Mentoring Young Writers
Chapter Two
Building the Foundation
for Effective Writing
______________________________________
This book presents several strategies for using picture books as models for student writing. Two
literary techniques will be revisited many times in these lessons; they truly are the anchors for
effective writing. These techniques are:
- using strong verbs
- using elaborative details
The example below illustrates how even a few short sentences are improved dramatically with
descriptive verbs and details. The first sentence tells the readers the kitten is cute, while the
second example illustrates how using specific details and precise verbs results in showing instead
of telling.
The kitten was so cute as she washed her face.
OR
The kitten’s dainty pink tongue darted out as she licked her paw. Then she
reached up and vigorously scrubbed her head. She continued this licking and
scrubbing until the job was completed to her satisfaction.
This chapter also outlines other foundational strategies for helping young writers build
confidence and competence: visualizing the picture to be described and discouraging overused,
lazy words in their writing. In addition to all these strategies, the next chapter explores another
essential skill for intentional writers – composing effective sentences.
The activities outlined in this chapter are appropriate for even young writers who are not yet able
to produce many words on the page. Teachers work orally with very young students and
demonstrate strategies in shared writing sessions. For example, one first grade teacher reports her
students’ success with the skeleton sentence of the day. During frequent shared writing sessions
she challenged her students to find ways to make the skeleton sentence more interesting by using
strong verbs and details. By May, during short conferences with her students, the teacher was
able to point to the snoozerama sentences, and her students happily and confidently worked on
revising them to make them more exciting.
Please note that while each strategy is presented separately in this chapter, you don’t need to
focus on them individually. While you might introduce each concept separately, you will soon
engage your students in thinking about more than one strategy within the context of reading a
single book. For example, while reading aloud, you might pause to generate and collect strong
verbs, as well as selecting a few passages for elaborating with details.
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Mentoring Young Writers
As young writers begin using these techniques in their own writing, they will be excited at the
improved quality of their writing. Note that although improvement is noticed immediately, most
children will need lots of practice and reminders to make these techniques habitual. Thus, in
order for students to build understanding in a cumulative fashion, the work with these strategies
needs to be continued throughout the year.
CHOOSING BOOKS
Choosing books involves considering the purpose of the lesson and then looking at picture books
with a writerly eye. The book lists included at the end of this chapter are categorized into
sections; some books have strong verbs and/or details and are written in poetic prose, while other
suggested books are written with simple, unadorned text and are suitable for practicing
elaboration. These lists are meant to provide a starting point for teacher planning. You will want
to seek out other appropriate books and experiment in your classroom. The ones that elicit the
best responses will be readily apparent.
Remember to choose some fiction stories that follow the character/problem/solution structure
when you are working with the strategies outlined in this chapter. For example, besides focusing
on precise verbs and details while reading a great fiction story, you might also briefly discuss the
main problem, setting, and characters (see Chapter 6 for several ideas). Consistent review of
these elements of fiction will prepare your students for writing their own stories.
CONSIDERING VIVID IMAGERY
Immersing our students in language that evokes vivid images provides opportunities to savor
wondrous language and to become aware of the power of words. This growing awareness of how
language is used deliberately to create word pictures leads students to listen differently - an
important step in their journey towards becoming intentional writers.
Show illustrations after reading the text
Because the illustrations in picture books are often so stunning, it’s difficult for children to pay
close attention to both the beautiful text and the illustrations. When you are reading a book with
vivid language, show the pictures for the first part of the book only. Then pause to discuss how
the author is painting word pictures. Your students will soon discover that the details and
colorful verbs evoke these images. As you continue reading aloud, wait until after reading the
page to show the illustrations.
Encourage your students to close their eyes and make pictures in their heads as they listen to the
text. They will be intrigued with the notion of listening to a picture. Closing their eyes while
listening to strong descriptions enables them to focus on, and appreciate, the language. They will
also notice the picture they visualized from the descriptive language is often more detailed than
the illustration in the book.
Also, remind your students that visualizing is an important reading strategy. When they are
reading independently, they should try to make a movie in their heads. Some students will find
visualizing difficult; not every learner is able to make pictures in their heads easily. Ask your
students if they are experiencing some difficulty, and reassure them that some people do find it
hard to do. Encourage them to try their best and to continue practicing.
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Mentoring Young Writers
DISCOURAGING OVERUSED, LAZY WORDS
Outlawing the words listed on the Jail Words chart is probably the single most effective strategy
we can employ to achieve improved student writing. The improvement is almost immediate.
said
JAIL WORDS
says
talk
walk
run
ran
went
play come
came
go
goes
get
got
take
took
jump hit
eat
ate
fly
flew
give
gave
start
put
pull
find
found fight
fought bring
brought
nice
pretty bad
good
big
cute
see
saw
mad
little
Introduce the Jail Words chart by discussing how overusing these lazy words can make writing
snoozerama. Show them how changing even one word in a sentence breathes life into writing.
The mouse ran through the grass.
The mouse scurried through the grass.
The big monster walked through the woods.
The enormous monster lumbered through the woods.
Then give each student a card with one of the jail verbs and an alternate strong verb. Examples
include: walk/ trudge, run/ sprint, said/ whined, fly/ soar. Each student will act out a strong verb
for the class while the other students try to guess the word. Record their guesses by making webs
for the jail words. Please note that sometimes a student may receive a word unfamiliar to him/her
and will need help reading and understanding how to act out the movement.
clutch
race
scurry
yank
run
zoom
snatch
take
dash
seize
sprint
grab
Note also that when you are making the webs, place words with similar meanings on the same
web: walk, went, come, came, go, and goes. Finally, when creating webs or lists, record the root
words only – not the endings ing or ed.
This is a good time to reinforce the notion of intentional writing as outlined in Chapter 1 (pg. 3).
Review what it means to do things in a special way: making a special birthday card or
performing in a school concert. Discuss how their writing will be different if they begin with the
intention to create something literary and how eliminating the snoozerama words is an effective
strategy for improving their writing.
After this introductory activity, post the Jail Words chart in a prominent place, and outlaw these
words in narrative and poetic writing. Explain that some types of writing are not appropriate:
response journals or science and math learning logs. Finally, let them know there are times when
they are allowed to take a word ‘out of jail’ when no other word will do the job. When these jail
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Mentoring Young Writers
words appear unnecessarily in their narrative writing, challenge students to replace them with
stronger words. This is an easy way for students to practice revising their work.
Outlawing the jail words is not appropriate for very young writers who are just beginning to put
words on the page. When young writers are reasonably competent at putting words on the page,
outlawing overused words might be introduced gradually, a few words at a time.
FOCUSING ON STRONG VERBS
In their efforts to make their writing more exciting, young writers tend to use adjectives more
naturally than precise verbs. While the well-chosen adjective or adverb certainly does enhance
writing, students must understand it’s often the verbs that create exciting word pictures. In fact,
using too many adjectives often results in overwritten prose and poetry. In addition, sometimes
using an adverb indicates a weak verb has been used. From a teacher’s perspective, the biggest
pay-off comes from working with strong verbs.
Example: At the end of the long day, Tom was tired and walked slowly home.
OR
At the end of the long day, Tom trudged home.
Notice how the word trudged makes it unnecessary to use an adverb such as slowly and also
shows that Tom was tired. It’s not necessary to write Tom was tired. This is a simple example of
showing instead of telling.
Outlawing the lazy words in their writing is not enough, however. If we discourage students
from using the ordinary verbs from the Jail Words chart, what will they do instead? Many
children may not have other words easily accessible from their vocabularies. Therefore, teachers
need to spend considerable time building students’ capacity in this area.
