Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
1.
221. JACQUELINE - CEILIDH
JACQUELINE MCCAFFERTY - BRIAN LIMOND
TAMMY 221A INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE FOYER. NIGHT
JACQUELINE MCCAFFERTY IS STANDING IN A
QUEUE OF WOMEN AT A COMMUNITY CENTRE,
LOOKING OVER AT A QUEUE OF MEN NEARBY.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
My name’s Jacqueline McCafferty, and I used to
be a junkie. I’ve not had a good man for as
long as I can remember, and I remember fuck
all.
JACQUELINE LOOKS TO THE FRONT OF HER
QUEUE, WHERE TAMMY, AN ASSISTANT,
CHATTING TO A WOMAN AT THE FRONT AND
TAKING HER PHOTO.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
So I headed round to the community centre for
the ceilidh speed dating. I thought “Try it,
Jacqueline. You’ll just be dancing. You won’t
have the chance to open your big, stupid mouth
and make a fool of yourself.”
JACQUELINE LOOKS AT THE MEN.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
“You could find somebody special. God knows you
deserve it, pal.”
JACQUELINE IS AT THE FRONT OF THE
QUEUE, AND TAMMY EXPLAINS.
TAMMY
Hi there, what’s your name?
JACQUELINE
Jacqueline.
TAMMY WRITES “JACQUELINE” ON A STICKER.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
221A CONTINUED:
28/09/10
2.
TAMMY
Okay, and I’m just going to take your picture
and put it on the wall. If anyone’s interested
in you, they’ll put their card in the pouch
under your photo and vice versa, right?
TAMMY PUTS JACQUELINE’S NAME STICKER ON
HER AND POINTS OUT THE MEN AND WOMEN’S
PHOTOS ALREADY UP ON THE BOARDS.
JACQUELINE
Right.
TAMMY TAKES JACQUELINE’S PHOTO WHILE IN
A STATE OF CONFUSION.
221B INT. DANCE HALL. NIGHT
JACQUELINE WALKS INTO THE DANCE HALL
AND STOPS TO TAKE A LOOK AROUND. MEN
ARE AT TABLES ON ONE SIDE OF THE ROOM
AND WOMEN ARE ON THE OTHER. MANY OF
THEM ARE LOOKING AT JACQUELINE.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
So I walks through the door and there’s
everybody staring at us, like I’m on fucking
Stars in their Eyes. But I didn’t mind, cos I
was looking good and feeling good. Until I
clocked that all the guys were wearing kilts,
and all the women weren’t... bar me.
THE CAMERA REVEALS THAT JACQUELINE IS
WEARING A MAN’S KILT AND SPORRAN, WITH
CHUNKY SOCKS AND KNEE HIGH BOOTS.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t know
where to look. Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to
be... an embarrassment to myself.
THE INTRO TO MUSIC FOR THE GAY GORDONS
BEGINS, AND MIXES WITH THE NEXT SCENE.
CUT TO:
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
3.
LATER.
JACQUELINE IS DOING THE FIRST PART OF
THE GAY GORDONS WITH JAMES.
JACQUELINE
I lost three year of my life to heroin and
another five year to a methadone programme that
was meant to get me off it.
JAMES HAS A BEMUSED SMILE.
CUT TO:
LATER.
JACQUELINE IS DOING THE SECOND PART OF
THE GAY GORDONS WITH CHRIS.
JACQUELINE
It’s good I got my daughter back, but she needs
a new faither.
CHRIS HAS A BEMUSED SMILE.
CUT TO:
LATER
JACQUELINE IS DOING THE THIRD PART OF
THE GAY GORDONS WITH MICHAEL.
JACQUELINE
I feel like I’ve done my soles in with the
jagging.
MICHAEL HAS A BEMUSED SMILE, AND
LAUGHS. JACQUELINE ISN’T HAPPY.
221C INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE FOYER. NIGHT
JACQUELINE IS STANDING IN THE EMPTY
FOYER, LOOKING AT THE PHOTO OF HERSELF
ON THE WALL. SHE LOOKS SAD AND
DISGUSTED.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
221C CONTINUED:
28/09/10
4.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
(Sadly) They all laughed at me. All night long,
in every dance, they were delighted to see me:
“Oh look who it is, it’s Jacqueline!”.
JACQUELINE LOOKS DOWN TO THE POUCH
BELOW HER PHOTO AND IS SURPRISED TO SEE
IT BULGING. SHE REACHES INSIDE AND
PULLS OUT A DOZEN CARDS. SHE IS
GOBSMACKED AS SHE FLIPS THROUGH THEM.
THEY ARE ALL ADDRESSED TO “JACQUELINE”.
ONE SAYS “FROM: BEN - LET’S MEET UP, WE
DIDN’T HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK”. ANOTHER
SAYS “FROM: JAMES - YOU’RE HILARIOUS,
CALL ME”. ANOTHER: “DES - JACQUELINE YA
MADDY, GEEZA PHONE!”.
JACQUELINE IS DELIGHTED AND LOOKS TO
ALL THE PHOTOS OF THE MEN ON THE WALL.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
I was in there, man. In there!
JACQUELINE TAKES A BIG SNIFF OF THE
CARDS.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
But how? How? What is it they see in me anyway?
What kind of guy would want to meet up with me?
And I thought “Right enough”.
JACQUELINE LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY AT THE
MEN.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
Cos what was it that Groucho Marx once said?
See anybody who would want somebody like me as
a member of their club?
JACQUELINE WALKS AWAY WITH A SMILE ON
HER FACE. SHE CHUCKS THE CARDS IN THE
BIN ON HER WAY OUT.
JACQUELINE (V.O.)
... get them tae fuck.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
5.
222. UNTENABLE
LIMMY (VO) - BRIAN LIMOND
222
ANIMATION
THE FOLLOWING IS ANIMATED WITH NUMBERS
AND SYMBOLS. LIMMY SPEAKS IN A
VOICEOVER LIKE TOMMY SHERIDAN.
