Karen Nimmo MSc PGDipClinPsych DipPhysEd Clinical Psychologist MNZCCP DEPRESSION Are you feeling unusually low? Moody? Irritable? Tired? While some low mood and sadness is part of life, around one in 4-­‐5 people will experience symptoms of clinical depression at some point – and the numbers are going up. If left untreated, depression can have severe consequences for your work, studies, sport, family, relationships and life generally. So if you have concerns about yourself or someone close to you, get it checked out professionally and, if necessary, get some treatment. It can be frightening to be close to someone who is depressed – and even more distressing if you don’t know what to do. Below are the questions most commonly asked by the partners/ family of depressed people. What are the most common symptoms? •
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Overwhelming tiredness – even lots of sleep doesn’t help. Everything feels like an effort Low motivation; Lost their spark; little interest in previously enjoyed activities Changes in sleep and/or eating patterns (weight loss or gain) Concentration and decision-­‐making problems, sometimes memory – distracted and vague Decreased sense of humour – life doesn’t feel like fun Physical ailments Withdrawing from social events/people Ultra-­‐sensitive (tearful and/or irritable) Restless and jittery – even though often exhausted Negative thinking – often about almost everything Angry – sometimes with little provocation May withdraw from displays of love and affection – may be distant and want to be alone May overindulge in alcohol; drugs. Misuse of food (eg binge eating) Feeling guilty, self-­‐critical or worthless Suicidal thoughts Q. How should caregivers deal with it? • Encourage the person to go to a GP/other health professional -­‐ go with them if you can • Don’t try to tell the person to snap out of it or to harden up – depression is an illness not a weakness • Try not to give unfounded advice • Don’t go over the top with efforts to make them feel better • Don’t tell them they’re just looking for attention –even though they probably need it • Don’t point out that there are people in the world worse off – it can make them feel more guilty • Encourage but don’t force them to do things Q What’s helpful for a depressed person? • It’s ok to talk about the problem (not endlessly) – be sensitive but talking about it shows you care • If you want to share relevant information about yourself or someone else you know be subtle • Listen. Be there. It’s often more effective than talking •
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Don’t judge, just be available Encourage them to seek professional help (or help them find it) Encourage regular exercise (or yoga/meditation). Even getting outside or a walk can help. Help them but don’t do everything for them. People need routine and a sense of achievement for their self-­‐esteem and self-­‐respect Help them work out strategies to keep life simpler. Chaos and stress don’t help. Structure and routine does. Encourage them to think about/write down things they are grateful for. Q What else? • Learn about depression together – knowledge is power • Use the M.A.D philosophy (Manage the stress/make necessary any lifestyle changes; Accept depression is an illness that can be cured – and accept help; Discipline – see the doctor/health professional, take medication if required, communicate clearly, rest and eat well. Have fun!) • Work out the triggers and early warning signs – get help with this if you need it • Work out a plan to deal/with attack the depression (again, get professional help if you need it) • For the person with depression, structuring your days can really help. Plan each day the night before so you will know what you are doing when you get up. Include some physical activity and a relaxing or enjoyable activity. • Talk to your kids and tell them what’s going on (if they are old enough). Kids can take on blame and feel guilty that it’s their fault. • Be understanding but know that you can’t rescue them • If the depression is severe be clear on a safety plan. Your doctor and/or health professional will help and in the unlikely event that they don’t mention one, ASK. • Help them find professional people they feel comfortable with. If they are not, find someone else • Carer fatigue is not uncommon. You may want to share your own story. • Depression can be frustrating and frightening. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and get support for yourself as the partner or caregiver • Try not to take criticism personally – it’s the depression talking, not the person you care about • Try not to get sucked into the misery yourself – keep your sense of humour • Write down 10 things you love about the person. Show them. Encourage them, when the time is right, to do the same • Do your own thing. See friends. Do fun things. • Hang in there – together. Remember… it will pass. SAFETY PLAN • If you have depression, you need to speak up when things are getting difficult or you are feeling desperate. Don’t leave it till the last minute. People care about you – so talk to them. • Work out a simple scale (1-­‐10) for describing how bad it is – then you and your support people will know when to act and what steps to take. • Call a trusted family member or friend for support. • Have an agreement with doctor or health professional to provide help if needed • Know who to call after hours. EMERGENCY NUMBERS • Know what to do if you need to go to a hospital.