Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Introduction
Amendments for Parents of Teenagers:
Solihull Approach Parenting Group
Solihull Approach Parenting Group: Supporting
parent/child relationships
Introduction
Most of the material in the Solihull Approach Parenting Group Facilitator's pack is
applicable to teenagers. However, in our pilot groups for parents of teenagers we
found that some of the sessions needed slight amendments. To make them easy
to use you may find it helpful to print each pack page amendment on a separate
page so that you can interleave them with your pack pages. These amendments
will be integrated into the body of the parenting pack in the next edition.
We found that one of the issues that emerge early on in the group is that of
emerging sexuality. See section 5.14 in the School Years Resource Pack, which
also has further reading for those parents who wish to read more. 'The Early
Teenage Years' leaflet from the Child Psychotherapy Trust can be downloaded
free from the Internet on www.understandingchildhood.net for trainers and
parents.
Further information about any emerging mental health difficulties of
teenagers can be found in the School Years Resource Pack.
16
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 2
Session
2
How are you and your child
feeling?
Session 2 Page 2.11
Activity and Discussion: How do you know what you're
feeling?
Note for 11-18 age range
Referring to 4th Paragraph beginning
You may want to say something like ' you are all probably.......
Children in this age range are preparing to emotionally detach from their parents to enable them
to become more independent. Some of their feelings may be 'masked' and be more difficult to
decipher. How do you work out what they want? Sometimes teenagers don't know what they
want and will need support in their confusion! Containment is important.
2.11a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 3
Session
3
Tuning into your child's
developmental needs
Note for 11-18 age range
Session 3. Page 3.11
Activity and discussion: Reciprocity
How to do it
1.
Begin by asking the group to identify one issue common to most of them from the
list of 'areas to work on' in Session 1, for example, sleep disturbances.
2.
Invite parents to divide into two groups (or stay in the same groups as before).
Ask each group:
'Imagine you are the parents of a young person who has difficulty getting to bed at night
and in getting up in the morning. How might you be feeling?'
Some parents may still be learning to identify their own feelings so have copies of the
'Feelings Map' available.
3.
The next question is:
'Imagine you are the young person who has difficulty getting to bed at night and in getting
up in the morning, how might you be feeling?'
As the facilitator you will need to adapt this question according to the problem identified.
However, it is important that the words that parents come up with are related to thoughts
and feelings.
3.11a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 3
Session
3
Tuning into your child's
developmental needs
Continued
Note for 11-18 age range
Session 3. Page 3.12
For teenagers, hormonal and bodily changes make it difficult for teenagers to get to sleep
and then they can be restless, taking a long time to get into a deep sleep; by which time
it is probably time to get up for school! This is why they can find it difficult to get up in the
morning. See notes in the School Years Resource Pack on sleep.
3.12a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 4
Session
4
Responding to your child's
feelings
Note for 11-18 age range
Session 4. Page 4.11
Activity and discussion: Expressing feelings through
behaviour
For 11-18 years use 4 -11 years script for role-play.
4.11a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 5
Session
5
Different styles of parenting
Note for 11-18 age range
Session 5. Page 5.13
Round-up
An addition to the list for preparation on play for next week's session.
Paragraph beginning (3rd paragraph)
In preparation for next week's sessions on play, discuss with parents.......
It may also be helpful to think of activities, crafts or games that are suitable
for sharing with teenagers.
5.13a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 6
Session
6
Parent-child partnership - having
fun together
Note for 11-18 age range
Session 6. Page 6.11
Activity and discussion: The importance of play
Adolescents may prefer to engage in joint activities rather than 'play' with parents,
such as watching a film together, listening to music, or cooking together; you
might also try out some of the following activities with them; playing cards, 'older'
team games like charades or board games or outdoor activities.
6.11a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 6
Session
6
Parent-child partnership - having
fun together
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 6. Page 6.13
Activity and discussion: Playing in different ways
Role-play 1: The controlling parent
For 11-18 age range
The young person is doing their art homework and the parent says,
"Why are you drawing that old thing?
Don't use that broken pencil. Use those new ones.
Give me the pencil. I'll sharpen it."
The young person finishes the drawing.
Parent says: "That looks a right mess."
6.13a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 6
Session
6
Parent-child partnership - having
fun together
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 6. Page 6.14
Activity and discussion: Playing in different ways
Role-play 2: The tuned-in parent
For 11-18 age range
Young person is doing their art homework and the parent says,
"Ooh, what's that you're drawing?
Can I have a look?
I like the way you've used shading on that boat."
6.14a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 6
Session
6
Parent-child partnership - having
fun together
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 6. Page 6.16
Homework
The purpose of the homework is to explore play in more depth, as it relates to
teenagers and to put the experiences of the session into practice. Invite the parents
to share an activity with their child once a day. This may be for a few minutes or
longer. With teenagers it may require some negotiation such as 'How do you fancy
doing something together?