LIMMY (V.O.)
The number nine is not ten. The number eleven
is not ten. Although those two numbers are
almost ten, they can never be ten. They are
untenable.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (V.O.)
You could add one to nine to make it ten, but
then it would no longer be nine, it would be
ten. While nine is nine and eleven is eleven,
they are untenable. Their positions are
untenable. They have to go.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (V.O.)
Numbers should therefore be as follows: 1, 2,
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, etc.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (V.O.)
No they shouldn’t. Because all of those numbers
bar one is untenable. And that’s the number
ten. The only number should be ten. No more, no
less.
A VIDEO OF TWO HANDS ARE SHOWN.
LIMMY (V.O.)
Let me give you a real world example. People
are born with ten fingers. That is no
coincidence. It is because we know, deep down
(before we are even born), that ten should be
the only number. Some are born with less than
ten fingers.
SOME FINGERS ON THE HANDS DISAPPEAR.
(CONTINUED)
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222
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CONTINUED:
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6.
LIMMY (V.O.)
That is because those fingers were untenable.
And they had to go.
THE VIDEO VANISHES AND IS REPLACED WITH
TEXT SAYING “THANK YOU”.
LIMMY (V.O.)
Thank you!
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
223. BAND AID - 1OF2
OMITTED
28/09/10
7.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
8.
224. BAND AID - 2OF2
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
DONNIE DEBBIE LAURA 224A INT. DONNIE LIVING ROOM. DAY
LIMMY IS IN DONNIE’S LIVING ROOM.
THEY’RE LAUGHING.
DONNIE
The week from hell. So no doubt he’ll be
drinking himself to oblivion tonight.
LIMMY
Here, should we not head round now?
DONNIE
Naw, we’ve still got another 20 minutes. D’you
want a drink? Beer? Coke? Muffit of tea?
LIMMY
Aye, just get us a... a what?
DONNIE
A beer? Coke?
LIMMY
The other thing.
DONNIE
A tea?
LIMMY
Aye, but what did you say? A what of tea?
DONNIE
A muffit. A muffit of tea.
LIMMY
A muffit of tea?
DONNIE
Aye.
LIMMY
What’s a muffit of tea?
DONNIE
A muffit of tea, a cup of tea.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
224A CONTINUED:
28/09/10
9.
LIMMY
What’s a muffit?
DONNIE
A cup.
LIMMY
What, is it a type of cup?
DONNIE
Naw, it’ s just a cup, it’s just another word
for a cup.
LIMMY
Since when?
DONNIE
I don’t know. Look, d’you want one or not?
LIMMY
Aye, get us a tea. A cup of tea.
DONNIE WALKS OUT, LIMMY IS BEWILDERED.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
(To himself)
Muffit?
224B INT. SUPERMARKET. DAY
LIMMY IS WITH DEBBIE, SHOPPING.
DEBBIE
What d’you want for dinner?
LIMMY
Eh, I don’t know, spaghetti bolognese.
DEBBIE
Right, well we need mince, and we’ve ran out of
teabags as well.
LIMMY
Oh here, that reminds me, listen to this. See
when I was up in Donnie’s last week, he offered
me a drink before we headed out, and one of the
drinks was... a muffit of tea.
LIMMY LOOKS AT DEBBIE EXPECTANTLY, BUT
DEBBIE DOESN’T SEEM BOTHERED.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
A muffit of tea.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
224B CONTINUED:
28/09/10
10.
DEBBIE
Aye, that is a bit civilised.
LIMMY
Did you hear me? A muffit of tea. A muffit.
DEBBIE
I heard you.
LIMMY
Oh, no you anaw.
DEBBIE
No me anaw what?
LIMMY
What’s a muffit of tea?
DEBBIE
A cup of tea.
LIMMY
What?!
DEBBIE
Gonnae hurry up and get the teabags? And
remember to get mince.
DEBBIE WALKS OFF TO LOOK AT OTHER
SHELVES, LEAVING LIMMY BEWILDERED.
LIMMY
(To himself)
Has everybody lost their mind?
224C INT. CAFE. DAY
LIMMY SITS IN AN EMPTY CAFE, LOOKING AT
THE MENU. LAURA THE WAITRESS SERVES
HIM.
LAURA
Hi, what can I get you.
LIMMY
Hi, can I have a coronation chicken focaccia
please?
LAURA
Okay, and what d’you want to drink?
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
224C CONTINUED:
28/09/10
11.
LIMMY LOOKS AT THE MENU. HE SEES “POT
OF TEA” AND “MUFFIT OF TEA”. HE SHAKES
HIS HEAD SLOWLY.
LIMMY
Em... can I have a tea please?
LAURA
Is that a pot of tea?
LIMMY
Naw, just a...
LIMMY LOOKS AROUND THE EMPTY CAFE, THEN
BACK TO THE MENU. HE SIGHS A DEFEATIST
SIGH.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
(Mumbling to himself) Fuck it.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
A muffit of tea.
LAURA BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AND POINTS AT
LIMMY.
LAURA
Ahahaha, you said muffit!
LIMMY IS SHOCKED. DEBBIE APPEARS FROM A
DOORWAY, LAUGHING AND POINTING.
DEBBIE
Muffit? What’s a muffit?
LIMMY LAUGHS, SURPRISED. DONNIE APPEARS
FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE.
DONNIE
“Can I have a muffit of tea?”, hahaha!
mate.
Aw,
A DOZEN OR SO PEOPLE APPEAR FROM
VARIOUS PLACES, POINTING AND LAUGHING.
LIMMY GETS THE JOKE AND LAUGHS.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
224C CONTINUED: (2)
28/09/10
12.
LIMMY
Aw god! How stupid of me! How stupid and weak
minded of me to call something by another name
just because everybody else is, haha!