The strategies outlined in this section are designed to build vocabulary for all students, especially
for children with limited language backgrounds. These children, in particular, will need several
experiences with words in order to internalize their meanings and appropriate usage and also to
integrate them into their working vocabulary for writing. The likelihood of our students making
new words part of their spoken and written vocabularies is greatly increased with focused
listening to fine literature and with involvement in kinesthetic experiences.
Working with strong verbs should continue all year long. Even when the focus of lessons has
shifted to different literary techniques, teachers must continually reinforce the importance of
colorful verbs and remind their students to avoid the jail words in their writing.
Collect and record strong verbs
As you read aloud to your students or when you implement the suggested drama/movement
activities, record the strong verbs on chart paper. You and your students can work together to
continually add words to these lists.
When they are old enough, choose a few students to work together to record the strong verbs
while you read aloud to the class. They love this job, and it’s a good one for students who
struggle with maintaining focus. It’s not necessary for them to spell the words correctly because
you will recopy the words when you add them to the Strong Verbs lists. In addition, you might
ask for volunteers to act out the verbs as you read. This visual representation will help build
understanding of word meanings for students with limited language backgrounds. Remember,
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Mentoring Young Writers
when you are creating webs or lists of verbs, record only the root words – not the endings ing or
ed.
After you have recorded strong verbs from the read aloud story, work with your students to
categorize them in order to create webs for the jail words (see pg. 19). Place words that don’t fit
these categories on separate lists. The Strong Verbs Word Bank from Appendix 2A will be
helpful for this categorizing task.
While the initial focus is building a bank of strong verbs, lists of adjectives and adverbs can also
be collected and recorded. Print the words for each category in different colors to help students
distinguish between them. Post all the lists in an accessible place, so students will develop the
habit of considering precise word choices as they write.
Adjectives
Strong
Verbs
Strong
Verbs
Adverbs
Do not post teacher-made lists at the beginning of the year
Although it may be tempting to leave the posted lists up from one year to the next, it’s much
better to begin new lists each year. Similarly, don’t give students a Strong Verbs Bank, modified
from Appendix 2A, until they have been involved in collecting words for a few months.
Remember, their active involvement in creating these lists strengthens their understanding of
word meanings and their awareness of the power of strong, vivid language.
The first step - identifying strong verbs
The first step towards students’ eventual use of strong verbs in their writing is the ability to
identify them. Younger students will find it helpful to call them action or doing words. They may
need some time for acting out the verbs. Using complete sentences, direct them to hop, skip,
crawl, shout or whisper, and help them identify the doing or action words.
When your students have gained an understanding of action or doing words, they are ready to
identify them in books. Read books with colorful verbs (see list on pg. 30), pausing occasionally
to reread a few sentences. Help children identify the verbs, and substitute a lazy verb to show the
difference.
Example: Instead of: He gobbled his food, substitute He ate his food.
Continue reading while occasionally pausing to reread sentences and asking individual students
to identify the strong action words or verbs. Emphasizing the verb with your voice will ensure
success for students: The hawk plunged from the sky and scooped up his prey. By using your
voice to emphasize the powerful verbs, you will provide support for children to identify them,
and thus build their confidence. Be sure to record the verbs for the ongoing Strong Verbs list.
The next step - generating strong verbs
When your students are fairly proficient at identifying the powerful verbs in sentences, they are
ready to move to the next step – generating strong verbs from their own vocabularies.
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Mentoring Young Writers
As you are reading, stop to substitute a jail word for a powerful verb from the text.
Example: Instead of reading: The sparrows glided out of the barn window,
substitute: The sparrows flew out of the barn window.
This time, challenge students to generate action words that are more interesting and are still
appropriate. They will certainly enjoy showing off their knowledge! Be sure to record the words
provided by students. Then read the sentence again with the word the author chose. Often one of
the students will have suggested that same word. This approach, especially for students who are
less confident writers, really builds their confidence. When these children contribute words, it’s
especially important to acknowledge and praise their efforts.
Students will sometimes offer a strong and interesting verb that is not appropriate for the context.
For example, Sarah might say, “The turtle darted through the grass.” Acknowledge that darted is
a strong word, but also explain how it doesn’t fit the context. Turtles do not dart, but they can
trudge or lurch. Take advantage of these teachable moments to help students distinguish the
nuances of word meanings.
Using drama and movement
The following drama/movement activities can be implemented quickly and efficiently in the
classroom, and the time spent on these activities is very worthwhile. Your students will love the
active participation and will gain a better understanding of word meanings when they experience
them through drama and movement.
First, establish the ground rules for use in all drama/movement activities. For example, children
begin by standing or sitting in the neutral position ready to listen – hands at their sides or in their
laps. Every time the teacher says, “Neutral” or uses another signal, the children must return to
that position.
Some older students may not want to act out the verbs with their bodies. Modify these activities
by directing them to use pencil and paper to draw lines or squiggles that show movement and
mood.
Acting out movement words
Provide a base sentence: “He walked across the room.” Then repeat the same sentence several
times, each time substituting a descriptive verb – lunge, stagger, sprint, lurch, plod, lumber,
trudge, etc. Students will dramatize each different action as it is called. They will be more
focused and less likely to become overexcited if you provide only a few seconds to demonstrate
each action before calling for the neutral position. Your students will also want to suggest strong
verbs for dramatizing. As always, record any new words on the Strong Verbs list.
Knee to Knee
Work also with other categories of words – words for speaking or eating, etc. This time students
sit knee to knee (see pg. 10) in small groups. They will vocalize a base sentence several times
according to the word provided. For example, they shout, whine, shriek, whisper, and stammer
the base sentence: I need to get out of here. They might also dramatize different words for eating
- slurp, drool, gobble, devour, nibble, burp with variations on a base sentence such as: The
monster ate his food. Record any new words on the Strong Verbs list.
Revisiting books to dramatize strong verbs
Revisiting some of the picture books you and your students have enjoyed is another very
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Mentoring Young Writers
engaging activity. Choose sentences from these books for dramatization. Read the sentences one
at a time, with students returning to the neutral position between sentences. Books such as Voices
of the Wild, Storm on the Desert, and Tyrannosaurus Time are ideal for this purpose. Examples
of sentences include:
-
The tarantula tiptoes to her burrow.
Tortoises lurch over the hot sand.
-
Jackrabbits rocket to shady shrubs.
The T-Rex lunges at its prey.
Reinforce strong verbs during transitions
Have fun with your students as they are waiting for bells to ring, walking down the hall, or
waiting in line. They will enjoy quickly reviewing strong verbs by acting out different movement
and speaking words during these short transitional periods.
Secret Strong Verb
Read a picture book, and with your students list all the strong verbs. Then ask for volunteers to
dramatize a few. Next, ask small groups to examine a few books in order to record the powerful
verbs. From their lists, each group chooses a few secret strong verbs to act out for the class. As
they act out the words, the spectators guess the verbs, and any new ones are recorded on the
classroom Strong Verbs charts.
Students consider the verbs in their own writing
During shared writing sessions, demonstrate pausing to consider the best verb for a sentence.
Perhaps list two or three choices with the understanding that a writer can return to choose the
best word. When students are writing their own pieces, remind them to write on every other line,
and encourage them to pause occasionally to list more than one possibility for a precise verb.
When your students have had some practice with strong verbs and understand the concept,
challenge them to revisit their writing to highlight or underline a few lazy verbs they would like
to change. Because children love highlighter pens, using them will focus their attention. You
may want to highlight or underline the words for children who need more support. This exercise
helps students understand that changing just a few words can make their writing more powerful.
The posted lists of strong verbs, adjectives and adverbs, along with a common place to find
