FACTOR VI: PERSONALAND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
CLUSTER S: BEING OPEN AND RECEPTIVE
33 Listening
I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I‘m going to learn, I
must do it by listening. Larry King – American television/radio host
Section 1: Your Development Need(s)
Unskilled
 Doesn’t listen well
 Cuts people off and finishes their sentences if they hesitate
 Interrupts to make a pronouncement or render a solution or decision
 Doesn’t learn much from interactions with others
 Appears not to listen or is too busy constructing his/her own response
 Many times misses the point others are trying to make
 May appear arrogant, impatient or uninterested
 May listen to some groups/people and not to others
 Inaccurate in restating the case of others
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to use as a substitute for this competency if you decide not to
work on it directly.
Substitutes: 3,7,11,12,18,21,23,31,36,41,44,60
Skilled
 Practices attentive and active listening
 Has the patience to hear people out
 Can accurately restate the opinions of others even when he/she disagrees
Overused Skill
 May spend too much time listening
 May avoid necessary action
 Others may confuse listening with agreement
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to work on to compensate for an overuse of this skill.
Compensators: 1,9,12,13,16,17,27,34,37,38,50,57
Some Causes
 Arrogant
 Defensive
 Don’t care
 Don’t value others
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 Impatient
 Insensitive
 Selective listening
 Too busy
Leadership Architect® Factors and Clusters
This competency is in the Personal and Interpersonal Skills Factor (VI). This competency is in the Being Open
and Receptive Cluster (S) with: 11, 26, 41, 44. You may want to check other competencies in the same
Factor/Cluster for related tips.
The Map
Listening means knowing what others have said and meant to say and leaving people comfortable that they
have had their say. Most people know the techniques of good listening: Don’t interrupt, be able to paraphrase,
listen for underlying meaning, be accepting of other views. The problem is we all listen well only when we want
to or have to. What most need to learn is how to listen when you don’t want to. Remember, listening doesn’t
mean you accept what they have said or even that you have accepted them. It just means listening.
Section 2: Learning on Your Own
These self-development remedies will help you build your skill(s).
Some Remedies
 1. Need to diagnose your listening problem? Identify the root cause:
The first is you don’t know how to listen. That’s the least likely problem.––
The second is that you know how to listen but you just don’t do it with anyone. ––That’s a little more likely.
The third is that you listen intently to some, neutrally to others and not at all ––to yet others. That’s the
most likely problem. To test this out, do you listen to anyone? Boss? Chairperson? Mother? Children?
Priest/minister/rabbi/clergy? Police officer? Best friend? Mentor? Spouse? Professional colleague outside
of work? Has anyone ever complimented you or thanked you for listening? If the answer to any of those
questions is yes, you have a selective listening problem. You know how to listen, you just turn it off and on.
 2. Perceived as an uninterested non-listener? Focus on listening fundamentals. First, remember the
basics. You have your mouth closed. When your mouth is open, your ears automatically close. You have
eye contact. You take notes. You don’t frown or fidget. How do people know you’ve understood? You
paraphrase what they have said to their satisfaction. How do people know if you have accepted or rejected
what they said? You tell them. Hopefully in a tactful way if you reject what they have had to say. Give your
reasons.
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 3. Shutting others down? Be patient. Don’t interrupt before they have finished. Don’t suggest words
when they hesitate or pause. Don’t finish their sentences for them. Don’t wave off any further input by
saying, ―Yes I know that,‖ ―Yes, I know where you’re going,‖ ―Yes, I have heard that before.‖ If time is really
important, you can say, ―Let me see if I know where this is going…‖ or ―I wonder if we could summarize to
save both of us some time?‖ Finally, early in a transaction answers, solutions, conclusions, statements,
and dictates shut many people down. You’ve told them your mind’s already made up. Listen first, solve
second.
 4. Trouble understanding what you’re hearing? Ask more questions. Good listeners ask lots of
questions to get to a good understanding. Probing questions. Clarifying questions. Confirming—is this what
you are saying—questions. Ask one more question than you do now and add to that until people signal you
that they think you are truly listening.
 5. Tuning some people out? Avoid selective listening. Who do you listen to? Who don’t you listen to?
What factors account for the difference? Level? Age? Skills? Smarts? Like you/not like you? Gender?
Direction (listen up but not down)? Setting? Situation? Your needs? Time available? Race? People I
need/don’t need? People who have something to offer/those who don’t? Challenge yourself to practice
listening to those you don’t usually listen to. Listen for content. Separate the content from the person. Try to
ferret out some value from everyone.
 6. Need some structure? Manage the conversation flow. With those you don’t have time to listen to,
switch to being a teacher. Try to help them craft their communications to you in a more acceptable way.
