Participation And
Decision Making In
Older Age Adoption
Elizabeth Cox,
Lynne Moggach and
Tina Smith
Barnardos Find-a-Family specialises
in “hard to place” children who have
been removed from their families
by the Children’s Court, have
experienced abuse and neglect and
have had multiple placements.
It is widely accepted that, for normal
development as adults, children need
a secure attachment to their primary
carer in infancy and early childhood
Bowlby and Ainsworth). Find-aFamily has found that it is possible
to enhance resilience in children who
have had very poor early attachment
by providing them with secure,
loving, accepting relationships, even
in the middle childhood years.
Elizabeth Cox is a Social Worker
and joined Barnardos in 1989, She
is Regional Manager for Find-aFamily.
Lynne Moggach, a Social Worker,
joined Barnardos in 1986 and is
Principal Officer, Adoption.
Tina Smith, a Social Worker, joined
Barnardos in 1984 and is Senior
Manager of Find-a-Family.
A longer version of this article has
been published as a Barnardos
Monograph
16
Between 1985 and 2003, Find-a-Family
placed 380 children, of whom 80%
are currently in their first permanent
placement or have remained there
until adulthood. Finalised adoption
orders have been achieved through
the NSW Supreme Court for 110 of
these children.
Barnardos undertakes a high
proportion of the adoption of
children in the care system and has
certain underlying beliefs that are
incorporated into the program.
Some of these are:
• Adoption produces better stability
than long-term foster care. The
evidence is overwhelmingly
strong that adoption offers the
best hope of long-term stability
for any child whose birth family
is unable to provide adequate
care with a defined space of time.
Adoption has a much better
record of providing stability
than open-ended foster care, and
many previous difficulties have
been overcome with the move to
open adoption and payment of
allowances.
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
• Adoption allows carers to
have trust in the placement
arrangements, thus enhancing
their capacity to build loving
relationships not reduced by fears
of loss.
• Children require stability in a
placement with the same carers
in order to develop to their full
potential.
• The child, the birth family and
the carer have the right to know
the long-term plans for the child’s
future at the earliest possible
opportunity.
• Children have the right to establish
and/or maintain a positive
relationship with their birth
family, even if it is not planned
that they will return to their care.
Information about, and contact
with, birth family members is
critical for children’s development
of their identity and self-esteem.
For children in permanent out-ofhome care, contact must be set at
a level which satisfies the identity
needs of the child, but does not
interfere with a child or young
person’s growing attachment to
their new family.
• The first priority of Barnardos is to
provide for the needs of the child.
The Survey
In 2003, Find-a-Family undertook a
survey of families who had adopted
a child through the program.
The survey focused on families’
understanding of, and involvement
in, the processes of decision-making
and adoption; perceptions of decisions
made and whether these had changed
over time; experiences that children
and families had with the agency
and workers and their experiences of
parenting/being parented.
Forty one families who had adopted
children between January 1993 and
July 2003 were asked to participate in
the survey as were children who were
over the age of five years when their
adoption was finalised. Subsequently,
questionnaires were sent to 38
families and 35 children/young
people. Of these:
• Eight families had adopted a single
preschool aged child
• Three families had adopted
preschool aged siblings
• One family had experienced two
placements/adoptions of unrelated
preschool aged children
• Seventeen families had adopted a
single school aged (“older”) child
• Seven families had adopted older
siblings
• One family had experienced two
placements/adoptions of unrelated
older children
• One family had adopted a sibling
group, then subsequent adoption
of 1 child
Twenty five parents’ questionnaires
(65 per cent) and 21 children’s
questionnaires were returned (60 per
cent).
Just under half of the parents had had
a preschool aged child placed with
them. Of these, just over half of the
children had been in placement for
more than 10 years, compared with
the older children, where only one
third had been in placement for more
than 10 years.
Nearly one-third of the children
had been of preschool age when
placed. At the time of completing
the questionnaire, one-third of these
children were in the 9-11 years age
group, with the remainder being 12-15
years old. Of the older children, half
were over the age of 16 at the time of
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
17
completing the questionnaire, with
only one child being under the age of
12. The ratio of males to females was
approximately 2 to 1.