dictionaries and thesauruses will greatly assist your students in becoming independent word
finders.
FOCUSING ON ELABORATIVE DETAILS
The strategies outlined in this section are simple and easy to implement, but for many students
learning to use details will be a long journey with small steps. Therefore, they will need
consistent practice, week after week, throughout the year. Even when the main focus of the
lesson has shifted, be sure to pause occasionally while reading aloud to reinforce elaborating
with details.
A cautionary note is called for here. It’s not necessary or realistic to expect young writers to
always write whole paragraphs of elaborative details. Often, a few carefully composed sentences
are enough to enhance their writing.
Noticing details – comparing detailed writing to a skeleton version
During the read aloud, stop sometimes to reread parts with wonderful details. Briefly remind
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Mentoring Young Writers
students of their importance by substituting what it would sound like without them. The terms
skeleton and bare bones writing helps children understand what we mean when we speak about
lack of details.
Example: Instead of reading:
Wisps of smoke curled into the sky from the cottage nestled in the trees. The
gnarled old oaks stood guard over the small cottage. All around it, bright
flowers swayed gently in the breeze.
Substitute a skeleton sentence:
There was a cottage in the woods.
To make the comparison between them obvious, ask students to count the number of sentences
the author used for elaborating. Choose a student to be the official Counting Master, a good job
for students who need help to stay focused. Assist the Counting Master by tapping her shoulder
at the end of each sentence.
Revisiting passages from picture books
Revisit books to isolate excerpts that demonstrate effective use of details and strong verbs.
Display the appropriate passages, and include skeleton sentences for comparison. The process is
the same as above: compare the skeleton sentence to the detailed version, and count the number
of sentences the author uses for his description.
Students practice elaborating with details
This activity, which can be used before or during a read aloud, is similar to the ones outlined
above, but now students will brainstorm ideas for elaborating the skeleton version. Initially, this
brainstorming can be done with the whole class, but move as soon as possible to small group
work as this encourages active participation of all students.
Choose a short descriptive part from a picture book, and rewrite it in a skeleton version.
Skeleton version:
Sammy collected frogs from the swamp.
Present the skeleton version to students, and challenge them to elaborate it. If appropriate, show
them the illustration, or remind them to use the visualization strategy (pg. 25): close their eyes
and describe the movie scene in their heads using details and colorful verbs. Ask them questions
like the following: What do you see? What do you hear? Are there any smells?
Each group will report their ideas to the class. Be sure to record any new verbs on the Strong
Verbs lists. Then read the text from the book, and let your students know their efforts are often as
powerful as the descriptions found in books. Give them that ‘I can do that!’ feeling.
Version with details:
With net in hand Sammy waded into the water, the oozy mud squishing
between his toes. When the frogs leaped for safety, he swooped down with
his net and scooped them up. Chortling with glee, he lifted the lid on his pail
and carefully deposited each one inside.
At first your students may find this a difficult exercise and will need encouragement for any
effort. Don’t be concerned if your students are not able to articulate ideas in full sentences; it’s
normal for children to share their ideas in phrases or single words. Continued practice, while
studying different genres, will result in gradual improvement throughout the year. Listening to
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Mentoring Young Writers
the ideas of their classmates as they brainstorm together builds young writers’ confidence, and
over time they will become more proficient.
Helping your students find the words
When you ask children to elaborate with details, many will demonstrate their ideas through
gestures and facial expressions. It’s helpful to suggest that they are dramatizing what they are
trying to convey, but they need to find the words for their word pictures. Often, it will be
necessary to give them some words to use. When you first begin the work with elaborative
details, you will find yourself frequently asking, “Can you find the words?”
Using picture books with simple text for practice
Some picture books are written for very young readers. The authors of these books deliberately
use simple language and limit the amount of text on the page. These books are useful for students
to practice elaborating the simple text. This practice can occur during small group work, during
shared writing sessions, or with short writing projects. The list on page 30 suggests books useful
for this purpose.
Adding details to drawings
Younger students might begin the journey towards understanding the notion of details through
their drawings. Ask questions that elicit elaborative details from students as they describe their
drawings. Then encourage them to add these details to their pictures. When they begin to write a
few words or sentences about their pictures, an adult might scribe a few additional sentences for
them.
Visualizing a picture
Visualizing is a very useful strategy writers might use when creating vivid word pictures. This
strategy is one you will want to reinforce continually, so take every opportunity to practice with
your students. When they are orally practicing elaborating with details or attempting to formulate
ideas during shared writing sessions, direct your students to close their eyes to visualize a picture
or movie in their heads. Asking questions like the following will help them think of the senses as
they brainstorm elaborative details, using strong verbs whenever possible.
What do you see happening in your movie or action picture? What strong verbs
would describe the actions? What about sounds or smells?
Show your students how to jot down ideas as part of the planning process – with a focus on
strong verbs (see pg. 8). Most young writers will need lots of practice and reminders to make
visualization a regular strategy they use when they write.
Skeleton sentence of the day
Opportunities to elaborate the skeleton sentence of the day will cumulatively build students’
understanding and abilities in this area. Teachers will record ideas for very young students, but
as they become more capable, students can write their own sentences with elaborative details.
Again, note the example presented here demonstrates how a few carefully constructed sentences
are sufficient; and that it’s not necessary to write paragraphs of descriptive details.
Skeleton sentence:
We played in the snow today.
Elaborated sentences: We tumbled in the soft snow and made snow angels. Then we
tossed handfuls of snow into the air. It cascaded down like feathers.
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Mentoring Young Writers
FOCUSING ON SHOWING INSTEAD OF TELLING
This technique is closely connected to using strong verbs and specific details. It’s the precise
verbs and specific details that achieve showing instead of telling. This is another technique that
needs continual reinforcement throughout the year.
Dramatizing emotions
This activity is a sure-fire hit with students, as well as an effective introduction to the notion of
showing instead of telling. Begin by asking for a volunteer to dramatize the simple act of
entering the classroom. Then quietly coach the volunteer to show anger – stomp, scowl, fling
himself into a chair, cross arms over his chest, make a growling noise as he enters the room.
Students will easily identify the emotion, and will be able to brainstorm descriptive details.
Asking the volunteer to repeat his entrance and prompting students to observe facial expressions,
as well as body movements, will help them brainstorm even more details. Record all the details
observed.
Present the sentence – Tom was angry when he walked into the classroom. Explain the words
‘was angry’ tell the reader what is happening. Then discuss how writers use specific verbs and
details to show the reader what is happening, and discuss whether it is necessary to use the word
angry at all.
Continue with volunteers dramatizing different emotions such as: excited, sad and afraid while
other students closely observe and brainstorm details. Reinforce the notion that telling the
emotion is not necessary if a writer shows it with specific details.
The Feelings Jar – showing instead of telling emotions
Write individual emotion words on slips of paper. Students will choose a slip, and then find
others with the same word. Color coding will make this process easier, as students simply look
for others with the same colored paper. These students will join together in groups of two or
three to create short skits that show a particular emotion. Then they will write short descriptive
pieces, focusing on using precise verbs and details. Guide your students to include body
movements, facial expressions, as well as how their characters speak. Each group will present
their skit for their classmates to identify the emotion word. Reminding spectators to observe
facial expressions and body movements closely will help them brainstorm descriptive details that
show instead of tell the emotion. Be sure to record all details.
Pass it Around – showing instead of telling emotions
Prepare several pages titled with emotion words: angry/upset, scared/nervous, happy, sad,
excited, surprised/startled/shocked etc. Using the format below, leave several spaces for
brainstorming words and phrases under each heading.
Angry/Upset
Person
Animal
Scared/Nervous
Person Animal
Happy
Person Animal