Interrupt to summarize. Tell them to be shorter next time. Come with more/less data. Structure the
conversation by helping them come up with categories and structures to stop their rambling. Good listeners
don’t signal to the ―bad‖ people that they are not listening or are not interested. Don’t signal to anyone what
bucket they’re in. Put your mind in neutral, nod, ask questions, be helpful.
 7. Dealing with unpleasant information? Don’t stop listening when it turns negative. What if you’re
being criticized or attacked personally? What if people are wrong in what they are saying? The rules
remain the same. You need to work on keeping yourself in a calm state when getting negative feedback.
You need to shift your thinking. When getting the feedback, your only task is to accurately understand what
the person is trying to tell you. It is not, at that point, to accept or refute. That comes later. Practice verbal
Aikido, the ancient art of absorbing the energy of your opponent, and using it to manage him/her. Let the
other side vent but don’t react directly. Listen. Nod. Ask clarifying questions. But don’t hit back. Don’t judge.
Keep him/her talking until he/she runs out of venom. Separate the person from the feedback. More help? –
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See Tip #4 in #108 Defensiveness for help on responding to negative attacks that aren’t true. More help? –
See #12 Conflict Management.
 8. Sending the wrong signals? Work on your listening non-verbals. Most people who are not in fact
listening, have one or more non-verbals that signal that to others. It could be the washboard brow, blank
stare, body agitation, finger or pencil drumming, interrupting, your impatient ―I’m busy‖ look. Most around
you know your signs. Do you? Ask someone you trust what it is you do when they think you are not
listening. Work on eliminating those chilling non-verbals.
 9. Judging instead of listening? Listen to people you don’t like. What do people see in them who do
like them or can at least get along with them? What are their strengths? Do you have any common
interests? Talk less and ask more questions to give them a second chance. Don’t judge their motives and
intentions—do that later.
 10. Need to take the lead? Guide conversations with others when…

They are disorganized. Interrupt to summarize and keep the discussion ––focused. While interrupting is
generally not a good tactic, it’s necessary here.

They just want to chat. Ask questions to focus them; don’t respond to chatty ––remarks.

They want to unload a problem. Assume when people tell you something ––they are looking for
understanding; indicate that by being able to summarize what they said. Don’t offer any advice.

They are chronic complainers. Ask them to write down problems and solutions ––and then let’s discuss
it. This turns down the volume while hopefully moving them off complaining.

They like to complain about others. Ask if they’ve talked to the person. ––Encourage them to do so. If
that doesn’t work, summarize what they have said without agreeing or disagreeing.
Section 3: Learning from Feedback
These sources would give you the most accurate and detailed feedback on your skill(s).
 1. Development Professionals
Sometimes it might be valuable to get some analysis and feedback from a professional trained and certified
in the area you’re working on—possibly a career counselor, a therapist, clergy, a psychologist, etc.
 2. Direct Reports
Across a variety of settings, your direct reports probably see you the most. They are the recipients of most
of your managerial behaviors. They know your work. They can compare you with former bosses. Since
they may hesitate to give you negative feedback, you have to set the atmosphere to make it easier for
them. You have to ask.
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 3. Human Resource Professionals
Human Resource professionals have both a formal and informal feedback role. Since they have access to
unique and confidential information, they can provide the right context for feedback you’ve received.
Sometimes they may be ―directed‖ to give you feedback. Other times, they may pass on feedback just to
be helpful to you.
 4. Peers and Colleagues
Peers and colleagues have a special social and working relationship. They attend staff meetings together,
share private views, get feedback from the same boss, travel together, and are knowledgeable about each
other’s work. You perhaps let your guard down more around peers and act more like yourself. They can be
a valuable source of feedback.
Section 4: Learning from Develop-in-Place Assignments
These part-time develop-in-place assignments will help you build your skill(s).
 Attend a self-awareness/assessment course that includes feedback.
 Find and spend time with an expert to learn something in an area new to you.
 Go to a campus as a recruiter.
 Study and establish internal or external customer needs, requirements, specifications, and expectations,
and present the findings to the people involved.
 Go on a business trip to a foreign country you’ve not been to before.
 Interview outsiders on their views of your organization, and present your findings to management.
 Represent to higher management the concerns of a group of nonexempt, clerical, or administrative
employees to seek resolution of a difficult issue.
 Become someone’s assigned mentor, coach, sponsor, champion, or guide.
 Manage a group of people who are towering experts but you are not.
 Make peace with an enemy or someone you’ve disappointed with a product or service or someone you’ve
had some trouble with or don’t get along with very well.
Section 5: Learning from Full-Time Jobs
These full-time jobs offer the opportunity to build your skill(s).
