6/10/2012
OST 2336 Agenda: June 11, 2012
 Collect Homework/Review Tests & Grades.
 Ch. 6: Revising Business Messages
 Analyzing a Poorly Written Letter
 Taco Bell Case Study
 BREAK
 Ch. 7 Handouts
 Project Research
 PR 1 due by end of class
 Wikis (will visit with each group)
 Hand out Test 2.
Chapter 6
Phase 3: Revising
Business
Messages
Ch. 6, Slide 1
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Guffey’s 3-x-3 Writing Process
Revise for …
Prewriting
Writing
Revising
Analyze
Anticipate
Adapt
Research
Organize
Compose
Edit
Proofread
Evaluate
Ch. 6, Slide 3
 Conciseness: Time is money.
 Clarity: Your message is pointless if not clear.
 Readability: Is it inviting, easy to read, and
organized?
KISS!!!
Ch. 6, Slide 4
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Conciseness: Eliminate Flabby Expressions
Conciseness: Limit Long Lead-ins
(unnecessary introductory words)
Wordy
Concise
at this point in time
now
due to the fact that
because
in very few cases
seldom
despite the fact that
although
feel free to
please
Wordy
Concise
This is to inform you that Monday
is a holiday.
Monday is a holiday.
I am writing this letter because
Professor John Donnellan suggested
Professor John Donnellan suggested that your organization was hiring.
that your organization was hiring.
Ch. 6, Slide 5
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 6, Slide 6
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Conciseness: Drop Unnecessary Opening
Fillers (there is/are and it is/was)
Conciseness: Replace Redundancies
(expressions that repeat meaning or include
unnecessary words)
Wordy
Concise
Redundant
Concise
There are over 50 visitors who
commented on her blog.
Over 50 visitors commented on her
blog.
exact same
exact or same
past history
past or history
There was an unused computer in
the back office.
An unused computer was in the
back office.
serious danger
danger
new innovation
new or innovation
my personal opinion
my opinion
It is certainly an inspiring sequence The sequence of events is certainly
of events.
inspiring.
Ch. 6, Slide 7
Ch. 6, Slide 8
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Conciseness: Purge Empty Words
Clarity: Avoid Indirect and Pompous
Language
 In the case of General Motors, the car company
was reorganized.
 We are aware of the fact that many managers
need assistance.
 When it arrived, I deposited your check
immediately. (Obviously, the check arrived.)
Ch. 6, Slide 9
Wordy and Unclear
Clear
It would not be inadvisable for you
to affix your signature at this point
in time.
You should sign now.
Here are implements that are
necessary for the job to be
completed in a satisfactory
manner.
Here are tools to do the job
satisfactorily.
Ch. 6, Slide 10
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Clarity: Dump Trite Phrases
(worn-out expressions)
Clarity: Drop Clichés
(overused expressions)
Trite
Improved
pursuant to your request
as you requested
please do not hesitate to
please
thank you in advance
thank you
enclosed please find
enclosed




Ch. 6, Slide 11
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
easier said than done
first and foremost
think outside the box
shoot from the hip
Ch. 6, Slide 12
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Clarity: Drop Slang




Clarity: Unbury Verbs
in the pipeline
down the totem pole
blowing the budget
getting burned
Ch. 6, Slide 13
Buried Verbs
Unburied Verbs
give consideration to
consider
reach a conclusion that
conclude
create a reduction in
reduce
make a decision about
decide
take action
act
Ch. 6, Slide 14
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Clarity: Control Exuberance
Readability: Enhance White Space
 Avoid excessive use of intensifiers such as
definitely, quite, completely, extremely, really, and
totally) to sound businesslike.
Excessive Exuberance
Businesslike
We actually are very sure they
do not totally agree with our
decision.
We are sure they do not agree with
our decision.
Ch. 6, Slide 15
 Add headings
 Include bulleted or
numbered lists
 Use short sentences
 Write short
paragraphs
 Set effective margins
Ch. 6, Slide 16
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Readability: Use 1 to 1.5-inch Margins
Readability: Use Ragged-Right Margins
Result
Aligns text at left margin and
creates a ragged-right margin
How to set margins
Ragged-right margins provide more white space and improve readability.
Ch. 6, Slide 17
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 6, Slide 18
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Readability: Use Appropriate Typefaces
 Consider sans serif for headings, signs, and
material that does not require continuous
reading (for example, Arial).
 Consider serif for body font (for example,
Times New Roman). Notice that serif typefaces
have small features at the ends of strokes.
Ch. 6, Slide 19
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Readability: Use Appropriate Font
 Use 10- to 12-point font for most body text.
 For special effects consider:
 CAPITALIZATION
 SMALL CAPS
 Boldface
 Italic
 Underline
Ch. 6, Slide 20
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Readability: Use Parallel Construction
Not Parallel
Parallel
The task force recommends buying
a software license, creating
software usage policies, and the
benefits of the software should be
demonstrated.
The task force recommends buying
a software license, creating
software usage policies, and
demonstrating the benefits of the
software.
Ch. 6, Slide 21
Parallel Expression
Not parallel:
Parallel:
We can collect information, store it, and it can also
be updated.
We can collect, store, and update information.
Not parallel:
She is conscientious, a hard worker, and pays
attention to detail.
Parallel:
She is conscientious, hard-working, and detailoriented.
Ch. 6, Slide 22
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Readability:
Use Numbered Lists to Show Sequence
Readability: Use Bulleted Lists to Highlight
During the hiring process, follow these steps:
1. Examine the application.
2. Interview the applicant.
3. Check the applicant’s references.
Ch. 6, Slide 23
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Consumers expect the following information at
product Web sites:




