibilitiesdid not always occur in such a
positive way. Although one might, for the first time, learnthat alternativesto the
genderbinaryexist, some transgenderistssimultaneouslylearnedthat such people
were "freaks"to be objectified.For instance,a Mormonpreoperativetranssexual,
recountedhow at aboutage 18, "[Wewould]pass aroundthe pornographyandlook
at it. It really didn'tdo anythingfor me untilI actuallysaw a transgenderedperson
in the magazine....
I really identified with that."
In a more positive fashion, a few years laterin life, while searchingout more
informationand identity reinforcement,this same person discovered a copy of a
transgenderorganizationalmagazine,and recalled, "I felt like there were people
like me. That was my niche and I more or less identified with that. I got more
educationthroughthatmagazinethananythingelse."
Finally, in today's informationage, on-line computer services appear to be
emerging as a primarylocation for finding both virtualand real mentors. It was
common for transgenderistswho decipheredand accepted their identities in the
1990s to have done so with the assistanceof on-line bulletinboardsand personal
conversations with already-identifyingtransgenderists.Here, in the privacy of
one's home orworkarea,contactscould be madethatallowedbothexperimentation
with identitiesandinformationalinquiriesthatdid notjeopardizeexisting identities
or social, occupational,and familial relationships.In addition, on-line services
allowed individualsto access informationbeyondthatconcerningthe strictlyerotic
aspects of cross-dressing.For some transgenderists,this was a critical factor, as
tabloidmedia and sensationalistreportshave createda common misperceptionof
cross-dressingas primarilyaneroticactivity.A self-identifiedradicaltransgenderist
thatcrossto one on-lineservicewith helpinghim understand
creditshis subscription
I
of
until
a
hold
wasn't
"It
He
[on-line
got
dressingneednotbe sexuallycharged. said,
service] that I got exposed to aspects other than the erotic aspects, which are all
over the place."
Similarly,a preoperativetranssexualwho says she didn'tunderstandmost of her
feelings found virtualrole models in cyberspacewhen
I wason [a service].I wasbrowsingthroughanadultarea.Therewasa singletopic
on [it] called"CrossDressing,"andI bumpedin thecross-dressing
placethereand
WhenI readthat,I wasshockedbecauseI couldhavewrittenthat
reada biography.
andeachoneof themwas
myselfwordforword.AndthenI readmorebiographies
thesamestoryI had.So whatI haddonewasI foundpeoplethathadsimilarhistories
as childrenthatI did,andthatvalidatedme.
Not all persons who found virtualmodels defined them as helpful. For some,
the occasion of encounteringboth real and reportedtransgenderistsservedonly to
raise more issues to be resolved. For example, one cross-dresserrecalledfinding
fetishistic cross-dressersand transsexualsin cyberspace.He related, "Although
Gagne et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
495
therewere similarities,therewere also some gravedifferences,primarilyin the fact
that I felt more romanticinterest.I didn't feel I was a heterosexualfemale trapped
in a male body.I liked my male body."Still, findingotherseven tangentiallysimilar
provided a forum in which to discover options and explore alternativeidentities.
Thus,while we "do"genderin interactionwith others,it appearsthatthe emergence
of transgenderidentityandalternativesto the genderbinaryaredependenton others
who will recognize one as an authenticsocial actor(Westand Zimmerman1987).
ComingOut to Others
Simply discovering (quasi-)similarothers is not all that is needed for the
transgenderedindividual to complete the coming-out process. Rather,finding a
symbolic role model provides initial validationof a newly emergentidentity and
potential avenues to find furthersources of external validation. The sources of
validationthataremost importantfor the stabilizationof identityarethe significant
othersin one's life and the communityof similarothers.
Accepting an identityfor one's self was one thing;proclaimingand workingto
get othersto acceptit was quitedifferent.Goingpublicwith a transgenderedidentity
could be an intimidatingexperience, to say the least. Among our sample, crossdressers,fetishisticcross-dressers,and genderradicalshad greatercontrolover the
coming-outprocessthandid transsexuals,primarilybecausethe former,as a group,
were more limited in theirneed and desireto publicly enact the feminine self. The
two fetishistic cross-dressersin our sample had revealed their transgenderismto
theirsexual partnersandto membersof the supportgroupsto which they belonged.