Key Issues
1. Involvement In Decision-Making
And Match
It is Barnardos’ policy to involve
potential carers and children as much
as possible in the "match" between
child and new family. For carers, this
involves detailed discussions about
the specific needs of the particular
child, meeting with the current carers
and other significant people, speaking
with other professionals involved
with the child, and having access to
the child’s file. Workers keep children
informed about the process and
involve them through age-appropriate
discussions about what they believe
is important in a family, seeking their
assistance with advertisements and
facilitating their involvement in Case
Reviews. Barnardos believes that this
assists carers to make an informed
decision about the match and helps
children to feel involved in the
process, thus maximising the potential
permanency of the placement.
Workers believed that they were able
to achieve involvement in decisionmaking with older children; however
preschool children often had less
understanding of the process and
at times had to be moved quickly,
with less information available to
the agency and less opportunity for
involvement. This is born out in the
results of the questionnaire.
Just over two-thirds of the parents
of preschool children felt they had
little involvement in the decisionmaking with regard to the match with
their child. This compares sharply
with the parents of older children,
where the greater majority felt they
had medium/major involvement.
However, within both groups, almost
all felt that the level of involvement
was sufficient and that they trusted
Barnardos’ judgement.
Exactly half of the older children
felt they had a medium level of
involvement in the decision-making
process, while one-third felt they had
no involvement. However, one-third
of all these children felt that the
amount of involvement they had was
sufficient. None of the preschool aged
children remembered having been
involved in the process.
Exactly half the children felt their
worker asked what they were looking
for in a family; almost a half could not
remember. Regardless of the level of
involvement, almost two-thirds felt
their worker listened to them, and
well over two-thirds trusted their
worker to make the right decision
18
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
(many of the remainder could not
remember).
3. Early Experiences-Reflections On
The Initial Period Of Placement
Almost all parents stated that they
were given all necessary information
to assist them to make an informed
decision about the match.
There is a great deal of research
about the influence of a child’s
early life experiences on their future
development. In particular, it is
recognised that early childhood abuse
and disruption of the bonding cycle
have a major effect on the child’s
neurological, social, emotional and
physical development, as well as
on their ability to form significant
attachments. All but one of the
children who had been adopted had
experienced abuse and/or neglect
and rejection, as well as multiple
carers. The overwhelming majority
of their parents commented on
the impact of this on the child’s
behaviours, emotional development,
ability to learn and to form trusting
relationships. This, in turn, resulted
in the experience of parenting being
much more difficult than expected.
This confirmed the unanimous
response from preschool parents that
they believed the match was “right
at the time of placement” and “is still
right”, and that their fit with the child
was “really good”. This figure was
only slightly less for the parents of
older children.
2. Experience With Barnardos And
Its Workers
Barnardos’ experience, and research
from Australian and overseas
indicates that the quantity and quality
of support to children and carers has
a significant effect on the stability of a
placement, particularly when children
have specific and challenging needs.
Barnardos believes that continuity
of worker and ongoing support to
families after adoption improves the
potential for success. Historically,
access to support has been extremely
difficult for many adoptive parents.
Our questionnaire confirmed our
hypothesis regarding the importance
of continuity of worker, with just
under half of the parents and
children involved in the survey
having the same worker throughout
the placement. An overwhelming
majority of parents believed that
their worker knew them well enough
to make the match, that they were
listened to and well supported; well
over two-thirds of the children trusted
their worker.
Impact of the child’s early experiences
All parents noted the impact of
the child’s early experiences on
the early stages of the placement,
especially noting the effect on the
child’s emotional development.
They described their child as being
“very quiet and distant”, “disturbed
and confused”, more unsettled than
we realised he would be”, “not able to
freely give cuddles, or did not really like
affection, although she loved to be very
close besides us”.
Parents of older children noted the
learning difficulties and the extreme
behaviours shown by their children,
commenting on their child’s low
self-esteem, poor academic and
social skills, extreme behaviours and
difficulties with discipline and family
rules.
