CutBank
Volume 1
Issue 79 CutBank 79
Article 16
Fall 2013
Spiritual Dangers
Matthew Ferrence
Follow this and additional works at: http://scholarworks.umt.edu/cutbank
Part of the Creative Writing Commons
Recommended Citation
Ferrence, Matthew (2013) "Spiritual Dangers," CutBank: Vol. 1: Iss. 79, Article 16.
Available at: http://scholarworks.umt.edu/cutbank/vol1/iss79/16
This Prose is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks at University of Montana. It has been accepted for inclusion in CutBank by an
authorized administrator of ScholarWorks at University of Montana. For more information, please contact [email protected].
M A T T H E W FERRENCE
Spiritual d a n g e r s
G e n e r a l O b je c tiv e :
The students w ill have the opportunity to discuss the w ritings o f Aldo
Leopold.
S p e c ific O bje c tive s:
A t the conclusion o f this discussion, students should be able to:
1. Discuss the en viro n m en ta l ethic of A ldo Leopold.
2. Describe at least six happenings th a t im p a cted upon Leopold's e n v i­
ronm ental philosophy.
3. Discuss the obstacles im peding the evolution o f a la n d ethic in con­
tem porary Am erican society.
4. Cite examples o f how hum ans have m oved aw ay fr o m a conscious­
ness of land.
5. D efend the value o f wilderness.
6. Explain the significance of “x " a n d “y. ”
7. Discuss the lessons th a t can be learned from the Passenger Pigeon.
8. E xplain how one can be both an appreciator a n d a consum er of
w ildlife.
9. D efend the need fo r a “doe "h u n tin g season.
10. Discuss the concept “M an always kills the th in g he loves "as it
relates to w ild species.
11. List fiv e behavioral changes th a t they can accom plish th a t d e m o n ­
strate a change in their th in k in g ab o u t the environm ent.
12. E xplain the significance of “D raba. "
B a ckgro u tid I nfo r m a t ion:
A Sand C o u n t y Alm ana c is one of those pieces o f literature
th a t has proven to be classic. Composed of an assortm ent o f A ldo
Leopold's w ritings, the book was not p u b lish e d u n til a fter the author's
death. His career as a n a turalist extended across fo u r decades. In his
w ritings, w hich were com pleted over tim e, one can see an evolution in
thought a n d philosophy which occurred as he learned more a b o u t the
n a tural systems in w hich he w orked a n d recreated
Leopold has a n d
continues to serve as an in spiration to m a n y students a n d teachers o f
e n v ir o n m e n ta l a n d conservation biology.
I his a c tiv ity breaks w ith the tr a d itio n a l laboratory experi­
ence. It is the in te n tio n of the w rite r th a t the sm a ll groups oj students
typically f o u n d in the laboratory setting w i l l serve to m a x i m i z e discus­
sion relating to Leopold's writings. This discussion s h o u ld be stu d e n tcentered w ith the laboratory instructor's role changed to one of m o d ­
erator a n d discussion leader.
— Gary M . Terrence, F u n d a m e n t a l s o f E n v i r o n m e n t a l Biology,
3r d Ed.
1.
l h e f a r m h o u s e sat ne a r t he b o t t o m o f t he valley at t he e n d of
t he r oad. 1 he massi ve b e r m o f t he t o w n ’s bypas s r o u t e c r e a t e d an
u n n a t u r a l r idge, a h u n d r e d - f o o t hi gh pr i vacy fence t h a t bl o c k e d
t h r o u g h traffic, t el evi si on signal s a n d , m y f at he r c l a i me d , t o r n a ­
does.
O n t his l at t er p o i n t , my f at he r of fer ed clear e vi de nc e . N o t
l ong aft er b u y i n g t he p r o p e r t y f r o m a b a n k r u p t h o u s i n g de ve l oper ,
he dr ove to t he f ar m wi t h my sister. S t o r m s r at t l e d t he wi n d o ws ,
a nd t he sky m u s t have t u r n e d gr een. T u r n i n g o n t o Two l i c k Dr i ve,
my f at he r a n d m y sister w a t c h e d a f unne l c l o u d dr i f t o v e r he a d. At
t he f ar m, n o t h i n g had b e e n t o u c h e d . T h e t o r n a d o r ode t he t e r ­
rain, lifted f r om t he hi ll sides a n d f l oat ed b e n i g n l y past t he de c a ye d
f a r m h o u s e t hat , really, w o u l d have b e e n b e t t e r o f f s ma s h e d .
For a year, m y f at he r dr ove o u t to t he far m to m a k e a h o m e
o u t of t h a t hous e . Sna ke s lived i nsi de, a l o n g s i d e rats, all o f t h e m
u n b o t h e r e d by t he f r a t e r n i t y b r o t h e r s w h o ha d been t he mo s t r e­
cent h u m a n r es i dent s . T h e i r beer cans l i ned t he c r a c ke d b a s e m e n t
floor, wh e r e b e a ms of l ight cut t h r o u g h t he loose r ock f o u n d a t i o n .
Terrence
“ B u r n it d o w n , ” m y u n c l e s u g g e s t e d , l o o k i n g at t h e h o u s e his o l d e r
b r o t h e r h a d j o y f u l l y b o u g h t . Let it he cl ear: it was a g o o d d ea l . Let
it also he cl ear: n o o n e else w a n t e d it.
W h e n s e c u r i n g t h e m o r t g a g e , t h e local b a n k e r s t a r e d
s l a c k - j a w e d at t h e h o u s e m y f a t h e r w a n t e d t o f i n a n c e . T h i s wa s t h e
m a i n s t r u c t u r e o f t h e 100 a c re p a r c e l , t h e h e a r t h , t h e c e n t e r . It was
i n t e n d e d , al so, as t h e f i n a n c i a l b a c k b o n e o f t h e d ea l.
“ I c a n ’t w r i t e a l o a n for t h i s , ” t h e b a n k e r s a id . It wa s j u s t
t o o r o u g h , w o r t h l e s s really. N o d o u b t , he a g r e e d w i t h m y u n c l e .