In those groups,they were encouragedto come to meetings "dressed,"despite the
fact that neither had a desire to cross-dress except for sexual purposes. Most
nonfetishistic cross-dressersin our sample had come out to their spouses before
joining a supportgroup.Fora minority,findinga communityof similarothersgave
individual cross-dressers the support they needed to explore their identity as
transgenderedindividualsand to later inform spouses or other significant others.
One cross-dressersaid thathis wife was relieved when he came out to her.He had
been attending supportgroup meetings and transgenderconferences in another
state, and she thoughthe was having an affair.Like cross-dressers,genderradicals
could selectively come out or not reveal theirtransgenderedidentityto others.For
them, supportgroupsprovidedaccess to a communityin which they could explore
their genderidentities.
Despite the differencesamongthese categories,the yearsof mainstreamsocialization and messages about "proper"gender performancewere influential on
everyone in our sample. The degree to which transgenderistswere intimidated
about revealing their transgenderismmay be heardin the words of a 10-month,
postoperativetranssexual,who said,
For somebodywho's been a freak,a hippie,and a marijuana
dealer,... and a
dresser,andsomebodywhorefusesto geta conventional
job andallthis,
flamboyant
496
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
somebodywho'snotbeenafraidof publicopinion,it's,I think,notablethatthegender
weretheone areaI wasafraidof public
areaof my life andthesocialexpectations
opinion.
Intimidationwas not limited to those desiring to go out publicly. One crossdresser explained that his fear of coming out to his wife was so extreme that he
thoughtthe couple would have to separateso he could pursuehis transgenderism.
He said,
I satherdownandwe hada talk,andthat'swhenI toldherI couldn'tlive thisway
anymoreandI was goingto leave.[I toldher]thatI lovedherandthe kids,butI
couldn't tell her why.... [After a few days] we talkedthis all out and I finally went
aheadandtoldher.... Shesaid,"Yougo in thereanddress.I wantto see whatyou
look like."So thenI dressedup for herthe firsttime.I was nervousandscaredto
death.I wasshakingfrominsideout.... Wesatdownanddiscussedthebasicrules
onhowthiswasgoingto work.... That'sbeenfiveyearsago,andwe'restilltogether.
Intimidationcame fromtwo fronts:(1) fearsabouthow one would be treatedby
othersand (2) anxietiesabouthow otherswould cope with whatwas certainlyseen
behavior.Fearof the responsesone will receive is to
by many as "nontraditional"
be expected.Withthe close culturalassociationdrawnbetweentransgenderismand
homosexuality(Altman 1982; BulloughandBullough 1993;Talamini1982), fears
of violent and isolating homophobicreactions seem warranted.5In addition, as
people involved in significantrelationshipswith others,many expressedconcerns
abouthow the news thatthey were transgenderedwould affectthose close to them.
These concernstypically centeredon one's family,both nuclearand extended.
According to the accounts of those who have proclaimedtheir transgender
identities to significant others, the fears about negative reactions were largely
exaggerated,but not altogetherunwarranted.Less than one-fourthof all persons
interviewedfor this projectreportedthat their first experience of coming out to
someone else lead to a negativereaction.This was relatedto severalfactors.First,
transgenderistshadexaggeratedfearsaboutthe reactionsof most significantothers.
Second,most individualswere actuallysuccessfulat controllingknowledgeof their
transgenderism.They consciously selected individualsto come out to who were,
in fact, sympathetic to the alternativeidentity. Who would be accepting was
ascertainedthroughdiscussions of variouspotentiallyvolatile issues. In that way,
transgenderistslearnedif therewas a need for cautionor preparatoryeducationof
the recipient.Those who received negative reactionsto their proclamationswere
least likely to have gatheredinformationor to have laid the necessarygroundwork.
Instead, they simply announcedthe new identity. For example, a preoperative
transsexualdecidedto tell an 18-year-olddaughter,who did not even know thather
fatherhad been cross-dressing,when the daughtermoved back home. She said,
Thegirl
notto tell my daughter.
