Active Listening Summary
Compiled and Presented by Joyce Batty
SCT 2 2015
Servant Leadership
Servant leadership, defined in many ways, is a journey toward helping others to grow. It is an influencing
process to make a difference in people’s lives. Jesus is our perfect model. To make a difference in
people’s lives, we must learn how to listen to them, to understand them through our hearts, hands,
habits, and head.
Common Misconceptions about Listening
1. It’s difficult to learn how to listen.
a. We all learn to listen at an early age. It is our first communication skill. How well we
listen depends on our circumstances, our motivation, and our personality. Listening is so
natural that we can develop bad habits and become blasé. The key is to practice and
apply good listening skills in all communication situations.
2. I’m a good listener.
a. People often overestimate their own listening abilities. This means other people think
they are better listeners than you. The only measurement is through the understanding
you gain. Believing you are a better listener is only true if you practice good listening
skills over a period of time.
3. Intelligent people are better listeners.
a. There is no link between measures of cognitive ability, intelligence (IQ) and how well we
listen. Being smart or having a good vocabulary may make it easier to process
information, but more intelligent people are likely to get bored easily and tune-out.
People with higher emotional intelligence (EQ) are more likely to be better listeners
because they assess, identify, and manage their emotions and the emotions of others.
4. Hearing is the same as listening.
a. It is perfectly possible to have good learning, but poor listening skills. Hearing enables
you to hear and interpret sound, but listening means focusing on the meaning of the
words and putting them in context for gained understanding. Good listeners also read
non-verbal signals, their tone of voice, gestures, and general body language to listen
more effectively.
b. Hearing is easy; listening is hard.
c. Hearing is passive; listening is active.
d. Hearing is a physical function of biology; listening is a mental function of internal
behavior.
e. Listening is beyond words, more than hearing.
5. We listen better as we get older.
a. Without effective practice, listening may actually get worse. While our capacity to listen
is likely to improve because of gaining experience and understanding of our world, we
just use this capacity if we want to listen effectively.
6. Gender affects listening ability.
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a. Generally, men and women value communication differently. Women tend to place a
higher value on connection, cooperation, and emotional messages. Men generally are
more concerned with facts. This doesn’t mean women are better listeners than men or
vice-versa; there are merely differences in the ways in which messages are interpreted.
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-misconceptions.html#ixzz345NRuDEw
Importance of Good Listening
Most people, most of the time, take listening for granted; it’s something that just happens. It is only
when you stop to think about listening and what it entails that you begin to realize that listening is an
important skill that needs to be nurtured and developed.
Effective listening is very often the foundation of strong relationships with others, at home, socially, in
education, and in the workplace.
Listening: the process of receiving, constructing meaning from,
and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages. –
International Listening Association
What is listening?
Listening is not just about being quiet while someone else is
speaking.
Listening is the process of receiving, constructing meaning
from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.
Listening is an active process.
Objectives of Listening
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To learn.
To increase understanding.
To advise or counsel.
To relieve boredom (listening to music).
Importance of Listening
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Communication is not complete without effective listening.
An attentive listener stimulates better speaking by the speaker.
A good listener learns more than an indifferent listener.
A good listener can restructure vague speaking in a way that produces clearer meaning.
A good listener learns to detect prejudices, assumptions, and attitudes.
A good listener honors the speaker by showing interest and respect.
Good listening avoids communications errors and enhances empathy.
Good listening is the key to success!
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Barriers to Effective Listening
Physical
Noise, poor acoustics, defective mechanical devices, frequent interruptions, uncomfortable seating
arrangements, uncomfortable environment, message overload.
Physiological (people related)
State of health of the listener, disability, wandering attention, being unsure of the speaker’s ability,
personal anxiety, attitude, impatience, and emotional blocks (seated beliefs or misconceptions.)
Other items may include selective listening, negative listening attitudes, personal reactions, and poor
motivation.
Why People Don’t Listen
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People don’t focus; they are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful 75% of the time.
We usually recall just 50% of what was said immediately after we talk.
We remember just 20% of what we hear.
Only 2% of us have had formal educational experience with listening.
We have other priorities.
Basic Types of Listening
General Listening Types
Discriminative Listening
This is the most basic form of listening and doesn’t involve the understanding of the meaning of words
or phrases—merely the different sounds that are produced. This is used in early childhood when
distinguishing between a mother and father’s voice. Discriminative listening develops into adulthood as
we learn to recognize subtle differences in how sounds are made such as foreign languages, accents,
clues to emotions and feelings. This uses visual stimuli to capture body language.
Comprehensive Listening
This type of listening involves understanding the message that is being communicated. Like
discriminative listening, it is fundamental to all listening sub-types. To listen comprehensively, the
listener needs appropriate vocabulary and language skills. This may include technical jargon or unknown
terms. Seeking clarification, using reflection, and asking questions are vital to comprehensive listening.
Sub-types of Listening
Informational Listening
This is commonly used when listening to the news, getting a recipe from a friend, getting help with a
computer, etc. You are basically listening to learn. This requires concentration and a conscious effort to
understand. While this can be active, it often is more passive.