LIMMY SUDDENTLY TURNS TO FACE THE
CAMERA QUICKLY, WITH A SERIOUS
EXPRESSION. ONE SIDE OF THE SHOT IS
OVERLAID WITH JULIA MCLEOD ON QUESTION
TIME FROM THE BAND AID SKETCH.
JULIA MCLEOD
Band aid. Band aid. Band aid.
THE OVERLAY VANISHES
LIMMY
I’ll never let it go. I cannae.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
13.
225. BLAME IT ON LORRAINE
MILLI VANILLI - BRIAN LIMOND
225
ANIMATION AND VIDEO
A PICTURE OF LORRAINE KELLY IS ON THE
SCREEN, WITH THE NAME “LORRAINE” BELOW.
THE SONG “BLAME IT ON THE RAIN” BY
MILLI VANILLI PLAYS.
MILLI VANILLI
Blame it on Lorraine, yeah yeah.
A HAND ENTERS THE SHOT AND POINTS AT
LORRAINE, BEFORE LEAVING.
MILLI VANILLI (CONT’D)
Blame it on Lorraine, yeah yeah.
A HAND ENTERS THE SHOT AND POINTS AT
LORRAINE, BEFORE LEAVING.
MILLI VANILLI (CONT’D)
Blame it on Lorraine. You can blame it on
Lorraine, blame it on Lorraine, blame it on
Lorraine, baby.
FOUR HANDS ENTER FROM EACH CORNER, ONE
AFTER THE OTHER, POINTING AT LORRAINE.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
14.
226. NEW PRODUCT - 1 OF 3 - COMMUNE
JERMAINE - BRIAN LIMOND
JESSICA 226
INT. TECHNOLOGY CONFERENCE. DAY
JERMAINE AND JESSICA, AMERICAN SPEAKERS
AT AN ENTERTAINMENT TECHNOLOGY
CONFERENCE, TAKES THE STAGE. BEHIND
THEM HIM ARE LARGE SCREENS SHOWING
ABSTRACT MOVING GRAPHICS. THE AUDIENCE
APPLAUD.
JERMAINE
Hey everybody, I’m Jermaine. This is our
creative director Jessica.
JESSICA
Hey everyone.
JERMAINE
And today we’re gonna demonstrate to you a new
communication device that we’re gonna be
rolling out this fall. It’s called Commune, and
it’s gonna change the way we communicate...
forever.
PAUSE.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
But first, watch how two people communicate
with each other in person.
THEY ACT OUT A CONVERSATION. JESSICA IS
HAPPY AND RUBS HER HANDS.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
Hey Jessica, what are you so happy about?
JESSICA
I managed to score some tickets for the gig on
Saturday.
JERMAINE
Hey, good going.
JERMAINE LOOKS SAD AND SHRUGS HIS
SHOULDERS.
(CONTINUED)
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226
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15.
JESSICA
I’ve got one spare if you want it.
JERMAINE
Really? Oh thank you!
THEY HIGH FIVE, THEN TURN TO THE
AUDIENCE.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
Now you may have noticed that over 80% of our
interaction there was done by body language.
You try having that interaction using one of
your communication devices, such as a computer
or smartphone... it ain’t gonna happen.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
But we’re gonna change all that... with
Commune.
A BEAN SHAPED PIECE OF METAL IS SHOWN
ON THE SCREEN BEHIND.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
It allows you to communicate with any Commune
user in the world, yet it is small enough to
fit inside your ear, leaving your hands free to
gesture in your own unique style.
PAUSE.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
But how can you gesture to your friend in
Berlin if you’re in Seattle? Well the great
thing about Commune is... you can’t.
PAUSE.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
Its in-built proximity technology ensures
Commune only has a 5 metre range. And we feel
this is gonna bring people together, you’re
just gonna have to get your friend from Berlin
over, friends should be together, right?
THE CROWD WHOOP.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
So, Jessica, if you’re ready, let’s give it a
go.
(CONTINUED)
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226
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CONTINUED: (2)
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16.
JESSICA
Ready as I’ll ever be.
JERMAINE
Alright.
THEY PUT THEIR COMMUNES IN THEIR EARS.
AND AFTER A PAUSE, THEY TALK TO EACH
OTHER NORMALLY.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
Hey Jessica, what are you so happy about?
JESSICA
I managed to score some tickets for the gig on
Saturday.
THE CROWD GO MENTAL.
JERMAINE
Hey, good going.
JERMAINE LOOKS SAD AND SHRUGS HIS
SHOULDERS.
JESSICA
I’ve got one spare if you want it.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
17.
227. NEW PRODUCT - 2OF3 - BOL
JERMAINE - BRIAN LIMOND
JESSICA CROWD MEMBER 227
INT. TECHNOLOGY CONFERENCE. DAY
JERMAINE AND JESSICA ARE STILL ON
STAGE.
JERMAINE
Okay everyone, we wanna now show you a
prototype for a gaming system we’re gonna be
dropping on you later this year, hopefully by
early in fall.
PAUSE.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
When doing our research, we found out that you
were getting tired with the endless buttons and
thumbsticks on your controllers, and you were
looking for something that was simpler, natural
and intuitive.
JERMAINE REACHES INTO A BOX ON A TABLE
IN FRONT OF HIM.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
So we created... the Bol.
JERMAINE LIFTS OUT A BASKETBALL.
GRAPHICS APPEAR ON THE SCREENS BEHIND
WITH A LOGO FOR THE “BOL”. THE CROWD
WHOOP.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
It looks like a ball. It feels like a ball. And
our GPS assisted MotionMath gyroscope
technology ensures that it is, in every way
conceivable way, a ball.
JERMAINE TURNS TO JESSICA.
JERMAINE (CONT’D)
Jessica?
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
227
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CONTINUED:
28/09/10
JESSICA
Yeah, Jermaine?
JERMAINE
Catch.
