Central Iowa Chapter
2741 Hickman Rd.
DECEMBER 2016
Des Moines, IA 50310
VOLUME 18 NO. 12
“WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE!”
NEXT MEETING: December 6, 2016 7 – 8:45 PM
Hamilton’s on Westown Parkway
**Large Chapel Area or Butterfly Reception Room**
3601 Westown, West Des Moines, IA
Go west at the corner of Valley West Drive and Westown Parkway. Hamilton’s is located on the northwest corner of
th
36 Street and Westown Parkway. Entry to the parking lot is off of 36 th Street, on either the south or north side of the
building. The facility will be open at 6:30 pm for anyone who wants to come early to share or for new people to fill
out papers and get information folders.
PROGRAM: Our Annual Chapter Candle Lighting Service. We will be remembering our
children, siblings, and grandchildren with songs, poetry, readings, and lighting
of our memory candles. A social hour follows for sharing and snacks.
INCLEMENT WEATHER
The winter season is upon us now with unpredictable weather. If the weather is severe the night of our meetings,
please use good judgment before venturing out. Listen to local TV and radio stations or check cancellations
online; if most school activities and other events are cancelled, we will not meet. We will also notify Hamilton’s of
our cancellation by 5 p.m. on meeting date (515-224-0078).
TELEPHONE FRIENDS:
We have all experienced the pain of having a child die. We understand and care and would like to hear from you.
The parents listed below have offered to listen and share those difficult times we all experience. If you are having
a bad day, would like to share a memory, or need reassurance that what you are feeling is “normal,” please call a
telephone friend.
Ruth and Dave Carlson
Michael) (3 months), congenital heart defects
515-224-0720
Karen Wiederholt
Nicholas (3 months), sudden infant death syndrome
515-274-3584
Larry and Linda Vavroch
Larry II, stillborn
515-278-5963
Paul and Joyce Scranton
Brian (22 years), suicide
515-965-2467
Dick and Diana Sosalla
Nicole (20 years), sudden death, illness
515-367-3077
Jennifer Ryan
Premature birth
515-779-9449
EMPTY ARMS – A self-help group within our TCF chapter for parents experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, and
infant death.
Facilitators and Telephone Friends: Jen Jacobe
[email protected]
Ginger & Dale Johnson
515-226-3143
Betsy Lundy
515-277-7502
SIBLINGS – Any person who has had a brother or sister die is invited to attend our regular chapter meetings.
Facilitator and Telephone Friend:
Vern Bradley
277-7502
515-277-6432
UPCOMING EVENTS: December 6: 7:00 pm Our Chapter Candle Lighting Ceremony
December 11: 6:30 pm Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony with Mercy Medical Center
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CHAPTER AND NATIONAL INFORMATION
Central Iowa Chapter:
Chapter Leader – Merry Bradley – 515-277-6432
Newsletter Editor – Judy Jarboe - [email protected]
Chapter Advisor –
Chapter Website – http://www.tcfdsm.org/
National Office:
Address: The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
P.O. Box 3693
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3693
Phone toll-free: 1-877-969-0010
Fax: 1-630-990-0246
E-mail: [email protected]
Website: www.thecompassionatefriends.org
We encourage you to use the national website as a resource for information regarding recommended reading
materials and other supporting information. It is also a link, 24 hours a day, to chat rooms specifically
for bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings.
“ . . . We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends.”
IN LOVING MEMORY . . . .
There are no dues or fees to belong to The Compassionate Friends. We have all paid the ultimate price—the loss
of our loved ones. Through “love gifts,” parents and others who wish to may provide financial support for our
chapter. We are grateful for these gifts and use them in our chapter’s work to be there for others.
VERN and MERRY BRADLEY
In memory of their daughter, TERRI BRADLEY
PAT and JIM DINSMORE
In memory of their son, MARK WILLIAM DINSMORE,
and granddaughter, RACHEL TALBOTT
Send love gifts for Central Iowa Chapter of TCF to:
Due to printing requirements, to ensure your “love
gift” acknowledgement appears in the newsletter
edition you want, please be sure your gift is sent by
the 5th of the prior month. Thank you!
Central Iowa Chapter TCF
Paula Sampson
2013 153rd Avenue
Carlisle, IA 50047
MINUTES FOR NOVEMBER 2016 MONTHLY MEETING
Twenty-three members attended the November 1st TCF gathering. Reminders of winter program dates coming up and need
for volunteers were announced.
We welcomed new members:
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Mary and Gary DouBrava, attending in memory of their daughter, Stacy Rundlett.
Nicole McDuffey, attending in memory of her son, Frank Samuel Favao.