Aftera weekor two there,it seemedinappropriate
lives in thehouse.Forcryingoutloud,she's18 yearsold. So I toldherandI didn't
doinghairand
reallybuildupto it oranything.... Shewasalwaysin thebathroom,
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
497
makeupandstuff.I stoppedin to chat.I supposeit waslikea bomborsomethinglike
that."Bytheway ... I'mgoingto havea sex change."Sheturnedintoanice cube.
Although the experience of telling one's first "other"was not necessarily a
negative experience, fears remained, and careful, often painful, decisions were
made regarding with whom to share an emergent identity. Interestingly, two
factors stand out about these early disclosures. First, they were usually done
only out of a sense of responsibility, when someone was perceived as "needing
to know." Second, the individuals with whom this informationwas sharedwere
almost always female, most often a significant other. This was true among all
groups of transgenderistsin our sample.
While some elected to share with their mothers, there was a characteristic
tendencyfor most to reportthatit was extremelydifficultto sharetheirnew identity
with theirparents.For some, this was more easily accomplishedwhen the interaction with one's parentswas not face-to-faceor when the situationcould be escaped
quickly.Despite the urgeto deliverthe news andrun,those who came out to others
face-to-face,who hadprovided(or offeredto provide)informationabouttransgenderism, and gave others time and space to cope with the informationwere most
likely to receive tolerant, accepting, or supportivereactions. Still, much of the
reactionto being told was dependenton the values of the recipientof the news, as
well as the relationshipitself. For example, a two-year postoperativetranssexual
who had been living with her male partnerpriorto having surgeryrecalledtelling
her mother about her decision to have SRS. She said, "I told her, 'Mom, I'm
transsexualandI'm going to have SRS.' My mom'sresponsewas, 'Oh, thankGod!
I can deal with this.' She thoughtI was going to tell her [my partner]and I were
HIV positive."While cross-dresserscommonlycame out only to spouses andother
transgenderists,transsexualstypicallyenlistedthe supportivefamily membersthey
hadtold to help theminformotherrelatives.Becausetheirtransitionsarepermanent
and public, coming out cannotbe restricted.One transsexualexplained,"Frommy
mom, I told my two sisters. ... [Then] I think it was my grandmother,then my
father.And I just couldn'tbringmyself to tell my kids, and so my mom told them."
Coming out to those one expected to be supportive,based on an establishedpast,
providedboth difficulties and benefits.While it might be hardto risk the support,
therewas often a belief that(at least afteran initialperiodof shock) the established
foundation of the relationshipwould win out and the informed other would be
supportive.
The arena where transgenderists(usually transsexuals)were least likely to
receive positive reactionswas at work.Althoughtherewere a few people who were
permittedto transitionon thejob, it was morecommonfor transsexualsto be fired,
demoted, pressuredto quit, and harassedby other workers.Some found employment in unskilled,low-wagejobs, such asjanitorsor in fast-foodrestaurants;others
worked for temporary agencies. A few in our sample went back to college,
as students.The loss of identityandthe structure
of one'sdailyroutinethat
transitioning
498
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
comes with a careerwas moredifficultfor transsexualsto cope with thanthe actual
loss of income. After acceptinga severancepackage in exchange for her silence
about herjob termination,one postoperativetranssexualwrote to the first author,
"I have spent my entire life becoming the best job title] I could be. Today I sold
myself for 50 pieces of silver."Frequently,the loss of professionalidentity and
income came at the same time that relationshipswith old friends and family
memberswere being riskedand sometimeslost.
Early excursions into the public domain were commonly as frightening as
coming out to significantothersor on thejob. While going out andpassingin public
may be thoughtto be differentfrom coming out, it is importantto recognize that
for the majorityof transgenderists,the goal is to be perceived and accepted as a
woman, not a transgenderist.Telling others about their transgenderismis done
primarilyto lay the groundworkfor greaterexpression,acceptance,and legitimation of a feminine identity, and this is accomplished in public and in private
interactions.Althoughtherewas variationbetweengoing out in public or telling a
significantotherfirst,every personin oursamplefelt a needto expandtheirspheres
of interactionwith others. While control over access to informationabout the
transgenderedidentityremainedimportant,this became less salient as the need to
interactwith otherspublicly increased.Because of the fear of the dangerinherent
in negativepublicreactions,most transgenderistscarefullyplannedandcarriedout
their initial public excursionsin limited-accesslocations.
