NEWSLETTER OF THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM
DECEMBER 2012
President ... Claire Dunne
President Elect ... John Wallace
Vice President ... Jane Harding
Treasurer ... Bill Muir
Secretary ... Jane Harding
THE PRESIDENT'S CORNER
Each month seems to be busier than the previous one and November was no exception.
There were plenty of opportunities to enjoy fellowship with other clubs. At the beginning of
the month it was a pleasure to welcome many Rotarians and partners from around the
District when we hosted the farewell event for the visiting GSE team from Australia. Despite
the fact that they were at the end of a month’s activities they seemed to enjoy the delights
of Swaffham and surrounding area.
The following week saw Mike and Jane, Lawrie, Liam and I off to Dereham for their Charter
night. As has happened quite often I was the last speaker so my ‘speech’ was by necessity
quite brief! Dorothy hosted a President’s get together in Lydney House later that week.
After a lovely meal provided by David and Sarah the chat centred around the importance of
clubs keeping in contact, working together and providing support whenever possible. Bill,
Nigel and I scattered to Fakenham where we were warmly welcomed and enjoyed listening
to their speaker talk about the lighter side of credit control. Back in the club business
matters tended to dominate but we had 2 very interesting and entertaining talks from our
own members Neville and Peter. Despite a number of other Christmas events our Christmas
Fayre was once again a success.
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I did find time for some other social events. I saw ‘Blood Brothers’ in the Theatre Royal in
Norwich. It was my third time to see this musical but it was the best production to date. Do
see this show if you ever get an opportunity. I paid my first visit to the Christmas
Spectacular in Thursford and was genuinely impressed at the scale of the event which has
50 coaches visit every day. The Gala Fundraising Dinner for the Church and East Anglian Air
Ambulance was a wonderful event. We left with a football signed by Norwich players
(bought in the auction) and my raffle prize—a book! The Kings Lynn Soroptomists held a
very successful fundraising lunch in Hunstanton organised by June Muir. The guest speaker
was Dame Stella Rimington and after her talk I sold a large quantity of her books.
When I wasn’t attending these various events I was in the shop making sure I had all the
expected bestsellers on the shelves. On Friday the lights will be switched on which will
remind us, if we need reminding, that Christmas is not too far away which brings me to my
final Pedlar’s Post words for this year---enjoy the hustle and bustle of shopping, decorating,
cooking etc and remember how lucky we are to be able to share it with family and friends.
A happy and peaceful Christmas to you all. Claire
THE CLUB PROGRAMME FOR DECEMBER IS AS FOLLOWS:
Date
2012
Dec. 3rd
10th
11th
17th
24th
31st
Event / Speaker
Lunch
Tuesday
Alan Jones
Richard Mason -- Arctic and Antarctic
Club Council Meeting
CHRISTMAS PARTY
No meeting
No meeting
THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM
Duty
Member
Malcolm
Robin
Guests?
Dorothy
Yes
Yes
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CLUB
SERVICE
CHRISTMAS PARTY 17th DECEMBER
I am pleased to be able to report that over two thirds of members have indicated that they will be
coming to the Christmas Party and numbers attending are currently in the low 40’s.
However I have far fewer baby or toddler photos. To make this a demanding identification
challenge I need lots more photos. Please, don’t put it off any longer – have a rake round your
loft for that old album and find that early photo. If you are bringing guests, please ask them to
do the same then we can have some serious fun identifying who is who.
If you are still debating whether to come, you may be swayed by knowing that our Committees
have risen to the challenge and will be entertaining us. I need to let The George have our menu
choices at least a week in advance so replies, one way or the other by 7 th December, would be
very helpful.
****************************************************
NEW WEBSITE: PROGRESS REPORT
Paul Young is making excellent progress in developing our new website. In fact, he has done as much
as he can without further input from us.
