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BSF® Home Training Lesson
Revelation Lesson 25
Teaching Your Child to Speak Respectfully
Parents have the responsibility to teach their children
to speak and respond properly to them and to others.
Children who have been trained to speak respectfully are
a delight! They bring honor to their parents and their creator God. Unrestrained children, who blurt out whatever
they feel like saying, speak out of turn or whine to get
attention, reveal their natural self-centeredness and a lack
of proper, parental teaching. Being in the presence of such
children can be wearying. Parents can and should teach
their children by their examples and by clear, specific
training in the proper, polite ways to address and respond
to others.
Parental Role Modeling
Usually, children respond to others the way they see
their parents respond. When parents are careful about the
example they set, their young children will begin to
exhibit the behavior the parent hopes to see. The following questions may help the adults in your household
evaluate the example being presented to your children.
Prayerfully consider each one. Take time to discuss them
with your spouse and older children in your family. Determine ways to help each other improve the modeling that
occurs in your home.
How often do you interrupt conversations?
Interrupting others’ conversations, including children’s
conversations with other children, shows disrespect.
Interrupting another person’s sentence or thought, except
for true emergency, demeans that person’s right to speak
and express an opinion. This is especially challenging
when young children have a message to give, but their
speech is less developed. The adult, who patiently waits
while a young child finishes expressing a thought, helps
the child understand his words matter. The adult who consistently finishes a spouse’s sentences, cuts off a child’s
remarks or interjects her own thought before the other
person has finished displays impatience and thoughtless
self-importance.
What kind of a listener are you? Does your child
know you listen attentively to all she says? When a person
speaks, it is courteous to stop and listen. That includes
turning off the TV or turning down the volume on music.
It means putting aside a book or electronic device, or
momentarily stopping the activity in which you are
involved. Is this what your child observes between you
and your spouse? Every person in your household wants
to receive attention when they speak. But it is common to
have an extremely busy parent listen half-heartedly,
Revelation Lesson 25 | www.bsfinternational.org
particularly when a child is speaking. If it is not an optimal time to give your full attention, say so and specify a
time you can listen attentively. It is disrespectful to say
you are listening to a person (of any age) and not do so.
Do you make eye contact appropriately? In some
cultures lowering your eyes (or averting) is respectful.
When someone speaks, eye contact indicates they have
your attention. To do otherwise indicates a lack of interest
and respect toward the person and their message. Looking into the face of the one talking gives insight to the
emotions and seriousness of the subject. A face-to-face
conversation with anyone (your spouse, a doctor, friend
or teenager) is the most meaningful. Can you recall the
frustration of talking with an adult or child who avoids
eye contact? When your young child speaks, it is significant to stoop down and look him in the eye, or pick him
up so you have good eye contact. This aspect of listening
is an important example for your child.
Practical Training
Begin early to anticipate the types of situations children will face, and train them to respond appropriately.
Practice at home, especially at mealtimes. Take turns,
and have fun!
How to respond when an adult speaks to you:
Teach your child to look at you to see if a response is
appropriate. If you want her to answer, you might nod
your head and she gives a simple, straightforward answer.
Practice hypothetical situations with her. Be sure to practice her response when an adult friend asks her a question
outside your presence. Teach your child what to do and
say when an unknown adult asks her questions and you
are not present.
When it is appropriate to politely interrupt a
conversation: Talk with your child about discerning real
emergencies (fire, accidents or danger) and when the child
should wait until an adult is finished conversing. Teach
children to say, “Excuse me, please,” and then to wait
quietly until the adult is able to respond. If a child is not
sure an adult has heard him, he is likely to continue interrupting. To avoid this, agree upon a signal. Eye contact,
nodding or putting an arm around your child reassures
you have heard and will answer him as soon as it is
appropriate.
Talking back is disrespectful: Many parents think
talking back is cute in small children and are dismayed
when those cute children become disrespectful teenagers.
Home Training Lesson
Prevent such teenage problems now, before impolite
protests or rude comebacks become an established habit.
A wise parent restricts television shows and videos/DVDs
in which such back-talk is common. Stop your child the
first time he defiantly talks back to you, and explain how
his tone of voice and attitude are not honoring to you.
Children must learn there is a proper way to converse with
adults, and aggressive, accusatory responses are disrespectful. Clarify that such disrespect is not tolerated and
will be punished if it is repeated.
Practice good speech manners: Good manners are
an important part of proper responses. By your own
example, teach your child to say, “Yes, please” or “No,
thank you.” Adults also appreciate when your child
responds with, “Yes, sir” or “Yes, ma’am.” Consider
including:
■ Yell only during outside games or life/death
emergencies.
■ Use “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me.”
■ Never whine.
■ No talking back or sassy answers.
■ Wait your turn to speak.
■ No rude whispering of secrets in front of others.
■ Do not talk about family and friends in a way
you would not speak about them if they were
present (gossip).
■ No one teases another’s speech or poor
pronunciation.
Parents who teach their children the appropriate,
respectful way to respond to others find they are raising
thoughtful, gracious children who are welcome anywhere.
They are also preparing their children to respond respectfully to our Most High God.
Home Training Lesson www.bsfinternational.org | Revelation Lesson 25