B e t t e r to s t a r t w i t h fresh e a r t h t h a n s u f f e r t h e l a b o r s of a n i m p o s ­
s i b le r e h a b . P l o w it u n d e r a l o n g w i t h t h e o v e r g r o w n fi el ds , t h e n
t h e r e w o u l d be s o m e t h i n g t o w o r k w i t h .
B u t m y f a t h e r was a d a m a n t . H e l i k e d t h e feel o f t h e p l a c e ,
a n d 1 t h i n k t h e c h a l l e n g e c a l l e d t o his s o u l . H e r e f u s e d t o r e c o g n i z e
t h e s o u r c e o f t h e m e l o d y , t h e s i re ns w h o w a i l e d f r o m w i t h i n d e t e ­
riorated plaster lath, w h o arced alo ng the frayed cloth o f k n o t t e d
w i r i n g , w h o s l i t h e r e d u n d e r t h e m o u n d s o f t r a s h in t h e b a s e m e n t .
1 he b a n k e r j ust c o u l d n ’t d o it. I h e h o u s e o f f e r e d n o c o l ­
l at er a l, i n s t e a d a d d e d liabi li ty. To w r i t e t h e l o a n , h e l o o k e d t o w a r d
t h e b a r n . I he r o o f l e a k e d , s p i d e r w e b s i n f e s t e d t h e c e i l i n g s , a n d t h e
b o a r d s h a d l o n g s i n c e w e a t h e r e d t o gray. H e n o d d e d . B e t t e r t h a n
t h e h o u s e , a n d g o o d e n o u g h for t h e b a n k .
★★
2.
I he r o o s t e r ’s n a m e was A n d r o p o v .
I his was t h e e a r l v - 8 0 s , w h e n R o n a l d R e a g a n s e e m e d to
be o n t e l e v i s i o n e v e ry n i g h t , his face g a t h e r e d in by t h e a n t e n n a
r o o t e d a t o p t h e tall p o l e b e h i n d t h e h o u s e . W e h a d t h r e e c h a n n e l s ,
m o r e o r less, p l u s PBS. 1 h a t o n l y c o u n t e d w h e n S esa m e S tre e t was
on. Reagan crackled t h r o u g h the television screen on every c h a n -
Ferrence
nel, no m a t t e r wh ic h d i r e c ti o n th e r o to r sp u n o u r a n t e n n a .
Bzzz — t h u d .
T h e r o to r dial h u m m e d , static lifting to reveal onl y a n o t h e r
version o f his half-smile, my fellow A m eri can s.
Bzzz — t h u d .
O u t s i d e , A d r o p o v raged. T h e r e was no television in the
ch icken coo p, an d the roo ste r seeme d obl ivi ous to the m o m e n t u m
o f history. He cared little a b o u t R e a ga n’s f ut ur e as C o m m i e killer,
did not w o r r y a b o u t the Berlin wall, was unfaz e d by the wei gh t o f
Hun ga ry , C z ec hos lov ak ia, Poland.
Bzzz — t h u d .
He chased us, p r o u d breast t h r u s t in to the air. His feet
c h u r n e d , s tr i k in g the g r o u n d like a shoe against a d u s ty table. He
ignored o u r yells, d a r t e d away from o u r kicks, c a m e back with beak
and a t t i t u d e , o n e day c o r n e r i n g my m o t h e r w h o to ok refuge, not
for the last tim e, in a hay feeder.
Bzzz — t h u d .
Eventually, A n d r o p o v grew old. My father's h a n d s forgave
no past. T h e h a t c h e t m ig h t as well have been g u i d e d by Re a g a n ’s
own i mp er ati ve . A n d r o p o v a b d ic a te d to the stock pot. I he meat
proved too to u g h to chew, so we fed the so u p to the dogs.
4c * *
3.
T h e r e are two s pir itu al d a n ge rs in n o t o w n i n g a farm. O n e is the
da n ge r o f s u p p o s i n g th a t break fast c om es from the grocery, a n d the
o t h er th a t heat c om es from the furnace.
— Aldo Leo po ld , A S a n d C o u n ty A lm a n a c
Ferrence
4.
W h i l e his s t u d e n t s n e ve r s h a r e d t h e e n t h u s i a s m , m y f a t h e r m a d e
A S a n d C ounty A la m a n c a f i x t u r e in his e n v i r o n m e n t a l s c i e n c e
c o ur s es . O f t h e q u o t a t i o n s he e x p e c t e d his s t u d e n t s to recall, n o n e
c a r r i e d m o r e w e i g h t t h a n L e o p o l d s d e c l a r a t i o n of f a r m k n o w l e d g e .
At h o m e , m y f a t h e r was just as l ikely t o r e f e r e n c e t h e s p i r i t u a l
d a n g e r s of n o t m u c k i n g o u t f a r m stalls. In m a n y wa ys, I s h a r e d his
s t u d e n t s h a t r e d for t h e a p p l i c a t i o n of L e o p o l d ’s p h i l o s o p h y .
I d o n t k n o w w h e n t h e i dea for a f a r m o c c u r r e d to m y
fa the r, w h e t h e r he e x p e r i e n c e d a p a s s i o n a t e e p i p h a n y w h i l e p r e p -
p i n g for l e c tu r e, o r w h e t h e r he really m e a n t t o r e f a s h i o n his i m p o v ­
e r i s h e d rur al c h i l d h o o d as a p r o s p e r o u s a d u l t . W h e t h e r c o n s c i o u s
o r n o t , he b o u g h t t h e f a r m w i t h t h e w o r d s o f A l d o L e o p o l d n e a r l y
e t c h e d across t h e b a r n roof. N o t l o n g a f t e r m o v i n g t h e r e , t h e f a m ­
ily a p p e a r e d in t h e S u n d a y n e w s p a p e r . T h e a r t i c l e e x p l a i n e d h o w
l ivin g on t h e f ar m f u n c t i o n e d as a d a i l y lab for t h e c o n s e r v a t i o n
e t h i c of m y father. A p h o t o of m e a p p e a r e d b e s i d e t h e st ory, a g r i n ­
n i n g s i x - y e a r - o l d h o l d i n g o u t an ear o f c o r n for o n e o f t h e h or se s.
