HOW WE RELATE
VALUE#5
RESPECT
Respect...
Continuing with the “How We Relate” portion of our values, our fifth value is
“Respect.” We are committed to honoring one another and seeing the
importance of “We” not “I.” We respect others when we consider what they
are experiencing, when we take time to listen and learn. If they’re hurting, we
hurt with them. If they are happy about something, we celebrate with them.
To respect is to acknowledge someone’s unique contribution, it is to value
their time and abilities. Author and Organizational Strategist Ken Blanchard
wrote, "None of us is as smart as all of us." We need one another and one of
our most basic needs is to feel valued and respected. And I (Greg) have
always said, “the quickest way to earn the respect of others, is to first treat
other people with the highest level of respect”. There’s a strong Biblical basis for respecting one another. Years ago, Jesus
gave us the best business and relational principle on earth. "In everything,
treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law
and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 Treat people the same way you want to be treated. And don’t miss the
phrase “in everything.” With every person, everywhere, all of the time, with
no exceptions… treat people the way you want to be treated. So the question
to answer is, “How do you want to be treated?” What do you like? What do
you value? What motivates you? For most of us, that list will include
respect, honesty, being included, not being judged, being heard, patience,
affirmation, and encouragement, etc. There you have it. That’s exactly how
we are to treat others. The people with whom you work want the same things you want, and they are
also hurt by the same things that hurt you. If it bothers you when others talk
over you without listening, that behavior probably bothers them as well. If you
appreciate clear goals and expectations, they do too. Just as you love
affirmation and encouragement, so do they. When someone does something
that causes you to feel respected and valued, remember that feeling and pass it
on to others.
Apostle Paul, in explaining how we are to relate to one another, wrote in
Romans 12:3­6: 3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among
you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as
to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. 4 For
just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have
the same function, 5 so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and
individually members one of another. 6 Since we have gifts that differ according
to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly.
The human body is the ultimate illustration of “we” versus “I,” with every part
functioning properly in relationship to all other parts. When one part breaks
down, all other parts are affected. When every single part is functioning
according to design, the body is an amazing product of collaboration. Several
principles can be gleaned from this passage:
1. Focus on your area of strength. Know what part you are to play in the
organization and work diligently to ensure that your part is being done to the
best of your ability, and at a quality no one else would ever expect. Remember,
all others are depending on you to function at your peak level. Weakness or
malfunction with your part weakens the entire team. Others are dependent on
you, as you are for them.
2. Guard yourself against pride and feelings of superiority. When you do your
part really well, others tend to take notice and affirm your efforts. That’s a good
thing, as long as you receive it as encouragement to keep doing your best for
the team to perform at its peak level. The problem comes when you start
thinking that you are more important than other parts on the team. Refuse, as it
says in verse 3, to “think more highly of yourself than you ought to think.” Do
your best, but stay grounded in the grace of God. Without Him, you are nothing.
3. Don’t try to play multiple parts at the same time. That’s like the foot trying to
be the tongue. It’s either one or the other. Admittedly, there are times when we
temporarily have to play multiple roles and wear different hats. But that has to
be a temporary situation, and even then, your primary part is not performing at
its best and the team is not functioning at peak level.
4. Show appreciation for other parts of the team. Notice the contribution of
others. Go out of your way to let them know how important they are to the
organization. One of the best ways to show respect to someone is to ask about things that
matter to them, and then REALLY listen. Sharpen this skill and you will
enhance every relationship in your life, at home and at work. Once you
determine what really matters to a person in your life, find ways to share
conversations with them from time to time that relate to those items. In
Becoming a Person of Influence, John Maxwell has a good chapter on listening.
What does listening accomplish? Here are five thoughts.
● Listening says “I respect you.” It’s a simple way of demonstrating concern
and respect. We all like to be heard, and it’s frustrating to feel ignored or
minimized. Choosing to listen intently to another person says, “You are
important to me.” ● Listening builds relationships. Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more
friends in two weeks by becoming a good listener than you can in two years
trying to get other people interested in you.” ● Listening broadens our base of knowledge. We can learn a lot about
people and other subjects by simply asking basic questions. I enjoy striking
up a conversation with new people and learning about them and their interests.
I recently sat next to a man flying back to Birmingham who was an expert in
the field of infectious diseases. He actually alarmed me with his thoughts of
how we could easily die from any number of diseases. But I learned a lot.
● Listening generates ideas. It’s helpful to share your thoughts with others,
and to ask for their input. As iron sharpens iron, so too do we sharpen one
another. Thoughts stimulate other thoughts. Numerous businesses have
improved because the leaders were willing to listen to feedback on what’s
working and what’s not.
