NEWSLETTER OF THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM DECEMBER 2012 President ... Claire Dunne President Elect ... John Wallace Vice President ... Jane Harding Treasurer ... Bill Muir Secretary ... Jane Harding THE PRESIDENT'S CORNER Each month seems to be busier than the previous one and November was no exception. There were plenty of opportunities to enjoy fellowship with other clubs. At the beginning of the month it was a pleasure to welcome many Rotarians and partners from around the District when we hosted the farewell event for the visiting GSE team from Australia. Despite the fact that they were at the end of a month’s activities they seemed to enjoy the delights of Swaffham and surrounding area. The following week saw Mike and Jane, Lawrie, Liam and I off to Dereham for their Charter night. As has happened quite often I was the last speaker so my ‘speech’ was by necessity quite brief! Dorothy hosted a President’s get together in Lydney House later that week. After a lovely meal provided by David and Sarah the chat centred around the importance of clubs keeping in contact, working together and providing support whenever possible. Bill, Nigel and I scattered to Fakenham where we were warmly welcomed and enjoyed listening to their speaker talk about the lighter side of credit control. Back in the club business matters tended to dominate but we had 2 very interesting and entertaining talks from our own members Neville and Peter. Despite a number of other Christmas events our Christmas Fayre was once again a success. THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 1 I did find time for some other social events. I saw ‘Blood Brothers’ in the Theatre Royal in Norwich. It was my third time to see this musical but it was the best production to date. Do see this show if you ever get an opportunity. I paid my first visit to the Christmas Spectacular in Thursford and was genuinely impressed at the scale of the event which has 50 coaches visit every day. The Gala Fundraising Dinner for the Church and East Anglian Air Ambulance was a wonderful event. We left with a football signed by Norwich players (bought in the auction) and my raffle prize—a book! The Kings Lynn Soroptomists held a very successful fundraising lunch in Hunstanton organised by June Muir. The guest speaker was Dame Stella Rimington and after her talk I sold a large quantity of her books. When I wasn’t attending these various events I was in the shop making sure I had all the expected bestsellers on the shelves. On Friday the lights will be switched on which will remind us, if we need reminding, that Christmas is not too far away which brings me to my final Pedlar’s Post words for this year---enjoy the hustle and bustle of shopping, decorating, cooking etc and remember how lucky we are to be able to share it with family and friends. A happy and peaceful Christmas to you all. Claire THE CLUB PROGRAMME FOR DECEMBER IS AS FOLLOWS: Date 2012 Dec. 3rd 10th 11th 17th 24th 31st Event / Speaker Lunch Tuesday Alan Jones Richard Mason -- Arctic and Antarctic Club Council Meeting CHRISTMAS PARTY No meeting No meeting THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Duty Member Malcolm Robin Guests? Dorothy Yes Yes Page 2 CLUB SERVICE CHRISTMAS PARTY 17th DECEMBER I am pleased to be able to report that over two thirds of members have indicated that they will be coming to the Christmas Party and numbers attending are currently in the low 40’s. However I have far fewer baby or toddler photos. To make this a demanding identification challenge I need lots more photos. Please, don’t put it off any longer – have a rake round your loft for that old album and find that early photo. If you are bringing guests, please ask them to do the same then we can have some serious fun identifying who is who. If you are still debating whether to come, you may be swayed by knowing that our Committees have risen to the challenge and will be entertaining us. I need to let The George have our menu choices at least a week in advance so replies, one way or the other by 7 th December, would be very helpful. **************************************************** NEW WEBSITE: PROGRESS REPORT Paul Young is making excellent progress in developing our new website. In fact, he has done as much as he can without further input from us. My request for photographs on “open” events has produced a good response. If anyone was thinking of sending me something but has not yet got around to it, please do. I hope to make a final selection to send on to Paul this weekend Several members have undertaken to revise material on our existing website. It would be helpful if could do this in the next week or so. Paul is happy for us to “trickle” material to him. So, as soon as it is ready please let me have it, and I will pass it on. If anyone has any ideas for new material (I have had one already) please could I have that as soon as possible. Finally, if you would like to see the site as it develops, the address I sent round earlier is still valid: http://www.wp.blackboxdesign.co.uk John THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 3 VOCATIONAL SERVICE SERVICE The Vocational Committee, with the valuable help of Ian Harding has now started to consider arrangements for the Race Night 2013. It will take place on Friday March 1st 2013 at The George Hotel. Tickets will be £10 to include a Buffet supper; Horse sponsorship £5, Race sponsorship £15. Advertising will be £25 for a full page and £15 for a half page. Please start selling anything you can as soon as possible!! There are copies of last year`s programme if anyone would like one to help sell advertising. All aspects of the Vocational programme are progressing well. I am delighted to be able to report that we have been awarded a District Simplified Grant of £385 to help with the funding for Dictionaries4Life. This represents half the cost, so it gives us scope now to consider other projects, which will make the rest of the year more interesting. Please get selling for Race Night ! Simon UP, UP and AWAY! In our language there is a two-letter word that has perhaps more meanings than any other two-letter word .....UP. It is easy to understand UP as being the sky above, but we wake UP in the morning, and when we are at a meeting, why does a topic come UP, and why are officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP the report? We call UP people on the telephone and in the house we polish UP the silver, we warm UP the dinner and clean UP the kitchen and when we go out we lock UP behind us. You work UP an appetite. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets and think UP excuses and then get dressed UP to go out. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. A shop must be opened UP in the morning and closed UP at night. We seem to be mixed UP about the word UP. If you look UP the word UP in the dictionary it takes UP quite a lot of the page and can add UP to some thirty definitions. If you are UP to it you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP you might wind UP with a hundred or more definitions. When it threatens to rain we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out it brightens things UP. When it rains it often messes things UP, and when the rain stops things dry UP.. I could go on and on but my time is UP so I'll shut UP and wrap it UP and I'll leave it Up to you! Robin THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 4 THE ENVIRONMENT COOL IT SCHOOLS www.coolitschools.com is an on line global showcase where young people can display their climate change projects. It provides a rich insight into the attitudes, aspirations and wishes of the people for whom the future matters most—the next generation. Teachers can register at coolitschools.com and will get their very own ‘showcase’ to upload writings, photographs, films and sound based work made by these pupils. The website has links that take you to the heart of the matter and a comprehensive list of suggested topics approved by The Royal Society’s Climate Team. There are also handy ready-made projects, useful if time is at a premium. The global reach of Cool it Schools will enable children to understand how Climate Change is affecting their peers and feel part of a team as they find and share solutions to protect their most vital resource the ecosystems of the Planet In view of our new 5th Avenue of Service NEW GENERATIONS Rotary should not ignore this latest project involving young people and get involved. Malcolm Q. IN THE PICTURE BELOW WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IS THE BLONDE? THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 5 EASY: IT'S THE ONE WITH THE WRONG LEG UP! AN APOLOGY! ( No, not for the above! ) With so many non-Rotary "funnies and oddities" having been sent in this month I could only find room for a portion of them, even in a bumper edition. Many have therefore had to be saved for another occasion. I hope that contributors will understand and will enjoy those which do appear. Ed. THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 6 DESERT ISLAND BOOKS Our castaway this month is TONY HOPPING Having been born at the beginning of the 2nd World War books were not something that I came into contact with until my early teens. We had no books at home other than a dictionary and a Bible and it was not until a spinster lady teacher who lived opposite us introduced me to books that I realised what I had been missing. She also introduced me to what became Mecca for me and that was Foyles Bookshop in Charing Cross Road in London. There I found Arthur Ransom’s Swallows and Amazons, Rudyard Kipling’s stories and hundreds more. By the age of 17 I had read the entire works of Charles Dickens and also at that age I began to read play scripts. I found them fascinating because they allowed the reader to not only take in a story but also try to put a form to the characters and movement to their interaction with each other. It is something I still enjoy. I was privileged to have had an extremely good English teacher for my O levels and A levels. A fiery Welsh Priest but he knew his literature and in particular his Shakespeare and it was he who awakened my interest in the Bard. So for my first book it has to be The Complete Works of Shakespeare. (See postscript, Ed. ) I am following on with Bill’s lead last month in having composite volumes which will take re reading to while away the days on our mythical desert Island and my next book is another compilation this time The Complete Poems and Plays of T.S. Elliot. My liking of his work is again thanks to my old English master. We had been reading Murder in the Cathedral in class and he encouraged us to go up the West End and see a club theatre production in Soho. Because the theatre was so small the play had a tremendous impact on me. I mentioned earlier that I read all Dickens novels in my teens. I have just started re- reading them having downloaded them onto my Kindle for a derisory price of less than £1. His story telling and characterisation is still to me outstanding. I am not certain whether there is a Complete Works of Dickens in print but if there were then I would wish it to be with me. ( I fear that this is cheating ! Ed. ) I am also fascinated by social history and there are two books that I would wish to include in my collection: The first is London: The Biography by Peter Ackroyd. Although I have lived in Swaffham for 43 years I still feel London is my home and its history continues to fascinate me. The Observer’s