Students will work together in small groups to brainstorm words and phrases that show the
emotion on the top of the page. Give a different page to each small group prompting them to use
the visualization strategy (pg. 25) and also to dramatize movements. Challenge them to find the
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words for their gestures and facial expressions, and offer suggestions if necessary. After a few
minutes, each group will pass their page to a new group to expand the lists. Continue passing
sheets from group to group until the pages are filled.
Appendix 2C provides charts that will be useful to writers. However, don’t give these charts to
students until they have been involved in creating them; their participation will result in greater
understanding of this skill.
Using specific details to show instead of tell
The previous activity focuses students on understanding showing instead of telling emotions.
This activity focuses on other general telling words: beautiful, ugly, old etc.
Ask students to close their eyes while you relate two descriptions. They will decide which
description enables them to visualize a picture in their heads. Make the first description short,
with a general word such as scary, nice, beautiful or messy. The second description will use
specific details with sights, sounds and smells.
Example:
Stacy walked into her messy bedroom to turn on some loud music.
OR
Stacy shoved aside the mound of jeans and towels that barricaded the
door and zigzagged her way through the maze of textbooks and chewed
pencils. As she reached for the button on the CD player, she ignored the
battling odors of moldy cheese and funky sneakers. Finally, the thump of
music reverberated throughout the room.
The more fully developed description is students’ obvious choice, and the ensuing discussion
will identify how the specific details show the bedroom was messy. Reinforce that it’s not
necessary to use the word messy when the details describe the scene so clearly. Follow up with
the activity from Appendix 2B, which directs students to identify the general words in sentences
and then to brainstorm specific details to show instead of tell.
Telling sentence of the day
Change the focus of the skeleton sentence of the day to a telling sentence, and guide students to
use specific details to show instead of tell.
Telling sentence:
It was a beautiful fall day.
Showing sentences: Leaves crunched underfoot as we inhaled the crisp autumn air.
Overhead a cathedral of red and gold reached for the cloudless blue sky.
As with the skeleton sentence of the day, short frequent practices with showing instead of telling
will cumulatively build students’ understanding in this area. Notice we are not writing a whole
paragraph, simply a few carefully composed sentences.
Children use showing instead of telling in their writing
Please note that showing instead of telling is a sophisticated technique, and young writers will
likely continue to use telling sentences such as: He was scared. They may not yet understand it’s
unnecessary to do so. Don’t be concerned by this; just encourage them to provide the details that
will show as well as tell. However, do take the opportunity to challenge more capable writers to
omit the telling sentence when they are showing instead of telling in their writing.
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THE CIRCLE SHIFT - BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
The Circle Shift is a simple, fun format for actively engaging students in brainstorming details
and using strong verbs. The example provided here also includes showing instead of telling.
This activity can be used as a warm-up for writing – either for shared writing or for individual
student writing.
Students stand to form two circles with equal numbers – the outer circle facing inward, and
the inner circle facing outward, so that each student faces a partner.
Example:
The teacher announces a category: Think about details to describe a scary night time forest.
The telling sentence would be: The forest was scary. Now you will be showing a scary forest.
The teacher reinforces strategies that will help students brainstorm details for description.
- Use the visualization strategy - close your eyes to visualize a picture or movie.
- Think of the senses – what do you see, smell, and hear?
- Brainstorm strong verbs.
Students will brainstorm ideas with each other, and after a few minutes one of the circles will
shift either left or right, so each student gains a new partner. They continue to brainstorm
descriptive details for the same category and may share the same words and phrases generated
in their previous partnerships. Students continue to work with new partners until it appears
they have had sufficient practice. Then, the teacher suggests a new addition: Now put a
character in your forest, and show how your character feels. Is your character nervous and
afraid, or is he brave and bold? Make a picture in your head. Can you see his face? What
about his body, hands, knees? How does he move? Students practice this new skill for a few
circle shifts.
This format is most suitable for older students, but it can be modified for younger students by
eliminating the inner and outer circles. Younger students might simply move from partner to
partner brainstorming ideas.
Examples of categories:
- Settings – gloomy forest, deep dark cave, beach, under the sea, and farm.
- Seasonal activities – snow falling, walking in autumn, summer water fights, a
thunderstorm, and spring showers.
- Activities with people – building a snowman, tobogganing, snowball fight, and baking
muffins.
- Animals and creatures – a puppy playing with a ball, wolf cubs wrestling, a cat hunting,
a hawk hunting, a monster eating, a monster walking, and ghostly creatures haunting.
- Showing instead of telling emotions of people and animals – angry, terrified, nervous,
excited, happy, and sad.
- Objects – time machine, magic stone or key, tree house, new bicycle, or a warm cozy
bed.
FOCUSING ON WORD CHOICE
Generating vivid language
Find a short paragraph or part of a poem that contains vivid words and reproduce it. Leave
blanks for the strongest words – verbs, adjectives and adverbs.
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Mentoring Young Writers
Example: ______ silently through the ____ grass, Cat hunts. Her whiskers
_______as she listens for the ______ movement that tells her a mouse is nearby.
There! Her ears _______towards the _____ in the bushes.
Challenge students to suggest words for the empty spaces, and compliment their choices. Show
the words the author used, and reinforce the importance of specific word choices. They likely
will notice that the strongest words are the verbs, but the adjectives and adverbs also enhance the
writing. Remind students to think carefully about word choices in their writing too.
Example: Padding silently through the lush grass, Cat hunts. Her whiskers twitch
as she listens for the slightest movement that tells her a mouse is nearby.
There! Her ears swivel towards the rustling in the bushes.
Cloze exercises with a difference
Display one of the cloze paragraphs from Appendix 2D, in which blanks have been left for the
adjectives and verbs. Most students will copy the paragraph, making their choices for the verbs
and adjectives from the lists provided. For students who find copying laborious, modify this
exercise by providing a photocopy. Challenge more capable students to forgo copying the cloze
altogether. Instead, they will create their own elaborated versions of the skeleton passage. When
they are finished, encourage all students to share in small groups.
These cloze exercises may not be appropriate for older students or for students with strong
language backgrounds. They are, however, beneficial for students with limited language
backgrounds - for both reading and writing. They provide additional experiences with using
strong verbs and with new vocabulary. In addition, the exercises can provide practice in using
the present tense and past tense, which is very valuable for second language learners. For
example, in the cloze passages from Appendix 2D, the listed verb choices are written in the
present tense, and sometimes students will leave them in present tense (this makes the writing
more poetic), but sometimes they are required to change the verbs to past tense. Finally, the
Elaborate a Skeleton Sentence project from pg. 31 is a good follow-up for the cloze exercises.
POSSIBILITIES FOR SHORT PRACTICE PIECES
The list on the next page recommends books suitable for lessons that focus on strong verbs and
details, as well as several books suitable for stimulating writing ideas. The subsequent pages
illustrate how to use picture books as models for short writing practices. The topics in these
books are broad enough to allow choices for students and often have a repeating line they can
use as a hook for their own writing. Please note that many of the books are written in poetic
prose, and will be useful for mentoring your students as they write in this genre (see Chapter 4).
If the books are not available to you, consider using the ideas illustrated in the shared writing
examples as springboards for writing. In addition, search your library for other books: for
modeling strong verbs and details, for elaborating simple text, or for generating diverse topic
possibilities.
Short pieces provide opportunities for students to practice making revisions focusing on
elaborative details, strong verbs, and composing sentences with varied structures. These are all
valuable ways to practice intentional writing. Remember to set expectations for the length of
your students’ short pieces and for the quantity produced within a particular time frame (see pgs.
14-15).
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Mentoring Young Writers
RECOMMENDED BOOKS
* indicates books suitable for generating writing topics
Fiction stories – Strong Verbs and Details
Poetic Prose – Strong Verbs and Details
* Bailey, Linda – Stanley’s Party
Bender, Rebecca – Giraffe and Bird
Bernstein, Dan – The Tortoise and the Hare Race
Again
Brett, Jan – The Three Snow Bears
* Bright, Paul - The Bears in the Bed and the
Great Big Storm
Cannon, Janell – Stellaluna
Cannon, Janell - Crickwing