When transgenderistsbegan to go out in public, they did so because of a need
to receive reactionsfrom othersto legitimateidentity.While some have undoubtedly been driven back into the closet by their initial forays into public places, in
our sample, such excursions served to increase commitment to the emergent
identity. Selection of safe places for public ventures meant that transgenderists
looked for locationswherethey could makequickandeasy entrancesandexits and
where they are unlikely to encounterdisapprovingothers. Transgenderistsmost
commonly reportedthat their first ventures were to gay community events or
locations, simply driving in their cars, or going to known meeting places for
transgenderists.The most commonsite for firstventureswas gay bars.Here,among
other marginalizedcommunity members, individuals could try out their new
identities.Despite a strongdesireto avoid beingperceivedas homosexual,gay bars
were defined as safe havens(Levine, Shaiova,andMihailovic 1975). For example,
a preoperativetranssexual,who had been living as a woman full-time for seven
months,relatedthat"whileI was workingon coming out full-time,I neededa safe
place to go while I practiced.The barwas it. I know the dragqueensmight not like
that. It was still a safe place for me though."For others,the thoughtof venturing
into such a public setting and actuallyinteractingwith others,even if they might
be expected to be understanding,was simply too intimidating.Instead,some felt a
need to slowly transitioninto publicoutings.For these individuals,the easiest way
to be out, butnot relinquishtoo muchcontrol,was to drivethroughpopulatedareas,
often includingthe vicinity of gay communitysettings.In this way,especiallysince
Gagn6 et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
499
most did so afterdark,they could be seen, but not so well as to seriously threaten
their ability to pass. A radical transgenderist,who has an understandingand
supportivefemale partnerreportedthat "Ithinkthe first time out was just to drive
aroundwith my girlfriend.We were going to a local gay bar,but it wasn't open at
the time. Wejust drove and got fast food."
Typically,successful ventureswhile drivingprovidedthe impetus and courage
for transgenderiststo move forward and present themselves face-to-face with
others;however,these steps were takenslowly and carefully.Movement from the
car was usually into either a gay bar or a gatheringof other transgenderists.For
example, a preoperativetranssexualwho is fully out only to one family member
and acquaintancesin the transgendercommunity,explained her first time out in
public as follows:
About10yearsago.... I wasoutverylateonenight,gotin mycar,drovedowntown
to thenorthsideof thecitywhichis knownforits gays,lesbians,andanoccasional
Walkedto whatI thoughtwasa barwheretransvestites
transvestite.
hungoutandsat
down,hada coupleof drinks,couplecigarettes.... I didthingslikeget dressedand
drovearound.I'd go fora shortwalkaroundtheblockorsomething.I didn'tthinkI
wasgoodenoughyet to go outin daylightandtryto pullit off as a woman.
In gay bars and neighborhoods,transgenderistswere most likely to be interpretedas marginalmembersof the queersubculture.Such settingsprovidea place
where one who is "neitherwoman nor man"(Lorber1994, 96) is most likely to
find a social place thatdoes not disturbthe social order.
While transgenderistsare likely to be interpretedas marginalmembersof the
gay or queersubculture,they can experimentwith sex, gender,and sexual identity
in such locales. Frequently,while out as women who are (relatively) obviously
male, transgenderistswill have their first experiencesbeing treated"like ladies."
Woodhouse (1989, 31) has describeda category of male individualswho do not
want to have sex with a man or with a womanbut who still want sex; so, they have
sex with men dressed as women. These so-called "punters"provide opportunities
for transgenderiststo perfect their feminine persona and, for those who wish to
learn more aboutthemselves, to explore their sexuality.The overwhelmingmotivation for flirtingin the barandhaving sexual relationswith men was to be treated
"like a lady" and to explore the genderedaspects of sexuality.6It is throughsuch
interactionsthatmanytranssexualsandsome cross-dressersencounterthe final rite
of passage as authenticheterosexualwomen, whetheror not they have undergone
SRS.