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
19
Impact of previous placements
All but one child in our survey had
had more than one placement, with
almost half the older children having
had more than three moves prior
to their placement with Barnardos.
Half of the preschool aged children
and over one-third of older children
could not remember the number of
previous placements that they had
had. Almost all the older children had
mixed memories of their previous
placements, compared with only onethird of the preschool aged children.
Only one third of parents of preschool
children felt that the number of
previous placements had an impact
on the child’s adjustment to their
new family, perhaps reflecting the
age of the child at placement and the
fewer moves experienced by these
children. This contrasts sharply with
the older children, where almost three
quarters of parents felt that previous
placements had a definite impact. In
particular, they commented about the
impact on the child’s sense of security
within the placement and on their
ability to make and keep friends.
“The number of placements had left our
child very sceptical of people, especially
of adults – his hopes were built up and let
down several times”
of placement, first noticed feelings
of being wanted and loved by their
adoptive families. They spoke about
having adults who cared about them,
with this being displayed by their
adoptive families taking an interest
in them and playing with them, and
described positive feelings from
having someone interested in them as
a person, interested in what they liked
and what they wanted to do.
“They made my sisters and I feel that we
were wanted and loved.”
“Both were in constant fear of us
leaving. They were never really able to
be completely emotionally honest fearing
that if they showed us emotion we could
hurt their feelings by some form of
rejection.”
“They made me fit in, often took us to the
park, made my lunch for school, listened
to what I had to say, cared for us”
What the children first noticed about
their families
When asked “what things were most
important when you came to live
with your family?” the responses
highlighted the importance of having
been placed with their siblings, of
Overwhelmingly the children,
regardless of their age at the time
20
What was most important for children
when first placed?
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
having stability, of being looked
after and of being safe, with almost
every child commenting on the issue
of feeling safe. Food also played an
important role, with many children
commenting upon the fact that their
parents made breakfast and lunch for
them, and that they ate healthier food.
“That I had both my brother and sister
with me and that the parents loved me for
who I was”
“Being safe and staying put”
“I wanted to feel safe and loved”
Impact on parenting
The majority of all parents believed
that adoptive parenting was much
more difficult than they had expected,
with this being more marked with
those who had adopted older
children. Almost all parents spoke
of being very tired, of the constant
demand for their attention and the
effect on their marriage, with many
noting that nothing could have totally
prepared them for the experience.
“No-one could have prepared us for how
difficult it could be or how long term the
damage to a young child is”
“The workload was a lot more than
expected. Underestimated the emotions
of insecurity you go through…... You
underestimate the damage emotionally the
child has experienced, you think you can
fix things but have to accept you can only
make them better”
4. Down the Track
Feelings towards child
The responses showed that the
younger the child was when placed,
the more quickly relationships were
established. One-third of the parents
of preschool children reported that
there had been no change in their
feelings towards their child, with
several noting that they were able to
immediately form a bond because of
the child’s age.
Parents of older children, however,
took longer to establish those
relationships, with the overwhelming
majority reporting that there had been
significant changes in their feelings
over time. Many commented on the
difficulties that they had faced in
developing their relationship with
their child and that it took many years
to establish a relationship of trust.
Some parents were still struggling
with their relationship with the child
and with aspects of their child’s
behaviour.
“We are mostly glad we didn’t give up”
“Realisation of how deep and complex
is the lasting damage from abuse and
dislocation of the child. How resilient the
child is – strong survival skills. Different
feelings of love and its different ways, and
the testing of that.”
Children’s feelings about their family
Approximately two-thirds of all
children felt that their feelings
about their parents had changed “a
lot”, speaking of an improvement
in all aspects of their relationship,
including the knowledge that they
were loved, that they talked more,
loved their parents more, felt safe and,
overwhelmingly were “treated as part
of the family”.
Current Situation
When considering what was most
important for their child at the present
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
21
time, all parents focused on their
child’s self-esteem, happiness, safety,
security and ability to reach their
potential.
“That we made him feel safe and hope
to provide him with a good future to the
best of our abilities and to know that he is
loved regardless of any outcomes”
what they wanted in a family and
how they really felt about adoption.
One child described the importance
of the worker maintaining hope and
being positive.
