Deference: A Spiritual
Reinforcement
“Who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when
He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to
Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in
His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might
live for righteousness- by whose stripes you were healed.”
I Peter 2:23-24
As parents, we should set aside time to teach our children character traits that will make
them outstanding, admired citizens. Every day is filled with opportunities for helping them
learn about the character traits we value and want to encourage.
ChildrenwhodemonstrateDeference
show:
…Respect
…Thoughtfulness
…Humble Submission
…Politeness
… Esteem
…Consideration
Deference is limiting my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of those God has called
me to serve.
The opposite of deference is rudeness, impoliteness, discourtesy, offensiveness, and
impudence.
How to Demonstrate Deference
At Home
• Speaking with courteous language to other members of the family
• Dressing modestly in the home so as not to offend
• Refraining from wrong activities in order to be role models for younger family
members
• Showing respect to parents by not talking back or using ugly words
At Work or School
• Refraining from words or actions that may offend others
At Church
• Being willing to put aside my music preferences at church if I know it offends
another brother or sister in Christ
• Being sensitive to the standards of other families and not condemning
The “I Wills” of Deference
• I will notice those around me
• I will respect the feelings of others
• I will not use offensive language
• I will not play loud music in public
• I will be careful how I dress
Bible Stories Related to Deference
• Matthew 17:25-27 records the story of how Jesus showed deference by paying tax
lest others be offended.
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In Matthew 18:3-6 Jesus demonstrated deference to children.
Abraham showed deference to Lot in Genesis 13 by allowing him to choose what
appeared to be the most attractive property.
Paul showed deference to other believers by refusing to eat meat sacrificed to idols
(Romans 14:14-15).
Character Definitions of Deference
• Limiting my freedom so I do not offend those around me
• Putting the welfare of others ahead of our own personal pleasures
• Limiting my freedom in order not to offend the personal tastes of those God has
called me to serve
Personal Evaluation: Deference
• What activities do you engage in that many Christians believe are wrong?
• Do you use words or expressions that are offensive to others?
• Are your parents completely happy with your clothes and hairstyle?
• Have you taken the time and effort to ask your authorities about their preferences
and tastes?
• Do you justify activities because other Christians do it?
• Do you stand up when women or older people enter the room?
How Children Learn Respect (Deference)
They learn through observation.
• They learn how to honor their parents by observing how their parents honor one
another (Ephesians 5:28, 29) and by seeing how their parents treat their
grandparents (1 Timothy 5:4; Matthew 15:6).
• They learn how to honor government by observing how their parents respect the law
(I Peter 2:13-15; Luke 20:25; I Timothy 2:1-2).
• They learn how to honor their employers by observing how their parents honor
theirs (Ephesians 4:28; 6:6-7; 2 Thessalonians 3:10).
• They learn to honor God by observing their parents do the same (Matthew 6:33).
They learn through instruction.
• Parents have a duty to God and to their children to instruct them in the reasons for
being respectful (Proverbs 1:8; 4:1; 6:20; Ephesians 6:1-4). These principles equip
them for success in life and prepare them to assume their place in the kingdom.
Parents harm their children by not instructing and re-enforcing these truths
(Deuteronomy 6:7-9).
They learn by correction.
• While it is unfortunate, it is nevertheless often necessary to apply correction. A
failure to do this when it is called for encourages further disrespect (Ecclesiastes
8:11). For this reason then, God has allowed for government to punish evildoers
(Romans 13:2, 4), the church to correct the unrepentant (Titus 1:13; 2 Thessalonians
3:6), and parents to discipline their children (Proverbs 13:24).
Family Activity:
You will need to plan this activity around a
family meal. You can make it a special meal by
using the good china or serving special food. It
can also be done at an ordinary family dinner.
Put 5 chocolate kisses in front of each person’s
place setting. Explain that during dinner we
will be practicing our table manners. Before
the meal begins, ask for examples of good and
bad table manners. Now tell them that if you
see someone exercising bad table manners, you
may kindly ask for a kiss. If you are caught and
someone asks for a kiss you must hand one
over nicely. At the end of the meal, you can see
who has the most kisses. Each child gets to keep the kisses they won. You may also have a
stash of extra kisses to hand out as a reward for exhibiting good table manners as you see
them. When the meal is over ask why table manners are important. Is the meal more
pleasant for everyone when we are mannerly? What would happen to a salesman
entertaining a client at dinner, if he had poor table manners? What would happen if you are
dining at a friend’s house and you behaved poorly? What if it was a girlfriend’s or
boyfriend’s house? Extend the discussion to other manners. What if your lack of manners
showed up during a job interview? Be sure to remind them that pointing out someone
else’s lack of manners is not polite and that it was only done as part of a learning exercise
during this meal. You may want to keep the extra kisses handy and reward mannerly meal
behavior throughout the rest of the week.
“It's important to memorize Scripture in order to stand strong during life's difficult
circumstances. When you have Bible verses inscribed in your mind, you're carrying a
concealed weapon. You're wielding the sword of the Spirit.” (Dr. David Jeremiah) With
your family, meditate on these passages about Deference (Respect) during the month of
March, and begin laying up His words in your heart.
Mark 10:44 And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.
Romans 14:13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not
to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.
2 Corinthians 6:3 We give no offense in anything, that our ministry may not be blamed.
I Thessalonians 5:12-15 And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among
you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in
love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves. Now we exhort you, brethren,
warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.
See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for
yourselves and for all.
Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Philippians 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness
of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for
his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
I Peter 2:17 Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
I Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not
parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not
provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Matthew 18:2-6 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and
said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you
will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this
little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like
this in My name receives Me.
Luke 14:11 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will
be exalted.