 1. Change Manager
The core demands to qualify as a Change Manager are: (1) Leader of a significant effort to change
something or implement something of significance. (2) Success and failure will be evident. (3) Always
something new and unique to the organi-zation. (4) Must get many others to buy in and cooperate. (5)
Involves cross-boundary change. (6) High visibility sponsor. (7) Exposure to significant decision makers
and key stakeholders. (8) Resistance is expected and near-universal. (9) Cost of failure is significant.
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Examples include: (1) Total Work Systems like TQM, ISO, or Six Sigma. (2) Business restructurings like a
move away from a core competence and into a new product space or industry, i.e., American carmakers
move into smaller, more fuel-efficient products. (3) Installing major systems (like an ERP or HRIS) and
procedures for the first time. (4) M&A integrations, responding to major competitor initiatives that threaten
the organization. (5) Extensive reorganizations. (6) Long-term post-corporate scandal recovery.
 2. Fix-Its/Turnarounds
The core demands to qualify as a Fix-it or Turnaround assignment are: (1) Clean-ing up a mess. (2)
Serious people issues/problems like credibility/performance/morale. (3) Tight deadline. (4) Serious
business performance failure. (5) Last chance to fix. Four types of Fix-its/Turnarounds: (1) Fixing a failed
business/unit involving taking control, stopping losses, managing damage, planning the turnaround, dealing
with people problems, installing new processes and systems, and rebuilding the spirit and performance of
the unit. (2) Managing sizable disasters like mishandled labor negotiations and strikes, thefts, history of
significant business losses, poor staff, failed leadership, hidden problems, fraud, public relations
nightmares, etc. (3) Significant reorganization and restructuring (e.g., stabilizing the business, re-forming
unit, introducing new systems, making people changes, resetting strategy and tactics). (4) Significant
system/process breakdown (e.g., MIS, financial coordination processes, audits, standards, etc.) across
units requiring working from a distant position to change something, providing advice and counsel, and
installing or implementing a major process improvement or system change outside your own unit and/or
with customers outside the organization.
 3. Significant People Demands
Core demands required to qualify as a Significant People Demands assignment are: (1) A sizable increase
in either the number of people managed and/or the complexity of the challenges involved. (2) Longer-term
assignment (two or more years). (3) Quality of people management is critical to achieving results. (4)
Involves groups not worked with before (e.g., union, new technical areas, nationalities). Examples of
Significant People Demands jobs would be: (1) Downsizing a department—making staff changes. (2)
Leading an organization through a reorganization or restructuring. (3) Managing a newly merged business
unit comprised of people from disparate units/cultures. (4) Rebuilding a team that has a history of conflict or
hardship. (5) Mentoring and coaching inexperienced people. (6) Leading geographically distributed teams.
(7) Absorbing a new team/unit into an existing structure. (8) Leading a company or function with a rapidly
growing employee base.
 4. Staff Leadership (Influencing Without Authority)
The core demands to qualify as Staff Leadership are: (1) Significant challenge (e.g., start-up, fix-it, scope
and/or scale assignment, strategic planning project, changes in management practices/systems). (2)
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Insufficient direct authority to make it happen. (3) Tight deadlines. (4) Visible to significant others. (5)
Sensitive politics. Examples of Staff Leadership (Influencing Without Authority) jobs would be: (1) Leading
a support function without P&L responsibilities. (2) Managing an internal consulting function for the
organization (e.g., OD or HR consultant). (3) Project manager of a cross-functional or cross-departmental
initiative. (4) Managing a cross-functional, matrixed team.
Section 6: Learning from Your Plan
These additional remedies will help make this development plan more effective for you.
Learning to Learn Better
 1. Consult with Expert in the Area of Concern for You
Consult with an outside expert in the area you’re dealing with, someone especially skilled and known;
describe your situation the best you can, and openly and receptively listen to the advice and counsel the
expert provides. Try the advice before you reject it.
 2. Interview a Model of What You Need to Learn
Find someone you consider a model in the area you’re trying to work on and observe them performing
successfully. Interview them for keys, rules of thumb, and insights. Ask how they became good at it. Test
their thinking: How do they assess situations to determine when and how to use the skills in this area?
 3. Form a Learning Network with Others Working on the Same Problem
Look for people in similar situations, and create a process for sharing and learning together. Look for a
variety of people inside and outside your organization. Give feedback to each other; try new and different
things together; share successes, failures, and lessons.
 4. Debrief Someone Else After a Successful or Non-Successful Event
Shortly after someone does something particularly well or badly, debrief them on the process they followed.
Ask them about the decisions they made and why; find out what they would have done differently. See if
you can glean some insights or rules of thumb from the experiences of others.
Learning from Experience, Feedback, and Other People
 5. Being a Student of Others
While many of us rely on others for information or advice, we do not really study the behavior of other
people. Ask what a person does exceptionally well or poorly. What behaviors are particularly effective and
ineffective for them? What works for them and what doesn’t? As a student of others, you can deduce the
rules of thumb for effective and ineffective behavior and include those in your own library. In comparing
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yourself with this person, in what areas could you most improve? What could you specifically do to improve
in ways comfortable for you?