JERMAINE TOSSES THE BALL GENTLY TOWARDS
JESSICA AND SHE CATCHES IT. THE CROWD
GO MENTAL.
CROWD MEMBER
I want one. Now!
18.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
19.
228. NEW PRODUCT - 3OF3 - MIXTURE
JERMAINE - BRIAN LIMOND
JESSICA CROWD MEMBER 228
INT. TECHNOLOGY CONFERENCE. DAY
JERMAINE AND JESSICA ARE ON STAGE.
JERMAINE IS JUGGLING WITH THREE BALLS,
JESSICA IS BOUNCING A BASKETBALL, AND
THEY ARE KICKING A FOOTBALL BACK AND
FORTH BETWEEN THEM. THE CROWD ARE GOING
WILD.
JERMAINE
Hey Jessica, what are you so happy about?
JESSICA
I managed to score some tickets for the gig on
Saturday.
JERMAINE
Hey, good going.
CROWD MEMBER
Holy shit! Whooooooooo!
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
20.
229. PSYCHIC - MISSING
RAYMOND DAY - BRIAN LIMOND
JACK 229
INT. TV STUDIO. DAY
A WARM ROUND OF APPLAUSE FROM A STUDIO
AUDIENCE WELCOMES PSYCHIC MEDIUM
RAYMOND DAY TO THE FLOOR OF HIS TV SHOW
PARASIDE.
HE SPEAKS TO THE CAMERA.
RAYMOND
Hello, my name’s Raymond Day, and welcome to
Paraside.
RAYMOND WALKS TO TOWARDS THE AUDIENCE.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
Okay, let’s see where the spirit takes me.
HE TAKES A MOMENT. HE LOOKS SAD AND
SIGHS A FEW TIMES.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
Okay. Okay, sweetheart, I understand.
PAUSE.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
This is quite a sad one, but hopefully we’ll
find a happy ending. I have here on spirit a
lady who has the most amazing shoes. She’s the
type of lady that would say “I have to have
those shoes”.
THE AUDIENCE LAUGH. JACK, A SAD LOOKING
MIDDLE AGED MAN, REACTS.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
You sir?
JACK
She might be my wife.
RAYMOND
Okay. And can you understand the shoes?
(CONTINUED)
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229
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21.
JACK SMILES WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES.
JACK
She loved her shoes.
THE AUDIENCE LAUGH A LITTLE.
RAYMOND
Okay, she’s come through for you.
JACK LAUGHS AND RUBS HIS EYES.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
She’s saying... I feel for you sweetheart,
she’s saying that since she’s passed over,
every day has been a struggle for you. She
knows that you just haven’t been able to get
over her passing.
JACK NODS.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
And she wants to let you know that you’ve been
grieving for too long. Too long.
JACK BOWS HIS HEAD, READY TO BREAK
DOWN.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
So she wants you with her.
JACK LOOKS UP TO RAYMOND.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
D’you understand this?
JACK NODS.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
It’s like where she is it’s just one big party,
and everybody’s there, she’s in such a good
place.
JACK SMILES.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
But without you there, and these are her words
not mine, it’s a bit pish.
(CONTINUED)
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CONTINUED: (2)
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22.
EVERYONE LAUGHS, INCLUDING JACK.
RAYMOND SMILES.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
And she’s saying you know what you have to do.
JACK SMILES AND NODS.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
I’ll leave her love with you. Oh, and she says
“I can’t wait to show you the shoes”!
RAYMOND AND JACK SMILE AND ROLL THEIR
EYES.
RAYMOND (CONT’D)
Thank you.
THE AUDIENCE APPLAUD.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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230. STATIC HEAD DANCE
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
230
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY DANCES IN FRONT OF A POLKADOT
BACKGROUND. ALTHOUGH HE APPEARS TO JUMP
AROUND, HIS HEAD REMAINS FIRMLY IN THE
ONE PLACE.
23.
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Shooting Batch 10
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24.
231. BRILLIANT AT EVERYTHING
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
COMMENTATOR (VO)231A INT. DARTS TOURNAMENT. NIGHT
LIMMY IS AT THE FINAL OF A DARTS
TOURNAMENT. HE THROWS ONE DART: TREBLE
20. HE THROWS ANOTHER: TREBLE 20. HE
TURNS TO THE CAMERA AND SMILES.
LIMMY
Welcome to Limmy’s Show.
THE LIMMY’S SHOW TITLE PLAYS.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Imagine you were brilliant at everything.
LIMMY THROWS HIS LAST DART AT THE BOARD
WHILST LOOKING AT THE CAMERA. TREBLE
20.
COMMENTATOR
One hundred and eiiighty!
THE CROWD CHEER, LIMMY SMILES.
231B EXT. MARATHON FINISHING LINE. DAY
THE CLOCK AT THE FINISHING LINE OF THE
GLASGOW MARATHON SAYS “1:01:43”.
LIMMY (V.O.)
You were the fastest.
LIMMY RACES THROUGH THE RIBBON LIKE
IT’S A 100M SPRINT.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
A marathon in just over an hour, it’s unheard
of.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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25.
231C INT. WEIGHTLIGHTING COMPETITION. DAY
LIMMY IS HOLDING A BARBELL OVER HIS
HEAD WITH RECORD BREAKING WEIGHTS ON
EACH END.
LIMMY (V.O.)
The strongest.
LIMMY REMOVES ONE HAND FROM THE BAR TO
WAVE TO THE CROWD.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
Oh he’s just showing off now.
231D INT. CHESS TOURNAMENT. DAY
LIMMY IS PLAYING A RUSSIAN GRANDMASTER
AT THE WORLD CHESS TOURNAMENT FINAL.
THE BOARD SHOWS THE GAME IS IN THE
CLOSING STAGES.
LIMMY (V.O.)
The cleverest.