O f all f a r m c h o r e s , 1 h a t e d c o r n t h e m o s t . All w i n t e r , we
g r o u n d t h e ears i n t o c h o p for t h e a n i m a l s . M y f a t h e r a t t a c h e d t h e
fly wh e el of an a n t i q u e c o r n g r i n d e r to t h e s p i n n i n g b e l t d r i v e o f
his l awn t ra c t o r . A d e n t e d l e n g t h of s c r a p g u t t e r d o w n s p o u t c h a n ­
ne le d e x h a u s t o u t s i d e . I s h u c k e d h u s k s f r o m d r i e d field c o r n , a t as k
i m p o s s i b l e to d o w h i l e w e a r i n g gloves. M y j o i n t s c r y s t a l l i z e d . M y
h a n d s a c h e d . I he t r a c t o r r o a r e d e ndl es sl y. W e s e e m e d a lwa y s to
m a k e c h o p in t h e e v e n i n g s , w h e n t h e e a rl y d a r k d e e p e n e d t h e c o l d
a n d t h e e c h o e s of t h e t r a c t o r m o s t e f f ec ti v el y g r o u n d m y s o ul .
★* ★
5.
S ky wi s e l o o k e d y o u n g , was ol d. H i s h a i r h a d l o n g a go f r o s t e d to
Ferrence
wh it e, t h o u g h the specifics o f clven ph ys io l o g y n o n e t h e l e s s m a d e
him a p p e a r ch ild lik e . In the g r a p h i c novel Elfquest, Skvwise plays
the p art of sage, of sidek ic k, of e ld e r w i s d o m to y o u n g , b ra sh , f o o l ­
ish chief ( . u t t e r . C u t t e r ’s the he ro, Skywise the voice of reason.
Skywise likes wine.
Skywise gazes u p w a r d a n d marvels at the stars: you d on 't
get th a t n a m e for n o t h i n g .
A r o u n d his neck, he wears an o b l o n g piece o f m a g n e t i c
rock, called th e l o d e s t o n e .
Skywise d i d n 't k n o w this, b u t a l o d e s t o n e is m a g n e t i t e . A
s im p l e rock w it h e x t r a o r d i n a r y powe rs t h a t seem magical, if you
d o n ’t k n o w geology. It ’s m a g n e t i c , so it w o r k s as a c o m p a s s .
Skywise t h i n k s his l o d e s t o n e is a c h i p from a star. He
da ngles it f r o m a r a w h id e t h o n g to find the way for C u t t e r , for his
tribe, for himself.
My f at he r was a geolo gi st first, be for e b e c o m i n g a biolog is t,
before b u y i n g a farm.
At 10 years old, I w a n t e d n o t h i n g m o r e in the w o r l d t h a n
to be Skywise. I y e a rn e d for w i s d o m , d i r e c t i o n , th e mystical gr avity
of rock. Like Skywise, I had no i nt er est in b e in g c h i e f b u t always
loo ked for t h e way. Skywise had a way w i t h th e ladies: also a p p e a l ­
ing to a 10- yca r-o ld boy.
* * *
6.
D o w n s t a i r s , the s h e ep o c c u p i e d th e lower h a l f o f the ba rn . T h e
flock was never e n o r m o u s , m a x i n g nea r fifty in a m b i t i o u s years,
an d th e ewes e x h ib i te d th e placid b l a n k n e s s for w h i c h sh eep are
c e le b ra te d . She ep live t h e i r lives in s t u p o r a n d b r i e f terror. Mostly,
they mill a r o u n d a n d bleat, b u t th ey p a n ic w h e n a farmer, say,
bangs on a plastic c h l o r i n e b u c k e t r e p u r p o s e d to carr y oats.
Ferrence
E v e n t h e n , s h e e p f i n d it h a r d t o h o l d a g r u d g e . I n s i d e t h e
b a r n , t h e f r o t h i n g f l o c k h u r t l e s t o w a r d t h e e x it l i k e a s i n g l e f l u f f y
o r g a n i s m . T h e r e , it f aces t h e b o t t l e n e c k o f t h e s h e e p h a t c h , a t r a p
d o o r c u t i n t o t h e side of t h e b a r n w i t h a c h a i n s a w . S h e e p c l i m b
a b o a r d o t h e r s h e e p , s h o v e h e a d s d e e p i n t o w o o l , c l o g t h e d o o r l ike
s o g g y c o t t o n b a ll s s w i r l i n g d o w n t h e d r a i n . O u t s i d e , e a c h s h e e p
re le a se s t h r o u g h t h e d o o r a n d t a k e s a f ew f r e n z i e d s t e p s . S t u p o r
r e t u r n s in a w a v e t h r e e f e et b e y o n d t h e h a t c h .
R a m s are d iffe re n t, driv e n by fury a n d a b l e n d of m a ­
c h is m o an d N a p o l e o n c o m p le x . Pe rh a p s th e b u r d e n of r e s p o n s i b i l ­
ity w e i g h s h e a v i l y u p o n t h e i r t h i c k n e c k s . So m a n y e w e s , so m a n y
lambs, one ram.
T h a t gi ve s t o o m u c h c r e d i t , s i n c e r a m s e x h i b i t t h e k i n d o f
b l i n d , l u r i d s t u p i d i t y o n l y s e e n e l s e w h e r e in i s o l a t e d e n v i r o n m e n t s :
f r a t e r n i t y h o u s e s , s p r i n g b r e a k , t h e iMLA a n n u a l c o n f e r e n c e . R a m s
live o n l y t o p r o v e t h e m s e l v e s w o r t h y o f t h e i r p o s i t i o n . R a m s p o s ­
sess o n e s i n g l e p h i l o s o p h y , c e n t e r e d e n t i r e l y o n s e l f i m a g e .