For others, the impetus to appearin public for the first time surfaced when
opportunitiesaroseto meet othertransgenderistsin the context of a supportgroup.
Supportgroupswere one locationwherethe most importantidentitytests occurred,
when the individual encountered other transgenderists.As they entered such
groups, transgenderistscommonly reported a feeling of total acceptance and
freedomto be themselves,often for the firsttime in theirlives. If these supposedly
similarothers were willing to accept the individual,and the individualfelt safe in
500
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
the group,this communicatedthatshe or he trulywas transgendered.The value of
support groups, on-line services, organizations,and publicationsbecomes most
clear in this context.
Supportgroupscan be very importantin facilitatingidentityexplorationandthe
arrivalat a "final"identity,butthey could also induceanxiety,confusion,andfright
in individualtransgenderists.While they may have alreadyconfrontedtheir "difference"in theirown mindsandwith othersin theirlives, to come face-to-facewith
"thereal thing"could be intimidating.For those who were courageousenough to
take such steps, supportgroups almost always functionedas they were intended:
They providedsupportfor a stigmatizedidentity.Nonetheless,suchacceptancewas
providedwithin a narrowrangeof social optionsthatwere basedon acceptanceof
a binary system of sex and gender.Transsexualismwas commonly explained by
biological theories,andthosewho hadcompletedthe transitionprocessgave advice
on how to gain access to medical proceduresto those in earlier stages. Among
cross-dressers,"dressing"was encouragedas an acceptableway for men to express
the feminine self. All transgenderistswere encouragedto perfect their ability to
pass duringinformalinteractionsandcopious seminarson style, makeup,feminine
body language,and the femininevoice and diction.
In additionto the facilitatingfunctionof supportgroups,many transgenderists
reportedthattheirpublicproclamationswere in largepartpropelledby encouragement (or instructions)from a therapist.The overwhelmingmajorityof our sample
were or had been active in counseling/therapy.Many therapists,especially those
who seemed to be well liked by theirclients, encouragedcoming out, appearingto
others, and learning to pass as women. If one were to view transgenderismas
"normal,"it shouldbe treatedas such, particularlyby the transgenderist;however,
"normality"was defined as the desire to be and pass as a woman. Among our
sample, only a small minoritywas willing to be publiclyknown as transgendered.
Resolutionof Identity
After a lifetime of being stigmatized and feeling as if they did not fit, the
transgenderistsin oursampleengagedin a long processof identityexploration.The
majorityin our sample explained that they had arrivedat a "true"identity,with
which they felt they could "be themselves."Only a minorityof men who crossdressedbut were exploringtranssexualismhad not yet resolved theiridentities.In
theireffortsto resolve andestablishanidentitythatwas comfortablefor themselves,
the individualsin oursampleshareddiversegoals andvisionsfor themselvesandthe
community.Transsexualssoughtto "completely"transformand live convincingly
as their true (female) selves. Cross-dresserssought only to have opportunitiesto
temporarilyvary their public identitypresentations,express their femininity,and
be recognizedandtreatedas women.Only the genderradicalsin oursamplewished
to live andbe recognizedas transgendered.Significantdifferencesappearedamong
Gagne et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
501
specific transgenderidentities.Among most transsexualsandcross-dressers,there
was an overwhelmingdesireto pass as women, for it was throughsuch interactions
that femininity and treatmentas a woman were achieved. For a minority, as
experience and confidence were gained, passing was a desirable, but no longer
essential, aspect of going out in public. These people tended to recognize that
physical stature,includingheight and musculature,made it difficult, if not impossible, for themto pass. Among genderradicals,concernswith presentinga convincing appearanceas a woman were secondary,if at all important.For them, the goal
was to challengedominantconceptualizations
of genderandcreatenew possibilities.
Among transsexuals,becauseof the internalizedidentityas women, it was most
common to find an aspirationto be seen and identifiedby others as real women.