review of this book included the following “Ackroyd is the most effortless guide. You wander by his side through the streets of the old city, savouring its bustle, colours and its smells, the stink of living. This is much more than a history: it is a tapestry of inspiration and love. You will not find a better more visionary book about a place we take for granted” THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 7 My second history is Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain and he captures and records the political and social history of our country since the 2nd World W. For me it put many facts that I sort of knew into a new perspective and it is very readable and re-readable. My next section must be Autobiographies. As most of you know one of my main passions is the theatre so it will come as no surprise that I have chosen a dramatist as the author of my next must have book. Alan Bennett is a playwright whose plays and writings I much admire and he has written several autobiographical works. The one I have selected is Untold Stories which begins with his family and goes on to his work in the theatre and film. I think I have seen virtually all the plays he has written although I never saw his 1960 review Beyond the Fringe which launched his career along with Peter Cook and Dudley Moor. And so we come to recent novels. I have to confess that I am not a tremendous lover of crime fiction and prefer some historical element to the story. I have chosen 2 by Victoria Hislop. The first is The Island set on the Greek island of Crete and the small island just of its coast Spinalonga which became a leper colony. Having visited Spinalonga when we stayed on Crete I felt the story had a relevance to me. The island has been left undisturbed since the last of the inhabitants were removed and had a tranquil eeriness that was quite haunting. The second is another of Victoria Hislop’s novels The Thread which traces the plight of the Muslims and Jews in Greece. It gives the reader an insight into Greece and its people and how communism grew during and after the 2nd World War. My next book is by Carlos Zafon and entitled The Shadow of the Wind. It is the story of a second hand bookseller and his son and set in Barcelona. His descriptive powers and intriguing story line creates a novel that cannot be put down. I read the book shortly before we revisited Barcelona last year and we retraced the old streets and buildings that he described. It was fascinating. It is most certainly the best book I have read in many a long year. And finally (but by no means last) my Bible which needs no explanation.I guess I have gone over my quota but as Ryanair would not be landing on a Desert Island I guess I don’t have to worry too much about excess baggage and I trust our Editor will forgive my self indulgences. Postscript That was supposed to have been the end but it was tactfully brought to my attention that my Bible (or at least a Bible) and the Complete Works of Shakespeare would have mysteriously been found on the Desert Island so I must still have 2 more choices. ( The numerate among you will realise that this will now bring Tony's total up to ten! Ed. ) The first is The Book Thief by Markus Zusak an enthralling story of a girl surviving the horrors of the Second World War. His story telling is superb and his readers are soon involved in the complexities of the story line. THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 8 And my second is a novel by Mark Haddon entitled The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. It has recently been adapted for the stage and performed in the Cottesloe Theatre at the National. It sold out within 10 days of seats being released and is to transfer to the West End early next year. The detective in the story is a 15 year old boy who has Asperger’s Syndrome and finds a neighbour’s dog murdered. He knows a lot about maths and lists and patterns but little about human beings. Ian McEwan described it as “a superb achievement. Wise and bleakly funny” Well worth a read. So that really is the end. I hope you get some enjoyment from trying some of my selection. tony h DAISY'S DAYS I can’t believe how much rain we have had. The garden is saturated and water is just not draining away which is making the flag stones green, yucky and slippery. The high winds of the last few days have meant all the leaves are coming down and no matter how often they are cleared up, another load is dumped by the next morning. Both dogs have been over the fields and come back muddy and smelly and having to be hosed down in the yard before respectable enough to come in and be dried off. Quite a few rabbits and hares about and of course, the geese have landed on the North Norfolk coast. We came out of church on Remembrance Sunday to see a great flock overhead – there must have been thousands – circling round and finally coming to rest on the field opposite. A lovely sight. Also the geese are coming over the house on their way to Welney Washes and we have had a few swans as well. The causeway at Welney is once again under several feet of water meaning that drivers have to take a 25 mile detour just to get to Wisbech from the Ely area. What a waste of time and money particularly for the delivery men and lorry drivers. I cannot help but think that after all this time, someone would have come up with the idea of either raising the causeway or building a bridge over it. But then again, I don’t suppose it is considered a priority. Some deer about, mainly the munkjac – not seen any of the others lately and assume they are keeping well hidden in the woods. Quite a lot of shooting going on round us – we can hear the guns regularly. Mainly pheasant, rabbit etc. and some pigeon. Also the wildfowlers are out