C h a r le y was o u r ram , a sq u a t, d i n g y C h e v i o t w h o s e w o ol
s e em ed always tin g e d w ith m u d . W h i l e th e ewes called o u t w i th
s o f t , p l a i n t i v e , a l m o s t l yr i c v o i c e , C h a r l e y e m p l o y e d t h e s h e e p v e r ­
s i o n o f a B r o n x a c c e n t . Low, b o r e d , a t h r e a t e n i n g b l a t . H e s u r v e y e d
the flock a n d o p e r a te d w ith clinical, d iab o lic a l h a p h a z a r d n e s s .
O f t e n , he ig nore d w h o m e v e r w a d e d a m o n g th e flock c a s t in g feed.
S o m e tim e s , he b e c a m e se n tin e l, a n n o u n c i n g at th e gate his plan o f
d e f e n s e . At his w o r s t , h e l u r k e d . H e b l e n d e d in a m o n g t h e e w e s ,
s w a m b e n e a t h t h e t a l l e r F i n n s a n d S u f f o l k l i k e a f uz zy , h a r d - h e a d e d
p ir a n h a . H e had strategy, so m e m o d i c u m o f guile to a u g m e n t u n ­
a b a s h e d p i s s iv i t y. H e w a i t e d , w a t c h e d , t h e n s t r e a k e d i n t o p e r i p h ­
e ra l v i s i o n as a k n e e - c a p s e e k i n g m i s s i l e .
A fter near misses, artful d o d g e s, a n d an a s s o r t m e n t o f d a r ­
ing escapes, m y m o t h e r finally ran afoul o f th e ra m . H e c h a r g e d
h a r d , a h u n d r e d a n d f i f t y p o u n d s o f c h u r n i n g ire. S h e s c a m p e r e d
Ferrence
i n t o a h a y f e e d e r h u n g o n t h e wa ll , saf e b u t n o w c u t o f f f r o m e s ­
ca p e. F o r a n h o u r , C h a r l e y s t r u t t e d b a c k a n d f o r t h . H e d a r e d her ,
t a l k e d s m a c k , s t a k e d hi s c l a i m t o t h a t s p a c e o n c e a n d f or ev er . M y
m o t h e r c a l l e d o u t f or h e l p , g r o w i n g a n g r y a n d , n o d o u b t , p a n ­
i c ke d. C h a r l e y h a d her , a n d t h e r e wa s n o t h i n g s h e c o u l d d o .
F inal ly, m y f a t h e r h e a r d t h e yells a n d e x e c u t e d a r e s c u e . M y
f a t h e r h a d g r o w n t i r e d o f C h a r l e y ’s a t t i t u d e . M y f a t h e r w o r e size
fourteen steel-toed work boots.
For a ram, the cha rge precedes an e x p e c ta tio n o f i m p act.
We ' ve all s e e n t h a t o n t h e n a t u r e s h o w s : m a j e s t i c B i g h o r n s re ar
b a c k, c las h s k u l l s , r e p e a t . I t ’s h o w y o u s o r t it o u t . C h a r l e y s t r e a k e d
f o r w a r d , a n d m y f a t h e r r a i s e d o n e size f o u r t e e n i n t o t h e air. I n t h a t
cl as h, w h e n s teel a n d l e a t h e r m e t b o n e a n d w o o l , lay t h e e p i c o f
t h e p a s t u r e s . Two r a m s n o w , o n e a t i r e d o l d a l p h a p r o t e c t i n g his
h u m a n f l o c k , t h e o t h e r a f r e n z i e d m a n i a c u n u s e d t o g a u g i n g size.
I h e r e wa s i m p a c t , a t h u d , t h e f o r c e o f t h e r a m d r i v e n s t r a i g h t b a c k
i n t o his o w n s k u l l .
S tu n n e d , C h arley sh u ttle d backward. H e considered the
f luk e, w e i g h e d hi s o p t i o n s , a n d c h a r g e d t h e b o o t a g a i n . D a z e d n ow,
C h a r l e y r e f u s e d t o s u b m i t . H e g a ve it a t h i r d c h a r g e , m a n u r e f l i c k ­
ing in t h e a i r u n d e r hi s w h i r l i n g h o o v e s .
As m y f a t h e r tells t h e s t o r y , t h i s fi nal s t r i k e c h a n g e d e v e r y ­
t h i n g . C h a r l e y felt t h e u n y i e l d i n g f o r c e o f s t ee l, c o u l d n o t s h a k e
t h e c o b w e b s f r o m hi s n o w r e e l i n g s k u l l . H e b l e a t e d , s o m e t h i n g
ab o u t a n y t i m e an y w h e re , th en retreated in to th e flock, never to
challenge my fa the r again.
Befor e t h e c o u n t y fair, m y f a t h e r h a d t - s h i r t s m a d e . Yell ow c o t t o n
e m b e l l i s h e d w i t h r e d felt: C a r d i n a l C r e e k F a r m . H e a s s i g n e d t i t l es
t o r e a c h of us, a r c e d b e n e a t h t h e f a r m s n a m e in t h e s a m e red felt.
H e wa s “f o r e m a n , ” m y m o t h e r “m a n a g e r , ” m y b r o t h e r
“s h e p h e r d , ’ m y s i s t e r “g o a t h e r d e r .
I w a s t h e y o u n g e s t , still l i t t l e
Ferrence
a n d p e r p e t u a l l y u n i n t e r e s t e d in t h e f a r m . 1 was w a t e r b o y .
We t o o k t o t h e b a r n as a f a m i l y to r o u n d u p t h e s h e e p .
M y f a t h e r b a c k e d t h e p i c k - u p to t h e e d g e o f t h e p a d d o c k , a n d m y
b r o t h e r l e a n e d a w o o d e n r a m p a g a i n s t t h e t ai l g a t e . T o g e t h e r , t h e
rest o f m y f a mi l y led a s t r e a m o f c a l m s h e e p i n t o t h e t r u c k .