LIMMY MAKES A MOVE, SMILES AND OFFERS
THE GRANDMASTER A HANDSHAKE. THE
GRANDMASTER HITS THE PIECES TO THE
GROUND AND WALKS AWAY, ANGRY. LIMMY
LOOKS HURT.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
Quite right, quite right.
231E ANIMATION
THE FRONT PAGE OF A NEWSPAPER APPEARS.
IT SHOWS A PHOTO OF LIMMY SMIILING,
SURROUNDED BY CHEMISTRY EQUIPMENT.
THE HEADLINE READS “SMART ARSE FINDS
CURE FOR CANCER”.
LIMMY (V.O.)
You’re just brilliant at every single thing you
put your mind to.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
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231E CONTINUED:
28/09/10
BELOW THE HEADLINE IT READS “WELL, WHAT
IF WE DON’T WANT IT?”
231F EXT. FOOTBALL PITCH. DAY
LIMMY IS A GOALIE, READY TO TAKE A GOAL
KICK.
LIMMY (V.O.)
Imagine it.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
Is it going to be Scotland 10, Brazil 0?
LIMMY KICKS THE BALL, IT FLIES THROUGH
THE AIR, AND GOES INTO THE TOP CORNER
OF THE BRAZIL GOAL. THE BRAZIL GOALIE
LOOKS GUTTED.
COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
It is.
THE CROWD BOO. LIMMY SPEAKS TO THE
CAMERA.
LIMMY
Imagine you were absolutely brilliant at
everything.
LIMMY LOOKS TO THE CROWD, TO MEN AND
WOMEN DRESSED IN SCOTLAND TOPS AND C U
JIMMY HATS. THEY’RE THE ONES BOOING.
LIMMY LOOKS TO THE CAMERA, AND FORCES A
SMILE.
LIMMY (V.O.)
It would be brilliant, wouldn’t it?
26.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
27.
232. WASTING TIME
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
232
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY’S FACE TURNS SLOWLY TOWARDS THE
CAMERA. BEHIND HIM IS A JAZZY
BACKGROUND. HE SMILES.
LIMMY
Ladies and gentlemen.
A SADNESS COMES TO LIMMY’S FACE AND HE
SIGHS.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Welcome to Limmy’s Show.
THE LIMMY’S SHOW TITLE PLAYS. IT
VANISHES AND LIMMY RETURNS, LOOKING
DOWN.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
D’you ever get the feeling you’re just wasting
your time? Your brief moment of time you’ve got
here in life, you’re just wasting it?
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Think about what it took for you to get here.
Your maw and da had you, their maws and dads
had them, and back it goes hundreds of
thousands of millions of years. Just so you
could sit there and watch the telly. Like
this...
(stupid face and laugh)
ha ha ha haaaa. Does that not seem like a waste
of time?
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
I mean, surely we should be doing something.
Reading something, learning something, doing
something more productive with our time.
LIMMY PONDERS.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
232
Shooting Batch 10
CONTINUED:
28/09/10
28.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
But then again, you’re going to die. So what’s
the point? You spend your whole life learning
about the world, and then you die? What was the
point in that? Now that’s a waste of time!
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
You’re gonnae die. We’re all gonnae die. The
planet’s gonnae die. The sun’s gonnae die. It’s
practically the end of the universe. It’s like
the weekend, only there’s no work on Monday.
It’s the weekend to end all weekends. Doing
anything anything other than wasting time is a
waste of time.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
So you may as well go daft, so you may as well
go wild, so welcome!
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
To Limmy’s Show.
THE TITLES PLAY ONE MORE TIME,
INTERSPERSED WITH LIMMY’S MAD FACE.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
233. DUMMY SEX
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
233
INT. CLOTHES SHOP. DAY
LIMMY FONDLES A FEMALE SHOP DUMMY.
SHOPPERS LOOK ON, DISGUSTED, AS THEY
WALK BY.
LIMMY SPEAKS TO THE CAMERA ARROGANTLY.
LIMMY
What? What are you going to do about it?
LIMMY FONDLES THE DUMMY SOME MORE. HE
KISSES ITS NECK AND STROKES ITS WIG.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
It’s just a dummy. It’s not real.
LIMMY FONDLES SOME MORE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Deal with it.
A SECURITY GUARD LOOKS ON, WITH A
FRUSTRATED EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE,
BECAUSE HE IS ULTIMATELY POWERLESS.
29.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
234. END OF SERIES MEGAMIX
OMITTED
28/09/10
30.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
235. FACE CHANGE
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
CREW MEMBER (OS) 235
GREEN SCREEN
A CLOSEUP OF LIMMY SHOWS HIM LOOKING
BLANKLY AT THE CAMERA.
A HAND IS RAISED PAST HIS FACE,
REVEALING A SMILING FACE WHEN IT
PASSES. THE HAND FALLS DOWN, REVEALING
ANOTHER FACIAL EXPRESSION.
THIS KEEPS UP FOR A WHILE, INCREASING
IN SPEED. ONE OF THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
IS MISERY. IT POPS UP ONCE, THEN ONCE
AGAIN LATER, THEN IT’S THE ONLY FACIAL
EXPRESSION LIMMY HAS.
AN OFF-CAMERA CREWMEMBER SPEAKS
SYMPATHETICALLY.
CREWMEMBER (O.S.)
It’s... it’s alright. Just leave him.
A HAND COMES OUT AND GUIDES THE MOVING
HAND AWAY.
LIMMY IS LEFT IN HIS MISERY.
31.
Limmy's Show 2
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236. GIVE WAY STANDOFF - 1OF3
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
DRIVER 236
EXT. EMPTY RESIDENTIAL STREET. AFTERNOON
LIMMY IS ABOUT TO CROSS THE ROAD AS A
CAR SLOWS DOWN AT THE GIVE WAY LINE.
LIMMY STOPS, BUT THE DRIVER WAVES FOR
LIMMY TO WALK.
THE
IT.