Lyn O’Bannon, attending in memory of her daughter, Elisha O’Bannon.
Dave and Stacy Rooney, attending in memory of their son, Logan.
With the holidays, just around the corner, our program – The Ask It Basket – brought many topics of concern to light. There
was good discussion for those who voiced opinions, as well as those listening with anticipation of the coming weeks.
In this season of love, lights, and gifts, it is very difficult for grieving parents, siblings, families, and friends to find a place of
comfort. Take care of yourself; change traditions if needed; just say NO. It is OK. Do what is good for you.
~ Merry Bradley
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Worldwide Candle Lighting
All of our lost children, young and old,
We gather now and gently hold,
Remembering with our every breath,
That love never ends, not even in death.
Come light a candle with us and join
with families around the world . . . “that
their light may always shine.”
A heartbroken group of fathers and mothers,
With a sorrow unimaginable to others,
Struggling to overcome the most devastating blow,
Bonded in grief we never thought to know.
With each candle that we light,
We feel our children’s spirits burning bright,
Every beloved child’s face we see,
Forever in our memory.
In the candles’ golden glow,
Even though our tears still flow,
We cherish every moment we had with you,
Though the days were far too few.
We love you now, we’ll love you forever,
As your parents, we will always treasure,
The blessing of our daughters and sons,
Our dearly loved, precious ones.
~ Claire Ann Stevenson
The key to coping with the holidays is to understand the emotions and responses that may be evoked. Setting
realistic expectations, knowing what people, events, thoughts or memories can trigger feelings of sadness or
depression and developing ways of responding to these feelings can all be helpful. Most of all it is important to
remember to get your R-E-S-T:
R
E
S
T
reasonable and realistic expectations about what you can and cannot do.
exercise, even walking daily. Eat and drink in moderation. Enjoy free activities.
simplify to relieve stress. Set a budget for time, social obligations and gifts.
time for personal relaxation and remembrance. Give time to others—volunteer,
spend time with caring, supportive people.
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‘TIS THE SEASON
It is trying to be
a warm and a loving time,
with kindness and light,
and a feeling of hopeful
renewal.
Find what blessings you can.
Help your heart to remember
that the children who died
are about us, everywhere,
trying to make this,
even for you,
a warm and a loving time.
AT CHRISTMAS
I reach for the laughter of Christmas,
around me are music and light.
The air arches clear into heaven,
a mirror of gold and of white.
I touch it, the laughter of Christmas.
The stars are as near as my eyes.
I find in the laughter of Christmas
your voice and too many good-byes.
SEASON’S GREETINGS
HANUKKAH
Leave your life open
to the memories
and to the promises
of Christmas.
is our Festival of Lights.
Let your light shine so that
their light may shine.
SOLSTICE
HEAR THE CHILDREN
We whose children died before us,
Do we share a greater wisdom?
True, beyond all earthly symbols?
Do we heed the heart’s instruction?
Do we hear the children’s voices?
Christmas is but one reminder
of the legacy they left us.
Our dead, remembered children
sing the same eternal song.
Send the same eternal message:
Peace is the question,
love is the answer.
David star or haunted cross,
crescent moon or sacred drum,
holy stream, ancestral shrine,
hymn or chant or temple dancer,
all of us in Grieving Country,
all of us share grievers’ wisdom:
Peace is the question,
love is the answer.
HANUKKAH
When the time comes
for lighting festive candles,
let them remind you
not only of what you lost,
but also of what you had.
YULE
The song of yuletide rings
with tears and laughter,
and if you listen deeply,
you will find
the sound of every voice
you ever knew.
HOLIDAY FEELINGS
It is fitting that in this time of
heightened emotional awareness,
the memories about dead children
assume a bittersweet priority. As our
feelings of loss and pain mingle
with the celebrations, memories are at
once the burden and the blessing of
this festive season, a cause for loving
tears and a cause for aching smiles.
Holiday feelings are intricate.
Let it be.
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The year has turned again.
As quickly as it came,
it runs away.
The year has turned. Again
before us waits another string
of sparkling celebrations . . .
How fine and welcome
are the holidays.
How sharp and painful
are the holidays.
Dark with the light,
grief with the joy,
life tumbles on.
CANDLES
It is not easy to remember…
But, easy or not,
we know that we will not –
and do not want – to forget them.
Therefore, we reach out together
again,
to love our children and
to celebrate their memory.
Again, we light their special candles,
and we say their beloved names.
We remember our children, who died.
They remain forever part of us,
and we are richer for having
shared their lives, however briefly.
. . . that their light may always shine.