O n e ewe, an o l d m a t r o n , p a n i c k e d . S h e s t a m p e d e d , s l i c k e d
o u t o f t h e way w h e n m y b r o t h e r t r i e d to s q u e e z e his a r m s a r o u n d
h e r nec k. Sh e s l o w ed , c a u g h t h er b r e a t h , t h e n t o o k o f f a g a i n w h e n
s o m e o n e else c a m e near.
I s q u a r e d my bod y, d i g g i n g m y s n e a k e r s i n t o t h e d r i e d
h o r s e m a n u r e b e n e a t h m y feet. S h e was h e a d e d m y way, t h a t o l d
ewe, a n d I s e n s e d m y c h a n c e . M y e i g h t - y e a r - o l d m i n d u n d e r s t o o d
t h e a l c h e m y of p r o m o t i o n . C a t c h t h a t ewe, get a n e w t itl e.
She a p p r o a c h e d . I ca n still see h e r b l a c k h e a d , t h e d u l l eyes
w i t h r e c t a n g u l a r p u p i l s . T h e rest 1 r e m e m b e r as flashes.
The s he e p.
The bel ly of t h e s he e p.
T h e c e i l i n g of t h e b a r n .
The c e i l i n g d i s t o r t e d by t ears.
M y f a mi l y c o u l d n ’t stifle t h e l a u g h t e r . S o m e o n e p o i n t e d
to m y s h i r t , p e r f e c t m u d d y s h e e p t ra c k s s t r i p i n g t h e c e n t e r of m y
c he s t.
* * ★
7.
W h e n t races o f b l o o d b e g i n to m a r k y o u r t rail y o u ’ll see s o m e t h i n g ,
m a y b e . P r o b a b l y n o t.
— E d w a r d Abbey, D esert S o lita ir e
M y f a t h e r h o n e d t h e s h e a rs to r azo r e dge s. M y s i s te r h a n d l e d t h e m
like an ar t i s t , p i n c h i n g t h e m e t a l j us t so, n o t t o o t i g h t , o r cl ose, o r
Ferrence
fast, o r sl ow. T h e c a k e d , b r o w n e d g e s of t h e s h e e p d r o p p e d i n t o a
g r o w i n g pi l e o f d i n g y w o o l . In s u c h f a s h i o n , s h e s c u l p t e d t h e s h e e p
t o D a v i d i a n i deal .
Close-cropped, fresh-white, lanolin-slick, taut-muscled,
p r i z e -w i nn i ng sheep.
T h e s h e e p c a r e d l i t t l e f o r a e s t h e t i c s , c a r e d less f or t h e
p i n c h i n g w h i n e of t h e s h e a r ’s j aws . It k i c k e d , s i d e w a y s , s u d d e n .
T h e s h e a r s a r c e d u p w a r d , t h e n d o w n . Li k e n o t h i n g , b a r e l y a p i n c h ,
t h e y sl i d i n t o J e a n i n e ’s b a r e a n k l e . I h e y d r o v e a n i n c h s t r a i g h t
d o w n u n t i l t h e y c a u g h t o n b o n e . Yes, t h e y w e r e s h a r p .
M y b r o t h e r pul l ed t h e m o u t , a n d m y sister l i mp e d i nt o the
h o u s e , s p u r t i n g a c a r d i n a l t rai l of b l o o d y f o o t s t e p s a l o n g t h e f l a g ­
s t o n e wa l k .
T h i s wa s h e r m o s t l a s t i n g p r i z e , a p e r m a n e n t s c a r o n h e r
a n k l e t h a t o u t l i v e d t h e g i a n t p i n k Re s e r v e G r a n d C h a m p i o n r i b ­
b o n s t h a t w a i t e d at t h e f a i r g r o u n d s .
F r o m a w i n d o w h i g h a b o v e t h e ci t y, Yuri A n d r o p o v l i kel y w a t c h e d
S o v i e t t r o o p s s u b d u e B u d a p e s t . A n d r o p o v s e r v e d as t h e S o v i e t a m ­
b a s s a d o r t o H u n g a r y , a p o s i t i o n t h a t s e e m s r e d u n d a n t or, p e r h a p s ,
h i s t o r i c a l l y d i s h o n e s t . H o w d o e s an a m b a s s a d o r f u n c t i o n w i t h i n a
f i g u r e h e a d s t a t e , i t sel f o n l y n o m i n a l l y its o w n ?
W h e n t r ou b le began to m o u n t , the H u n g a r i a n s st ak in g a
c l a i m f or t h e m s e l v e s a n d t h e i r n a t i o n , t h e Re d A r m y r o l l e d . Eve n
as t h e y a p p r o a c h e d , wi l y o r d e c e i v e d A n d r o p o v a s s u r e d H u n g a r y ’s
l eader , I m r e Na g y , t h a t v i o l e n c e w o u l d be a v o i d e d .
T h o u s a n d s d i e d in t h e b l o o d b a t h , i n c l u d i n g Na g y , e x e c u t e d
f or t r e a s o n .
A n d r o p o v as cended to direct the KGB, t hen t ook the
m a n t e l of G e n e r a l S e c r e t a r y f o r t h e C o m m u n i s t P a r t y o f t h e S o v i e t
U n i o n in 1 9 8 2 a f t e r t h e d e a t h of hi s p r e d e c e s s o r , L e o n i d B r e z h n e v .
A n d r o p o v d i e d a f t e r s e r v i n g a l i t t l e m o r e t h a n a year , t h e n wa s rc-
Ferrence
p l a c e d b y K o n s t a n t i n C h e r n e n k o , w h o a l s o d i e d in o f f i c e a f t e r l i t t l e
m o r e t h a n a year.
T h e in f ir m ity o f old m e n o p e n e d th e office for M ik h a il
G orbechev, w h o began u n p r e c e d e n te d peace talks w ith R o n a ld R ea­
g a n , r e l e a s e d t h e E a s t e r n B l oc f r o m e f f e c t i v e S o v i e t c o n t r o l a n d , in
the e n d , oversaw th e e n d o f th e Soviet U n i o n .