When considering “what is the most
important thing for you about your
family”, the children felt safe in the
knowledge that they were loved. They
rated the feeling of “happiness” and
“safety” very highly, along with the
sense of having “a family”.
“Tell the children that they are loved and
someone is waiting out there for them,
don’t give up hope”
“That I’m a part of a family and I feel safe
with them”
Children’s Advice To Workers
When asked what advice they would
offer workers, the children felt
strongly about their worker speaking
with them and listening to them. They
wanted workers to find out from them
“Ask them what they feel about being
adopted and how they feel about it”
Several children were very realistic about
the tasks of adoptive parenting.
“Be certain that they can communicate
with children well”
“Make sure the family knows what they
are doing”
Parents’ Advice To Other Families
All but one of the families was
very positive about their adoption
experience, with comments being
similar for parents of both preschool
and older children. In particular,
most stressed the importance of
commitment, patience and of not
giving up.
“Take off the rose coloured glasses, now!
Assume what can go wrong will go
wrong – and then double it don’t even
contemplate a dull stretch. Be patient ….
The wait is well worth while. Our most
enriching and fulfilling moments are
happening right now – 12 years down the
track”
“Be prepared for the emotional insecurity
of the issue of possession of the child.
Don’t have set expectations. There will be
some great times but it will take time and
a lot of work. Don’t try to change them,
just make them secure and happy. And
take it from there”
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developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
Conclusion
Of the 25 surveys, the responses were
overwhelmingly positive about the
impact of adoption for the child.
“Like any relationships, you have good
times and you have other times…..not bad
just other. My wife and I would sit down
and look at each other now and again
and wonder what was missing in our
lives before the children. We had freedom,
we had money, we had friends, went on
holidays – then kids – that was the end of
that lifestyle. I speak for my wife as well
as myself, there is not one single second I
would change as a parent. Certainly not
in looks, but I belong to one of the most
beautiful families you could ever meet and
I am extremely proud of all of them”
While differences in all areas were
noted between the preschool and
older children, there were no
significant differences in these issues
between those who had adopted
a single child or a sibling group.
However, some parents who had
had a second placement spoke
about the impact of this placement
on the first child, with this at times
being detrimental. Both parents and
children expressed a strong sense of
trust in their worker and the agency
and most parents felt that they were
involved in the decision-making
process and had been given all
necessary information to help them
make their decision.
For children, the most important
aspects of being in their family
were clearly those of feeling safe, of
having involved parents, of feeling
loved, having food and being part
of a family. These same feelings of
“belonging” have been emphasised
time and time again by the children
who have been adopted through
Barnardos, and are critical in a child’s
wish to be adopted. Parents and
workers need to take these comments
on board and ensure that parents
are available for the child and have
the time, energy and commitment to
develop their relationship and focus
on the nurturing aspect of their care.
Also of great importance is the child’s
wish to be involved in the process.
Nearly all the children, regardless of
age at placement, wanted workers to
talk with and listen to them, both in
respect to their match with a family
and the adoption process. What was
reassuring was that, regardless of the
level of involvement and the number
of workers the child had had, the
greater majority of children trusted
their worker. Workers need to listen
to the comments of these children and
ensure that all children participate in
the making of decisions that impact
on their lives.
Not surprisingly, the greater majority
of parents felt that adoptive parenting
was much more difficult than they
had expected. Many commented that
nothing could have totally prepared
them for the experience nor have
equipped them for the long-term
impact of early damage to a child. The
one family whose experience was not
positive had adopted an older child,
with many behavioural and emotional
difficulties.
Overall, the overwhelming majority
of parents were extremely positive
about their experience and stressed
the critical importance of commitment
to the child and “stickability”.
All children have the right to belong
to a family, and as carers and workers
we have the responsibility to ensure
that that family environment is a safe
and loving one. We also have the
developing practice 19: Winter/Spring 2007
23
responsibility to provide permanency
for the child – Barnardos’ experience
is that, for some children, adoption
may be the most appropriate plan to
ensure this.
As one child said:
“Still try and find a family fast but better
to take a long time to get the right one” ■
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