Eternal Flame
The time that we shared was so beautiful, it brightened my world like a candle in a dark room. It ended all too soon. That
candle was torn out of my hands. The flame of your life was cruelly snuffed out, just as it burned the brightest.
Until my eyes adjust to the dark, I was stunned, but then I realized I was alone in the darkness. I cried for the longest time.
My heart was filled with anger, loneliness, and fear. How could I find my way without your light to guide me? So I sat
alone for a while, overwhelmed by the darkness until I looked inside me. And there I saw your candle burning as brightly
as ever. And from its flame, I lit a new candle and found my way out of the darkness. Now I know I will never be lost, for
your light shines inside me forever.
~ Julie Jetta
ORNAMENTS OF GRIEF
When Astronaut James Irwin returned from space, he described what it was like: “The earth reminded us of a Christmas
tree ornament hanging in the blackness of space . . . that beautiful, warm, living object looked so fragile, so delicate, that
if you touched it with a finger it would crumble and fall apart. Seeing this has to change a man, has to make a man
appreciate the creation of God and the love of God.”
Death forces us to look at the death of a loved one through the empty black space of our grief. Alone and in despair, we
naturally seek something that is familiar: a memory of happier times, a memory of our loved one—Planet Earth. The
memory hangs in the darkness like a shiny bright ornament. Such ornaments can be seen only from a distance, mirroring
the soul and reflecting the deepest regions of the heart. As the pain eases and grief subsides, the warm, loving memories
multiply until the darkness disappears behind a sea of jewel-tone “ornaments.” Like astronauts gazing at earth, we find
comfort in memories. These special “ornaments” that hang in the darkness of our souls are fragile, too, as Earth is fragile.
Anger can break them; depression can hide their luster.
Hang your “ornaments” for everyone to see by placing photo albums of a loved one on the coffee table. Light a memory
candle and place a blue ornament on the tree bearing your loved one’s name. Fill the house with the sounds of your loved
one’s favorite music.
Take time out from the holiday rush to enjoy memories of the past and work on next year’s “ornaments.”
~ Margaret Brownley, Bereavement Magazine
Amid the bustle and the holiday cheer; with
Thanksgiving gone and Christmas soon here.
While cookies are baking and the vacuum is
humming, as I get ready for the company that’s
coming. And amid the paper so shiny and the tinsel
and glitz, while I lovingly wrap presents for my
loved ones and friends. While I frantically shop for
that one special gift that will bring Mom a smile,
and almost certainly a kiss. And when Santa’s list
is finished, and the kids are in bed; while Dad trims
the tree, and I make the bread. The toys are
assembled, and the stockings are stuffed, the turkey
is in the oven, and we’ve finally done enough.
When the preparation is over, for the day that lies
ahead, I think of what has been lost and the
blessings that remain. I miss those who have gone,
and can never be again. Though thankful for family
still here, it is for you I shed a holiday tear.
~ Lisa Sculley
But Norman Rockwell Never Painted Me
At this time of year, it always seems that I see the
families of other people’s dreams. Everywhere I
look, every ad I see shows the joyful reunions of
family. With the table laden, good times abound
while families reunite and gather around. But
Rockwell never painted an empty chair and a
family mourning the one who’s not there. A
season that once was celebrated, now makes us
feel so isolated. I need TCF so that I can see that
there are others just like me whose feelings about
holidays are mixed, at best, whose strength of will
is put to the test. We love those whom we still
hold near, but a thought of one out of reach brings
us to tears. Even now, amidst the love and
gladness, this time of year brings certain sadness.
I no longer have the “Average” family, so that’s
why Rockwell never painted me.
~ Kathy Hahn TCF, Lower Buck County, PA
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Our Beloved Children Remembered in December
Lighting a
Wendy Allsopp
Derrick Bagley
Jacob Baker
Alex Bowersox
Doug Brewbaker
Emily Conner
Joseph Davis
Diane Dickman
Mark Dinsmore
Michael Emal
Karli Faas
Alec Freese
David James Gehrke
Douglas Gordon
Brock Adam Gould
Brian Highland
Emily Hilterbrand
Keith Lee Jarboe
Andrew Knoke
Gabriel Kornstad
Kim Kramer-Roberts
Audrey Elizabeth Logue
Jason Mrogenski
Aaron Paul Nelson
Zach Paulsen
Christopher Pettyjohn
Ryan & David Peyton
Emily Ryan
Courtney Seymour
Scott Alan Shawver
Carly Rose Shelton
Joseph Daniel Signorelli
Linda Starkey-Smith
Andy Strait
Jeannie Walsh
Taylor Wiederien
Julie Windolf
Jonathan Daniel Wood
candle, cherishing a birth . . .