H u n g a r y , c r u s h e d in 1 9 5 6 w h i l e its a m b a s s a d o r w a t c h e d ,
finally b e c a m e an i n d e p e n d e n t d e m o c r a t i c state in 1989.
★* *
8.
E a c h year, m y f a t h e r b o u g h t a p a i r o f f e e d e r c a l v e s f o r t h e f r e e ze r.
For a few m o n t h s , they r o a m e d the p a s t u r e a n d gre w o n a d ie t o f
gr as s, t r a n s f o r m i n g f r o m g a w k y , w o b b l e d y o u n g s t e r s t o f u l l - o n
s t e e r s . T h e y l i ve d t h e i r last m o n t h as g o u r m a n d s , g o r g i n g t h e m ­
sel ves o n g r o u n d fi el d c o r n a n d hay. T h e c o r n f a t t e n e d t h e m m o r e
q u i c k l y t h a n g r as s, s o f t e n e d t h e i r m u s c l e s a n d a d d e d s t r i a t i o n s o f
fat. F r o m t h e b e g i n n i n g , t h e s e c o w s w e r e s t e a k .
As w i t h all f a r m a n i m a l s , t h e f i n a l l o a d i n g p r o v e s d i f f i c u l t .
T h e tr u c k arrived. O n e steer b o l te d for the p a d d o c k . M y b r o t h e r
d a r te d to sw ing the rear gate s h u t. T h e s ta r t le d steer trie d to
c h a n g e d ir e c tio n , s t u m b l e d , a n d a half to n o f U .S .S . B o llocks ran
a g r o u n d , p i n n i n g m y b r o t h e r b e h i n d th e gate.
I h e s t e e r s n o r t e d a wa y , a n d m y b r o t h e r s w a y e d o u t . F r o m
t h e d i s t a n c e , 1 e x a m i n e d his s h i r t f o r t r a c k m a r k s , j u s t in c a s e I
c o u ld m a k e fun.
* * *
Ferrence
9.
Desire heats a b u c k fr om t he inside, a f u r n ac e k in d l e d u n c e as in g ly
by t h e p r o x i m i t y o f does. A g o a t h e r d m u s t t h e r e f o r e be s e p a r a t e d .
I h e b u c k m u s t h a v e hi s o w n s p a c e , w h i c h h e wi l l r a v a g e w i t h t h e
b a t t e r i n g o f h o r n s a n d d e s p e r a t e , l o n g i n g b l a t s . T h e b u c k is all
fight a n d libido, b ad a t t i t u d e a n d h or ni ne s s.
O u ts id e , the buck roams the fence that sequesters him from
t h e d o e s , w h o i g n o r e h i m , f l i r t n o t a t all, a n d e v e r y n o w a n d t h e n
, d r i v e h i m c r a z y w i t h e s t r u s . I n t h o s e d a y s , t h e b u c k ’s t o n g u e f lits
u n c o n t r o l l a b l y in t h e ai r, d r i n k i n g in t h e c h e m i c a l w i n d o f a t t r a c ­
I
t i o n . H e r a m s t h e w o o d of h i s p e n r e p e a t e d l y . H e c h e w s t h e c o r ­
ne r s . W i t h e r i n g f u n k r ol l s f r o m h i s g l a n d s , f i l l i n g t h e g o a t h o u s e
w i t h a s m e l l t h o u g h t o f as g o a t b u t r e a l l y is l o n g i n g b u c k .
For s po r t , I o c c a si o n a l l y c h u c k e d ap p l e s at o u r b uc k. Hi s
r a g e i n s p i r e d c r u e l t y in m e , w h i l e l a c k o f a i m s p a r e d i t s e f f e c t .
I i r ed o f t h a t , a n d m o v e d b y pi t y, o r c u r i o s i t y , o r t h e a w k w a r d
p u b e r t y o f a f a r m b o y — t h e b u s i n e s s o f sex fills t h e b a r n , b u t t h a t ’s
I a b u s i ne s s of i n f i n i t e al l ur e, my s t e r y , a n d i m p o s s i b i l i t y — I c r a c k e d
I o p e n t h e g a t e t o t h e b u c k ’s st al l .
H e ’d b e e n w a i t i n g , o f c o u r s e . H e w a s a l w a y s w a i t i n g . In a
I s i n g l e m o t i o n o f f r e n z i e d d r y - s p e l l , h e m u s c l e d hi s h o r n e d h e a d
I t h r o u g h the gap, r u s h ed past me, a n d t o o k to the nearest doe. H e
I f i n i s h e d in n o t i m e a t all , a n e f f i c i e n c y e a s i l y l a b e l e d p r e m a t u r e ,
l a n d t h e b u c k s t e p p e d l i ve l y b a c k i n t o hi s s t al l .
Th e d o e c a r r i e d o n w i t h h e r da y, a d o l l o p o f c l o t t e d c r e a m
I still a f f i x e d t o h e r t ai l , a h o w - d i d - t h i s - h a p p e n b i r t h f a t e d f o r t h e
spring.
* * *
Ferrence
10.
T h e r e c o m e s a m o m e n t w h e n t h e i m a g e of o u r life p a r t s c o m p a n y
w i t h t h e life itself, s t a n d s free, a n d , l itt le by l i tt l e, b e g i n s to r ul e
us.
— M i l a n K u n d e r a , The A r t o f the N ovel
* * *
11 .
I w a n t to like T h o r e a u . I w a n t to revel in his i c o n o c l a s m , his b u r n ­
i ng d i s d a i n , his a r r o g a n c e . I w a n t to s t a k e a c l a i m l o r m y s e l l in t h a t
a d m i r a t i o n , to d r a w a l i t e r a r y li ne t h a t e s t a b l i s h e s c l e a r d e m a r c a ­
t i o n b e t w e e n l a t h e r a n d s o n . H e was a s c i e n t i s t . I a m a h u m a n i s t .