My request for photographs on “open” events has produced a good response. If anyone was
thinking of sending me something but has not yet got around to it, please do. I hope to make a final
selection to send on to Paul this weekend
Several members have undertaken to revise material on our existing website. It would be helpful if
could do this in the next week or so. Paul is happy for us to “trickle” material to him. So, as soon as
it is ready please let me have it, and I will pass it on.
If anyone has any ideas for new material (I have had one already) please could I have that as soon as
possible.
Finally, if you would like to see the site as it develops, the address I sent round earlier is still valid:
http://www.wp.blackboxdesign.co.uk
John
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VOCATIONAL SERVICE
SERVICE
The Vocational Committee, with the valuable help of Ian Harding has now started to
consider arrangements for the Race Night 2013. It will take place on Friday March 1st 2013
at The George Hotel. Tickets will be £10 to include a Buffet supper; Horse sponsorship £5,
Race sponsorship £15. Advertising will be £25 for a full page and £15 for a half page. Please
start selling anything you can as soon as possible!! There are copies of last year`s
programme if anyone would like one to help sell advertising.
All aspects of the Vocational programme are progressing well.
I am delighted to be able to report that we have been awarded a District Simplified Grant of
£385 to help with the funding for Dictionaries4Life. This represents half the cost, so it gives
us scope now to consider other projects, which will make the rest of the year more
interesting.
Please get selling for Race Night !
Simon
UP, UP and AWAY!
In our language there is a two-letter word that has perhaps more meanings than any other
two-letter word .....UP.
It is easy to understand UP as being the sky above, but we wake UP in the morning, and
when we are at a meeting, why does a topic come UP, and why are officers UP for election
and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP the report?
We call UP people on the telephone and in the house we polish UP the silver, we warm
UP the dinner and clean UP the kitchen and when we go out we lock UP behind us.
You work UP an appetite. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets and think UP excuses
and then get dressed UP to go out.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. A shop must be opened UP in the
morning and closed UP at night.
We seem to be mixed UP about the word UP. If you look UP the word UP in the dictionary
it takes UP quite a lot of the page and can add UP to some thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take
UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP you might wind UP with a hundred or more
definitions.
When it threatens to rain we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out it brightens
things UP. When it rains it often messes things UP, and when the rain stops things dry UP..
I could go on and on but my time is UP so I'll shut UP and wrap it UP and I'll leave it Up to
you!
Robin
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THE
ENVIRONMENT
COOL IT SCHOOLS
www.coolitschools.com is an on line global showcase where young people can display their climate
change projects. It provides a rich insight into the attitudes, aspirations and wishes of the people for
whom the future matters most—the next generation. Teachers can register at coolitschools.com and
will get their very own ‘showcase’ to upload writings, photographs, films and sound based work
made by these pupils. The website has links that take you to the heart of the matter and a
comprehensive list of suggested topics approved by The Royal Society’s Climate Team. There are
also handy ready-made projects, useful if time is at a premium.
The global reach of Cool it Schools will enable children to understand how Climate Change is
affecting their peers and feel part of a team as they find and share solutions to protect their most
vital resource the ecosystems of the Planet
In view of our new 5th Avenue of Service NEW GENERATIONS Rotary should not ignore this latest
project involving young people and get involved.
Malcolm
Q.
IN THE PICTURE BELOW WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IS THE BLONDE?
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EASY: IT'S THE ONE WITH THE WRONG LEG UP!
AN APOLOGY!
( No, not for the above! )
With so many non-Rotary "funnies and oddities" having been sent in this month I could
only find room for a portion of them, even in a bumper edition. Many have therefore had
to be saved for another occasion. I hope that contributors will understand and will enjoy
those which do appear. Ed.
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DESERT ISLAND
BOOKS
Our castaway this month is TONY HOPPING
Having been born at the beginning of the 2nd World War books were not something that I
came into contact with until my early teens. We had no books at home other than a
dictionary and a Bible and it was not until a spinster lady teacher who lived opposite us
introduced me to books that I realised what I had been missing. She also introduced me to
what became Mecca for me and that was Foyles Bookshop in Charing Cross Road in London.
