GAUTENG | GUIDE
What’s on Gauteng
Mind-blowing
14 January – 15 March
Hypnotic comedy
Best known for his ability to mix hypnotism
and comedy, Andre The Hilarious Hypnotist
is on at Montecasino Theatre. Expect loads
of laughs, mind-reading and mentalism –
all done in Andre’s signature style. For the
eager beavers, you can also volunteer to be
hypnotised, or simply just sit back and laugh
until your bones hurt. Tickets are R100, from
www.computicket.com. For more info, contact 011 511 1988
or email [email protected].
Please note: My wife is a hypnotist. When she talks, I fall asleep.
Food heaVen
25 January
Food market
The Fourways Farmers
Market brings together
the ultimate outdoor food
market. Expect up to 50
stalls displaying their best organic and homemade produce in
Fourways. Relax as you take in the breathtaking scenery, while
the littles ones play in the designated kiddies area. Entry is free.
For more info, contact 011 465 5276, or visit www.ffmarket.co.za.
Please note: What kind of bird is with you at every meal?
A swallow.
text: roxanne jones; pictures: supplied
Chart toppers
15 January
Live music
The Barnyard Theatre in Rivonia
presents the spectacular
99 Hits show. The 11-strong cast
of singers, musicians and dancers will keep you on your feet
with legendary hits from Elvis to Mick Jagger and Cliff Richard.
Tickets are R100-R170, from www.webtickets.co.za. For more
info, contact 011 467 6983 or visit www.barnyardtheatre.co.za.
Please note: What is the most musical part of the turkey?
The drumstick.
kulula.com
whitnessing the whit
22 January – 15 February
Live music
After debuting with a sold-out run last
year, The Greatest Love of All – The
Whitney Houston Show, on at the
Joburg Theatre, is back with a bang.
Joined on stage by a live band, popular
singer Belinda Davids pays tribute to the
legendary singer. Expect Whitney’s greatest hits, including
‘I Will Always Love You’, ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’, ‘Didn’t
We Almost Have It All’ and many more. Tickets are R160-R350,
from www.joburgtheatre.com, or call 011 877 6853.
Please note: Why is slippery ice like music? If you don’t C
sharp, you’ll B flat!
Fit Freaks
24-25 January
Sport
Get your training gear ready
and be part of South Africa’s
largest off-road triathlon, the
TotalSports Xterra, on at
Buffelspoort Dam. Water fanatics, mountain bikers and runners
can look forward to an array of trails, with varying distances.
For more information and to enter, contact 082 991 0045, email
[email protected] or visit www.stillwatersports.com.
Please note: Why is Cinderella so bad at netball? Because she
ran away from the ball.
be kind, rewind
31 January (Gauteng)
5 February (Cape Town)
7 February (KZN)
Live music
Rock on at the Kia 80’s Rewind Festival,
on at Jo’burg’s Carnival City, Cape Town’s
Grand Arena and Durban’s Kings Park
Stadium. Tickets are R390 (Jo’burg), R240-R625 (Cape Town)
and R350-R425 (Durban), available at www.computicket.com.
For more info, visit www.rewindfestival.co.za.
Please note: Why are pirates great singers? They can hit
the high Cs!
JANUARY 2015
23
kwAzUlU-NAtAl | GUIDE
What’s on KZN
BaCK In TIMe
27 January – 8 March
Music show
Platinum Jukebox, on at The Barnyard
Theatre Gateway, celebrates music and
dance – starting from the gramophone
in the 1920s and ending with the iPod in
the 21st century. Expect a range of music from the likes of
Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller to the latest hits from music
sensations such as Beyoncé, Rihanna and Madonna. Tickets are
R100-R155. For more information and to book your tickets,
visit www.barnyardtheatres.co.za.
Please note: What do you get when you cross an iPod and a
fridge? Cool music.
Forever and
a day
22 January –
22 April
Lifestyle
Madam Zingara is back to
dazzle Durban with the
exhilarating After Forever
Tour, on at Suncoast Casino and Entertainment World. Boasting
sold-out shows in Cape Town and Jo’burg, this production is
filled with mind-blowing local and international acts, including
mesmerising aerial artists and contortionists. And if you
get hungry, gourmet chefs will tickle your taste buds with a
delectable four-course meal. Tickets are R390-R495, contact
0861 623 263 or email [email protected].
Please note: I have just been offered a job as a clown; seems
to me I’ll have some big shoes to fill.
What’s on Garden Route
TraIlBlazIng
3 January (Knysna)
text: roxanne jones; pictures: supplied
Trail run
Get your run on at the Knysna Trail
Run, starting at the Middle Erf Turnoff.