● Listening builds loyalty. Karl Menninger said, “The friends who listen to us
are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius.” If you don’t
listen to those you are responsible for leading, they will find someone who will.
This is true in marriage, with our children and at work. Listening to others
causes them to feel valued, resulting in strong loyalty and ownership. Every one of us wants to be recognized in some way. Ron Friedman in, The
Best Place to Work, commented that “Being recognized feels so good because
it’s the ultimate sign of belonging. Recognition doesn’t just make us feel
better­ it bolsters our health in significant ways. When we feel accepted by
those around us, we experience less stress, get better quality sleep, and
recuperate more quickly from illness. When we receive positive feedback, we
experience an emotional rush. Competence is inherently motivating, which is
why feeling like you’re good at your job leads you to invest even more of
yourself in your work. We often interpret the meaning of our job from the way
others treat us. When we have evidence that others value our work, we tend
to value it more ourselves, leading us to work harder.” In my opinion,
achieving this level, achieves acceptance, and thereby respect, for the person
being valued. Joel Kurtzman said in Common Purpose, “While it may seem trite, the fact is
that the best results come from people who treat others with respect, recognize
their contributions, and enlist their help. It means trusting those you work with.
And although not everyone is a genius, to be sure, not every job needs a
genius’ touch. A great deal of business is simply doing, on time and correctly,
what you said you were going to do”. How much respect does a person
receive, if you promise them something, and then you do it exactly as you
promised?
Every one of us wants to feel that what we do matters. Susan Fowler in, Why
Motivating People Doesn’t Work . . . and What Does, writes, “No matter our
age, social station, or culture, “relatedness” is one of our three psychological
needs. Relatedness is our need to care about and be cared about by others. It
is our need to feel connected to others without concerns about ulterior motives.
It is our need to feel that we are contributing to something greater than
ourselves. Geese provide another leadership lesson for how we are to relate. ● Geese fly in a V­Formation, which adds 71% more flying range. People who
share a common direction and sense of community get where they are going
quicker and easier.
● When a goose falls out of formation, it begins to feel the drag and resistance,
and quickly rejoins the formation. There is strength, power, and safety in
groups moving together.
● When the lead goose gets tired, he rotates back in the formation and another
goose takes the lead. It pays to take turns doing hard jobs.
● Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front that they are still with
them. Everyone needs consistent support and praise. Team members
communicate with one another.
● If a goose gets hurt and falls out of formation, two other geese go down to
help protect him, staying with him until he is able to fly again or until he dies.
They then join another formation until they rejoin the original group. We must
stand by people in time of need, and resist the tendency sometimes where we
shoot our wounded.
A key scripture that should guide all of our relationships is Philippians 2:3­5,
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider
others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own
interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same
as that of Christ Jesus…” We are called by God to honor and serve one
another. It is my opinion, that there is no higher calling, than to have to opportunity to
SERVE others. This is how you earn respect yourself, and are then provided
the opportunity to actually influence others in a positive way.
Truths about Serving
1. You and I were made to serve God and others (Eph. 2:10).
2. When you serve others, you are actually serving Christ. It’s an act of worship
(Mt. 25:45).
3. You are most like Jesus when you are serving others (John 13:4).
4. You administer God’s grace when you serve others (1 Peter 4:9­11).
5. Serving others with a pure heart is a pride­killer (Mark 10: 43­45).
Ten Tips for Serving
1. Be on high alert to the needs of others. Look for and seize opportunities to
meet practical needs.
2. Genuinely ask people how they are doing. Seek to learn what's going on with
them. Listen more and talk less.
3. Plan margin in your day. Don’t over­schedule your day. Leave space for
interruptions. 4. Rather than pushing to be first, give way to others. Let them go ahead of
you.
5. Imagine others as if they are Jesus. Treat them the way you would treat
Him.
6. Serve others with your words of affirmation, spoken and written.
7. As possible, serve and give anonymously. Keep your motives pure. Don’t
serve for the attention or approval of others.
8. Serve gladly, not begrudgingly. Be a cheerful giver. Make people smile by
doing more than expected.
9. Serve others by offering to pray for them. Pray “with” them as often as
possible.
10. Encourage others with life­giving Scripture. Nothing gives hope more
than the truth of God's Word.
I will finish by telling you how much I respect each one of you. I’m personally
grateful to God for having the opportunity to work with each of you in our
organization. We are who we are, because of what each one of you do,
collectively each and every day. Thank you for continuing to choose B. R.
Williams as a part of your mission in life! ­ Greg Brown