after the geese. One Xmas a local wildfowler gave us a grey lag goose which he had shot – we plucked and drew it and got it oven ready and it was delicious. The meat was dark and very tasty. The down on the breast was so soft but not enough to stuff a pillow case! THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 9 Supposed to be shooting clays to get my eye back in for live game but not had much luck with the weather – I am not a fan of standing in a muddy field in the pouring rain trying to aim a gun at a small disc flying through the air. And it was very cold too. Still there is plenty of time. Junior Lab has already received an invitation to go and pick up birds next year on one of the shoots. His practice retrieving is getting very good so hope some of it rubs off before he is required to go and find a downed pheasant. (I assume I am also included in the invitation but Junior is so clever he could almost go on his own!). Incidentally the Bull at Litcham officially reopens next weekend under the stewardship of Sue and her team from the King’s Head at North Elmham. We were there one evening recently for a private dinner with the Hound Club who used to have their suppers at the King’s Head until Sue moved and the food was up to her usual exacting standard. Very filling and the beef was melt in the mouth; so was the chicken liver pate. Highly recommended. They also have 8 bedrooms for booking so useful to know if there is an overspill of visitors over the Xmas and New Year breaks or at any other time. Winter weather usually makes people think of warming stews and casseroles, sponge puddings etc. So here is my recipe for Steamed Honey Pudding. (If you have your own bees, even better!). STEAMED HONEY PUDDING: (Serves 4 – 6). 25g ground rice 600 mls milk 175g fresh white breadcrumbs 100g honey Pinch ground ginger Freshly grated rind of ½ lemon 2 egg yolks 25g butter 2 egg whites. METHOD: Cook the ground rice with the milk for 10 minutes then stir in the breadcrumbs, honey, ginger and grated lemon. Add the egg yolks and beat well. Finally whisk the egg whites until they are stiff and fold gently into the mixture. Spoon into a buttered 1 ½ pint pudding basin, cover with buttered foil and steam for 2 hours. Serve with a sauce made of honey, lemon juice and apple puree (or just good old custard). DAISY. THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 10 WHERE WAS IT INVENTED? AT LAST WE REACH EUROPE U.K Steam engine James Watt 1765 Lawnmower Edwin Beard Budding 1830 Bicycle John Kemp Starley 1885 Marmite Marmite Food Extract Co. 1902 Penicillin Alexander Fleming 1928 Television John Logie Baird 1928 Cat's eyes Percy Shaw 1934 ATM John Shepherd-Barron 1967 France Pencil sharpener Nicolas Conte 1828 Sewing machine Barthelemy Thimonnier 1830 Cinema Lumiere brothers 1895 Asterix The Gaul Rene Goscinny & Albert Uderzo 1959 Switzerland Velcro World Wide Web Germany Car Helicopter Airbag Italy Catapult 400BC Glasses Piano Vespa scooter Robin George de Mestral 1955 Tim Berners-Lee 1990 Karl Benz 1886 Heinrich Focker 1936 Mercedes-Benz 1981 Salvino D'Armate 1284 Bartolomeo Cristofori 1700 Piaggio 1946 Spain America Christopher Columbus 1492 (or did he?) Classical guitars Antonio Jurado 1850 Denmark Lego Ole Kirk Kristiansen 1956 Poland Bulletproof vest Kazimierz Zeglen 1893 Finland Digital mobile telephone Nokia 1991 SMS text messaging Matti Makkone 1992 Hungary Rubik's Cube Erno Rubik 1974 Greece Olympic Games 776BC Yo-Yo 500BC Alarm clock Ctesibius 200BC Water mill THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM 100BC Page 11 HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. (continued.......) THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 12 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour scotch, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another scotch. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the #$%^&* cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the hospital. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell. Call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters! ( How To Give A Dog A Pill ) 1. Wrap it in bacon. 2. Toss it in the air. 3. All done! THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 13 AN AMERICAN HISTORY MYSTERY (Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.) Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head. Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Ford'. Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford'. Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. A week before Lincoln was shot, he visited Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe. (Thank you Neville) THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 14 Paraprosdokians: These are figures of speech (Winston Churchill loved them) in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, usually in a humorous way that causes the reader/listener to reinterpret the first part. (Thank you Alan H. - Ed.) 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:...' , I put 'DOCTOR'. 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now. THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 15 My thanks to the many people who sent in contributions to this month's edition. Ed. The Rotary Club of Swaffham District 1080. RIBI No. 1095 "The Pedlar's Post" Newsletter - Issue number 90 - December 2012 Editor : Alan Jones Email: [email protected] or [email protected] All editions of the newsletter are available on the club website (www.swaffhamrotary.org.uk) and can be downloaded. ROTARY MEETINGS At The George Hotel, Swaffham Tel: 01760 721238 1st Monday: Lunch, 12.30 for 1.00pm Other Mondays: Dinner, 7.00 for 7.30pm THE ROTARY CLUB OF SWAFFHAM Page 16
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