There I found Arthur Ransom’s Swallows and Amazons, Rudyard Kipling’s stories and
hundreds more. By the age of 17 I had read the entire works of Charles Dickens and also at
that age I began to read play scripts. I found them fascinating because they allowed the
reader to not only take in a story but also try to put a form to the characters and movement
to their interaction with each other. It is something I still enjoy.
I was privileged to have had an extremely good English teacher for my O levels and A levels.
A fiery Welsh Priest but he knew his literature and in particular his Shakespeare and it was
he who awakened my interest in the Bard. So for my first book it has to be The Complete
Works of Shakespeare. (See postscript, Ed. )
I am following on with Bill’s lead last month in having composite volumes which will take re
reading to while away the days on our mythical desert Island and my next book is another
compilation this time The Complete Poems and Plays of T.S. Elliot. My liking of his work is
again thanks to my old English master. We had been reading Murder in the Cathedral in
class and he encouraged us to go up the West End and see a club theatre production in
Soho. Because the theatre was so small the play had a tremendous impact on me.
I mentioned earlier that I read all Dickens novels in my teens. I have just started re- reading
them having downloaded them onto my Kindle for a derisory price of less than £1. His story
telling and characterisation is still to me outstanding. I am not certain whether there is a
Complete Works of Dickens in print but if there were then I would wish it to be with me.
( I fear that this is cheating ! Ed. )
I am also fascinated by social history and there are two books that I would wish to include in
my collection: The first is London: The Biography by Peter Ackroyd. Although I have lived in
Swaffham for 43 years I still feel London is my home and its history continues to fascinate
me. The Observer’s review of this book included the following “Ackroyd is the most
effortless guide. You wander by his side through the streets of the old city, savouring its
bustle, colours and its smells, the stink of living. This is much more than a history: it is a
tapestry of inspiration and love. You will not find a better more visionary book about a place
we take for granted”
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My second history is Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain and he captures and records
the political and social history of our country since the 2nd World W. For me it put many
facts that I sort of knew into a new perspective and it is very readable and re-readable.
My next section must be Autobiographies. As most of you know one of my main passions is
the theatre so it will come as no surprise that I have chosen a dramatist as the author of my
next must have book. Alan Bennett is a playwright whose plays and writings I much admire
and he has written several autobiographical works. The one I have selected is Untold Stories
which begins with his family and goes on to his work in the theatre and film. I think I have
seen virtually all the plays he has written although I never saw his 1960 review Beyond the
Fringe which launched his career along with Peter Cook and Dudley Moor.
And so we come to recent novels. I have to confess that I am not a tremendous lover of
crime fiction and prefer some historical element to the story. I have chosen 2 by Victoria
Hislop. The first is The Island set on the Greek island of Crete and the small island just of its
coast Spinalonga which became a leper colony. Having visited Spinalonga when we stayed
on Crete I felt the story had a relevance to me. The island has been left undisturbed since
the last of the inhabitants were removed and had a tranquil eeriness that was quite
haunting.
The second is another of Victoria Hislop’s novels The Thread which traces the plight of the
Muslims and Jews in Greece. It gives the reader an insight into Greece and its people and
how communism grew during and after the 2nd World War.
My next book is by Carlos Zafon and entitled The Shadow of the Wind. It is the story of a
second hand bookseller and his son and set in Barcelona. His descriptive powers and
intriguing story line creates a novel that cannot be put down. I read the book shortly before
we revisited Barcelona last year and we retraced the old streets and buildings that he
described. It was fascinating. It is most certainly the best book I have read in many a long
year.
And finally (but by no means last) my Bible which needs no explanation.I guess I have gone
over my quota but as Ryanair would not be landing on a Desert Island I guess I don’t have to
worry too much about excess baggage and I trust our Editor will forgive my self indulgences.
