Birth Order: How it helps to shape our personality
As seen on The Channel 2 Morning News on January 25, 2000
F
or years we have been interested in how our position in our family
may contribute to our personality development. There have been
many theories about the influence of birth order on personality, but
the "proof has been difficult to find. Now there is a body of research that
indicates the differences between siblings may be traced to their place in
the family structure. . Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of
Technology analyzed more than 6,500 people from history. They found
that birth order is more important in shaping personality than gender, race
nationality or social class. Dr. Frank Sulloway, the lead researcher,
believes his research shows that children search for their "niche" in the
family and this can set the tone for lifelong personality styles. Keeping in
mind the importance of birth order on personality and temperament can
make a big difference at home and work.
What Can Parents Expect
Children will do what ever they can to gain the attention and approval of
their parents in the family. This is a natural instinct because the chances
of survival are greater if you can gain the attention of your parents. One
of the best ways to be noticed is to develop your own unique personality.
This leads to some predictable characteristics in children, based on the
order of birth.
FIRSTBORNS: First-born children are more frequently the defenders of
the status quo, more accepting of parental or conventional values. If you
are the oldest, your are probably
• Most likely to succeed
• More likely to accept the status quo
• Most conscientious and reliable
• Conservative
• Self-critical
• A perfectionist
• Able to enjoy the company of older people
• The link between your parents and siblings.
The oldest children are seldom allowed to be just kids, and are encourage
by parents to achieve.
Birth Order: How it helps to shape our personality
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MIDDLEBORN: Children born later look for new ways to impress their parents, and parents
have different expectations as well. Laterborns more frequently turn over convention and
champion reform, revolution and upheaval. If you are a middle child, you may have a tendency
toward these characteristics:
• A compromiser and negotiator
• The silent rebel against the family's values
• The one with the most friends, and effective team player
• Use humor as a way to getting attention
YOUNGEST: the youngest child may often struggle to find their identity in the family. They
are more likely to feel that they are not taken seriously and they may become the "class clown"
as a way to get attention. If you are the youngest child, you may tend toward:
• Compelled to make a contribution to the world
• A show-off who enjoys the limelight
• Both a charmer and a rebel
• Creative
ONLY CHILD: Sulloway states that the only child is free to occupy any niche they want. Only
children can experiment because they have no siblings. Only children are the most unpredictable
of all the sibling groups because they are not limited y birth order. If you are an only child, you
may be:
• More mature and able to converse with older people
• A good negotiator in relationships
• Able to stand up for your rights
Only children turn out to be as successful and well adjusted as children with siblings are,
according to the research of Dr. Toni Falbo at the University of Texas. However, only children
often believe that they missed something by not having brothers and sisters.
Birth Order Does Not Explain Everything
Birth order is a powerful factor in shaping our personalities, but it is far from the only factor.
Gender, temperament and how well siblings get along with parents are also important factors that
contribute to our personalities. Dr. Sulloway found that birth order could account for what 70%
of the population will do. Environmental or genetic influences account for another 15%. The
final 15% of the people do not seem to follow any theory in their development.
Birth Order: How it helps to shape our personality
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The Ranks of the Famous
FIRSTBORNS:
Bill Clinton
Oprah Winfrey
Winston Churchill
Katherine Hepburn
Albert Einstein
LATERBORNS:
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Harriet Tubman
Bill Gates
Gloria Steinem
Benjamin Franklin
What Can Parents Do?
Recognizes that sibling rivalry is probably not your fault. Children engage in rivalry in order to
gain parents' attention and to find their niche in the family. Some rivalry can be positive and you
can not stop all sibling conflicts. While it is not a good idea to intervene every time your kids
argue, do not tolerate frequent destructive teasing and protect all children from abuse. Here are
some tips for you to consider:
Ø Love Uniquely. While most experts agree that you can not achieve total equality, try
to treat each child according to their needs and interests.
Ø Treat all children fairly. Avoid comparing one child with another, and avoid these
signs of favoritism:
1. Calling one child by endearing names more often.
2. Getting along better with one child.
3. Babying one sibling.
4. Spending more time with one child
5. Spending more money on one child.
Ø Prepare children for a new baby. Be sure to inform your children of the expected
birth of a sibling well in advance. Let the siblings help with the plans and give them
the feeling that this is their baby too.
Ø Provide Privacy. Give each child as much privacy as possible.
There is much that we can learn by paying attention to the influence of birth order on a child's
personality. By being aware of the forces that affect your child, you can better understand and
support your child's unique development.
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References
1.
Azar, B. Our siblings teach us how to read people's emotions. APA Monitor. 1999.
2.
Howard, R. Ties that Bind. Los Angeles Times. February 15, 1995.
3.
Lindell, K. Rebels among us: Birth order and Personality. Parenting. 1999. www.Family.com
4.
Stein, H. Adlerian Overview of Birth Order Characteristics.
September 1999.
5.
Sulloway, F. Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives. Pantheon Books, 1996.
Alfred Adler Institute of San Francisco.