* Crimi, Carolyn – Boris and Bella
Crimi, Carolyn – Where’s My Mummy?
Downey, Lynn – Most Loved Monster
Emmett, Jonathan – Leaf Trouble
Emmett, Jonathan – Foxes in the Snow
Fearnley, Jan – The Baby Dragon Tamer
Friend, Catherine – The Perfect Nest
Geraghty, Paul – Dinosaur in Danger
Helakoski, Leslie – Fly the Coop
Heller, Nicholas – Elwood and the Witch
Inkpen, Deborah – Harriet
Ketteman, Helen – Armadillo Tattletale
Madison, Alan – Pecorino’s First Concert
McLellan, Stephanie Simpson – Leon’s Song
Norac, Carl – Monster, Don’t Eat Me!
Palatini, Margie – Piggie Pie!
Palatini, Margie – Zoom Broom
Palatini, Margie – Gorgonzola
Rawlinson, Julia – Fletcher and the Falling Leaves
Rawlinson, Julia – Mule School
Rose, Marion – Georgie and the Dragon
Silverman, Erica – Don’t Fidget a Feather
Spinelli, Eileen – Three Pebbles and a Song
Vanasse, Deb – Totem Tale - A Tall Story from
Alaska
Walker, Sally – Druscilla’s Halloween
Ward, Nick – The Rumpus in the Night
Ward, Nick – The Nicest Naughty Fairy
Wilson, Karma – Bear Feels Scared
Wilson, Karma – Bear’s New Friend
Wilson, Karma – Don’t Be Afraid, Little Pip
Wilson, Karma – Where is Home, Little Pip?
Bauer, Marion Dane – The Longest Night
* Beck, Carolyn – Buttercup’s Lovely Day
Davies, Nicola – Bat Loves the Night
* Dixon, Ann – Winter Is
Johnston, Tony – Desert Song
* Lesser, Carolyn – Storm on the Desert
Lobel, Gillian – Moonshadow’s Journey
* London, Jonathan – Voices of the Wild
* London, Jonathan – Giving Thanks
Lund, Deb – Monsters on Machines
Mayo, Margaret – Roar!
* Patten, Brian – The Blue and Green Ark
* Paulsen, Gary – Canoe Days
* Pow, Tom – Who is the World For?
Powell, Roxanne – Cat, Mouse and Moon
Ryder, Joanne – Tyrannosaurus Time
* Schuett, Stacy – Somewhere in the World Right Now
Winters, Kay – Tiger Trail
* Wolff, Ferida & Kozielski, Dolores – On Halloween
Night
* Wood, Douglas – Making the World
* Wood, Douglas – A Quiet Place
* Wood, Douglas – The Secret of Saying Thanks
Others – to use as models for writing
* Andrews, Jan – The Twelve Days of Summer
* Ashburn, Boni – Hush, Little Dragon
Baylor, Byrd – Everybody Needs a Rock
* Blume, Judy – The Pain and the Great One
* Brown, Margaret Wise – The Important Book
* Carlson, Nancy – How to Lose All Your Friends
* Cronin, Doreen – M.O.M. Mom Operating Manual
* Diterlizzi, Tony – Ted
* Katz, Alan – Take Me Out of the Bathtub
* Lyons, Dana – The Tree
* Numeroff, Laura - What Mommies/Daddies Do Best
* Rose, Deborah Lee – The Twelve Days of Winter
* Tebo, Gilles – Simon Says: Seasons
* Tildes, Phyllis – Counting on Calico
* Vasilovich, Guy – The 13 Nights of Halloween
* Wisniewski, David – The Secret Knowledge of
Grown – Ups
Books with simple text – for practicing using strong verbs and elaborating with details
* Brown, Ruth – Imagine
* Brown, Lisa – How to Be
* Ewald, Wendy – The Best Part of Me
* Hutchins, Pat – Rosie’s Walk
* Kelley, Marty – Twelve Terrible Things
* Krauss, Ruth – A Hole is to Dig
* Numeroff, Laura – The 10 Step Guide to Living
With Your Monster
* Kimmel, Elizabeth - What do you Dream?
* Shannon, David – No, David!
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Mentoring Young Writers
Elaborate a skeleton sentence –
Practice showing instead of telling
Provide a few skeleton sentences that contain general words. Remind students that general words
such as: angry, cute, nice, big, awesome, pretty, scary, etc. provide information, but they do not
paint an effective word picture. Explain the focus of this activity – to use strong verbs and details
to show instead of tell. Then work together to visualize each sentence briefly, brainstorming
precise verbs and descriptive details. Don’t forget to use the senses! Reinforce the notion that
when details are used to show or paint a picture, it’s not necessary to use general words - cute,
angry, scary - at all. Students then choose one or two sentences to practice elaborating. Students
who choose the same sentences might join together to brainstorm details more fully.
Examples of sentences:
-
Tom walked into his bedroom. He was angry.
There was a big storm. It was scary.
The big dragon flew in the sky. It breathed
fire.
-
-
The puppies were so cute as they played with
each other.
The kitten was so cute as it played with its
toys.
Shared writing example
Tom yanked open his bedroom door and stomped across the room. Barely able to contain his
growls of frustration, he flung himself on his bed and pounded his pillow. What was wrong with
him? Why did he allow that neighborhood bully to chase him home again?
There was a soft knock on his door, and his father called tentatively, “Tom, can I come in?”
Tom sat up and faced the door, but a scowl still dominated his face.
No David! by David Shannon
David Goes to School by David Shannon
These delightful books have simple unelaborated texts, but the humorous illustrations depict the
antics of an accident-prone and mischief-making young boy. Students simply choose one or two
pages to describe with details and strong verbs. The shared writing example below also
illustrates how we focused on varying our sentence beginnings.
Shared writing example (describing a page from No David!)
David had been sent to his room for making mischief of one kind or another. Head bent and
shoulders slumped, he trudged down the hallway. “Not again,” he moaned, “I’m always in
trouble.” He threw himself on his bed and stared glumly at the ceiling.
But David knew how to use his imagination and was soon entertaining himself. “Superman
would be flying right now to save the baby falling out the window. I’m Superman!” he
shouted. David jumped to his feet and began to bounce on the bed, gleefully chanting, “I’ll
save you! I’ll save you!” With each “I’ll save you!” he flew higher and higher, until the
whole bed shuddered and creaked. His chanting grew louder and louder.
Finally, his mother stuck her head inside the door and yelled, “NO DAVID! STOP
JUMPING ON THE BED!”
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Mentoring Young Writers
Everybody Needs a Rock by Byrd Baylor
How to Lose All Your Friends by Nancy Carlson
The Younger Brother’s Survival Guide by Lisa Kopelke
M.O.M. – Mom Operating Manual by Doreen Cronin
These books can serve as models for writing a How to… piece. They demonstrate how to
elaborate each main idea with details. Ideas for reading these are outlined below.
- In some of these books, the heading at the beginning of each section is like a skeleton. Begin
by reading a few sections from the book and counting together how many sentences provide
the details for each rule. Ask one of your students to be the official Counting Master. Help the
Counting Master by tapping his shoulder at the end of each sentence.
- Part way through the book, read only the headings through to the end of the book, and discuss
how listening only to the skeleton headings is not as satisfying as hearing all the details.
- Continue reading, but stop at a few headings to challenge students to brainstorm details for
them. Students can practice elaborating with details either as a whole class or in small groups.
Then read the text from the book, letting students know their ideas are just as interesting as
the author’s.
With your students, generate topic ideas such as: Rules for Shopping with Dad, Ways to Annoy
My Sister, How to Embarrass My Mother at the Mall, Ways to Annoy the Baby-sitter, A Babysitter’s Survival Guide, How to Make Friends. Students might also try writing from an animal’s
point of view as in the excerpt below. Everybody Needs a Rock was the model used to learn to
write the detailed introduction.
Shared writing example
The Cat’s Guide to Training the Humans in Your Life.
To the cats of the world,
I’m writing this short training manual for all of you cats and kittens out there who are
just settling into a new home with new humans. They might think they own you, but you
know better. If you follow the tips suggested in this manual, you will soon have your
humans trained to your satisfaction. I’m sure you old and experienced cats have already
trained your people, but you might find some useful strategies in this guide to add to your
repertoire.
1.
Getting your head and belly scratched.
This one is very easy. No one can resist you when you ramp up the charm and turn on
your motor.
Leap up on your human’s lap, butt her hand with your head, and purr loudly. Turn
around a few times until you determine the proper position, and settle in. Your human will
succumb to your charms immediately and scratch behind your ears, or deliver a good
massage.
- When your human is rushing around and appears to be too busy to give you what you
deserve, don’t worry. Just lie on top of her papers or in the middle of the floor. Be sure to
sprawl out, and assume a pitiful expression. Your human will stop whatever she is doing to
rub your belly.
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Mentoring Young Writers
The 10 Step Guide to Living with Your Monster
by Laura Numeroff
Raising Your Own Pet Monster by Elise Gravel
The 10 Step Guide to Living with Your Monster is an instruction type book similar to Everybody
Needs a Rock and How to Lose All Your Friends. This is a wonderful book to use with students
because of its popular topic. Although the steps for living with your monster are not elaborated
with many details, the illustrations generate lots of ideas. Students might choose one or two steps
to elaborate with strong verbs and details. Raising Your Own Pet Monster is a companion book
for this topic, in which monsters are described with interesting details. Both these books will
encourage students to describe their own fabulous creatures.
All students love to write about monsters and will be very successful because they are free to be
wild with their imaginations. Provide choices for students with topics that are conducive to
describing action. Examples: Playing with My Monster, Training My Monster, Taking My
Monster to the Vet, Putting My Monster to Bed.
Remind students to close their eyes to visualize their monsters and then to describe its
appearance and actions. Because drawing is a good rehearsal for writing, encourage them to
draw their monsters and write strong verbs on their drawings.
If your students are ready, challenge them to show their monsters’ emotions, and/or to use varied
sentence structures.