BUT
AND
WAVE HAS A VERY PATRONISING WAY TO
LIMMY SMILES AND BEGINS WALKING,
ALMOST INSTANTLY LOOKS PISSED OFF
STOPS DEAD TO LOOK AT THE DRIVER.
LIMMY TAKES A STEP BACK TO THE PAVEMENT
AND WAVES TO THE DRIVER TO DRIVE, IN A
SIMILARLY PATRONISING MANNER.
THE DRIVER WAVES MORE AGGRESSIVELY, AND
LIMMY MIMICS HIM. THEY BOTH LOOK AT
EACH OTHER.
THE DRIVER SITS BACK IN HIS SEAT, AS IF
TO SAY HE’S NOT MOVING ANYWHERE, AND HE
WON’T BACK DOWN. LIMMY RELAXES AND
TRIES TO LOOK FINE WITH IT.
THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT A FEW TIMES, AS
THEY PRETEND TO BE IN FOR THE LONG
HAUL.
LIMMY SITS DOWN ON THE PAVEMENT, AND
GLANCES AT THE DRIVER. THE DRIVER
SHOOGLES BACK INTO HIS SEAT, GETS COMFY
AND TURNS OFF HIS ENGINE.
THEY BOTH CLOSE THEIR EYES, AS IF
THEY’RE GOING TO GO FOR A NAP. THEY
TAKE ONE LAST PEEK AT EACH OTHER, THEN
CLOSE THEIR EYES AGAIN.
32.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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237. GIVE WAY STANDOFF - 2OF3
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
DRIVER 237
EXT. EMPTY RESIDENTIAL STREET. SUNSET
LIMMY HAS HIS EYES CLOSED, SITTING ON
THE GROUND. HE TAKES A PEEK AT THE
DRIVER, BUT THE DRIVER DOESN’T PEEK
BACK.
LIMMY GLANCES TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
ROAD. HE BEGINS TO PUSH HIMSELF UP, BUT
THE DRIVER OPENS HIS EYES TO LOOK AT
HIM.
LIMMY PRETENDS THAT HE WAS SIMPLY
GETTING COMFIER. THE DRIVER SMILES.
LIMMY SMILES BACK SARCASTICALLY, JUST
AS THE DRIVER CLOSES HIS EYES AGAIN.
LIMMY PRETENDS TO HIMSELF THAT HE IS
HAPPY, BUT THE MASK IS SLIPPING. HE
CLOSES HIS EYES.
33.
Limmy's Show 2
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34.
238. GIVE WAY STANDOFF - 3OF3
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
DRIVER 238
EXT. EMPTY RESIDENTIAL STREET. DUSK
LIMMY IS LYING ON THE GROUND, ASLEEP.
HE OPENS HIS EYES AND LOOKS AROUND. THE
CAR HAS GONE. LIMMY JUMPS UP, RAGING.
LIMMY
Naw. Naw!
HE TRIES TO CONSOLE HIMSELF WITH SOME
FAKE LAUGHING. HE SHOUTS ALL AROUND.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Ah! Ahahaha! I made you go! I told you to go
and you went! I’m in control!
LIMMY’S PHONE RINGS, AND HE ANSWERS IT.
IT’S HIS GIRLFRIEND PATRICIA.
PATRICA (O.S.)
Where they hell are you? We’re supposed to be
going to the...
LIMMY SMASHES THE PHONE AGAINST THE
GROUND, AND STANDS THERE IN THE MIDDLE
OF NOWHERE.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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35.
239. HIGH NOTE
TERRY MERCY VOICEOVER GARY -
BRIAN LIMOND
CREW MEMBER 239A INT. THEATRE. DAY
BLACK AND WHITE ARCHIVE FOOTAGE SHOWS
VOICE OF THE 60S TERRY MERCY BELTING
OUT THE LAST FOUR WORDS OF HIS BIGGEST
HIT, HIS VOICE RISING IN PITCH EACH
TIME.
TERRY
For aaaaaaaaall...
PAUSE.
TERRY (CONT’D)
Myyyyyyyyy...
A SNARE DRUM GOES RATATAT FOR THE FINAL
NOTE.
TERRY (CONT’D)
Liiiiiiiiiiiiife!
THE AUDIENCE APPLAUD AT THIS BIG, BIG
NOTE.
239B INT. THEATRE BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR. NIGHT
GARY STANDS WITH A NERVOUS LOOKING 70
YEAR-OLD TERRY MERCY. THEY ARE NEXT TO
A CORRIDOR, ON WHICH IS A SIGN POINTING
IN THE DIRECTION OF THE STAGE.
VOICEOVER (V.O.)
Terry Mercy, voice of the 60s, the man they
dubbed High Note. And here he is now, as he
prepares to take the stage at the Royal Variety
Performance.
GARY SPEAKS TO TERRY.
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
239B CONTINUED:
28/09/10
36.
GARY
How you feeling? Don’t be nervous. You’ll blast
it.
TERRY LOOKS DEEP IN THOUGHT,
CONTROLLING HIS NERVES. GARY TALKS TO
AN OFF-CAMERA INTERVIEWER.
GARY (CONT’D)
I’m so glad my father’s doing this. I’ve been
trying to convince him for years to get back on
the saddle, that he’s still got it, that he
still has an audience.
AN OFF-CAMERA CREWMEMBER GIVES TERRY A
REMINDER.
CREWMEMBER (O.S.)
Five minutes.
TERRY NODS, QUIETLY TERRIFIED.
GARY
The Royal Variety asked him on for his 70th,
and he tried to say no, he said “I can’t hit
the high note anymore, please don’t make me do
it”, and I told him you can, and you will.
Because you need to. If you hit that high note,
you’ll be back, you’ll be touring, you’ll lay
to the rest all the demons that have plagued
you, the drugs, the breakdown, it’ll be in the
past.
CREWMEMBER (O.S.)
You’re on.
