Writing Effective Sentences Once we learn to structure a cohesive argument, our greatest challenge usually is to find a way to communicate that argument effectively. Even well-­‐designed arguments sometimes do not live up to their potential when •
readers find the writing to be indirect, abstract, dense, and unclear •
readers need to work hard to translate ideas into clear thoughts •
readers need to fill in any missing ideas from their own knowledge •
readers interpret unclear sentences in a way the writer did not expect or want •
readers distrust or become confused about the information because the writing contains excessive typographical and grammatical errors Sometimes readers feel that particular writing is unclear or abstract. When we say that a piece of writing is unclear or abstract, however, we’re really expressing how we feel as readers. “This writing is wordy” means “I have to work too hard to extract too little meaning.” “This writing is confusing” means “I am confused.” Our impressionistic judgments may describe our honest (and valid) responses, but they usually don’t point to specific things writers can fix. The sections that follow highlight specific ways to improve writing at the sentence level. These sections address some of the most prevalent problems that appear in academic writing. Effective Sentences Maintain Consistent Verb Tenses As Diana Hacker states in The Bedford Handbook, “Consistent verb tenses clearly establish the time of the actions being described. When a passage begins in one tense and then shifts without warning and for no reason to another, readers are distracted and confused” (225-­‐226). In addition, writers often have trouble with verb tenses when they write about literature, movies, or the writings of critics, experts, and others. As a general rule, writers use the present tense when discussing a text (such as Shakespeare’s Hamlet). Writers use the past tense when discussing real events that occurred in the past. Note the verb tenses in the following examples: In Hamlet, Prince Hamlet seeks revenge on his uncle Claudius. As the PBS video reveals, the boy had serious problems with his parents. Katie Jones explains in her article that she shocked her mother by revealing her desire to attend Dartmouth instead of her mother’s alma mater, Yale. Effective Sentences Tend to Use Strong Verbs In many ways, verbs are the most important words we use as writers and speakers. They convey action, keep readers alert, and add power to writing. When we use vague, limp, empty verbs, our sentences do not convey action or tell a vivid story. As much as possible, try to steer clear of weak verbs like to be and to have (these verbs include the conjugations and various tenses of those verbs, such as am, are, been, is, was, were, has, had). Keep in mind, though, that writers sometimes need to use the verbs to be and to have. For example, sometimes writers use such verbs to describe something: “Violence is a major problem in America.” At other times, writers need such verbs to express ongoing action: “The criminal is serving a life term.” © Carolyn Daughters :: www.carolyndaughters.com :: 2013 1 Writing Effective Sentences Review the paragraphs below, which show how Forbes.com contributor Roger Dooley relies heavily on strong verbs to convey action (strong verbs are in bold).1 Sample Paragraphs “Ask any marketer to name a few of the most powerful and respected brands, and Apple and Google will be near the top. Indeed, a recent consumer survey found that these iconic brands ranked #2 and #3, respectively, after first-­‐place Amazon and ahead of #4 Target. A second study, though, attempted to measure the subconscious preferences of these consumers. In this ranking, Apple slipped to #8 and Google slid all the way to #13. “The great promise of neuromarketing is to dig beneath the surface of our conscious likes, dislikes, and motivations to find out what is really driving our behavior. Ad firm Young & Rubicam teamed up with psychologist Dr. Joel Weinberger of Adelphi University to design a study that would probe the respondents’ subconscious preferences using implicit association testing.” Effective Sentences Tend to Use Active Verbs Many of your English teachers probably have told you to use active verbs instead of passive verbs. Though this sounds easy, the concept becomes more difficult in practice. For one, many people don’t know the difference between active and passive voice. For another, even those who know the difference sometimes have trouble changing passive verbs to active verbs. The paragraphs below, then, define passive and active voice and explain why readers can follow your argument most easily when you use the active voice. Definition: Passive Voice Writers who use the passive voice rely on the verb to be. As already mentioned, be verbs are weak and unimaginative. They can strip the power from potentially powerful verbs. In short, passive voice is the combination of a form of the verb to be and a past participle (the past tense of a verb, which often ends in ed or en). The following are examples of passive verbs: are read, were committed, and is viewed. Still confused? Perhaps it will help to look at the passive voice in another way. In passive voice, the receiver of the action is the subject of the sentence. The agent of the action either appears in a prepositional phrase beginning with by or doesn’t appear at all. In the examples below, the form of the verb “to be” is in bold, the past participle is in italics, and the agent (if present) is underlined. receiver action Cinderella stories are read Violent acts were committed Politicians are seen agent by many girls. by the criminal. as fakes. Definition: Active Voice To change passive voice to active voice, simply assign responsibility (a main subject or agent) for the action in a sentence. In the active voice, the agent of the action is the subject of the sentence, and the receiver of the action follows the verb. In the first two examples shown above, those agents are “girls” and “the criminal.” Thrusting those agents to the front of the sentence eliminates the “be” verb. The 1