Critical Listening
The goal of critical listening is to evaluate or scrutinize what is being said. This type of listening is very
active and often involves problem solving or decision making. Critical listening is similar to critical
reading—receiving new information in light of what we already know and believe. Critical does not
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imply that what you are hearing is faulty or flawed. It merely means that you are asking yourself
questions such as, “what is the speaker trying to say? Or “what is the main argument being presented?”
or “How does what I’m hearing differ from my beliefs, knowledge or opinions.” Critical listening is key to
true learning.
It is important to have an open mind and use active listening skills to truly understand the speaker.
Active Listening
Understanding what is being said, interacting appropriately, and giving proper feedback.
Selective Listening
We only remember what we choose to remember. We fail to get the whole story. This is a negative type
of listening and implies the listener is somehow biased. This type is a definite sign of failing
communication.
Empathetic Listening
We try to understand the feelings and emotions of the speaker as we put ourselves in the speaker’s
shoes and share their thoughts. This is a great way to connect with another person, and can be
challenging. This is not the same as sympathy. Empathetic listening gains a realization and
understanding of another person’s point of view.
Active Listening: listening and responding
that focuses the attention on the speaker to
improve mutual understanding.
Thoughts on Active Listening
Active listening skills need to be taught.
Active listening helps us to understand a situation in its entirety and when that happens, it automatically
leads to efficiency in work and otherwise. It also leads to improving of relations among people. It gives a
person confidence because he understands the situation completely and fully and can make informed
decisions. Active listening skills help get rid of biases and prejudices. It gives them a chance to
understand a person fully before tuning him and his thoughts off.
Active listening builds trust and encourages positive problem-solving. It uses non-verbal cues (eye
contact, pause/silence, facial expressions, and body language) to decipher meaning as well as to show
the speaker of the listener’s attention.
Active Listening Techniques
Several techniques are listed here. Mixing the techniques will produce the most effective conversations.
Door Openers
Door openers are used when a person approaches you and you don’t know if they will talk about their
situation or not. This technique is a non-coercive invitation to them to speak.. Basically, you will reflect
on the other person’s behavior, invite them to talk, and wait in silence. Then listen reflectively.
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These phrases are used to enable them to begin the conversation:
1. Would you like to talk about it?
2. Can I be of any help with this problem?
3. I’d be interested to hear how you feel.
4. Would it help to talk about it?
5. Sometimes it helps to get it off your chest.
6. I’ve got the time if you have. Want to talk?
7. Hi, (name). You appear a little glum.
8. You seem happy. I’d like to hear about it.
9. Is something bothering you?
10. You seem upset. Care to talk about it?
Verbal Cues
Verbal cues can be used to let the speaker know you are listening. They can be three-word statements
or non-verbal gestures. Samples are:
Um-humm
Uh-huh
Oh
Sure
Go on
You did, eh?
No fooling!
Yes
Sounds good
Repetition
Although this may seem mundane, simply repeating what the person just said. This will force the listener
to pay better attention to what is being said and let the speaker know you are hearing what is being
said. This technique will often prod the speaker to add to what they’ve already said, giving you further
insight into their thoughts. Avoid overusing this method. It is okay to interrupt the speaker to check your
understanding of what they are saying. For this technique, you use their words.
Repetition is an excellent technique to use on phone calls to clarify information being received. It is also
effective when facilitating questions and answers to make sure the question is understood (and heard
by the audience).
Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing involves taking a set of facts or opinions and rewording them. When paraphrasing, it is
important to keep the original meaning and to present it in a new form. Basically, you are simply writing
something in your own words that expresses the original idea. Paraphrasing is a skill that ensures the
listener understands what has been said. Instead of using the speaker’s words, you repeat what you
heard in your words. This technique is especially useful when discussing a complex subject such as in
customer support or medical situations. It is an excellent tool to use in problem solving.
Reflective Listening
Reflective listening shows empathy, understanding, and clarification. Done properly, it enhances
relationships through the other person’s psychology, not the listener’s. Reflective listening includes
feelings as well as content or meaning. This technique helps the speaker understand their own feelings.
You can use this technique for good times as well as bad times. A good practice is to reflect on what has
been said before responding.
When using feeling reflections, observe words used as well as tone of voice and body language. Then
begin your response with phrases like these:
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You feel. . .
You’re feeling. . .
You sound. . .
You’re sounding. . .
You look. . .
You’re looking. . .
The second part of reflective listening is reflecting meaning. This is done by combining reflective feelings
with content. Here are some examples: The first blank will be a feeling word; the second, content.
“You feel ________ because ________”
“You feel ________ about __________”
“You feel ________ when __________”
“You feel ________ that ___________”
Summarizing
Summarizing is done to conclude a conversation and make sure everyone is on the same page. It is
different than reflective listening because it captures the essence of the other’s thoughts and feelings
about a particular value or perspective. Here is an example:
“You’re upset and confused as to why government leaders would continue to
escalate the arms race beyond security needs. The expenditures are often wasteful
and take money away from important human needs.”