There are two route options: 16km and
24km, running along the forest tracks
and Knysna’s coastline. You’ll also get
to run through Saint Clare’s Nature
Reserve, which is normally closed to the
public. Tickets are R110 for the 16km
trail and R265 for the 24km route. To
book, contact 082 422 1033 or email [email protected].
Please note: What is a frog’s favourite exercise? Jumping jacks.
Cy’Ced up
31 January – 1 February
(Port Elizabeth)
Cycling race
Dust off your bicycles and start training for
The Herald VW Cycle Tour, set in and around
Nelson Mandela Bay to the wild trails of Addo.
The mountain trail biking routes vary from
500m-80km. The road races vary between
500m and 106km. Entry is R40-R220, visit
www.heraldcycletour.co.za to book. For more info, call 041 504 7911.
Please note: What do you get if you cross a bike and a
flower? Bicycle petals!
The parTy never sTops
3 January (Jeffreys Bay)
Party
Party your way into the New Year at the ultimate J-Bay Rocks party, on at the Jolly Dolphin. Expect 12
of South Africa’s top artists, 3 000 people and loads of fun in the surf. Renowned DJ Roger Goode will be
spinning the decks, with home-grown talents like Jeremy Loops, Goldfish and many more fantastic artists
keeping you on your feet. Tickets are R80-R90, from www.computicket.com.
Please note: What dance do women do when summer is over? Tango (tan-go)!
kulula.com
JANUARY 2015
31
westeRN cApe | GUIDE
What’s on Western Cape
Unscripted
4 February
(Cape Town)
6 February (KZN)
7 February (Gauteng)
Live music
Pop/rock sensation The Script return to SA once again. The Irish
band will perform at Cape Town’s Grand Arena, the ICC Durban
Arena and Gauteng’s Crocodile Creek Polo Club. Expect popular hits
like ‘Superheroes’, ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’, ‘For the First Time’
and many more. Tickets are R325-R530 for Cape Town, R295-R530
for KZN and R425-R550 for Gauteng, from www.computicket.com.
Please note: What makes music on your hair? A head band.
paddle OUt
18 January
Sport
Join in on the summer fun when
Olympian Nikki Mocke and Junior
World Champion Kenny Rice
take to the waves of Camps
Bay as part of the Vodacom
Summer Surfski Series. The event starts at 9am and is free
to the viewing public. Surfski enthusiasts wanting to compete
can register online or on the day at 8am for R50. For more
information, visit www.capetownsurfski.com.
Please note: ‘The best surfer out there is the one having the
most fun.’ – Phil Edwards
text: Roxanne Jones; pictures: Supplied
Wine it Up
30 January – 1 February
Wine festival
The Stellenbosch Wine Festival,
on at the Coetzenburg Athletics
Stadium, showcases some of the
country’s finest wines and mouthwatering gourmet foods from
Stellenbosch’s top restaurants. Tickets are R170 for adults
(including a R20 voucher, redeemable at the on-site Pick n Pay
wine shop) and R120 for children, from www.webtickets.co.za.
For more info, go to www.stellenboschwinefestival.co.za.
Please note: I enjoy a glass of wine every night for its health
benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks.
kulula.com
r-sqUared
31 January
Wine festival
Taste the finest flagship offerings from
South Africa’s top wine producers,
paired with gourmet deli fare at the
Riesling and Rarities Rock Festival,
on at Hartenberg Wine Estate. Tickets
are R120 per person, including all
tastings as well as a complimentary tasting glass, available at
www.webtickets.co.za. For more info, contact 021 874 9010 or
email [email protected].
Please note: Wine doesn’t make you fat. It makes you lean
(against tables, chairs and people).
Meet at the Met
31 January
Horse racing
Rub shoulders with the who’s
who of South Africa at one of
the country’s most prestigious
horse racing events, The J&B
Met, on at Kenilworth Racecourse. With more than 50 000 people
attending and 16 of the country’s top horses competing for
R2.5-million, expect nothing less than a spectacular day.
Tickets are R125-R250, from www.computicket.com. For more
info, contact 021 700 1600 or visit www.jbscotch.co.za.
Please note: What kind of dress can’t be worn? An address.
Balling
6-7 February
Sport
What do you get when you put
100 rugby teams, 50 netball
teams and musicians like Jack
Parow, Goodluck and The
Kiffness in one place? A day to remember, that’s what. Experience
one of the world’s biggest netball and rugby tournaments, the
takealot.com Cape Town 10s Rugby and Netball tournament,
on at Hamilton’s Rugby Club. Tickets are R80-R130, from
www.webtickets.co.za. For more info, visit capetowntens.com.
Please note: What animal is good at cricket? A bat.
JANUARY 2015
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