http://www.forbes.com/sites/rogerdooley/2013/09/19/apple-­‐google/, 2013. © Carolyn Daughters :: www.carolyndaughters.com :: 2013 2 Writing Effective Sentences third example above does not mention an agent; as such, you’ll need to provide one and place it at the front of the sentence. Look at the three revised examples that follow: agent action receiver Many girls read Cinderella stories. The criminal committed violent acts. Some people see politicians as fakes. Sometimes the Passive Voice Serves a Purpose The passive voice does serve a purpose at times. Academic and professional writers often make strategic use of the passive voice for two main reasons: (1) To avoid naming the agent. You may decide to use passive voice when you don’t know who performed the action or when you don’t want to assign (or admit) responsibility. In response to questions about the Iran-­‐Contra affair, for example, President Reagan made the following statement, thus absolving himself of all responsibility for high-­‐level “mistakes”: Mistakes were made … (2) To shift the focus away from the agent. You might use the passive voice in scientific and technical writing when neither you nor your readers care about the agent of the action. For instance, you may be talking about a procedure you performed or an object you studied, and you want to tell its story rather than your own. In this case, the active voice would focus too much on the writer rather than the procedure (“I measured … I determined …”). The passive voice, then, would be more appropriate, as shown below. The differences between the two sets of results were measured. The reason for the discrepancy was determined. Effective Sentences Vary Sentence Length Readers expect the language in essays, reports, articles, and books to hold their attention. One way writers meet this expectation is by varying the length of sentences. Writers also tend to combine short sentences so ideas seem more sophisticated and less choppy. Imagine how difficult it would be to read an entire report or book written in short sentences like these: The great promise of neuromarketing is to dig beneath the surface of our conscious likes, dislikes, and motivations. The goal is to find out what is really driving our behavior. Ad firm Young & Rubicam teamed up with psychologist Dr. Joel Weinberger of Adelphi University. Together, they designed a study. This study was intended to probe the respondents’ subconscious preferences. They assessed these preferences using implicit association testing. These choppy sentences can be combined so the writer’s ideas flow more smoothly: “The great promise of neuromarketing is to dig beneath the surface of our conscious likes, dislikes, and motivations to find out what is really driving our behavior. Ad firm Young & Rubicam teamed up with psychologist Dr. Joel Weinberger of Adelphi University to design a study that would probe the respondents’ subconscious preferences using implicit association testing.” © Carolyn Daughters :: www.carolyndaughters.com :: 2013 3 Writing Effective Sentences Effective Sentences Use Carefully Chosen Words One of the most challenging tasks for writers is to use language in a way that helps to persuade readers. The best way to find specific, concrete, and interesting words for our arguments? Practice and peer reviews. Diana Hacker also notes, “Even if you are not reaching for … perfection in your writing, you will sometimes find yourself wishing for better words. The dictionary is the obvious first place to turn, a thesaurus the second. … [However, don’t] turn to a thesaurus in search of exotic, fancy words …. Look instead for words that exactly express your meaning. Most of the time these words will be familiar to both you and your readers” (270-­‐271). Avoid Informal Language Like Slang and Contractions Diana Hacker states, “Slang is an informal and sometimes private vocabulary that expresses the solidarity of a group such as teenagers, rock musicians, or football fans; it is subject to more rapid change than standard English. … Although slang has a certain vitality, it is a code that not everyone understands, and it is very informal. Therefore, it is inappropriate in most written work” (262). In addition, it is important to remember that some degree of formality is expected in college and professional writing. Readers often view the use of slang and contractions in essays and reports as overly informal and colloquial. Avoid Broad References to This, That, Which, and It Diana Hacker explains, “For clarity, the pronouns this, that, which, and it should ordinarily refer to specific antecedents rather than to whole ideas or sentences. When a pronoun’s reference is needlessly broad, either replace the pronoun with a noun or supply an antecedent to which the pronoun clearly refers” (332). Hacker does list one exception: “Many writers view broad reference as acceptable when the pronoun refers clearly to the sense of an entire clause” (333). One cause of school violence is excessive violence in the media. This deserves a solution. One cause of school violence is excessive violence in the media. This problem with violence in America’s schools deserves a solution. Avoid Expletives Like There Is, There Are and It Is Expletives like there is, there are, and it is often serve as weak and uninteresting placeholders. They fill in the gap where the subject of the sentence should be and thus delay that subject. There are many causes of school violence. There is one theory that blames the influence of violence in the media. It is also the fault of poor parenting. School violence has many causes. One theory blames the influence of violence in the media, while another theory blames poor parenting. © Carolyn Daughters :: www.carolyndaughters.com :: 2013 4