- Feeding My Monster (happy, excited)
- Grooming My Monster (scared, nervous)
- Playing With My Monster (happy, excited)
- Putting My Monster to Bed (sad, upset)
- Training My Monster (puzzled)
-
Shared writing example
Planning: We chose to elaborate Feeding My Monster and brainstormed sounds and sights for
both a large monster and a small monster. We closed our eyes to visualize how the monster
might move and what sounds it would make. Then we brainstormed how the monster might eat
and the sounds it would make. Besides illustrating our focus on strong verbs and details, the
shared writing example below also illustrates varied sentence beginnings.
Large Monster
Small Monster
- massive, enormous
- tiny, fluffy,
- lumbers, lurches
- squeak, squeals, whines, yaps
- roars, snorts, growls
- nibbles daintily, burps, gulps,
- slurps, devours, burps, belches,
slobbers, slurps
Feeding My Monster
I pour buckets of food into Biff’s gigantic food dish and call him for dinner.
As he lumbers toward his dish, the floor shudders under his heavy footsteps. He
snorts, “Food! Yummy food!”
Then he plunges his massive head into the dish and devours it. He slurps
noisily, and when he is finished, a thunderous belch erupts from his mouth.
Rubbing his belly, he plants a slobbery kiss on my head and ambles off for a
nap.
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Mentoring Young Writers
Voices of the Wild by Jonathan London
Buttercup’s Lovely Day by Carolyn Beck
Tiger Trail by Kay Winters
The Tree by Dana Lyons
Water Dance by Thomas Locker
A persona piece is written in the first person, in which a writer imagines she is an animal, an
object, a famous person - anyone she is not. All students will be successful in their attempts to
write a persona piece. Examples: I am Bear…, I am Tiger…, or I am a tree… The books listed
above are fine models for this format, some with lovely poetic prose. If they are describing an
animal, remind your students to choose one they know well. The piece should describe what the
animal is doing, rather than describing what the animal looks like. Students who don’t have the
necessary background knowledge to write about an animal might choose to write about dragons
or other imaginary creatures. As part of the planning process during the shared writing session,
model how to use the visualization strategy. Then model how to quickly record ideas,
particularly the strong verbs that could be used.
Shared writing example
I am Squirrel
My tail unfurls behind me as I leap from branch to branch and rocket up tree trunks. I
forage for pine cones and store them all over the neighborhood. I am ready for winter.
When humans wander near me with those stupid creatures in tow, I perch on a branch and
tease them, just to enjoy their frantic lunging and barking. Loudly and shrilly I scold them,
letting them know they are too close.
I sleep with my lovely bushy tailed curled around me, and I am warm and cozy.
I am Squirrel.
Stanley’s Party by Linda Bailey
Boris and Bella by Carolyn Crimi
Both these books have elaborated descriptions of parties – one for dogs (Stanley’s Party) and the
other for Halloween creatures (Boris and Bella). After reading one of these books, students will
really enjoy choosing a scary creature and then writing a detailed description of this creature’s
behavior at a party. Again, model how to plan for writing by visualizing sights, sounds, and
smells and to record their ideas. Model also how to vary sentence structures.
Shared writing example
The zombie lurched through the door to join the party. After greeting his friends, Boris
lumbered toward the food table. Slurping and drooling, he devoured the delicious eyeballs on
crackers, and then drained his glass of slime punch in one long gulp.
When his lady friend pulled him onto the dance floor, Boris was ready. He stomped and
hopped around the room, enjoying the shrieking band. He boogied and jived and howled along
with the rest of his monster friends. They rocked until the whole house shook!
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Mentoring Young Writers
On Halloween Night by Ferida Wolff & Delores Kozielski
The Halloween season is a great time to focus on strong language because students love this
topic and can be very successful at crafting vivid word pictures. The counting book On
Halloween Night (appropriately counting to 13) provides a structure for students to follow, as
well as reinforcing the use of strong verbs. Ask students to brainstorm Halloween creatures, and
then assign a number and a creature to each child. They will write about them using the format
from the book. Students will enjoy compiling their verses into classroom books.
Shared writing example
Thirteen crows perch
on the gnarled branches of the old oak tree,
glaring here, glaring there,
at night creatures creeping through the graveyard.
On Halloween night.
Oo–oo-oo-oo-oh.
In addition, one short pattern poem for use with younger students is shown below. Students will
have fun thinking of Halloween creatures and strong verbs for their own poems.
The model:
I’m Waiting
I’m waiting for Halloween to come…
For werewolves to stalk
For zombies to mutter
For witches to shriek
Then I’ll know it’s Halloween.
The format for students:
I’m Waiting
I’m waiting for Halloween to come…
For ________ to ________
For ________ to ________
For ________to ________
Then I’ll know it’s Halloween.
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Mentoring Young Writers
Rosie’s Walk by Pat Hutchins
The simple book Rosie’s Walk can be used as a scaffold for developing students’ understanding
of verbs and adjectives. After a shared writing session, students will choose their own topics and
complete the planning process by generating strong verbs for their creatures and deciding where
they will go on their adventures.
In addition, students might choose one of the events from the book to elaborate with details and
powerful verbs.
Shared writing example
Planning for Mouse topic
leaves
home
bush
Squeaky’s Great Adventure
Strong Verbs
hurried
scurried
wriggled
scrambled
scrabbled
darted
raced
log
clearing
Squeaky, the mouse, went on an adventure.
He scurried through the crackly autumn leaves
(strong verb)
(adjective)
and scrambled over an old rotten log.
(strong verb)
(adjectives)
He darted across the wide open clearing
(strong verb)
(adjectives)
and wriggled under a prickly bush.
(strong verb)
(adjective)
Then he hurried home in time for supper.
(strong verb)
Winter Is by Ann Dixon
This book demonstrates how to create a beautifully detailed and poetic version of this common
theme. Many topics can be generated from this simple theme: Spring Is, Summer Is, Autumn Is,
Christmas Is, School Is etc. Note the emphasis on sights and sounds in the following shared
writing example.
Shared writing example
Summer Is
Summer is loud…
With children shouting,
with crowds cheering for marching bands,
and with bees buzzing and crickets chirping.
Summer is quiet…
With early morning dew sparkling on grass,
with long lazy afternoons,
and evening skies painted by the setting sun.
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Mentoring Young Writers
The Important Book by Margaret Wise Brown
First published in 1949, this old favorite recounts the importance of everyday things and delights
young writers with its repetitive pattern, simple text, and subtle rhythm. The repeating line The
important thing about ______ is … provides endless possibilities for topics, including ones
related to science and social studies. As always, remind students to use the visualization strategy
to brainstorm details (using the senses).
Shared writing example
The important thing about my puppy is that he loves me.
He tumbles in the grass and chases butterflies. He growls when he
chews his toys, and he loves to play fetch. He greets me with frantic
whimpers, slobbery kisses, and a ferociously wagging tail.
But the important thing about my puppy is that he loves me.
Twelve Terrible Things by Marty Kelley
The simple text of this book (sometimes only one word on a page) and the stunning illustrations
invite the reader to elaborate the terrible events so humorously portrayed: ice cream falling to the
ground, imagining a monster under the bed, sitting in the dentist’s chair, flushing the dead
goldfish, and more. Students will also enjoy sharing their own ideas about terrible things. The
shared writing example below illustrates how visualizing helps writers to focus on the senses.
This topic, in particular, lends itself to thinking about taste and sight. Note too, the variety in
sentence beginnings, another focus for our shared writing session.
Shared writing example
Dad asks, “Who wants ice cream?”
“Me, me!” I shout.
I love ice cream. On the way to the ice cream shop, I imagine those two
scoops of my favorite flavors - blue bubble gum on the bottom and tiger (orange
with black licorice swirls) perched on top. I anticipate that first delicious lick.
With eyes closed, I will turn the whole cone, licking all the way around. Small
moans of pleasure will escape as I continue licking and licking, being sure to
capture any possible drips.
At the ice cream shop, I almost change my mind about the flavors I will
order. There are so many others to tempt me, but I stick with the tried and true
favorites. As I anxiously watch the clerk struggling to scoop the hard ice cream
from the pail, my mouth waters. It seems to take forever. Finally, she hands me
my treasure.
I head outside to enjoy the sunshine. Disaster strikes! A little brat runs by me,
jostling my elbow, and I watch in horror as my two scoops plummet to the
sidewalk.
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Mentoring Young Writers
Imagine by Ruth Brown
The text of this book is very simple, with sometimes only one word on a page. It invites the
reader to imagine opposites: big-small, flat-round, hot-cold etc. The beautifully detailed
illustrations will serve as springboards for writing short pieces with strong verbs and details.
Together, brainstorm ideas thinking of the senses for each of the opposites, and then direct
students to choose one or two pairs to elaborate.
Shared writing example
Imagine hot.
Desert sand burning under the sun’s relentless glare.
Coals glowing red from the depths of a campfire.
A river of lava flowing down a mountainside.
Imagine cold.