Postscript
That was supposed to have been the end but it was tactfully brought to my attention that
my Bible (or at least a Bible) and the Complete Works of Shakespeare would have
mysteriously been found on the Desert Island so I must still have 2 more choices.
( The numerate among you will realise that this will now bring Tony's total up
to ten! Ed. )
The first is The Book Thief by Markus Zusak an enthralling story of a girl surviving the
horrors of the Second World War. His story telling is superb and his readers are soon
involved in the complexities of the story line.
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And my second is a novel by Mark Haddon entitled The Curious Incident of the Dog in the
Night-Time. It has recently been adapted for the stage and performed in the Cottesloe
Theatre at the National. It sold out within 10 days of seats being released and is to transfer
to the West End early next year. The detective in the story is a 15 year old boy who has
Asperger’s Syndrome and finds a neighbour’s dog murdered. He knows a lot about maths
and lists and patterns but little about human beings. Ian McEwan described it as “a superb
achievement. Wise and bleakly funny” Well worth a read.
So that really is the end. I hope you get some enjoyment from trying some of my selection.
tony h
DAISY'S DAYS
I can’t believe how much rain we have had. The garden is saturated and water is just not draining
away which is making the flag stones green, yucky and slippery. The high winds of the last few days
have meant all the leaves are coming down and no matter how often they are cleared up, another
load is dumped by the next morning. Both dogs have been over the fields and come back muddy
and smelly and having to be hosed down in the yard before respectable enough to come in and be
dried off.
Quite a few rabbits and hares about and of course, the geese have landed on the North Norfolk
coast. We came out of church on Remembrance Sunday to see a great flock overhead – there must
have been thousands – circling round and finally coming to rest on the field opposite. A lovely sight.
Also the geese are coming over the house on their way to Welney Washes and we have had a few
swans as well. The causeway at Welney is once again under several feet of water meaning that
drivers have to take a 25 mile detour just to get to Wisbech from the Ely area. What a waste of time
and money particularly for the delivery men and lorry drivers. I cannot help but think that after all
this time, someone would have come up with the idea of either raising the causeway or building a
bridge over it. But then again, I don’t suppose it is considered a priority.
Some deer about, mainly the munkjac – not seen any of the others lately and assume they are
keeping well hidden in the woods. Quite a lot of shooting going on round us – we can hear the guns
regularly. Mainly pheasant, rabbit etc. and some pigeon. Also the wildfowlers are out after the
geese. One Xmas a local wildfowler gave us a grey lag goose which he had shot – we plucked and
drew it and got it oven ready and it was delicious. The meat was dark and very tasty. The down on
the breast was so soft but not enough to stuff a pillow case!
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Supposed to be shooting clays to get my eye back in for live game but not had much luck with the
weather – I am not a fan of standing in a muddy field in the pouring rain trying to aim a gun at a
small disc flying through the air. And it was very cold too. Still there is plenty of time. Junior Lab has
already received an invitation to go and pick up birds next year on one of the shoots. His practice
retrieving is getting very good so hope some of it rubs off before he is required to go and find a
downed pheasant. (I assume I am also included in the invitation but Junior is so clever he could
almost go on his own!).
Incidentally the Bull at Litcham officially reopens next weekend under the stewardship of Sue and
her team from the King’s Head at North Elmham. We were there one evening recently for a private
dinner with the Hound Club who used to have their suppers at the King’s Head until Sue moved and
the food was up to her usual exacting standard. Very filling and the beef was melt in the mouth; so
was the chicken liver pate. Highly recommended. They also have 8 bedrooms for booking so useful
to know if there is an overspill of visitors over the Xmas and New Year breaks or at any other time.
Winter weather usually makes people think of warming stews and
casseroles, sponge puddings etc. So here is my recipe for Steamed
Honey Pudding. (If you have your own bees, even better!).