H e t a u g h t bi ol ogy. 1 t e ac h w r i t i n g . T h o r e a u m a t t e r s h e r e s o m e h o w ,
p e r h a p s b e c a u s e m y f a t h e r cares l i tt l e l o r h i m .
Yet eve ry t i m e 1 p r e p W alden , I b l u r a w a y f r o m t h e l a n ­
g uage . I b ri s tl e at t h e c l a im s : y o u 'r e s u c h a p o s e u r , H a n k . I h e a r
m y s e l f m a k i n g t h e s h i f t in class, w h e n m y l e c t u r e m o v e s f r o m t h i s i s - w h y - T h o r e a u - m a t t e r s i n t o s o m e t h i n g else.
“ In w i l d e r n e s s is t h e p r e s e r v a t i o n o l t h e w o r l d , ” he w r i t e s .
A n d I say, j us t h o w w i ld ca n idyl li c p o n d - s i d e s u b u r b a n C o n c o r d
be? I miss t h e p o i n t , b u t I c a n ’t h e l p mysel f.
“ In w i l d e r n e s s is t h e s a l v a t i o n o l t h e w o r l d , A l d o L e o p o l d
w ri t es , a n d t h e r e I f i n d m y s e l f n o d d i n g . A s i m p l e c h a n g e , j u s t t h a t
o n e w o r d . A s hi ft f r o m t h e s t at i c to t h e d y n a m i c , f r o m i m p e n d i n g
loss to p o t e n t i a l r e d e m p t i o n . H e r e , t o o , I p r e f e r t h e c a t c h i n g o f
t h e s h e e p , o r at least t h e a t t e m p t . L e o p o l d s q u a r e s h i m s e l f in t h e
m u d , re adi es l or i m p a c t , i m a g i n e s h i m s e l f w r e s t l i n g t h e e w e t o t he
g r o u n d . T h o r e a u leaves t h e b a r n .
1 c a n ’t h e l p myself.
In t h e m i r r o r , I see m y f a t h e r s h a i r l i n e d e n t i n g t h e left side
of m y o w n p a r t ; o n m y face, I feel an e x p r e s s i o n f o r m , a n d I k n o w
Ferrence
it is m y f a t h e r ’s; in m y m o u t h , I h e a r hi s b a r i t o n e , hi s l a i d - b a c k
s t yl e, hi s c a d e n c e ; o n m y f a t h e r ’s l ap, 1 w a t c h m y s o n pl ay, a n d I
see m y s e l f t wi c e .
I c a n' t h e l p mys e l f .
1 r e a d W e n d e l l Berr y, a n d 1 feel t h e g r a v i t y of t h e f a r m . I,
t o o , w a n t t o r e d e e m t h e m a r g i n a l , till l a n d w r e c k e d by d e v e l o p ­
me n t , clear c h o k i n g scr ub b r us h, rebuild a leaky p o n d dike, replant
n a t i v e gr a s s e s , g r i n d c o r n in t h e c o l d w i n t e r d a r k , r ai se o r g a n i c
stock before o rg an ic b e c o me s trendy, renovate a ra ms ha ck l e farm
h o u s e . 1 r e a d m y f a t h e r ' s life.
In cl ass, I as s i gn 1 h o r e a u , L e o p o l d , Ber r y, a d m i t t i n g t o
my s e l f t h a t I a m a s s i g n i n g m y f a t h e r t o m y s t u d e n t s . O n T h o r e a u ,
1 p o n t i f i c a t e . O n Ber r y, 1 m a r v e l . O n L e o p o l d , I st al l . I c a n' t f i n d
m y g r o o v e , c a n ' t see b e y o n d w h a t I a l r e a d y k n o w , c a n' t h e l p b u t
w o n d e r h o w m y f a t h e r w o u l d t e a c h it.
O n t he farm, whi l e my fa t he r w o r k e d to ready t he house, 1
p l a y e d . I wa s t o o l i t t l e t o d o m u c h m o r e t h a n w a n d e r l i ke T h o r e a u
— squish ar o u n d the banks o f the sw am py p ond , scuff throu gh
pi l es of c o n s t r u c t i o n d i r t , c l i m b u p t h e b a r n ga t e . T h e r e , 1 l i k e d t o
s h o w off. Let go , fall b a c k , t h e n c a t c h t h e w o o d at t h e l ast s e c o n d .
A p l a y m a t e r a i s e d t h e s t a k e s . H e s h o o k t h e g a t e , a n d 1 fell.
My elbow banged hard into the concrete p ad doc k th re s h ­
ol d. M y f a t h e r s c o o p e d m e i n t o hi s p i c k u p t r u c k , d r o v e m e t o t h e
h o s p i t a l f or x- r a ys , a n e s t h e s i a , a n d t h e f i r s t of t h r e e p l a s t e r c a s t s I ’d
eve nt u a l l y ea r n o n t h e farm.
* * *
12.
1 n e e d e d a f a r m i d e n t i t y , so 1 g o t a pi g. H e c a m e t i ny, j us t a y o u n g
pi gl e t w h o I n a m e d S k y wi s e .
I ’m n o t real l y s u r e w h y a pi g, n o r w h o s e i de a it wa s . I
Ferrence
i m a g i n e it wa s a y o u n g e s t c h i l d s c o n s c i o u s h u t n o w f o r g o t t e n e f ­
f o r t t o d o s o m e t h i n g d i f f e r e n t , at l east. A p i g is n o t a s h e e p , n o r a
g o a t , n o r a c h i c k e n , n o r a cow, n o r a h o r s e . A p i g w a s m i n e .
Ev er y m o r n i n g , I s l i p p e d r u b b e r b o o t s o v e r m y b a r e fe e t
a n d w a l k e d o u t to t h e b a r n i n m y p a j a m a s . I t o s s e d f e e d t o S k y wi se, w h o g r e e t e d b r e a k f a s t w i t h e n t h u s i a s m a n d , f r a n k l y , c h a r m .
H e k n e w m e , w h i c h i s n ’t s u r p r i s i n g f or a pi g.