 6. Learning from Ineffective Behavior
Seeing things done poorly can be a very potent source of learning for you, especially if the behavior or
action affects others negatively. Many times the thing done poorly causes emotional reactions or pain in
you and others. Distance yourself from the feelings and explore why the actions didn’t work.
 7. Learning from Remote Models
Many times you can learn from people not directly available to you. You can read a book about them,
watch tapes of public figures, read analyses of them, etc. The principles of learning are the same. Ask
yourself what they do well or poorly and deduce their rules of thumb.
 8. Getting Feedback from Direct Reports
Direct reports often fear reprisals for giving negative feedback about bosses, whether in a formal process,
like a questionnaire, or informally and face-to-face. Even with a guarantee of confidentiality, some are still
hesitant. If you want feedback from direct reports, you have to set a positive tone and never act out of
revenge.
 9. Learning from Limited Staff
Most managers either inherit or hire staff from time to time who are inexperi-enced, incompetent, not up to
the task, resistant, or dispirited. Any of these may create a hardship for you. The lessons to be learned are
how to get things done with limited resources and how to fix the people situation. In the short term, this
hardship is best addressed by assessing the combined strengths of the team and deploying the best you
have against the problem. Almost everyone can do something well. Also, the team can contribute more
than the combined individuals can. How can you empower and motivate the team? If you hired the
troublesome staff, why did you err? What can you learn from your hiring mistakes? What wasn’t there that
you thought was present? What led you astray? How can you prevent that same hiring error in the future?
What do you need to do to fix the situation? Quick development? Start over? If you inherited the problem,
how can you fix it? Can you implement a program of accelerated development? Do you have to start over
and get new people? What did the prior manager do or not do that led to this situation in the first place?
What can you learn from that? What will you do differently? How does the staff feel? What can you learn
from their frustrations over not being able to do the job? How can you be a positive force under negative
circumstances? How can you rally them to perform? What lasting lessons can you learn from someone in
distress and trouble? If you’re going to try accelerated development, how can you get a quick assessment?
How can you give the staff motivating feedback? How can you construct and implement development plans
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that will work? How can you get people on-line feedback for maximum growth? Do you know when to stop
trying and start over? If you’re going to turn over some staff, how can you do it both rapidly and with the
least damage? How can you deliver the message in a constructive way? What can you learn from having
to take negative actions against people? How can you prevent this from happening again?
Learning from Courses
 10. Insight Events
These are courses designed around assessing skills and providing feedback to the participants. These
events can be a powerful source of self-knowledge and can lead to significant development if done right.
When selecting a self-insight course, consider the following: (1) Are the skills assessed the important
ones? (2) Are the assessment techniques and instruments sound? (3) Are those who are providing the
feedback trained and professional? (4) Is the feedback provided in a user-friendly and ―actionable‖ format?
(5) Does the feedback include development planning? (6) Is the setting comfortable and conducive to
reflection and learning? (7) Are the other participants the kinds of people you could learn from? (8) Are you
in the right frame of mind to learn from this kind of intense experience? Select events on the basis of
positive answers to these eight questions.
No man has ever listened himself out of a job. Calvin Coolidge – 30th President of the United States
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Suggested Readings
Arredondo, L. (2000). Communicating effectively. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Barker, L., & Watson, K. (2001). Listen up: At home, at work, in relationships: How to harness the power of
effective listening. Irvine, CA: Griffin Trade.
Donoghue, P. J., & Siegel, M. E. (2005). Are you really listening? Keys to successful communication. Notre
Dame, IN: Sorin Books.
Harris, R. M. (2006). The listening leader: Powerful new strategies for becoming an influential communicator.
Westport, CT: Praeger.
Hoppe, M. H. (2007). Active listening: Improve your ability to listen and lead. Greensboro, NC: Center for
Creative Leadership.
Hybels, S., & Weaver, R. L. (2008). Communicating effectively (9th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.
Leeds, D. (2000). Smart questions: The essential strategy for successful managers. New York: Berkley Trade.
Loehr, J., & Schwartz, T. (2003). The power of full engagement: Managing energy, not time, is the key to high
performance and personal renewal. New York: Free Press.
Lumsden, G., & Lumsden, D. L. (2003). Communicating in groups and teams: Sharing leadership (4th ed.).
New York: Wadsworth Publishing Company.
Nichols, M. P. (2009). The lost art of listening (2nd ed.). New York: The Guilford Press.
Steil, L. K., & Bommelje, R. K. (2004). Listening leaders: The ten golden rules to listen, lead, and succeed.
Edina, MN: Beaver’s Pond Press.
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