Price
Quality
Performance
Availability
Ch. 6, Slide 24
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Readability: Add Headings for Quick
Comprehension
The company needs to focus attention in three key areas:
Attracting applicants. We need to analyze where and how we
advertise for applicants. Specifically, online job boards …
Interviewing applicants. We should consider adding simulated
customer encounters to the process. Simulated …
Checking references. We should consider contacting all
references, not just former employers. Currently, the …
Ch. 6, Slide 25
Proofreading Complex Documents
Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
Set it aside and take a breather.
Allow adequate time for careful proofing.
Expect errors and congratulate yourself when
you find them.
 Read the message at least twice – once for
meaning and once for grammar and mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed and focus on
individual words.




Ch. 6, Slide 26
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 6 Review (p.181)
Ch. 6 Review
 Revise the following sentence to eliminate
flabby expressions:
 Despite the fact that we lost the contract, we must
at this time move forward.
 Revise the following sentence to eliminate long
lead-ins:
 This message is to let you know that I received
your e-mail and its attachments.
 BETTER: I received your e-mail and its
attachments.
 BETTER: Although we lost the contract, we
must move forward.
Ch. 6, Slide 27
Ch. 6, Slide 28
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 6 Review
Ch. 6 Review
 Revise the following to avoid unnecessary
there is/are and it is/was fillers:
 There are many businesses that are implementing
strict e-mail policies.
 BETTER: Many businesses are
implementing strict e-mail policies.
Ch. 6, Slide 29
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
 Revise the following to avoid redundancies:
 Because the proposals are exactly identical, we
need not check each and every item.
 BETTER: Because the proposals are
identical, we need not check each item.
Ch. 6, Slide 30
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Ch. 6 Review
Ch. 6 Review
 Revise the following to eliminate empty
words/obvious statements:
 He scheduled the meeting for 11 a.m. in the
morning.
 BETTER: He scheduled the meeting for 11
a.m.
Ch. 6, Slide 31
 Revise the following to eliminate trite business
expressions:
 As per your request, we will no longer send you email offers.
 BETTER: As you request, we will no longer
send you e-mail offers.
Ch. 6, Slide 32
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 6 Review
Ch. 6 Review
 Revise the following to avoid confusing slang,
clichés, and wordiness:
 Although our last presentation bombed, we think
that beyond the shadow of a doubt our new
presentation will fly.
 BETTER: Although our last presentation
failed, we are sure our new one will be well
received.
Ch. 6, Slide 33
 Revise the following to unbury the verbs:
 Ms. Nelson gave an appraisal of the home’s value.
 BETTER: Ms. Nelson appraised the home’s
value.
Ch. 6, Slide 34
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 7: Electronic Messages and Digital Media
Homework: Due June 18, 2012
 SCAN the following:
 Complete Taco Bell Case Study.
 Complete 6.1, 6.2, 6.3, 6.4, 6.5, 6.6, 6.7, 6.8,
6.9 (only “a”).
 Read Ch. 8: Positive Messages.
 Zooming In, p. 188, 200, 212
 Checklists, p. 195, 211
 Chapter Summary, p. 213
 Setting up a Wiki …
Ch. 6, Slide 38
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Ch. 6, Slide 39
©2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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