Characteristics of Active Listeners
1. They are discriminating, discerning, and determined to use what they hear.
2. They are willing to be attentive to all facts, emotions, ideas, implications, and applications.
This person is willing to put aside any prejudices toward a speaker or an organization. They
know how to apply objective values to what is being said.
3. They are willing to reconsider some of their previous biases, presuppositions, values, beliefs,
and traditions when truth is told in context.
4. They are interested in perceiving ideas from another person’s viewpoint. This person has
learned to appreciate the value of diverse cultures, experiences, and educational
backgrounds. They are tolerant.
5. They are willing to put away negative feelings, grudges, hurts, anger, resentments, and
skepticism to gain greater understanding from anyone.
6. They are willing to give their full mental and emotional attention to the one speaking.
7. They are ready to make application to the thoughts, attitudes, and values of the speaker.
8. They are able to suspend judgment, criticism, and harsh evaluation until the speaker
presents the entire case.
9. They possess enough patience and concentration to let the speaker finish a complete
thought.
10. They know how to listen for substance as well as the implications of what is being said.
11. They know how to use great questions to encourage dialogue with people.
12. They know how to show proper respect and kindness to those who are speaking without
interrupting them.
13. They know how to listen for multiple meanings in what is being said.
14. They are not afraid of hearing something that is new and different.
15. They prayerfully consider what individuals say regardless of their status, gender, or age.
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Tips to Effective Listening
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Give the speaker your undivided attention. (Don’t be thinking of your response.)
Put away any distracting items. Adjust to the situation.
Suggest a less distracting environment if necessary. (no TV, visitors passing by, etc.)
Focus on the topic being discussed. (Avoid mind wandering.)
Use attentive body language.
Face the speaker.
Maintain eye contact.
Show interest by inserting positive verbal clues that you are listening. (uh huh, I see, etc.)
Take notes, (with permission)
Ask questions to clarify.
Wait until the speaker finishes before you respond. Stay on the subject.
Look at the speaker (even if he/she isn’t looking at you.)
Empathize.
Practice listening.
Delay judgment.
Accept responsibility for understanding.
Encourage others to talk.
Don’t tune out “dry” subjects.
Listen with an open mind.
Focus on key points.
Repress emotional responses.
Pay attention to non-verbal messages.
Be Patient
It is physically impossible to speak and
listen at the same time.
Applicable Quotes
1. I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what
you hear is not what I meant.
2. Listening is the second part of any effective communication interchange and is the part that is
frequently taken for granted. One assumes that listening is something that “just happens.”
Many people fail to recognize the difference between passive listening and active listening.
3. Nature has given us one tongue, but two ears, so that we may hear from others twice as much
as we speak.
4. A wise person said “Listening is the hardest thing in the world.”
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5. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen R. Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective
People)
6. The universe talks to all of us. We just need to know How to Listen. . .
7. “One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them.” Dean Rusk
8. “But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just
listen.” Author unknown
9. What is the opposite word of talking?
Listening
In many cases it is not. waiting to talk!
10. “Listening is giving the other person the experience of being heard.” Bix Bickson
11. “So when you are listening to somebody completely & attentively, then you are listening not
only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part
of it.” Jiddy Krishnamurti
12. “The greatest gift you can give others is the purity of your attention.” Richard Moss
13. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and
listen.” Winston Churchill
14. “We need to enhance listening in every corner and quarter of society.” Dr. Ralph G. Nichols
15. “Listen a hundred times; ponder a thousand times; speak once.” Turkish Proverb
Biblical References to Listening
James 1:19
Mark 4: 1-22
Matt 11:15
Mark 4:23-25
Heb 5:11
2 Tim 4: 3-4
Luke 8:15
Active Listening
“Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Parables of the sower. Also Matt 13:9; 13:43
“He who has ears to hear, let him hear”
“Take heed what you hear. With the same measure you use, it will be measured to
you; and to you who hear, more will be given. For whoever has, to him more will be
given; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.”
“. . . of whom we have much to say, and hard to explain, since you have become dull
of hearing.”
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to
their own desires, because they have itching ears; they will help up for themselves
teachers and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to
fables.”
“But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with
a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.”
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Acts 17:11
Matt 13: 16-17
Heb 4: 1-2
Isa 55: 2-3
Luke 9:35
“These (the Bereans) were more fair-minded than those in all readiness, and searched
the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.”
“But blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear. For assuredly, I
say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and
did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.”
“Therefore, since a promise remains of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you
seem to have come short of it. For indeed the gospel was preached to us as well as to
them; but the word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith
in those who heard it.”
“Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not
satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good. And let your soul delight itself in
abundance. Include your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live; And I will
make an everlasting covenant with you”—The sure mercies of David.
“And a voice came out of the cloud, saying: ‘This is My beloved Son. Hear Him!’”
Bibliography
http://www.ehow.com/way_6169611_lesson-plans-listening-skills.htm1#ixzz345RX6pxc
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-misconceptions.html#ixzz345NRuDEw
http://www.Sermoncentral.com
Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Reflective Listening white paper Neil Katz & Kevin McNulty
Active/Reflective Listening, Dong Hanh online
Moses Illusion white paper
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