When discussingthis feeling, transsexualsexpresseda need to "pass"in theirdaily
interactions. This desire was paramountfor such individuals and taken as a
symbolic testamentof final arrivalat their desired self and socially constructed
identity.One divorced, preoperativetranssexualsummarizedthis sentimentwell
when she commented,"[Passing]to me is the most importantaspect of the whole
thing. If you can't do that, I don't see the point of living this way."Enduringthe
internaland social strugglesencounteredin the process of recognizingand accepting a new identityand introducingoneself to the outside world was valued only if
therecould be a nonstigmatizing,"normal"resolutionto the process.Transsexuals
did not wish to challenge the genderbinary,althoughmost perceivedtheir transitions as very radicalactions. Rather,their goal was to "become"the women they
"trulyare" and to pass from being their masculine selves into full womanhood.
Often, after learning to pass and completing the transformation process,
transsexualsdroppedout of the transgendercommunityand assumedtheirplace as
women in society.
Within the transgendercommunity, a desire to pass and blend into society
sometimes introducedtensions and additionallevels of hierarchyand structure.
Those who sought to pass, and believed they had the ability to do so, sometimes
believed that varying statuses of achievement (passing ability) were important.
Some passable transgenderists,therefore, viewed those who could not pass as
liabilities. Being seen with a detectable transgenderistwas believed to bring
suspicion and possible detectionto those who would otherwisepass. Once again,
the above transsexualshowed her aptitudefor clearexpressionwhen she explained
her withdrawalfrom a local supportgroupbecause, "I didn't feel the group gave
me anything.I was too far aheadof them.... We're still friends,but I won't walk
down the streetwith them."
Althoughmost transgenderistswere concernedwith passing as well as possible,
there is an emergentgroup within the communitythat seeks a free expression of
gender,outsideof the binarysystem. Forexample,the ambigenderistin oursample
explainedthatshe had moved beyond such concerns,focusing on her own welfare
and identity,not the perceptionsof others.
502
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
At onetime,[passing]wasimportant.
I don'tcareanymore.
A lotof timesI'll go out
in a dress... no makeupon.I'mnottryingto passandI knowI'mnotgoingto pass.
I amwhoI am.... Itis political,everything's
aboutwho
political.A socialstatement
I amandI'mgoingto expressmyself.
Similarly,a formerself-identifiedtranssexual,turnedgenderradical,had kept a
masculine name and avoided feminine pronounswhile living as a woman. This
person expressed the belief that passing is something that many transgenderists
experienceand then move through,saying, "I thinkpassing is more a fear thathas
to be overcomeandwhen I overcamethatfearto being nonchalantaboutit, I didn't
care thatI passed or not."
For both those who were and were not seeking to pass when in public, the most
common,overwhelmingdesirewas to simplybe accepted.This was difficultunless
they could find ways to fit withinthe binaryandsymbolicallycommunicateidentity
within the idiomatic system of gender expression. To "blendin" to society as a
woman was something most transgenderists,especially transsexuals,saw as an
ultimategoal. The ultimateresolutionwas an identitythatwas not wrappedin the
language of transgenderism.To be known as simply just another person was
desirable.
Despite one's own aspirationsfor individual identity and ability to blend
socially,therewas a sense of communityamongthe vastmajorityof transgenderists
thatfacilitateda desire to work with othersand to contributeto the developmental
processes of othercommunitymembers.Regardlessof the varietyof community
members,the pluralityof individualsexpressed a keen ambitionto contributeto
the psychological, social, and physical developmentof othertransgenderedcommunitymembers.Helpingotherstransformappearsto be an importantfinal "step"
in the transformationprocess.Nonetheless,therearevariationswithinthe community. For transsexuals,the desire to participatein, and contributeto, the transgendered community appearsto be relatively temporary.Once a stable identity as
"woman"has been established,manyleave the community.For cross-dressers,the
community provides an opportunityto go out in public. For those who wish to
challenge culturalconceptualizationsof gender,supportgroupsserve as potential
social movementorganizations.