GARY GIVES TERRY A CUDDLE.
GARY
That’s you. This is it, dad. This is it.
TERRY WALKS DOWN THE CORRIDOR BY
HIMSELF, LIKE A LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER.
JUMP CUT TO:
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
37.
LATER.
GARY IS LISTENING TO THE SOUND OF TERRY
SINGING THE LAST FOUR WORDS, AS IT
TRAVELS FROM THE DISTANCE.
TERRY
For aaaaaaaaaall...
GARY IS HOPEFUL.
TERRY (CONT’D)
Myyyyyyyyyyy...
TERRY’S VOICE IS OKAY, BUT NOT GREAT.
TERRY (CONT’D)
(Out of tune, stuttery,
horrible)
Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!
GARY IS VERY DISAPPOINTED.
TERRY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I can’t do this.
THE BUMPEDY BUMP OF THE MIC DROPPING TO
THE GROUND IS HEARD.
JUMP CUT TO:
LATER.
TERRY WALKS DOWN THE CORRIDOR,
DEFLATED. HE GOES TO GIVE GARY A
CUDDLE. GARY MOVES AWAY. HE SPEAKS
QUIETLY.
GARY
You’re finished.
TERRY WALKS AWAY WITH HIS HEAD BOWED.
GARY LOOKS ON, ALMOST DISGUSTED.
GARY (CONT’D)
It’s over. It’s all over.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
240. LIBRARY LAPTOP - 1OF2
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
240
INT. LIBRARY CAFE. DAY
LIMMY IS SITTING IN A BUSY CAFE WITH
HIS LAPTOP. HE HAS HIS BACK TO THE WALL
AND HAS HIS EARPHONES IN. LOOKS OVER
BOTH SHOULDERS SUSPICIOUSLY.
AFTER SEVERAL SECONDS OF PEACE, LIMMY
REACHES FOR HIS TEA AND ACCIDENTALLY
YANKS OUT THE EARPHONE SOCKET. THE
SOUND OF A DONKEY BRAYING FILLS THE
CAFE.
LIMMY SCRAMBLES FOR THE EARPHONES,
RATTLES BUTTONS, PUNCHES THE KEYBOARD,
PUNCHES THE SCREEN, CHUCKS TEA OVER THE
LAPTOP AND ONLY MANAGES TO TURN THE
SOUND OFF WHEN HE SMASHES THE LAPTOP ON
THE GROUND.
THE CAFE STARE AT HIM. HE SITS BACK AND
PRETENDS TO NOT NOTICE.
38.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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241. LIBRARY LAPTOP - 2OF2
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
241
ANIMATION
THE PREVIOUS SKETCH SLIDES OFF TO THE
SIDE TO THE SOUND OF A SLIDE PROJECTOR,
AND IN SLIDES A PICTURE OF A DONKEY.
LIMMY (V.O.)
Oh, how did that get in there?
THE PICTURES SLIDES OFF AND IN SLIDES
THE NEXT SKETCH.
39.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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40.
242. LIVING ON MY OWN
FREDDIE - BRIAN LIMOND
242
GREEN SCREEN
THE SONG “LIVING ON MY OWN” BY FREDDIE
MERCURY PLAYS, DURING THE BREAKDOWN BIT
WHERE FREDDIE SINGS SOMETHING
INCOMPREHENSIBLE.
THE FOLLOWING MADE UP LYRICS APPEAR ON
THE SCREEN, ALONG WITH ANIMATION AND
DANCING.
FREDDIE
Deid auld lady, rumpy pumpy...
A PHOTO POPS UP OF AN OLD LADY WITH HER
EYES CROSSED OUT. LIMMY THEN DOES A
COUPLE OF PELVIC THRUSTS TOWARDS HER IN
TIME WITH THE MUSIC.
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
Deid auld lady, rumpy pumpy...
SAME AGAIN WITH ANOTHER OLD LADY AT THE
OTHER SIDE.
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
Deid auld lady, rumpy pumpy, rumpy pumpy...
LIMMY SPINS AROUND TO PUMP BOTH OF
THEM.
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
(French)
Pardon!
LIMMY POPS UP IN THE FOREGROUND,
WEARING STEREOTYPICAL FRENCH GEAR, TO
MIME “PARDON!”.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
243. MYAAA
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
243
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY’S FACE IS CLOSE TO THE CAMERA, HE
LOOKS VERY DROWSY AND BREATHES HEAVILY
FOR A WHILE.
IN ONE MOVEMENT, HE LEANS BACK, SWINGS
HIS ARMS IN THE AIR AND SHOUTS A
DEFIANT, MEANINGLESS EXPRESSION.
LIMMY
Fuckin mmm-yaaaaaaaaa!
THE VIDEO FREEZES AND THE LIMMY’S SHOW
STING APPEARS.
41.
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42.
244. NOT A CLUE
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
244
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY’S STANDS IN FRONT OF A WHITE
BACKGROUND.
LIMMY
D’you ever get the sense that you don’t really
know what you’re doing? In general.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
D’you ever get people saying to you “What d’you
do that for? And you’re like that “I don’t
know”.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Have you ever worn something that you thought
looked good and everybody thought looked crap?
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Have you ever said aye to something, to which
you should have said naw? Something you really
didn’t want to do? You were asked the question,
you thought “Naw, no way”, but out came “Aye,
awright, aye, why not?”.
PAUSE.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Here, d’you ever get the feeling that from the
day you’re born from the day you die, you
haven’t got a fucking clue what you’re doing?
Do you?
LIMMY SMILES.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Aye, well here...
(CONTINUED)
Limmy's Show 2
244
Shooting Batch 10
CONTINUED:
28/09/10
THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT TO SHOW THE CAST
AND A NUMBER OF THEIR CLONES DRESSED AS
UMPTEEN PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF
LIFE, INCLUDING A DOCTOR, ETC.
EVERYONE
Join the club!
