FORGIVENESS (PART 3) – FORGIVING OTHERS
This morning I would like to talk to you about one of THE most important issues in
the Christian life. If we are obedient in this issue then we can enjoy a good relationship
with God and with other people. The flipside is also true. If we are disobedient in this
matter then it is not possible to be in fellowship with the Lord and our relationships with
others are broken. I want us to consider the issue of forgiving one another.
Pastor and author John MacArthur in his helpful book “The Freedom and Power of
Forgiveness” helps us to see the importance of this matter. He writes,
“For a Christian to be willfully unforgiving is unthinkable. We who have been
forgiven by God Himself have no right to withhold forgiveness from our fellow sinners.
In fact, Scripture plainly commands us to forgive in the same manner as we have received
forgiveness: ‘Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in
Christ also has forgiven you’ (Eph. 4:32).
“Since God commands us to forgive others, refusing to do so is an act of direct
disobedience against Him. Let me say it plainly: refusing to forgive is a horrible sin.
“Forgiveness reflects the character of God. Unforgivingness is therefore ungodly.
That means unforgivingness is no less an offense to God than fornication or drunkenness,
even though it is sometimes deemed more acceptable. Certainly it is more frequently
found in the open among the people of God than the sins we typically regard as heinous.
But Scripture is clear that God despises an unforgiving spirit.
“…An unforgiving Christian is a contradiction in terms. When you see a professing
Christian who stubbornly refuses to relinquish a grudge, there’s good reason to question
the genuineness of that person’s faith” [John MacArthur, The Freedom and Power of
Forgiveness, pg. 98].
So lets consider what God’s Word, the Bible, has to say about forgiving others.
1. The Teaching of Jesus
Matthew 6:5-15; 18:21-22; Luke 6:37; 17:3-4
2. The Teaching of Paul
Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13; 2 Corinthians 2:6-11
charidzomai = to forgive, to exercise grace in freely forgiving
3. The Principles of Forgiveness
What is forgiveness?
aphiemi (afihmi) = to let go, cancel, remit, pardon. “It often refers to debts that have
been paid or canceled in full” [ks]. (Matt. 6:12, 14, 15; 18:21,
35; Mark 11:25, 26; Luke 11:4; 17:3-4
apoluo (*apoluw) = to set free, release, pardon (Luke 6:37)
charidzomai (carizomai) = to exercise grace in freely forgiving (Eph 4:32;
Col 3:13)
“Forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt” (Tim Jackson).
“A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral
liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily
eliminated (unpacking Forgiveness, Chris Brauns, p. 55).
What forgiveness does not mean?
(1) Forgiveness does not mean that we will cease to hurt.
(2) Forgiveness does not mean that we will forget.
(3) Forgiveness is not pretending that the offense did not really matter.
(4) Forgiveness does not mean we condone the behavior of another.
Forgiveness is a decision to make four promises:
“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
“I will not talk to others about this incident.”
“I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal
relationship.” [Ken Sande]
Ideally forgiveness is always a response to repentance on the part of the person who
has sinned against us. But there are plenty of times when the right thing to do is to
forgive unilaterally and unconditionally.
Proverbs 19:11, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an
offense.”
Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel
breaks out.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of
sins.
Ephesians 4:2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in
love,
The Lord Jesus teaches that forgiveness can be unilateral and unconditional.
See Mark 11:25-26
How do we know when we should forgive unconditionally?
• When the offense is petty and unintentional it is best to forgive unilaterally.
• When the offense has not created a wall between you and the other person or
caused you to feel differently toward him or her for more than a short period of
time then it is appropriate to overlook the offense.
• It is appropriate if the offense does not cause serious harm to God’s reputation, to
others, or to the offender.
• “If your are the only injured party, even if the offense was public and flagrant, you
may choose to forgive unilaterally” [John MacArthur]. ILL – Joseph
WHEN UNCONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS IS NOT AN OPTION
There are times and circumstances when it is necessary to confront the offender.
Unconditional forgiveness is not a right option in these cases.
Some guidelines (John MacArthur, pp128ff)
• If you observe a serious offense that is a sin against someone other than you,
confront the offender. Justice does not permit a Christian to cover a sin against
someone else.
Exodus 23:6 “You shall not pervert the justice due to your poor in his lawsuit.
Isaiah 1:17 learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the
fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.
• When ignoring an offense might hurt the offender, confrontation is required.
See Galatians 6:1-2. “Sins that require confrontation because of their potential for harm
to the sinning person include serious doctrinal error, moral failure, repeated instances of
the same offense, sinful habits or destructive tendencies, or any other transgression that
poses a serious danger to the offender’s spiritual well-being.” [John MacArthur]
• When a sin is scandalous or otherwise potentially damaging to the body of Christ,
confrontation is essential.
Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of
bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;
ILL – church in Corinth (1 Cor. 5:1-5)
• Any time an offense results in a broken relationship, formal forgiveness is an
essential step toward reconciliation.
The goal of all righteous confrontation is the repair of a broken relationship and the
restoration of the offender. Whenever there is a broken relationship between Christians
both parties have a responsibility to seek reconciliation.
“When an offense is too serious to overlook and the offender has not yet repented,
you may need to approach forgiveness as a two-stage process. The first stage requires
having an attitude of forgiveness, and the second, granting forgiveness. Having an
attitude of forgiveness is unconditional and is a commitment you make to God (see Mark
11:25; Luke 6:28; Acts 7:60). …This requires making and living out the first promise of
forgiveness…
“Granting forgiveness is conditional on the repentance of the offender and takes place
between you and that person (Luke 17:3-4). It is a commitment to make the other three
promises of forgiveness to the offender. When there has been a serious offense, it would
not be appropriate to make these promises until the offender has repented. Until then, you
may need to talk to the offender about his sin or seek the involvement of others to resolve
the matter (Matt. 18:16-20). You could not do this if you had already made the last three
promises. But once the other person repents, you can make these promises, closing the
matter forever, the same way God forgives you.
Both stages of forgiveness are clearly illustrated by God at the cross of Christ.
Attitude of forgiveness – Luke 23:34, “And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they
know not what they do.
The granting of forgiveness took place on the Day of Pentecost when Peter preached to
the Jewish people gathered in Jerusalem. Thousands of people repented of their sins and
trusted in Jesus as Messiah and Lord. When they did that they were fully and eternally
forgiven of all their sins by God.
And the Apostle Paul says that we should imitate this example by “forgiving one
another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Forgiveness is always for the benefit of the forgiver and the forgiven. And it is for the
glory of God. The consequences of disobedience here can be devastating physically,
spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
Why should I forgive others?
(1) Because such is the character of saints1. Christians are those who are forgiven by
God. And they are those who forgive others.
Matthew 5:44-45 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you,
do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute
you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven...”
(2) It follows the example of Jesus Christ.
1 John 2:6, “He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He
walked.” How did Jesus walk? In forgiveness. Cp. Ephesians 4:32, “…even as
God in Christ forgave you”. Even on the cross… He prayed, “Father, forgive
them.”
1
John MacArthur, Jesus’ Pattern of Prayer, pp. 125-127
(3) It expresses the highest virtue of men.
“Men most manifest the majesty of their creation in the image of God when
they express forgiveness.
Proverbs 19:11 “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory
is to overlook a transgression.”
“An unforgiving heart is an advantage for Satan, according to 2 Corinthians 2,
a root of bitterness that binds the conscience. People who carry bitterness
and grudges are literally wounding themselves” [John MacArthur].
(4) It delivers us from chastening.
An unforgiving spirit is sin. And where there is sin there is chastening by the
Lord. Hebrews 12:6, “for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and punishes
every son whom He receives.” [HCSB]
Do you remember how the church at Corinth was characterized by divisions
and prejudice and selfishness and some other evil traits? Because they came
to the Lord’s Supper in such a spiritual condition God chastened (punished)
them with weakness and sickness and, in some instances, death. When we
are careful to forgive one another and walk in unity then we avoid the loving
discipline of our Father in heaven.
(5) It is a quality of agaph (agape) love.
1 Cor. 13:5b, love “does not keep a record of wrongs” [HCSB]. We are
commanded to love our neighbor as ourselves.
(6) We are to forgive one another because if we don’t we do not receive
forgiveness.
SEE Matt 6:14, 15 (Sermon on Mount); Mark 11:25-26 (last public ministry in
Jerusalem).
“The idea is that before we ever seek forgiveness for our own …(sin against
God), for which we are indebted, we forgive those who have sinned against
us. …Our relationship with the Lord cannot be right until our relationship
with others is made right.” [John MacArthur]
Someone (Lord Herbert) has wisely observed – “He who cannot forgive
others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass”.
CONCLUSION
Forgiveness is a choice we make. It is a decision of our will. When we forgive
someone we release them from their guilt toward us. Instead we leave justice in God’s
hands. Forgiveness involves letting God be God. When we forgive others we are
responding properly to the grace of God toward us. When we forgive, then we are
walking in love.
Helpful resources:
The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness, John MacArthur
The Peacemaker, Ken Sande
Unpacking Forgiveness, Chris Brauns