This attemptto contributeto the developmentof othersin the communitycame
in both implicit and explicit forms. For some, this could be accomplishedsimply
by being visible to othercommunitymembers.More often, such forms of encouragement and assistancewere much more direct and overt. For example, a gender
radical, who is an active member of a local support group, editor of a local
transgendercommunitynewsletter,and who conductsresearchon the structureof
the transgendercommunity,merged the implicit and explicit. This person explained,
I feelthebestthingI cando to createchangeis justto thrive,to be myself,to present
with.Thehell witheverythingelse. ... We
myselfin a way thatI amcomfortable
needto be moreopen.Weneedto be moreproudof whowe areas opposedto being
Gagne et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
503
moreashamed.I thinkourmovementcouldbe muchstronger.... I wantpeopleto
startquestioning
thingseventhoughtheymaylookat me oddly.Peoplealwayssay
If
thatI amsickorinsane.Maybeonepersonmaystartto lookatthingsdifferently.
otherpeoplestartseeingthat,we canactnormallyin theopenwithpeopleknowing
aboutyouandthattheydon'thaveto be frightened.
To help other individual transgenderists,it was necessary to work at social
change. Withoutchanging the culturalcontext, the social infrastructure,and the
idiom in which transgenderistsareperceivedandalternativegendersareachieved,
it is highly unlikelythatthe experiencesandidentitiesof individualtransgenderists
can be "normalized,"withoutplacing them back within a binarysystem.
CONCLUSION
Genderis so pervasive that it is taken for grantedand often completely overlooked, until the norms of gender presentation,interaction,or organizationare
inadvertentlyviolated or deliberatelychallenged(Lorber1994). Genderreceives
constant surveillance and is continually policed throughsocial interactionsthat
socialize new and existing membersof society and sanctionthose who violate the
rules (see Gagne andTewksbury1996). At the organizationallevel, individualsare
categorizedand assigned meaningand roles on the basis of gender.For example,
one of the first questionsasked on organizationalapplicationsis one's sex. This is
based on the erroneous assumptionthat gender will be congruentwith sex. In
organizationalsettings,sleeping arrangementsareoften basedon sex/gender(as in
dormitory arrangements)and bathrooms and locker rooms are segregated by
sex/gender(see Rothblatt1995). Whereindividuals'genderdoes not "match"their
sex, there is little organizationalspace in which they can exist. At the institutional
level (in the military,economic, religious, legal, political, and medical realms),
individuals'roles, rights, and responsibilitiesare determinedby gender,underthe
assumption that gender is indicative of sex (or sexuality) and that labor must
continue to be divided on that basis. For example, in the military,female persons
have been restrictedfrom combatduty and homosexualshave been restrictedfrom
militaryservice because of the disruptionthey are believed to pose to the military
system, which is firmly based on a binary system of sex, gender,and sexuality.
Often thought of as part of the superstructureof society, gender is an inherent
itself (Lorber1994). Nonetheless,in everydaylife,
componentof the infrastructure
gender is achieved and reinforcedthroughinteractions,where its idiom is derived
from, and either legitimatedor stigmatizedby, the very superstructureand infrastructurein which it exists (Westand Fenstermaker1995).
Individualswho attemptto challenge the binaryconceptualizationof sex and
gender, by living androgynouslybetween genders, are likely to be ridiculed and
stigmatized(see Gagne and Tewksbury1996). Those who attemptto live outside
of the sex/gender binary,for example, by publicly confessing that they are male
504
GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
persons with (or who would like to have) breastsor vaginas, are also likely to be
ostracized.Those who are willingly or unwittinglyunconvincingin their gender
presentationsandinteractionsaresubjectto greaterlevels of emotionalandphysical
abuse thanare those who areable to pass. It is those who arepubliclyperceivedas
"not women/not men" who pose the greatest challenge to the binary system.
Nonetheless,the goal of most is to be perceivedas a womanandtreatedlike a lady.
Those who pass areperceivedas women, andany challengethey mighthave posed
to the gendersystem goes unnoticed.
To challenge the binary,individualsmust overcome a numberof interactional,
andstructuralbarriers.They mustlearnto live andfind ways to cope
organizational,
with the discomfortand hostilitythatothersexpressat not being able to categorize
them within existing gendercategories.They need to find ways to supportthemselves and interactwith othersin organizationsthathave social spaces for women
and men only. And, they mustfind ways to establishthemselvesas legal and social
actorswithininstitutionsthatrecognizeonly two sexes andtwo congruentgenders.
Given these pressures,it is understandablewhy most transgenderedindividuals
come out quickly and cross over to the "other"gendercategory.