G o a ts , sheep, even the r o m a n t i c horse never really k n o w
p e o p l e . T h e y re n o t s m a r t e n o u g h . I h e y ’re p u r e l y a n i m a l , d e s p i t e
the hype. T h e y re s p o n d to food, o f course, g a t h e r a n d a g itate a n d
s h o v e t h e rest o f t h e h e r d a s i de . I h e y b e c o m e c o n d i t i o n e d t o h u ­
m a n s , t o l e r a t e t h e m , rely o n t h e m f or t h e i r f o o d a n d p e r h a p s a l l o w
the occasional r u b b i n g o f necks. But goats an d shee p re m a in always
fl ight y, p r e p a r e d at e v e r y m o m e n t t o flee. 1 hi s is a c o n d i t i o n of
b i o l o g y , 1 s u p p o s e , a g e n e t i c e x p e c t a t i o n of p r e d a t o r y a t t a c k t h a t
p r o h i b i t s p ea c e . H o r s e s , t o o , k e e p o n e ey e a l w a y s o n t h e l i o n s in
t h e s h a d o w s . T h e y f ake it, e x u d e g r a c e , c o m m a n d , p o i s e , s t a t u r e .
Yet t h e r e s n o m y s t e r y w h y p a r a d e h o r s e s w e a r b l i n d e r s . A s i m p l e
f l u t t e r o f w i n d , a n d t h e m i n d o f a h o r s e sees f a n gs .
Pigs, m e a n w h i l e , r o o t a r o u n d in t h e m u d p u r p o s e f u l l y .
T h e y get a b a d r a p f or t h e d i r t , w h i c h is t r u e e n o u g h ; 1 u s u a l l y
wore a pair o f pajam as only o n ce b efore l a u n d r y b e c a m e nec es­
sary. P ig z e a l o t s will call t h e a n i m a l s c l e a n , w h i c h i s n ’t e x a c t l y t r u e
in a s o a p a n d s h o w e r s o r t o f way. B u t pi g s a r e n ’t p a r t i c u l a r l y d i r t y
either, g a t h e r i n g no m o re d irt to th eir b o d y t h a n th e average farm
a n i m a l . W a l l o w s ar e a d i f f e r e n t s t o r y , b u t i s o l a t e d t o s u m m e r h e a t .
S k y w i s e k n e w m e. [ hi s is m o r e t h a n t h e n a i v e a p p l i c a t i o n
of e m o t i o n t o a f a v o r i t e p e t . W h e n I a r r i v e d at hi s p e n , h e a c t e d
d i f f e r e n t l y t h a n w h e n o t h e r s d e l i v e r e d fe ed. H e w a s m i n e , a n d I
his. At t h e s o u n d o f m y v o i c e , he s q u e a l e d a n d g r u n t e d , r u s h e d t o
p o k e his s n o u t t h r o u g h g a p s in t h e f e n c e . 1 c l i m b e d i n, s q u i s h e d
my b o o ts into the sem i-so lid g r o u n d of hay a n d pig m a n u r e ,
g r a b b e d h i m a r o u n d his p i g m i d d l e a n d h u g g e d . I a m n o t a s h a m e d .
Ferrence
H e gr e w, as t hi s is t h e m i s s i o n o f pi gs . S k y w i s e c a m e t o
m e at a f o o t - a n d - a - h a l f , all s n o u t a n d b a b y fat , ea s y t o lift. W i t h i n
six m o n t h s , h e o u t w e i g h e d m e b y a h u n d r e d p o u n d s . S t a n d i n g o n
hi s h i n d legs — w h i c h h e n e v e r d i d , o f c o u r s e — h e wa s p r o b a b l y
a f o o t t al l er. W e w e r e still f r i e n d s . I c l i m b e d i n t o t h e p e n , a n d he
greeted me with the same enthusiasm.
1 h e t i m e c a m e , as it a l wa y s m u s t o n t h e f a r m . I w e n t t o
s chool , aware t hat Skywi se w o u l d n o t be t h er e w h e n 1 c a me h o m e .
M y p a r e n t s w e n t o u t t o t h e b a r n t o l ead h i m o n t o t h e b u t c h e r ' s
truck.
H i s p a n i c , p e r h a p s , is t h e t r u e s t s i gn o f hi s w i s d o m . H e
s t a r t l e d , r e f u s e d t o go w h e r e h e wa s d e s t i n e d t o e n d . I d o n ’t k n o w
if t h e b u t c h e r f r i g h t e n e d h i m , t r i e d t o m a n h a n d l e h i m i n a wa y
S k y w i s e wa s n o t a c c u s t o m e d t o. B u t h e s i m p l y w o u l d n o t get o n
t he t ruck. M a y b e he knew, a n d 1 w o r r y n o w t h a t m y pig sensed
betrayal.
M y f a t h e r s t e p p e d in. S k y w i s e wa s in full f l i g h t , h o w e v e r ,
a n d even this fami li ar per s on c o ul d n o t settle h i m. H e c h a r g e d or
s i m p l y t r i e d t o e v a d e c a p t u r e , d r i v i n g t w o h u n d r e d p o u n d s of pi g
i n t o m y f a t h e r ' s r i g h t k n e e . It b u c k l e d , a n d t h e b o n e s s e p a r a t e d at
t h e j o i n t . M y f a t h e r c o l l a p s e d t o t h e g r o u n d . H e l ay i n p i g s hi t ,
u n a b l e t o s t a n d by h i m s e l f . S k y w i s e r e t r e a t e d i n t o t h e c o r n e r o f t h e
pen.
M y m o t h e r s n a p p e d m y f a t h e r ’s k n e e b a c k i n t o p l a c e ,
h e l p e d h e r h u s b a n d rise. T h e y h e r d e d t h e p i g i n t o t h e t r u c k w i t h ­
o u t f u r t h e r i n c i d e n t . M y f a t h e r s h o w e r e d , p u t o n a ti e, w e n t t o
w o r k a n d l e c t u r e d t o hi s b i o l o g y s t u d e n t s , p e r h a p s a b o u t A l d o
Leopold.
Ferrence