STEAMED HONEY PUDDING: (Serves 4 – 6).
25g ground rice
600 mls milk
175g fresh white breadcrumbs
100g honey
Pinch ground ginger
Freshly grated rind of ½ lemon
2 egg yolks
25g butter
2 egg whites.
METHOD: Cook the ground rice with the milk for 10 minutes then stir in the breadcrumbs, honey,
ginger and grated lemon. Add the egg yolks and beat well. Finally whisk the egg whites until they
are stiff and fold gently into the mixture. Spoon into a buttered 1 ½ pint pudding basin, cover with
buttered foil and steam for 2 hours. Serve with a sauce made of honey, lemon juice and apple puree
(or just good old custard).
DAISY.
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WHERE WAS IT
INVENTED?
AT LAST WE REACH
EUROPE
U.K
Steam engine James Watt 1765
Lawnmower
Edwin Beard Budding 1830
Bicycle
John Kemp Starley 1885
Marmite
Marmite Food Extract Co. 1902
Penicillin
Alexander Fleming 1928
Television
John Logie Baird 1928
Cat's eyes
Percy Shaw 1934
ATM
John Shepherd-Barron 1967
France
Pencil sharpener
Nicolas Conte 1828
Sewing machine
Barthelemy Thimonnier 1830
Cinema
Lumiere brothers 1895
Asterix The Gaul
Rene Goscinny & Albert Uderzo 1959
Switzerland
Velcro
World Wide Web
Germany
Car
Helicopter
Airbag
Italy
Catapult 400BC
Glasses
Piano
Vespa scooter
Robin
George de Mestral 1955
Tim Berners-Lee 1990
Karl Benz 1886
Heinrich Focker 1936
Mercedes-Benz 1981
Salvino D'Armate 1284
Bartolomeo Cristofori 1700
Piaggio 1946
Spain
America Christopher Columbus 1492 (or did he?)
Classical guitars Antonio Jurado 1850
Denmark
Lego
Ole Kirk Kristiansen 1956
Poland
Bulletproof vest
Kazimierz Zeglen 1893
Finland
Digital mobile telephone Nokia 1991
SMS text messaging
Matti Makkone 1992
Hungary
Rubik's Cube
Erno Rubik 1974
Greece
Olympic Games
776BC
Yo-Yo
500BC
Alarm clock Ctesibius 200BC
Water mill
THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM
100BC
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HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left
hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for
a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore
low growls emitted by cat.
Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and
vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below
armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste
away.
Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and
soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer.
Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
(continued.......)
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11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back
on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour scotch, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date
of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to
disinfect. Toss back another scotch.
Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the #$%^&* cat from the top of the tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear
paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it.
Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch.
Get spouse to drive you to the hospital. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell.
Call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters!
( How To Give A Dog A Pill )
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
3. All done!
THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM
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AN AMERICAN HISTORY MYSTERY
(Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.)
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford'.
Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
A week before Lincoln was shot, he visited Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
(Thank you Neville)
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Paraprosdokians:
These are figures of speech (Winston Churchill loved them) in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is surprising or unexpected, usually in a humorous way that causes the reader/listener to
reinterpret the first part.
(Thank you Alan H. - Ed.)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:...' , I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a
beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a
car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
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My thanks to the many people who sent in contributions to this month's edition. Ed.
The Rotary Club of Swaffham
District 1080. RIBI No. 1095
"The Pedlar's Post" Newsletter - Issue number 90 - December 2012
Editor : Alan Jones
Email: [email protected] or [email protected]
All editions of the newsletter are available on the club website
(www.swaffhamrotary.org.uk) and can be downloaded.
ROTARY MEETINGS
At The George Hotel, Swaffham
Tel: 01760 721238
1st Monday: Lunch, 12.30 for 1.00pm
Other Mondays: Dinner, 7.00 for 7.30pm
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