As we have shown, the recognition,exploration,establishment,and final resolution of an identityoutsideculturalunderstandingsis a difficult,complex, andfor
some, impossibleprocess. Despite the policing of genderthatwas experiencedby
the transgenderistsin our sample, the need to express a "trueself' was an overwhelming urge that could not be denied. Although many tried to hide their
femininitythroughhypermasculineactivityor self-isolation,andmosttriedto deny
transgenderedfeelings and urges,all eventuallyfoundthe urge to "bethemselves"
overwhelminglyundeniable.Among oursample,others'reactionsto them playing
with girls, engaging in "girls"' activities, cross-dressing,wearing makeup, and
otherexpressionsof a feminineself causedconfusion,anxiety,and a deep sense of
shame. Only when they discoveredthattherewere otherslike them were they able
to begin to makesense of whatthey wereexperiencingandwho they were.Entering
into a communityof supportiveothersallowed for an explorationandresolutionof
identity.Ourdata suggest thatgenderis not a naturaland inevitableoutgrowthof
sex. Those who arenotcomfortableexpressinggenderthatis congruentwith genital
configurationexperience an overwhelmingurge to express gender in alternative
ways. Nonetheless, the vast majoritystay within the genderbinaryas masculine
men and feminine women. The tendencyto stay within the binarygendersystem
is so strongthatas Hausman(1993) has asserted,genderdeterminessex, ratherthan
the reverse.Given the limitedrangeof identitiesavailableto them, it is interesting,
but not surprising,that the overwhelmingmajorityof transgenderedindividuals
adhereto traditionalconceptualizationsof sex and gender.
Gagne et al. / COMING OUT AND CROSSING OVER
505
NOTES
1. Wheresex, gender,andsexualityhavebeen mostapparentin this literaturehasbeen in the research
distinguishingdifferingpatternsof self-definitionandpublicpronouncementsbetweenlesbiansandgay
men. Among lesbians, thereappearsto be a patternof self-definitionin same-sex affectionateinvolvements (Cronin 1974), whereas among gay men self-definitionis most likely in social/sexual contexts
(Troiden1988; Warren1974).
2. In this article,unless otherwisestated, "cross-dresser"refersto a nonfetishisticcross-dresser.
3. We recognize thatthereis a transgendercommunitywithin the impoverishedclass, but we were
unableto solicit volunteersfrom that segment of the populationthroughthe routeswe used.
4. This view, however,is disputedby otherswho believe thatretrospectivebiographyconstruction
is actuallya searchforways "tofashionthis informationinto a storythatleads inexorablyto the identity"
that is being constructed(Mason-Schrock1996, 176-77).
5. A substantialminorityof our sample talked about experiencingintimidation,harassment,and
violence in public places. It was not uncommonfor those learningto "pass"to be called "faggot"or
other homophobicepithets. One very tall, muscularcross-dressertold us abouthaving her wig pulled
off and being physically assaulted,and one preoperativetranssexualhad to move afterreceiving death
threatsfrom her neighbors.
6. Those who wished to determinewhetherthey were gay reportedhaving sex with men while not
dressed as women. It appearsthat sexual interactionwas a form of gender play and explorationof
gender-basedheterosexualidentity.
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GENDER & SOCIETY / August 1997
Patricia Gagne is Assistant Professor in the Departmentof Sociology at the Universityof
Louisville. Her research interests include the social constructionand institutionalizationof
gender,the batteredwomen'smovement,and wife abuse. She is currentlycompletinga book on
the batteredwomen'sclemencymovement,titled BatteredWomen'sJustice.
Richard Tewksburyis Associate Professor of Justice Administrationat the University of
Louisville. His researchincludes examinationsof men'ssocially constructedsex, gender,and
sexual identities,as well as sexual responsesto the HIVepidemic.He is editor of the American
Journalof CriminalJustice.
Deanna McGaugheyreceivedher bachelor'sdegree in 1996from the Universityof Louisville,
Departmentof JusticeAdministration.She is currentlya graduatestudentin the Departmentof
SociologyandAnthropologyat Ohio University.Her researchinterestsincludegender discourse
analysis, and social movements.