EVERYONE CHEERS. LIMMY PULLS A PARTY
POPPER AND BLOWS OUT A PARTY BLOWOUT
THING.
43.
Limmy's Show 2
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245. PISH TEST - 1OF2
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
245
INT. LIMMY’S KITCHEN. DAY
LIMMY FETCHES HIMSELF A CARTON OF
CRANBERRY JUICE FROM THE FRIDGE. HE
POURS IT INTO A GLASS, BUT WHAT EMERGES
IS A YELLOWISH LIQUID. LIMMY IS
CONFUSED AND LOOKS AT THE GLASS.
LIMMY
That’s funny. It looks like pish.
LIMMY HAS A SNIFF.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
It smells like pish.
LIMMY GIVES IN TO HIS CURIOSITY AND
TAKE A SIP. HE PROMPTLY SPITS IT OUT.
THE VIDEO FREEZES IN MID SPRAY AND A
FLOWCHART APPEARS OVER THE VIDEO.
A BOX READS “LOOKS LIKE PISH?” WITH A
YES/NO BELOW.
LIMMY (V.O.)
So, if it looks like pish...
THE FLOWCHARTS FOLLOWS THE “YES” LINE
DOWN TO A BOX READING “SMELLS LIKE
PISH?”
LIMMY (V.O.)
And it smells like pish...
THE FLOWCHART FOLLOWS THE “YES” LINE
DOWN TO A BOX READING “PISH”.
LIMMY (V.O.)
It is pish.
44.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
45.
246. PISH TEST - 2OF2
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
246
INT. LIMMY’S KITCHEN. DAY
AN ELECTRONIC BEAT PLAYS. FOOTAGE OF
LIMMY SPITTING OUT THE LIQUID PLAYS
FORWARD AND BACK IN TIME. LIMMY DOES A
RAP OVER THE MUSIC.
LIMMY
Urination! The taste sensation! Sweeping the
nation, nation, nation!
THE LYRICS APPEAR OVER THE VIDEO, IN
TIME WITH LIMMY RAPPING AGAIN.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Urination! The taste sensation! Sweeping the
nation, nation, nation!
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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46.
247. THREE TIME
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
247
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY’S HAND FILLS THE SCREEN. HE
CLICKS HIS FINGERS ONCE A SECOND.
SOME PERFORMANCE ART FOLLOWS, WITH
VARIOUS LIMMYS MAKING SOUNDS IN TIME
WITH THE RHYTHM.
HE HOLDS UP THREE FINGERS.
LIMMY
Three time!
LIMMY PUNCHES THE AIR THREE TIMES.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Pow, pow, pow!
HE HOLDS UP THREE FINGERS.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Three time!
HE PUNCHES THE AIR.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Pow, pow, pow.
HE CONTINUES THIS PROCESS IN VARIOUS
WAYS.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Four time! Pow, pow, pow, pow! One time! Pow!
One time! Pow! Two time! Pow, pow! Nine time!
Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!
LIMMY LOOKS TRIUMPHANT.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Shuh!
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
47.
248. DIRTY WEE SECRET - 3OF4 - CREDITS
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
GROUP OF PEOPLE 248
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY AND A GROUP OF PEOPLE POP UP OVER
THE “LIMMY’S SHOW” LOGO. HE IS MUMBLING
TO THEM PRIVATELY.
LIMMY
I know it was a few years ago, but still.
THE GROUP SHAKE THEIR HEAD IN DISGUST.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
I mean, imagine...
LIMMY SEES THE CAMERA.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Shhhh, shhhh.
LIMMY NODS TO THE CAMERA AND THEY ALL
TRY TO ACT INNOCENTLY, BUT THEY ARE
MOTIONLESS AND SILENT.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
What was I saying? Oh I can’t remember. Just
roll the credits then.
THE END CREDITS ROLL UP. DURING WHICH,
CLOSE UPS SHOW THE CREW MEMBERS PRETEND
TO NOT SEE THE CAMERA.
WHEN THE CREDITS FINISH, LIMMY PRETENDS
TO HAVE NOTICED THE CAMERA AND SMILES.
LIMMY (CONT’D)
Oh look who it is, hiya, ye awright?
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
28/09/10
48.
249. DO NOT WATCH
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
249
GREEN SCREEN
LIMMY APPEARS OVER THE LIMMY’S SHOW
LOGO, LOOKING CONCERNED.
LIMMY
Do not watch Green Honey. That Green Honey
video that’s getting sent about just now, do
not watch it. Please, get onto your Twitters,
you Facebooks, and tell them. Green Honey. Once
you see it, you can’t unsee it.
LIMMY’S EYES DRIFT OFF AS HE THINKS OF
THE HORRORS.
Limmy's Show 2
Shooting Batch 10
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250. FANNY WIRE
LIMMY - BRIAN LIMOND
250
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET. DAY
LIMMY IS LOOKING AROUND WITH A
SUSPICIOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE, AS HE
STROKES CHICKEN WIRE.
49.
Limmy's Show 2
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251. WOLF WHISTLE
LIMMY -
BRIAN LIMOND
FEMALE WHISTLER (OS) 251
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET. DAY
LIMMY IS SITTING ON A WALL, DRINKING A
CAN OF GINGER. HE HEARS SOMEONE WOLF
WHISTLING BEHIND HIM, BUT IGNORES IT.
HE HEARS IT AGAIN AND ALMOST TURNS
AROUND, BUT DOESN’T. HE HEARS IT AGAIN.
A FEMALE WOLF WHISTLER SHOUTS.
WOLF WHISTLER (O.S.)
Here! Sexy!
LIMMY TURNS AROUND. HE HEARS LAUGHING.
WOLF WHISTLER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
No you! Ahahaha!
LIMMY FACES FORWARD AGAIN, EMBARRASSED.
HE MUMBLES TO HIMSELF.
LIMMY
Fuck off.
50.