Daughter of Rosemarie O’Connor and Michael Allsopp
Son of Marvin and RoseAnn Bagley, spouse of Laura Bagley
Son of Ann Baker
Son of Tom and Karen Bowersox
Son of Max and Pat Brewbaker
Daughter of Bob and Susan Conner
Son of Toni Davis
Daughter of Norman and Darlene Dickman
Son of James and Pat Dinsmore
Son of Mary Emal
Daughter of Mindy and Josh Faas, granddaughter of Linda Kimball
Son of Kevin and Cindy Freese, grandson of Len and Helen Ringgenberg
Son of Robert and Ruby Gehrke, brother of Anne Gehrke
Brother of Denise Gordon-Kamm
Grandson of Randy and Barb Gould
Son of Bill and Barb Highland
Daughter of Jon Stahl Jr. and Kelley Hilterbrand
Son of Ralph and Judith Jarboe, brother of Molly
Son of Ron and Kristin Knoke
Son of Lori and Greg Kornstad
Daughter of Ed and Millie Kramer
Daughter of Sara Johnson, sister of Tristan Daniel and Jasper Thomas
Son of Tom and Diana Mrogenski
Son of Ward and Paula Nelson
Kurt and Patrice Paulsen
Son of Cindy Witt and Marvin Witt
Children of Jarad Peyton
Daughter of Rick and Jennifer Ryan
Son of Cindy and Jeff Mayer
Son of Clarence and Selma Shawver, brother of Jan, Jude, Jean, and Stephen
Daughter of Andrew and Laura Shelton
Son of Kimberley Ann Plumley, brother of Angelina Ashley Signorelli
Sister of Donna Luepker
Son of Ted and Joanne Strait
Daughter of Steve and Judy Walsh
Son of Mary Wiederien
Daughter of John and Ann Windolf
Son Marvin and Mary Wood
Lighting a candle, remembering a life . . .
Erica Allen
Terri Bradley
Noah Edwards
Teresa Fagen
Karen Farley
Jamie Flinn
Laura Gastineau
Chap Gordon
Chad Huisinga
Brice Janvrin
Jimmy R. Johnson
Crissy Miller
Katie Nielson
Ryan O’Connor
Amy Prideaux
Daughter of Laura Allen
Daughter of Vern and Merry Bradley, sister of Raechel Grapentine
Son of David and Christine Edwards
Daughter of Steve and Peggy Fagen, sister of Michelle, Mary, & Renee
Sister of Jackie Judge
Daughter of Donna Flinn
Daughter of James and Janet Gastineau
Son of Paul Gordon
Son of Alan and Melinda Huisinga, brother of Kristin
Son of Diane and Bruce Janvrin
Son of Mary J. Duran, brother of Crystal Burrell
Daughter of Jody Freel
Daughter of Eric and Carol Nielson
Son of Terry O’Connor
Daughter of Ken and Janet Prideaux
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Franklin Augustus Sanchez
Jamie Sturges
Jody Thomas
Chase Thomas
Lucas Weis
Morgan Williams
Kathryn (Katie) Zucker
Son of Vince and Gail Valdez and Frank Sanchez
Daughter of Donna Flinn
Daughter of Orene and Rex Glantz
Grandson of Orene and Rex Glantz
Son of Kim and Dennis Weis, brother of Christopher, Miles, and Zach
Daughter of Mark and Cheryl Williams
Daughter of Jana Wickman
“Special Days”— birthdays and death anniversary days — can be difficult for bereaved families. This feature helps us be
aware of who is facing these “special days” each month. Let them know that you are thinking of them. Children whose
birth and death dates fall within the same month will appear in the birthday column only. In an effort to minimize the risk
of identity theft, we will show only the name and the month, not the exact day.
To have your child remembered on this page, send the following information. Please print clearly.
Child’s Name _______________________________________ Son ________ Daughter _________
Date of Birth __________ Date of Death ____________ Cause of Death ______________________
Parent(s) Name ____________________________________________________________________
Address: _________________________________________________________________________
City, State, and Zip Code ____________________________________________________________
Email Address _____________________________________________________________________
Would you like to receive the monthly newsletter by email _________ or by regular mail _________
Send to: JUDITH JARBOE
NOTE: Please do not send love gifts to this address.
3806 Quebec Street
See “Love Gifts” section of the newsletter
Ames, IA 50014-3863
for that mailing address. Thank you!
Or email to: [email protected]
Why not receive your copy of our monthly newsletter by email? Just send your email address (also include your full
snail-mail address with zip code) to the editor at [email protected]. The email version is in pdf form and can be
opened on any computer regardless of operating system, and it is in color!
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