The facilitators may need to suggest ways of sharing activities with young people.
This could include playing football in the park, card games, board games, craft
activities, going to the cinema, watching TV or a DVD together, going shopping etc.
6.16a
6.19a
Solihull Approach Parenting Group: Session 6:
Handout
Homework questions
Watch your child when they are doing an activity e.g. playing football, doing
homework or craft activities, watching a DVD, playing a computer game/Play
station/X Box etc. See if there is a time when you think you might be able to join
in and share the activity. See if you can join in for five minutes, or longer if you
choose.
A way of joining in might be to say: 'can I join in?' or 'can I have a go?'
If your teenager does not seem ready to share the activity it might be helpful to
say 'that looks good, maybe we can have a go together another time' and then try
again later when you think they are showing signs of being relaxed and ready to
share with you.
Describe the activity you did together.
How did you feel when sharing an activity together?
How do you think your teenager felt when sharing an activity with you?
Did you notice anything different about how your teenager was when they were
sharing the activity with you?
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 7
Session
7
The rhythm of interaction and
sleep
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 7. Page 7.6
Feedback from homework
Remind parents the questions you suggested to them at the end of the last session
1.
What did you notice about the interaction with your teenager?
2.
How did you start an activity with your child?
3.
What did you notice about how you and your child finished the activity?
4.
How did you feel about sharing an activity with your child?
5.
How do you think your teenager felt?
7.6a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 7
Session
7
The rhythm of interaction and
sleep
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 7. Page 7.14
Activity and discussion: why is sleep important?
Section 5.15 of the School Years Resource Pack has information on teenagers and
sleep and part of this may be helpful as a handout for your group.
7.14a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 8
Session
8
Self-regulation and anger
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 8. Page 8.12
Activity and discussion: Coping with anger
Although this section refers several times to temper tantrums, which is associated
with toddlers, children of all ages and stages can be liable to outbursts of temper
which we need to try and understand and help them learn to regulate.
8.12a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 8
Session
8
Self-regulation and anger
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 8. Page 8.14
Activity and discussion: Anger and independence
Role-play
How to do it
1. Ask the group to volunteer a description of a recent angry incident with a child. A
parent may be willing to role-play the incident, otherwise a facilitator would need to. (It
does not have to be the parent's own child!)
For example, a teenager is told that she cannot go into town with her friends, has a
big paddy, is verbally abusive to mum and threatens aggression.
Teenager:
Can I go into town?
Parent:
No, not until you've done your homework
Teenager:
Oh, that's not fair. I hate you.
Parent:
Don't you talk to me like that.
Teenager:
I hate you, you're so unfair, you always say no.
8.14a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 9
Session
9
Communication and attunementhow to recover when things go
wrong
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 9. Page 9.10
Activity and discussion: how to recover when things go
wrong
The role-play:
Teenager attracts the attention of the parent
Parent acknowledges the child and turns towards them
The teenager moves closer and faces the parent
Teenager:
There's no fizzy pop left
Parent:
I haven't got any but I have some orange
Teenager:
No I want fizzy pop
Parent:
Well, we haven't got any
Parent turns away
While the parent's back is turned the teenager stamps their foot and says
angrily: we never have anything in this house
Parent:
You can have orange or nothing at all, I've had enough of you today.
9.10a
Session
9
Communication and attunementhow to recover when things go
wrong
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 9
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 9. Page 9.12
Activity and discussion:
The role-play:
The facilitators repeat the previous role-play with a different ending
Teenager attracts the attention of the parent
Parent acknowledges the child and turns towards them
The teenager moves closer and faces the parent
Teenager:
There's no fizzy pop left
Parent:
I haven't got any but I have some orange
Teenager:
No I want fizzy pop
Parent:
Well, we haven't got any
Parent turns away
While the parent's back is turned the teenager stamps their foot and says
angrily: we never have anything in this house
Parent turns back to the teenager, stops for a few seconds and observes the
child's behaviour and in a calm voice says 'I can see you're cross and orange isn't
your favourite'
Teenager looks less angry: Humphh
Parent:
I'm going to the shop tomorrow, so I'll get some then
Teenager:
Umm
Parent:
You look a bit calmer, will orange do for now?
Teenager:
Grunt. Ok.
9.12a
Solihull Approach
Parenting Group
Teenage
amendments
Session 9
Session
9
Communication and attunementhow to recover when things go
wrong
Continued
Notes for 11-18 age range
Session 9. Page 9.16
Activity and discussion: The confidence to change
Role -play
The actual incident of falling out of
tune (Rupture)
The reversed version: making up or
keeping things in tune (Repair)
Teenager says " I want to go to town
now. It's not fair"
Parent responds to child in a calm
voice " I'm sorry I grounded you
Parent says, " I'm sick of you moaning.
You're grounded"
I know you were just saying how you
felt disappointed about not being able
to go to town. I guess I was feeling
irritable because I had a busy day"
End of Amendments
9.16a