The screaming wind flinging itself against stone.
Frostbitten ears stinging in the chill wind.
A river of frozen ice creeping down a mountainside.
Giving Thanks by Jonathan London
The Secret of Saying Thanks by Douglas Wood
With beautiful poetic prose, these books invite readers to pause and give thanks for wonders
small and large. They are fine models for writing with careful detail. Note the details that
describe sights and sounds in the following shared writing example.
Shared writing example
I give thanks for the golden river of autumn leaves flowing down the street.
They rustle and crunch beneath my feet.
I give thanks for sunsets that paint the evening sky.
Ribbons of purple, pink and gold swirl and stream above the prairies.
I give thanks for the baby giggling gleefully as she toddles on chubby legs.
Her round cheeks and sparkling eyes are a wonder to behold.
I give thanks for strawberries that explode in my mouth and
apples that crunch between my teeth.
I give thanks for wonders big and small.
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Mentoring Young Writers
Hush, Little Dragon by Boni Ashburn
Take Me Out of the Bathtub by Alan Katz
The Twelve Days of Winter by Deborah Lee Rose
The Twelve Days of Summer by Jan Andrews
The 13 Nights of Halloween by Guy Vasilovich
These books will inspire students to use popular melodies as models for their own songs. Writing
a song is a good way to practice intentional writing because writers must match syllables to the
beats of the song.
Shared writing example
The Twelve Days of Spring
On the twelfth day of spring,
Mother Nature gave to me:
Twelve tulips waving,
Six ducks a–waddling,
Eleven bees a-buzzing,
Five newborn bunnies.
Ten gophers scampering,
Four chicks a-huddling,
Nine robins singing,
Three misty showers,
Eight butterflies dancing,
Two gleaming rainbows,
Seven trees a-blossoming,
And a sky full of sailing clouds.
A Hole is to Dig by Ruth Krauss
This book is another old favorite, originally published in 1952. The quirky definitions in this
book will make readers smile, and since it is written with few details or strong verbs, it’s great to
use for practicing these techniques. Students can elaborate the definitions from the book, or
generate their own topics.
Shared writing example
The stars are to twinkle in the velvet black night.
They are to shed their silvery light on blankets of snow.
Stars are to gaze upon with wonder.
The sun is to offer its gentle warmth in the first days of spring.
It is to call out the first flowers for a peek at the world.
The sun is to blaze on a hot summer day.
It is to beat down on us as we race through the sprinkler.
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Mentoring Young Writers
The Bears in the Bed and the Great Big Storm
by Paul Bright
Storm on the Desert by Carolyn Lesser
Thunder Boomer! by Shutta Crum
Writing about a rainstorm will certainly engage your students, as it is a familiar experience for
all. These books all contain vivid descriptions of storms, and will be useful models for students
for creating their own word pictures. With your students, simply read and enjoy any of these
books, recording strong verbs under the headings: Wind, Rain, Thunder and Lightning.
Emphasize how the vivid word pictures are created by powerful language that focuses on sights
and sounds.
Shared writing example
The whistling wind tumbles dark clouds across the sky. As lightning flickers and
flashes, raindrops spatter the sidewalk. Distant thunder grumbles and crashes. All
of a sudden, the sky opens up and rain pelts down, bouncing off cars and
streaming down windows. Now the wind is howling, driving the rain sideways.
Great claps of thunder crack overhead, and bony fingers of lightning strike the
ground. Animals huddle wherever they can find shelter, and the day is obliterated
by rain. We stand at the window and watch this scary storm.
Then, the storm quiets. The wind begins to fade and the rain slowly becomes a
gentle drizzle. Finally the rain stops and the city is washed clean, drenched in
sunlight. The air is sweet, birds are chirping, and a gentle breeze whispers
through the trees.
How to Be by Lisa Brown
This quirky little book invites readers to imagine themselves behaving like a monkey, a turtle, a
bear and more. Young writers will enjoy creating a few pieces about real animals using the
repeating line How to be a … Encourage your students to describe sights and sounds with
elaborative details and powerful verbs.
Shared Writing Example
How to be a Kitten
- Creep stealthily around the furniture and ambush any unsuspecting feet that
wander by.
- Stand on your hind feet, and swat at your toy hanging just out of reach.
- Leap in the air and turn a somersault when you are startled.
- Lap up your milk with a dainty, pink tongue.
- Lick your paw and vigorously scrub your face and ears.
- Crawl into a soft lap, turn around a few times and settle in for a nap.
- Purr contentedly.
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Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2A
STRONG VERBS
Move Slowly
slink march waddle tip-toe
stomp tramp clomp stroll
wander saunter amble
meander ramble swagger
strut scuttle retreat wobble
stagger struggle limp hobble
lurch plod trudge lag
dawdle straggle lumber
shuffle stumble trample
dance pirouette stalk creep
slither crawl slouch wiggle
wriggle plow sidle pace
loiter linger depart
Other Movement Words
droop wrinkle flood cascade
tap rattle bob roil churn
stir gush stretch flex quiver
quaver twitch flicker shiver
tremble palpitate pulsate
throb sway shudder squirm
tilt swivel shake retreat
descend somersault muffle
slide glide skate clamber
grimace wring paddle clatter
hunch push toil clench
collide quake emerge shatter
penetrate jounce shed
Move Quickly
stride zoom race streak
scuttle skip romp frolic
boogie dance dodge prance
hurry skid lunge whip bolt
pounce erupt explode burst
rocket stampede scatter
scurry scrabble scramble
dart dash scoot chase rush
launch flash dodge veer
swerve careen whirl spin
clamber scamper gallop
sprint thunder whisk bound
skedaddle flee escape
catapult charge jerk
Stop
hesitate pause falter halt
Jump
leap bound hop hurdle
launch catapult spring
pounce leap-frog
Fly
swoosh whip swoop rocket
sky-rocket plunge plummet
drift float flit skim flap
glide swish soar sail flutter
spiral wheel bank flash
cruise dive launch zoom
coast hover
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 41 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2A
STRONG VERBS
Hunt
stalk pursue chase search
seek trail patrol prowl
Speaking
utter remark chat contend
explain claim order demand
command instruct recite advise
Touch - Gently
notify propose report announce
caress nuzzle squeeze pet
inform lecture refuse argue
stroke cradle rock
comment state profess mention
specify express ask quiz beg
Fight/Hit
query reply answer respond
battle heave shake wrestle
deny acknowledge protest
attack hammer pound pierce
contradict hint insinuate vow
rip shred claw slap smack
promise drawl preach gossip
swat scratch stab kick slash
lisp sigh whisper whine groan
punch poke pry pounce drag
moan murmur mutter mumble
push retreat wreck charge
quaver grumble stammer stutter
spank slam bash stomp collide
sputter spout jabber babble
Look/See
chatter prattle growl snarl
gaze observe stare glare
sneer mock blurt chant gulp
gape glower gawk glance spot gasp gloat brag boast taunt
sight eye glimpse notice
tease harangue gush tattle
examine view survey squint
Making Sounds
discover seek search peer
grunt stammer stutter chirp
contemplate ogle spy
hiss cluck growl snarl snort
scrutinize peep leer discern
gurgle whine squawk squeak
scan reconnoiter recognize
clatter tap rattle buzz
detect perceive discover
Speaking/Making Sounds - Loudly
inspect
wail caterwaul holler yell
Cry
bellow shout shriek screech
sob weep whimper whine
roar thunder blare trumpet
bawl howl wail caterwaul
howl yowl whoop yammer
squeal blare rumble
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 42 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2A
STRONG VERBS
Sing
croon hum warble chant
carol
Take/Hold/Get
grab cling grasp clutch
seize yank snatch clench
snag acquire obtain fetch
construct build pounce drag
heave lever pry cradle
harbor haul reach gather
collect scrounge scavenge
Fall
collapse plummet plunge
keel buckle flop tumble
cascade shed drop
Sit
perch sprawl roost hunch
flop crouch lounge straddle
huddle squat
Smile/Laugh
grin chortle laugh snicker
giggle titter guffaw crow
whoop cackle
Sounds
creak rustle crack crinkle roar
reverberate drum peal toot
chime whir clank buzz
Eat/Bite
nibble munch chomp gobble
devour drool spit slurp gulp
feast slobber tear rip grind
nip snap sip crunch burp
belch shred chew lick suck
shovel
Throw
launch fling toss shoot pitch
catapult cast hurl hurtle fire
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 43 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2B
USING SPECIFIC DETAILS TO SHOW INSTEAD OF TELL
Good writers use specific details for descriptions that show instead
of tell. General words such as: nice, awesome, pretty, scary, etc. do
not paint an effective word picture.
Identify the general word(s) in each sentence. Then try to use
details – sights and sounds to show instead of tell.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
He drove his old car into the driveway.
She wore a beautiful, shiny necklace.
The old witch had an ugly face.
The house was old and looked scary.
Outside her window there was an awesome view of the ocean.
Examples of using specific details to show instead of tell:
1. His rusty, old car limped into the driveway coughing and
sputtering blue smoke.
2. The gold chain gleamed softly. Attached to it was a pearl
pendant etched with delicate carvings.
3. Wrinkles crisscrossed the witch’s leathery face and her warty
nose jutted out between fierce, beady eyes.
4. Dark, menacing windows stared at us as we climbed the old
rickety steps. The splintered front door groaned eerily as I pushed
it open.
5. Outside her window the waves curled and crashed on the rocks
far below, and gulls dipped and dived above the endless blue sea.
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 44 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2C
SHOW INSTEAD OF TELL
Angry/Upset
Person













red face
flushed face
eyes glared
eyes bulged
eyes narrowed
eyes glowered
icy stare
frosty stare
knit eyebrows
lowered eyebrows
pressed lips tightly
together
nostrils flared
ground teeth,
gritted teeth
Animal
clenched jaw,
scowled, frowned
vein pulsed
clenched fists
shook his fist
arms crossed, tapped
foot
stomped, kicked,
stamped his foot
lunged, attacked
hissed, snarled
yelled, hollered,
bellowed
screamed, screeched,
shrieked





















fur stood on end, fur
bristled
teeth bared
hissed, snarled, growled
thundered
spit
lunged, attacked, charged,
exploded
screeched, howled
tail swished back and forth
eyes narrowed
nose quivered
Puzzled /Confused
Person



scrunched up her
face
wrinkled her brow
her brow furrowed


Animal
shook her head
shrugged her
shoulders



cocked head to one side
looked inquisitively
sniffed repeatedly
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 45 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2C
Happy
Person






grinned from ear to
ear
smile spread across
her face
a smile tugged at the
corners of her mouth
beamed
eyes sparkled, eyes
twinkled, eyes shone
eyes lit up, eyes
danced
Animal








giggled, chortled,
chuckled, guffawed
clapped her hands
belly laugh
spirits soared
heart leapt
threw back his head
and laughed
skipped, danced
cheerful smile









tail wagged wildly
purred with contentment
purred loudly
scampered about
licked face
kicked up his heels
body wiggled
ears perked up
sang, twittered, tweeted
Confident/Arrogant
Person



swaggered, strutted
strode
bragged, boasted



Animal
announced
head held high
squared shoulders
Embarrassed/Shy
Person





blushed
face reddened
mumbled, whispered
faltered, hesitated
eyes downcast




Animal
hid face
hid behind …
peeped out from
behind …
mumbled


hid behind …
tail between legs (dog)
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 46 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2C
Sad/Upset
Person









lips quivered
mouth turned
downward
tears welled up
tears streamed
down her face
fought back tears
wept, sobbed,
wailed
rocked back and
forth
shoulders slumped
shoulders sagged








Animal
sat with her knees
hugged to her chest
wiped her eyes
covered her face and
muffled a sob
bowed head
trudged
scrunched up her
face
sighed, whined,
moaned
curled into a ball











head drooped
ears drooped
tail between legs
sighed
curled up
trembled
whined, whimpered
clucked
plaintive meow
rested head on paws
slumped down
Surprised/Startled/Shocked
Person








gasped
eyes popped
eyes bulged
eyes grew wide
fell off chair
raised eyebrows
eyebrows shot up
sat down slowly







Animal
flinched
mouth fell open
stared slack jawed
mouth gaped open
chin dropped
took his breath away
squealed, squeaked






ears perked up
squeaked
jumped back
scrabbled
scrambled to his feet
squealed, squawked
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 47 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2C
Excited
Person



jumped up and
down
waved arms
pumped his fist in
the air


Animal
clapped his hands
shouted, cheered




tail wagged wildly
raced in circles
body wiggled
squawked
Scared/Nervous
Person












chewed fingernails
gasped
screamed
eyes widened
gasped, sucked in
his breath
mouth opened in a
silent scream
scream lodged in
his throat
teeth chattered
hair on the back of
his neck stood up
turned white as a
ghost
color drained from
his face
shivered, quaked
Animal















skin prickled
backed up slowly
goose bumps raised
sweaty palms
stammered, faltered,
hesitated
collapsed in a heap
knees shook
knees wobbled
hands trembled
a chill ran down his
spine
heart pounded
heart hammered
wrung his hands
bolted, fled
eyes cast downwards












quaked, shivered
teetered
scurried, scrambled, fled,
bolted, streaked
careened, lurched
clambered, spiraled
tumbled
squeaked, whimpered,
whined
fur stood up
fur bristled
prickled
backed up slowly
hid behind…
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 48 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2D
I am Mouse. I look for my dinner. A bird tries to get
me, but I run into a hollow log.
(present tense)
I am Mouse. I _____________ (run) from bush to bush
_____________ (looking) for food. Finally, I _____________ (see) the
meadow where seeds have _____________from the _____________
_____________ grasses. Suddenly, a shadow _____________
across the ground towards me. I _____________ (run) into a
_____________ hollow log. I am safe.
Adjectives
(describing words)
Verbs (action words)
huge
dry
race
scavenge
rush
menacing
long
dive
drop
bolt
tall
dark
scamper scramble
dash
golden
mossy
search
scurry
creep
glimpse
fall
spot
spy
discover
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 49 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2D
The wolf pups played in the moonlight. Then they jumped
on their mother and bit her ears and tail. They howled.
(past tense)
The pups ______________ (played) and ______________ (played) in
the ______________ moonlight. Then they ____________ (jumped)
on their mother. They ______________(made sounds) and
____________ (made sounds) as they ______________(bit) her ears
and _____________ (bit) on her tail. Mother ______________ (got)
to her feet. Then they all ______________their heads and
in the ______________ night.
Adjectives
(describing words)
Verbs (action words)
raise
moonlit
green
tall
bright
dry
starry
silvery
pale
chomp
yelp
leap
scramble whine
tumble
wrestle
nip
growl
chew
roll
yip
lift
howl
raise
pounce
snarl
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 50 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2D
There was a big storm with thunder and
lightning. The wind blew and the rain fell.
(past tense)
_____________ clouds gathered in the sky. They churned and
_____________ in the rising wind. Distant thunder _____________
and lightning _____________ . The trees _____________ back and
forth as the wind _____________ and _____________ . At first only
a few raindrops _____________ (hit) the sidewalk, but a few minutes
later the rain drummed on the rooftops and _____________ down
the windows. I listened to the storm in my _____________ bed.
Adjectives
(describing words)
Verbs (action words)
huge
dusky
pelt
crack
churn
splatter
safe
cozy
stream
moan
sway
pour
warm
dark
rumble
scream
wave
speckle
grumble tumble
gather
roil
flash
howl
strike
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 51 -
Mentoring Young Writers
APPENDIX 2D
I am Eagle. I fly early in the morning. I see my
prey and I take him.
(present tense)
I am Eagle, _____________ (fly) silently in the early morning sky.
The moon and stars have _____________ away and the
____________light of dawn _____________ across the
countryside. I _____________ (fly) on the air currents. My scream
_____________ the air as I (look at) the ground below. When I
_____________ (see) a _____________ creature _____________(run)
below, I _____________ toward the ground. I _____________
the ______________ gopher with my _____________ talons. Ah!
Breakfast!
Adjectives
(describing words)
Verbs (action words)
terrified
pink
pierce
forage
fills
small
sharp
spy
snatch
penetrate scramble
soft
razorsharp
search
drift
grab
race
spot
glide
fade
travel
scan
plunge
spread
dive
helpless
tiny
© 2008. Mentoring Young Writers by Blanche Lamont. Permission to copy for classroom use.
- 52 -
scurry